


2+2=Fish

by E_A_Adrem



Category: GOT7
Genre: 2Jae, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-16
Updated: 2018-03-31
Packaged: 2018-10-06 01:04:45
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 31
Words: 96,423
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10322009
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/E_A_Adrem/pseuds/E_A_Adrem
Summary: Youngjae discovers a vibrant fish nearly out of water on his stroll through the river bank. Compelled by its wounded self, he decides to rescue it. Hours after depositing the beautiful fish in his bathtub, he wakes to a disoriented man gazing back at him.





	1. 『01』

 

Youngjae could hear the brass bell tinkling as he turned the corner onto Dawoong Avenue. Cars plowed up the steep, rocky street one after another. A trio of geese waddled by before he reached the little store front with the painted cat clinging onto the door. Its sherbert-colored ears peeked out over the top while its spotted tail curved in around the wooden handle. 

He could see the beautiful rolls of bread glistening under the soft mellow lights inside. Served fresh and made daily, how could Youngjae ever have anything else for breakfast but the soft buttery rolls that gleamed at him from their first-row pedestal? 

Swallowing the lump of saliva in his mouth, he rolled his shoulders forward and stepped inside to the frantic Sunday morning hurrying of his favorite bakery. 

"Youngjae," a familiar voice called from somewhere off to his side. He turned and broke out into a half-smile plagued by his willingness not to laugh at the disheveled young girl before him. The red apple on her apron was now a mess of mismatched colors from its many uses. Splotches of purple from the time the Hoon family tried their hands at using grapes in their cookies to wisps of caked on blueberry cream from the day Yezi wanted to recreate an organic birthday cake she saw over the Internet formed an apron that could not be replicated. It was a work of art that celebrated Yezi's uniqueness but, also, her stubbornness. 

After her sudden growth spurt this past winter, the strings used to tie each side of the apron together no longer wrapped around her waist. For the longest time, the apron would flap around her as she went about helping her parents in the bakery. 

One day, Youngjae came in and made a comment about how many uniforms she had gone through since school started less than a month ago. 

"Girls who don't ruin their school uniform are much cuter." 

The following week, when Youngjae returned from his trip to the city, he noticed the apron no longer hung limp against her frame. It was cinched together with a string of colorful paperclips. When probed on the matter, she refused to answer. Towards the end of the day, her mother, Mrs. Hoon, gave him a box full of six decadent rolls. 

"For your help," she said, smiling. 

Youngjae wondered what kind of aid he offered that could warrant six free rolls of bread. Maybe they missed him? If so, he thought, I should leave town more often. 

"Yezi," Youngjae said. Worry creased his eyebrows as he caught her struggling with the weight of the heavy box cradled against her chest. "Let me help you." He set his canvas bag aside before dashing to her side. 

The seventh grader laughed as she hefted the box up higher, nearly obscuring her view. "It's fine. I've got this." 

Youngjae took a cautious step backwards, ready to grab the box from the side if she so need it. Yezi grinned at Youngjae as she took a step forward. Her left foot skidded against the polished floor, knocking her balance askew. Wobbling from side to side, she tried to regain her footing but the soles of her sneakers would not latch onto the wooden floor. With a soundless "oh", she fell back and crashed onto the ground. 

Everyone within the cafe rushed forward to help. Groaning, Yezi sat up as she rubbed the back of her head. She cleared her jumbled mind before scrambling towards Youngjae who lay in a puddle of opened glass jars. Pound after pound of apricot jelly oozed out over his upper body before plopping down onto the ground in thick clumps.

Yezi peeked her head over the crate that was resting comfortably atop his torso. "Sorry, Youngjae," she muttered, refusing to make direct eye contact with him. She couldn't believe Youngjae had such quick reflexes considering he rarely left his home. But, regardless, she was grateful. If he hadn't snatched the crate from under her fingertips the moment she stumbled backwards, it would have been her lying on the floor in a heap of stickiness. There wasn't anything else she could have asked for. 

The tense silence that once crept along the edges of the huddled mass now overtook the crowd. Sparked by a lingering interest in the situation, the customers held their breath as they waited for the young 23-year-old to respond. Mrs. Hoon came running down the stairs when Youngjae's rich laughter broke out amongst his apricot-stained lips. The customers exhaled collectively and looked back and forth between each other as if the world had been saved from an enormous catastrophe. It wasn't a surprise to Yezi that these people didn't know her friend well enough. She held her breath because she was waiting to hear his laughter. There was no way Youngjae could ever be angry. 

#

"It's quite alright, Mrs. Hoon."

Her cell phone rang and rang and rang. She sighed, dropping her chin to rest against her chest. 

"That's Mr. Hoon, alright," she said as she lifted the phone to her ear on the tenth ring. "I'll be going now then." She waved herself off and squeezed Yezi's shoulder on her way out.

Youngjae finished washing away the gooey mess that had begun to dry and crack on his arms. He dipped his fingers in the wash basin and let them rest there for a bit before heaving himself up. He turned and saw Yezi glancing down at her shoes from the steps leading up to the back door. 

Grinning, he pushed his rolled up sleeves higher before moving towards her. With an exaggerated sigh, he plopped down next to her. 

"We don't need any more fishy smells," Yezi complained as she threw her head back and pinched her nose. 

Youngjae laughed as he knocked his knee against hers. "Maybe I'm a prince from one of the  many underwater sea kingdoms."

Yezi frowned. "I'm not two anymore, Youngjae."

He threw her a glance over his shoulder. She was watching a butterfly swing by on the wind's invisible path. In seeing her eyes twinkle in awe, he thought back to the day he met Yezi. She was but a small baby hidden underneath her layers of pink tulle and ruffles. Youngjae was rooted to the spot in his hunched over position, afraid that if he reached out and touched her hand, it would disintegrate. Yezi must have sensed his uneasiness because the next thing he knew, she was moving her fist up and down with a laughter that made his heart soar. Inside, wrapped underneath five chubby fingers, lay his index finger. 

Yezi was turning her head towards Youngjae when he reached his hand out to pinch her cheek. She yelped as he tugged at the soft flesh. "You might not be two years old anymore but you're not an adult, either." Even though he had the thought to end his sentence with "but you'll always be my pink cadet.".

Yezi groaned, patting her cheek with the back of her hand as she tried to shoot him her most sour look. Youngjae stood and stretched his body out. 

"Come on," he said as he laid a hand atop her bed of onyx black hair. "Your bedtime is just around the corner." He winked and Yezi rolled her eyes.

Youngjae bought four rolls before heading home. He was relieved to know the sun was sinking below the horizon line. He decided to take a walk by the river. On his way over the wooden bridge that bordered a small strip of land, a dog walked by with its head hung low. Without a passing thought, he pulled one of the fluffy rolls from out of the brown paper bag. The dog stopped at the end of the bridge, whimpering as it approached Youngjae with tentative steps. 

"Don't be afraid." He raised his hand and the dog froze but after a moment continued forward. "I think I scare myself sometimes but that's no reason for you to be frightened." He burst into a fit of laughter that sent the dog jumping back to its original placement. Sighing, Youngjae laid the roll down on the smoothest, unchipped plank he could find before moving on. He made it to the other side of the bridge before scampering behind a bush. 

He watched as the dog devoured the roll. A wide grin stretched his lips from ear to ear. He relished in the image of the dog's head perked forward with newfound energy. 

His elation added a certain bounce to his step as he approached the river's bank. Taking off his shoes and socks, he took a moment to let his toes sink into the warm sand before stepping up to the water's edge. The gleaming sun's last rays bounced around, illuminating the river's gentle waters. Youngjae opened his arms wide and took a deep breath in before exhaling with a quieted yell. 

He squatted and was ready to place a twig atop the murky surface when something in his peripheral vision caught his attention. Turning, he looked around the darkening area to see nothing but the lifeless gray sands of Hanyang River. 

Frowning, he dropped the twig and stood. With slow, meticulous steps, he crept up along in search of whatever had caught his attention but found nothing among the waning light. 

Youngjae turned to leave when the sound of something plopping against the water's surface turned him back around. He rushed forward to a nearly diminished puddle where a fish with a daringly vibrant colorway stole his breath. It held an orange-red body overlapped by five black vertical lines nearly identical in length and width to one another. Towards its rear fins, the black merged into an electrifying purple-blue mixture, where the blue was infinitely more prominent than the purple. Perfect, Youngjae thought, as he continued to marvel at its beauty. 

As if in protest, the fish slapped its tail against the water's surface, splashing Youngjae's phone with a spritz of droplets. 

"Hey," Youngjae began before realization struck him. He fell back on his butt before scrambling forward on his knees to get a better look. The fish was hurt. A trail of blood oozed out over the water from two gashes across its upper body. 

Terror seized Youngjae's heart, constricting his ability to breathe. He erupted into a coughing fit. When the rising nausea cleared free from his body, he rushed back to his shoes and pulled one of the apricot jars free from his canvas bag. He dumped the jam out before hurriedly washing the remaining goo away. The nighttime breeze blew by and a shiver ran up his spine but it wasn't enough to make him stop. Once the jar was free of its contents, he ran back to the puddle. 

With a gentle, cooing voice, he promised not to hurt the fish as he scooted it inside. He felt its muscles tense as his fingertips accidentally grazed the sore flesh near its wounds. 

When the fish was secure, he shoved the lid into his pocket and ran off to collect his belongings. There was gravel stuck to every inch of his feet but Youngjae did not complain as he shoved them inside his sneakers, careful not to tip the jar over in his haste. He took one last peek inside to see the fish's breathing becoming disturbingly shallow. With a thousand hopes for the fish's survival, he kicked it into high gear home. 

Upon arriving, he tapped on the glass with his nail. The fish's eyes shot open, struggling to keep at bay with the overwhelming pain. Youngjae set the jar down and hurried off to retrieve a bucket of salt water from his relaxational pond out back. 

Before Youngjae could truly make sense of his surroundings, he was busy tapping a bit of hydrogen peroxide onto the fish's wounds with a Q-tip. He felt it go completely still and was worried it would die in his hands. But the minute he set it back down in the tub, it offered Youngjae a quick dark across the tub's length before pressing itself into a corner. 

Youngjae smiled. He sang a song as he packed everything up. By the time he finished, he was drained of energy both mentally and physically. Stretching his arms out, he pulled a stool from the corner and plopped down with a sigh. 

His eyelids started to droop but he pushed the fatigue away. He wanted to be there for the fish in case the worst came to be. 

"I can't promise you'll pull through," Youngjae said as he dipped his finger into the water, resting it just above the fish's head. But don't give up either, he thought as he laid the side of his head against his forearm. With one final thought about how it would be amazing to name the fish in honor of its strength, his fatigue crashed into him all at once, knocking him under into a mindless slumber.

The next morning, a soft stream of early morning light from the window above filtered into the room, washing the space in an aura of golden light. Youngjae groaned as he buried his face deeper into the darkness within his folded arms but the realization of last night's events came dashing forward the minute his mind sprung to life. A jolt of energy shot through him as he lifted his head. Another jolt coursed over his lower back and shoulders as the pain of having slept in an uncomfortable position washed over his senses. Youngjae's grimace was soon replaced with his face going completely still as he turned to catch a glimpse of the fish. 

Surprise. Shock. Confusement. They all rushed forward in a tangled mess as Youngjae's very own 20/20 vision filled with the sight of a naked man sitting in his bathtub. He sported a tuft of electrifying purple-blue hair atop a bed of black roots. From Youngjae's vantage point, he could see not only his face but the rest of the skin on his body was as smooth and silky as a pearl. The stranger's arm hung limply over the lip of the tub. He flexed his fingers and Youngjae shot back, knocking the chair over in his hurry to put as much distance between each other.

The stranger tilted his head up and languidly perused over Youngjae's body until he came to a rest on his face. Youngjae stared back at the same beady black eyes found on the fish.

It couldn't be. He couldn't be.

But something clicked into place and despite Youngjae trying to disregard the connection between the missing fish and this man, it wouldn't stop weighing down heavily on his thoughts.

He has...

"A penis!," someone shouted from the other side of Youngjae's fenced in backyard. 

 

****

 

Thank you so much for reading you beautifully sexy people!

Now that GOT7 has officially made a comeback, we're going to be bombarded with 2Jae moments. (Can't freaking wait.)


	2. 『02』

Youngjae paced back and forth outside the closed bathroom door. His eyebrows drew in, creasing the root of his nose. Disregarding his month-long successful attempt to grow his nails out past their beds, he nibbled on them until the pain of biting into flesh flushed his senses. He pulled his hand back, wincing as he noticed a bead of blood spreading over what remained of his pinky nail. 

Frowning, he pressed down on it with the underside of his shirt when a  loud splash came from within the bathroom. A ripple of goosebumps tore over his arms. 

Curiosity plunged to the front of his attention. He took a deep breath in. Creeping closer to the door, he pressed one ear against the wood before reaching up to catch a hold of the knob. 

Drip drop. Drip drop. Plop. The sound of droplets falling onto the floor bounced off of the tiles. Eventually, they slowed to a hault. 

With steady steps, he scooted closer and closer into the door as it inched along the floor. When he felt the crack in the door was wide enough to peek through, he swooped his head in and gasped. For the second time that morning, Youngjae's ability to make sense of the situation was overruled by the scene depicted before him. 

The mystery man was standing upright, feet spread wide apart. His palms were pressed against the cold walls. They were sliding down towards the floor but he jammed his fingers out as if he could latch onto the flat surface with determination alone. His arms trembled and his knees shook. His eyebrows were drawn in close and his eyes shut tight. 

A blush snaked over Youngjae's cheeks before swallowing the tips of his ears in a cascade of bright red. This was the first time he was laying eyes on another man's genitalia.

"Are you hurt," Youngjae asked without realizing his lips had spoken for him. He clamped down on his mouth the second his brain registered the action. But the words were afloat in the space between them, serving as the messenger meant to cross the gap. 

The stranger tilted his head up and opened his eyes. There was a slight twitch in his eyebrow that just as soon disappeared as the shock of losing his balance consumed him. His arms collapsed like deflated balloons and his legs kicked out under his weight. With a loud splash, he crashed back into the tub. A large crest of water spilled over the edge before slamming onto the ground and careening over the spaces between tiles. 

Youngjae watched as the stranger collected his breath like a drowning man would air. He was drawn to the irregular rise and fall of his chest as if breathing were taxing. Without stopping to let the dangers of approaching him trickle within, Youngjae stood up and moved towards the far end of the tub. He reached it and felt a pang of worry course over his heart.

The same soft crismon red from the puddle darted about the water, creating swirls that crashed and collided into one another. He followed the trail to where the color was thickest and froze. Lying jagged across his left shoulder blade were two parallel gashes. They oozed red from end to end.

There was no denying its existence any longer. He was the fish. Or maybe, still is. 

#

Youngjae gently pressed a cotton pad onto the first gash, working his way from the top down in quick succession. He listened for words of protest or signs that the pain was unbearable but all the man did was breathe in and out with the promise that it sounded like his lungs would collapse. 

"If you're having trouble breathing, let me know," Youngjae repeated. After cleaning the first half of the gash off with hydrogen peroxide, he dropped his hand and waited for the man to collect himself. Three seconds ticked by before the stranger's hand shot back and grabbed ahold of Youngjae's wrist. Youngjae yelped as he yanked it forward. Screaming inside, he watched in horror as the pad slammed into the wound. The man winced. He curled forward, ready to drop into the tub but Youngjae held him steady. Finally, Youngjae thought. Macho bravisimo isn't going to get you anywhere with me.

He looked down and winced. A new stream of red trickled out from the wound. The pressure of having been slammed into formed a new rupture on top of the unhealed one. 

Youngjae sighed. He knew it would be easier to tend to his wounds on a flat surface but the bathroom floor was icy cold. And he couldn't risk taking a chance with him outside this room. What if he was smarter then he appeared to be? With a set of keen eyes, he could easily spot where Youngjae kept his kitchen knives. With that knowledge, who knows how long it would be until he was murdered in cold blood. No, he couldn't trust him just yet. 

He pressed a hand to the man's forehead to feel how he was faring. A fever. Youngjae tore his hand away and returned to clearing the wound of the granules of sand that were imbedded underneath the torn slabs of skin. With a slightly shaking hand, he poured a plentiful amount of alcohol onto a clean cotton pad. 

"This is going to hurt but any more time spent trying to ease the pain over isn't going to do you any good," Youngjae said. A sympathetic frown turned his lips upside down but he shrugged compassion away for what he was about to do. With a hand wrapped around the man's arm to keep him from flailing around, he pressed the pad into the first gash, dabbing at it in quick, short thumps. 

The man shuddered. Amidst the silence, Youngjae could hear his teeth chattering. 

"I'm sorry," Youngjae whispered as he finished sterilizing the second gash. He loosened his grip bit by bit and only when he felt comfortable knowing that the man wouldn't tumble forward did he let go. He darted for the bandages on the floor next to his feet but the man started to fall forward the minute he pulled his hand away. With shock scribbled across his face, Youngjae shot up off of the stool. He stuck a lanky arm out in time to catch the man before his forehead could crash onto the rim. 

Youngjae tsked as he felt a swarm of pain zip through his arm and over his fingers. He waited for the awful sensation to subside before grabbing the man's head and tugging him backwards. 

"Today just isn't your day," Youngjae said as he leaned over the tub. He pulled open the stranger's closed eyelids; only to be met with an unfamiliar sight. Where Youngjae would previously be peering into two bottomless black eyes, a chocolate-colored brown now filled the void. He melted into the warmth they offered and only tore his gaze away when the man started slipping towards the side. 

"Oh god," Youngjae yelped. He apologized profusely as he tried to lift the man up out of the water. He made a quick decision then to move him out of the bathroom. 

Guess if I'm murdered in my  own home, at least Yezi will find me.

"You could help me out a bit, you know," Youngjae said in between grunts.

Realization dawned on him that he would have to shove him out of the tub if he wanted to get him to the couch. Five minutes later Youngjae returned with a pile of towels in his arms. He composed a bed thick enough to hold the man's weight if he were to crash onto the floor. 

"Alright," Youngjae said with a firm nod of his head. He rolled his khakis above his knees before stripping himself of his jean shirt and stepping into the tub. 

A surge of heat rose over his body. The two were in close proximity to one another. One fatal mistake and Youngjae's crotch could end up in Jaebum's face. 

Youngjae took ahold of the man by his underarms. He tried multiple times to heave him up but all attempts failed miserably. Breathing heavily, he leaned against the wall when a bright idea popped into his mind. 

He eased himself down into the crab walk position. He applied pressure onto his grip behind him and started to slide his right leg out when it failed to latch onto the slippery surface. In a blur of limbs, Youngjae toppled backwards, his bottom smacking against the hard tub floor and his arm twisting slightly as the top half of his body collapsed against something soft and warm. 

He moaned as a shock of pain pulsed over the areas that had been hit. Opening his eyes, he looked up to see the stranger gazing down at him. Realization of what he was laying on top of struck him, sending his mind reeling with questions that hopefully would not be met with answers. He opened his mouth to release a shriek, but was met with a hoarse rasp of air pouring out of his lips. 

Youngjae flinched as the man placed a wet finger on his forehead. With nothing but the water to help him in case he needed to defend himself, he watched as the man scribbled something onto his forehead in a jagged fashion. Three letters. 

"Cut," Youngjae whispered. Terror seized his muscles. He sat there in horror as the man scribbled one last letter onto his forehead. 

"e"

Cute. 

The man grinned. The corners of Youngjae's eyes softened, his forehead crinkling with confusement. But their shared moment was disrupted when the man's chin abruptly fell forward against his chest. A gentle calmness washed over his features. 

Youngjae reached up and patted his cheeks to wake him but he would not stir. 


	3. 『03』

As the darkness began its inward desent over the land, the worry within Youngjae threatened to overwhelm him. After multiple attempts to move the man out of the tub, Youngjae had finally succeded with the help of a few buckets. But his joy from having accomplished that feat was whisked away with the sun's last rays, leaving behind a growing seed of unwanted thoughts.

Hours had passed since the man fainted and while Youngjae was sure it wasn't because of his fever, he began to have second thoughts of not having taken him to the hospital for proper examination. He was at 102 degrees the first time he checked directly after having planted him onto the couch and now was at a steady 100.2 degrees. Still. 

Maybe Youngjae's limited knowledge on fevers was a miscalculation. The time Yezi fainted sometime after having played in the snow gave Youngjae the impression that anything below 103 degrees was not high enough to send anyone to the hospital but enough to warrant concern by the looks of Mrs. Hoon's constant checking. 

Further research on his phone confirmed his assumptions that fevers typically only induce fainting when at or above 105 degrees. Still. 

He huffed. Seven hours since the man fainted were coming on strong and there was no sign that he would wake. Everything on him remained calm and unmoving but the steady rise and fall of his chest. At least his breathing no longer necessitated concern when compared to this morning. 

Youngjae let out an exasperated sigh. He reached over and placed the back of his hand to the man's cheek. It was hot but not burning.

He dipped the towel into the metal bucket at his feet. With numbing fingertips, he squeezed out as much of the icy cold water as his sore hands would allow before reaching over to place it on the man's forehead. 

The wind tore through the world outside, creating a loud howl that startled Youngjae. He turned to look out through his kitchen window  when something warm and heavy seized his knee. He used every ounce of his remaining willpower not to scream. 

Youngjae returned his attention to the mystery man before him. All his worrying had to come to naught. There, in the growing darkness, Youngjae met a pair of chocolate-colored eyes head-on. The two sat in silence for quite awhile until the man licked his lips, breaking the spell between them. Youngjae shot upright, his heart thrumming against his chest with the image of having been inches apart from his face. 

"Sorry, I didn't mean to startle you."

Youngjae hoped it would be his turn to faint soon. 

#

After Youngjae turned on the ceiling lights, he helped the man roll over so he could check the bandages. There  was a red stain just below his shoulder bone. Youngjae slid his fingertips over the circle and the man gasped. 

"That hurts."

"How is it that you can form coherent sentences now when less then half a day ago you struggled to-"

The memory of him having glided his finger over his forehead to spell the word "cute" came hurtling forward. Youngjae pretended to scratch a nonexistent itch so he could hide the heat he felt coming onto the tips of his ears. 

"To breathe," he finished saying. 

The man frowned. "Sorry I couldn't say anything earlier. It takes a lot of energy getting used to having a set of lungs as opposed to my gills." 

The man started to roll over on his backside but Youngjae stopped him. 

"Let me check your temperature first." He leaned back to grab the thermometer off of the coffee table. He took ahold of the man's arm and lifted it up just high enough to slide the medical instrument in his armpit. 

As he waited for the numbers to stop on a definite answer, he took in the feel of his bicep. The skin was just as smooth and clear as it looked. Nothing like the fake pearls his mother used to try and sell on the side. 

The beep snapped him to attention. He slid the thermometer out and carefully read over the numbers. 99.8 degrees.

Youngjae rejoiced. There would be no death on his hands tonight. Although, he still had the worry of the man's wounds reopening. He had to keep him still to increase the probability that that wouldn't happen. 

"Are you not comfortable in this position?" 

The man moved his head in what Youngjae saw as a gesture between a nod and a shake. "No. It's strange to have something pressed up against your-" The man stopped. Youngjae thought to complete his sentence when he opened his mouth again. "What is this," he asked as he reached back inbetween his thighs for the long organ that lay limp against the couch.

"Don't touch it!" 

Surprised, the man dropped his hand to his side.

Youngjae placed his palm on the back of his neck and rubbed at it. "At least not while I'm around." Right? Because whatever he did with his body wasn't of any concern to him.

"Is it sacred?" 

"You don't know?"

"No. Knowledge over human anatomy never found its way to me."

"Good." 

"Because that is what you call a man's genitalia, right?" He smirked.

Youngjae froze. A frown etched itself onto his lips.

A boisterous laugh tore free from his lips. If it weren't for the howling wind outside, it would have been his voice setting the townsfolk on edge. 

"I've had a few encounters with the drawings of artist's who couldn't hold onto them when the wind picked up. Can't say I remember them detail by detail but from the ones that were neatly drawn, the penis was made to stand out."

Youngjae bit back the desire to send him on his way out through the front door. Dark outside or not, the man was still naked and Youngjae wasn't much of one to stand out. He enjoyed life knowing the days passed by without worry of tomorrow. 

"So, how do you know all that you do?" 

The man collected himself before flipping around in a single fluid motion. A terrible groan surfaced. His eyes drew in tight and his hand shot back to grasp onto his shoulder. Red half-circles appeared where his fingernails dug into flesh. 

"Now why did you do that!?"

"Because you wouldn't have let me if I'd told you what I had been planning to do." He peeled an eye open. Another grimace. 

Youngjae's jaw tightened. He reached over to grab the towel resting by his ear when he finished with: "And I want to see you while I talk."

Youngjae snatched the towel away. He quickly dropped it into the bucket before moving towards the other side of the couch. He fumbled with the items on top of the table in an attempt to come off like he was doing something productive but, in reality, he was trying to suppress the flutter of joy that had washed over him. When was the last time someone had said something so endearing? 

But he could just have easily said that to get a reaction; to play around with a human's heart before returning to the sea. Youngjae couldn't be sure of the sentence's intended meaning but he was positive about one thing.

His comment means nothing. 

Looking up into the circular mirror, he gave a faint nod before returning to the man's side. 

Tiny droplets of water splashed onto him as Youngjae planted the bucket back in its original place. 

"Don't do that again," he wanted to say but he liked to avoid conflict and what better time then right now, when there were so many unanswered questions left. 

"Are you going to answer my question or not," Youngjae asked as he reapplied the cool towel to the man's forehead. He tried not to look down, knowing that if he did, those chocolate-colored eyes would ensnare him like the time he first noticed their true hue. He couldn't let his resolve to get answers disintegrate. 

"You probably meant to ask how I don't _not_  know these things."

Youngjae crossed his arms. 

The man took a deep breath in. "You'd be surprised at the amount of information you guys leave us. From lonely fishermen who whisper tales to the nighttime sky to people who think it appropriate to dump their written words into the sea, there's a treasure trove of knowledge we've retained over the centuries. A plethora of information almost nearly in conjunction with your species knowledge."

This was wild. Outlandish. Enough to get this man placed into a mental asylum but amidst the creeping shard of doubt, Youngjae was enthralled. It was everything like the bedtime stories his mother would recite to him and so much more. 

"Don't the words bleed out into the sea?"

There was a faint twinkle within the man's eyes but Youngjae dismissed it as nothing more then the light's reflection within his pupil. "You're right. And then they are ours to keep forever."

"Then that begs the question. Why are you here now?" 

"I do believe because you saved me?" 

Jokester. This guy was a real jokester. 

"Be serious. Why are you here now as a human? Aren't there repercussions for transforming into one? Aren't you slowly killing yourself with each passing second? Wasting energy?" 

The man smiled brightly as he looked up into Youngjae's eyes. "No. If I'm here now, it's because I willingly wanted to visit what's beyond reach of the ocean's surface." He laid his arm across his torso. Youngjae looked down but remembered he had no underwear on in time to flick his eyes right back up. 

"I'm glad you found me." 

Another cheesy line meant to enthrall. He saw right through his one-liners yet his body managed to produce a spark of happiness that splayed inside of him.

The man let out a string of coughs. Youngjae immediately stood up to retrieve the thick blanket strewn over the loveseat. He let it fall gently against the man's body before pressing it in around his sides. 

"We're free to come and go as we like."

"We?"

"Yes. Any sea animal that so desires."

Youngjae furrowed his eyebrows. "Then why haven't more sea creatures done what you have?" 

Youngjae wasn't much of one to keep up-to-date with the news but if something like this was a recurring thing, then chances are that of the pool of people involved, someone would have had it in them to tell. And a news story like this wouldn't go unnoticed. Headlines would have been blaring across screens and rippling over newspapers across the globe. The town would have been abuzz the minute the news breached its shores and yet, nothing of the sort  had ever happened. 

The man shrugged. His smile was still prominent but it had lost a bit of its candor. "I don't know the answer to everything." 

The faint trembling from his body had ceased. Youngjae reached out to grab the towel when the thought of wanting to have named him after his valor resurfaced. If it lived. And he did. 

It felt strange to be looking down at someone who really had appeared from out of nowhere yet it filled him with joy nonetheless. He hated to see things die. 

"Your name. What's your name?"

The man laughed but not in a mean-spirited way. No. It was a laugh full of want and longing. A soft tinkling that curled out around the darkest edges. "That's a sentimentality that humans attach to those they love. There's nothing of the sort in the sea."

In a way, Youngjae thought, it makes sense. Animals function on instinct and memory before associations. But wouldn't they enjoy the feelings associated with knowing you are the only one with a name that encompasses all that you do and all that you are to your loved ones? A twinge of sorrow seeped along his heart but he washed it away as he slid his phone out of his back pocket. 

He fumbled with the names that clouded his mind from memory as he went through the steps of unlocking his phone and heading for Naver.

Daehyun   
Jinhan   
Chunghee   
Jukan   
Seongchol   
Jaebum   
Yunbo-   
Jaebum... 

Jaebum.

He searched for the name's meaning and after a worrisome minute with no results, stumbled upon a short story. 

It described the tale of a feeble old man whose daughter was marrying some prince in a faroff land. In order to celebrate their union, he planned to make as many pastries as his tiny kitchen would fill. 

One day, hard at work from rolling out a new slab of dough, a group of tiny people emerged from the first bread he had baked. They announced how enthralled they were from having watched the level of care and love he poured into his work these past few weeks.

"When the time comes, we will care for your daughter and the son she carries within her womb."

The man wept as he finished the last pie of the day. As he lay his head to rest that night, he rejoiced at the thought of having a grandchild. A tiny bundle to help nurture! 

The next morning, his heart failed to give way to a pulse. The tiny bread people burried him amongst a bed of poppies, keeping their promise as they returned to their own work. 

The daughter arrived seven days after, at the hour of his death. She had run away to free herself from the abusive restraints set forth by the prince. She was free of her tormentor but not of the heaviness within her heart at seeing her child falter into nothingness from hunger. Her attempt at stealing failed to garner anything but a branded letter "S" onto her forearm. 

As she neared her father's cottage, she could only hope he would care for his grandchild and bury her close so that she may watch her son grow old. With the last of her energy, she set her child down and knocked on the door before collapsing into a heap across the wooden floor.

Hours after, she awoke to the sound of her child crying. Jumping forward, she dashed to his side and sprung into a fit of tears. Standing before her, in a majestic wave of color and flavor, was a kitchen full of decadent meals. Enough to feed her and her child for weeks to come. 

She neared the middle and stopped. At the center of it all, a pie engraved with three figures sat among a pile of poppies. 

"My child, you will not have to fear missing out on another meal. There is always someone watching over you."

The Kanji for his name here meant a "role model for the law". Smiling to himself, Youngjae looked up and tilted his head to the side in affirmation. He was sure that this man being here now was gone about the correct way; so much that he was being praised for his strength and will by the sea's populace. His loved ones must be inextricably proud.

He let the name spill free from his lips. "Jaebum."

"Jaebum," the man reiterated in a whisper. He clicked and clacked his tongue to get a feel for the name. A huge grin exploded across his face, revealing a set of daringly perfect, white teeth that illuminated the room much like the first signs of spring's newborn foliage. But Youngjae kept his eyes trained on the way Jaebum's eyes curved into two crescents as perfect as the ones found in the sky.  

He hadn't realized he was pushing into staring for an uncomfortable length of time when a rapping came from his window. Releasing all of the tension bundled within his nerves, Youngjae jumped in his seat. The stool rocked forward and with no time to disentangle his foot from its wooden leg, braced himself. Terror coated his eyes and sent his mind reeling as he tipped over. 

Before he could make sense of where every limb lay, Jaebum reached down and cupped his buttcheek. The heat from his hand coursed over his skin. He let out a squeak but clamped down in time to hide the next wave of strange sounds that would have escaped his lips. 

"So we're 2Jae?" Jaebum asked, his lips daringly close to Youngjae's ear. He felt Jaebum's hand tightening its grip as he began to slide down over the edge of the couch. 

Youngjae shoved off, his back slamming into the coffee table's side. With a grunt, he reached back and massaged where the pain was strongest. 

Jaebum shot up but his muscles protested, pulling him back under. "Are you alright?" he asked through gritted teeth. 

Youngjae was a mess of thoughts circulating around what the man had done. "D-don't do that," he stuttered. He looked down at his shoes, mentally tying and untying the laces with unrelenting speed. 

"What?" Jaebum looked oddly confused. "Don't humans enjoy being comforted physically?" 

Youngjae looked up. Blood rushed forward over his body, threatening to burst at the seams where his heart beat erratically beneath. "And by that you have to grab someone's butt?" 

Silence. Youngjae retreated to the kitchen for some food. Pulling a sack of cookies from a pantry and pouring a glass of green tea, he returned to the living room with a clearer state of mind. Jaebum was busy examining his palm lines.

"Don't do that again, okay?"

He nodded. 

There was a huge part of Youngjae that wanted to urge him to delve further in. To know the reasoning behind why he thought that okay to do but he wasn't one to pry and wasn't going to start now at the push of a little curiosity. Still, as if in response to his thoughts, Jaebum spoke up. 

"It's just the guys would talk to me about the girls and how much they love to be chased and touched and-"

Youngjae swore he saw a pink tinge flare out over the apples of his cheeks but passed it off as the events from today finally catching up with his fatigued mind. 

"And by touched, well, I mean in..." There were multiple pauses in between his words. Whatever was flashing through his mind was causing him a great deal of embarassment. 

Youngjae hadn't imagined the splash of color on Jaebum's face. It was being displayed in a way that made him question what stage in his physical development he left behind as a fish. So many questions and no possibility for concrete answers.

"I don't know what it's called here but when a guy goes up on a girls. Well, her... anus?"

Youngjae looked down, a mix of shock and embarassment passing over his face. He had seen fish mating before but to think the rituals involved in reproduction were actually used as tactics in flirting was surprising. It made him self-conscious about Jaebum's touch from before. 

"And this goes on with everyone?"

"Yeah. It's what I've heard and glimpsed from time to time."

"So you've never tested it out?"

Jaebum shook his head. Another string of coughs emerged from his mouth. There was no point in checking his temperature. Youngjae knew the fever was dwindling and the cough was a result brought on by the change in temperature from his natural habitat to life on land as a human. 

Youngjae lifted the cup up to Jaebum's lips. He took a sip before pushing it away. "It tastes a bit like the sea after someone pees in it." 

Youngjae laughed. He couldn't help it.

"You must have left behind a beautiful girl." The words were out before he made sense of what he was saying. 

"Girls."

And immediately regretted them. 

"So you were popular."

"For sure. I always had more then one girl around me at a time. At times, it felt like I would never escape them for some alone time."

Oh, Youngjae thought. He felt a roaring silence begin to creep around the edges of his tiny home. He had never been one to expect people in his life so why was he jealous of what Jaebum had? 

"But I don't think it'll get lonely. She has a bunch of other guys to pick from."

Cheating. No. What was he saying? They were discussing life at sea, not at church. Fish have sex to reproduce, not to reaffirm their love for another being. 

"You guys are the same, right?" Jaebum asked.

No. Yes. Maybe. Youngjae couldn't speak for the entire human population in saying that he'd wait as long as it took for his loved one to show up again. He'd wait and wait until his bones turned brittle and his heart grew tight. Until death. 

"Humans have their preferences so I can't say everyone thinks the same." 

"What do you believe in?"

Youngjae let the words slip free before he could even conduct them. "I believe in loving one person at a time." 

Jaebum's eyes grew wide, a newfound energy sending his lips spiraling into an ecstatic grin. "I do, too! I was going to make love to one before moving on to the next. There's no way I could make love to more then one fish at once and expect them both to fully enjoy it."

"That's not what I mean!" 

Jaebum sunk back, his elation dropping as fast as the  winter temperatures. "Oh. Then?" There was a scowl etched into his face.  

"Look. It's not important. Just realize that as a human, loving more then one person at a time is frowned upon." Why am I delving into sexual matters with this guy? It should be a matter of time before he heads home.

Youngjae looked up and Jaebum cocked his head to the side. "Your face. It's on fire."

"What?" Youngjae reached up to touch his cheek. He realized he had been blushing. "No. This is normal. It comes from being emba-" No way he could give him any more leeway on sexual matters. The teasing would be endless if he had anymore power. "From being tired."

Youngjae stood. "I think it's time to sleep. Head home, y'know." Head home? Yezi's sweet voice trickled into his head. She would have counterattacked his repetitively dorky phrase with "You're already home.".

"Okay. I'm going to turn off the lights and head to bed. You," he said in an abrupt turn away from the switch, "stay here and rest." I'll see you tomorrow he almost added. It brought back memories of when he would race to bed as his mother followed behind to kiss him goodnight. 

"I'll see you tomorrow, Yugybear," she would say with a tap on the younger, much pudgier version of his nose. 

Feeling Jaebum's eyes on his retreating backside, Youngjae hurried upstairs. He pressed himself against the door the second the faint click of the bolts sliding into place rung through the silence.

He didn't bother brushing his teeth or taking his medicine. Tonight, the stress and energy of having been shot into a story not his own sent him tumbling forward into the familiarity of his soft, cotton sheets. He reached over to stroke his stuffed bear. 

He could still feel the heat radiating from Jaebum's hand and the impression it left on his skin. He wondered if that fin-turned-hand thing had held anyone dear to him. 

Thoughts and images of the day rolled out from every nook and cranny within his mind like loose barrels atop a rocking ship's hull. Amidst the turmoil, a single thought perched precariously at the end of the ship's bow. Like a child, it swung its legs over the edge in a mindless manner. 

One move. That's all it would take to tip it over into the crystal blue waters below. That thought was: 

Could there ever be anything special  enough about Youngjae? 

Special enough to justify the love of someone who wasn't himself or the Hoon family. Special enough that he could have the touch of warmth from someone he could learn to love. Special enough that he could hope to find someone. 

Youngjae pressed his nose into the pillow, catching a whiff of the peppermint from the plant he brought home to keep an eye on. He closed his eyes. The bear's beady black eyes welcomed him into a deep slumber.


	4. 『04』

"Mom, where are you now?" 

Youngjae turned round and round in place, his eyes falling on nothing but the mist that didn't quite touch him. It swirled around at the edges of a makeshift circle, taunting him with collapsing and consuming his vision entirely. 

"Stop worrying about me." 

Her voice came like the fall of leaves against wet grass. Prominently soft and sweet. It anchored Youngjae to the past. He was nine again. 

He closed his eyes and ran towards her. With arms spread wide, he crashed into her and grabbed at the fabric bunched around her waist. 

"Mommy," Youngjae said in between  a broken sob. He never had the chance to cry in front of her that day so feeling the rush of tears now was a powerful source of alleviation. 

She ran her hand through his tufts of brown hair. "You might just have found happiness ___ _____. Hold onto-" 

"Mommy," Youngjae said again but when he looked up she was gone and the mist was closing in. Regret clawed at his heart. 

What had she said? 

His mind started to whir and the dream became little more then a haze. He woke with a tinge of sadness in the pit of his stomach that comes from all his worst dreams; made worse today by the feeling that he could not recall what his mother had said to him.

He had no time to feel upset with himself because the second he stepped into reality, something odd filled his vision. 

A set of thick, black eyelashes. Skin as smooth as a pearl. Soon enough an entire face. 

Jaebum. 

Pressed daringly close.

A flood of events from yesterday came crashing down on Youngjae. He pulled back and Jaebum stirred. Reaching for the cover, Youngjae had just enough time to peel it down over their torsos when Jaebum's eyelids fluttered open. Youngjae froze. 

A lopsided smile languidly spread over Jaebum's face, tugging one end up higher then the other. He reached out to push a strand of hair away from Youngjae's left eye but stopped short when he felt a breeze rock over his skin. Youngjae followed Jaebum's eyes. Together, their eyes traversed the length of Youngjae's arm to where he held the comforter bunched  in within his fist. Youngjae released a sigh of relief. No more embarrass- 

"I haven't used mine yet but I do think that's too tight of a grip."

A splurge of heat burst up Youngjae's neck. He stared back at Jaebum who had since thrown away his grogginess for a smirk that bared a bit of his teeth. Youngjae looked down again and realized then that his hand hovered over Jaebum's penis. He darted his eyes back and forth between his hand and Jaebum's face before his muscles reacted.

"It's not what you're thinking," Youngjae said, his voice cracking at the end, as he dropped the cover and fumbled out of bed.

He pressed himself against the wall  and watched with wary eyes as Jaebum pulled himself upright to lean back against the headboard. 

"I think it's cute." Jaebum looked down and after a few seconds of tracing his thumb along the comforter's sewn-in pattern, stopped. He jerked his head to the side. "Not my penis, of course. I mean you." 

Youngjae frowned. He still couldn't believe that of all the fish in the sea, he was stuck with the one most likely to flirt with him. 

"Why are you in my bed?"

Jaebum smiled. "Since we're a couple I thought it best if we practice sleeping in the same bed." He did something with his eye that Youngjae assumed was his way of trying to wink. 

"We're not a couple!" 

"But you saved me."

"I did."

Youngjae thought back to how fish do not have emotional connections with their mates in the second before Jaebum opened his mouth.

"It's just that we don't risk ourselves for anyone else. We're all a one-man team wonder. But you helped me so-"

"I saved you out of kindness and you'll be seeing a lot more of that as a human. There's nothing more to it." 

In order to distract from the hush that fell over the room, Youngjae said he would be right back. He kept his eyes trained on Jaebum as he took careful, steady steps towards his closet at the other end of his room. He slipped inside and slammed the door shut behind him.

Youngjae thought back on his words and recoiled at the thought of sounding too harsh. He might have been a tad bit insensitive although he hadn't meant to. Yet, the more he thought about it, the more he wanted to push away the thought that clamored over all the rest to the front of his attention: Hadn't he thought JB beautiful as a fish? 

Youngjae shoved his mellowed thoughts away and focused on the present. There was nothing to be embarassed about having a naked man sitting in his bed. Youngjae didn't know what kind of dreams a fish has as a human but he hoped that 95% of them didn't revolve around their desire to produce offspring. Otherwise, he would have to dodge both Jaebum and his raging boner until he could find a way to return him to the sea.

The air quickly grew hot within the closet's cramped space. Swallowing back his nervousness, Youngjae slammed the door open and shouted "Here, wear this!" as he thrust an oversized t-shirt out. He was met with a pool of silence.

He cracked open an eye and for the second time that day, felt like a foreign planet had slammed into his Earth. Jaebum was standing proud and tall before him; bearing all that nature had given him from the onset of his transformation. If there was even a chance that Youngjae's words had hurt him, it did not show now as Jaebum ran his hands over his slim stomach with a certain inquisitiveness. 

Youngjae started to close the door but Jaebum shot his hand out and grabbed the handle. Youngjae jumped at the feel of his cool fingers. He expected them to be cold but then realized how dumb of an assumption that was. If he held the internal temperature needed for a fish to survive in the sea, he would have been dead as a human. 

Youngjae stepped back as Jaebum stepped forward. Youngjae knocked into the clothes hanging on the rack behind him and shut his eyes tight. Shaking, he lifted the shirt up before him and repeated what he had said earlier. It came as a hoarse whisper. The sound of his heartbeat flooded his ears. He felt his mouth go dry. It took him a moment to realize that Jaebum had asked "What?".

Evenso, Jaebum made no intention of stopping what he was doing. He reached out to grab Youngjae  around the waist. Youngjae repeated himself for the third time. When he heard no response, gave in and waited for the feel of Jaebum's body pressing itself against his. 

"Oh."

Youngjae opened his eyes the moment the fabric slid away from his fingertips. 

"I didn't hear you," Jaebum said as he rummaged with the shirt's four entryways. Deciding on one, he slid it over his head but the shirt would not budge. 

"Pictures I've seen show that the head pops out of the shirt," Jaebum said, his voice muffled by the fabric from which his face was hidden behind. 

Youngjae pursed his lips in what he thought was an adequate representation of a grimace and smile merged together. "You have the wrong hole." He slid the shirt off and redirected Jaebum to the hole off to the side of the one he had picked. "Your neck goes into the curved one so that your arms can pop out comfortably between the sleeves." Youngjae patted the two flaps of fabric that hung limp against Jaebum's arms for emphasis.

There was wonder in Jaebum's eyes as he ran his hands along the soft cotton. "This feels nice. I don't necessarily want to take it off, but it still feels strange," Jaebum mused. 

"Well, you'll have to get used to it. Humans can't run around with nothing to wear." 

Jaebum looked up and despite the sincerity laced throughout his smile and huge, questioning eyes, Youngjae still wanted to ductape his mouth for what he asked next.

"Is there a hole for my penis?" 

"Okay, okay, that's enough. It's time for breakfast," Youngjae said as he squeezed by Jaebum. Even though Jaebum had nowhere to be outside of the house, Youngjae hoped that his boner was gone. 

Youngjae trudged down the stairs with an ecstatic Jaebum close behind. He felt irked by how close he was but couldn't very well scold him when he was being this jolly. 

"Sit down somewhere in the living room and wait there while I make omelets."

"Omelets?" Jaebum asked. 

"You'll see."

Jaebum did as he was told while Youngjae set off to work on preparing the delicious meal. Less then an hour later the smell of cooked eggs and a splatter of ketchup filled Jaebum's sense of smell as he guided his nose along the length of the oval plate. 

"This smells so good." He pinched his nose to conceal the smell but laughed when it didn't disappear. 

"This is magic." He lifted the plate up high. The omelet started to slide into his parted lips when Youngjae tugged the plate back. Surprised, Jaebum let go. 

"You don't eat like that," Youngjae said. He showed him how to grab a fork and cut into the cooked egg. "Here. Try it." Youngjae handed him the fork and watched as Jaebum fumbled with it. It clattered onto the omelet, table and floor before Youngjae stood and made his way over to Jaebum's side. 

He repeated the steps he had shown him earlier with an emphasis on the position of his fingers. This time Youngjae grabbed ahold of a piece of the omelet. He was ready to hand Jaebum the fork when he turned and was met with a wide open mouth. Darting his eyes away, Youngjae set the fork down and stood. 

"Did I do something wrong?" Jaebum started to open his mouth but forced it closed. His eyebrows drew up. He peeled back his shirt sleeve and raised his hand up to his mouth. He blew a gust of hot air onto his palm before sniffing it. "Does my breath smell bad?" Silence from Youngjae who had since made his way to the kitchen. 

Jaebum blew another gust of hot air onto the back of his hand. "Is it because I haven't showered?... I was never dirty as a fish," he added, almost as an afterthought. 

Youngjae hurriedly scrubbed away at the dirty dishes. He tried to block out thoughts of Jaebum but the image of him sitting there with his mouth wide open, expecting to be fed, surfaced through the forced white nothingness of his mind. How could he be completely unaware of his change in persona?

"I'm going in a few," Youngjae called over his shoulder as he watched the remnants of his omelet slide down the drain. 

He finished wiping his wet hands on the towel. He scurried along through the living room without glancing back at Jaebum who continued to sit Seiza-style. He was busy staring down the white threads of fabric from the carpet that jumped out around his folded legs. 

Youngjae slipped his sneakers on and was opening the door when the feel of Jaebum's fingertips sliding along his elbow brought him back to attention within the house. He yanked his arm away and Jaebum slunk back. 

Youngjae stared back in shock. "Sorry. You caught me off guard."

"You said you have to go. Go where?"

"School."

"Is school far away? For how long? Can I still reach you?"

Youngjae looked back at Jaebum with furrowed eyebrows and a frown. Why was he so worried about being left alone? Then it hit him. Fish travel in schools. They're never alone. 

"It's only a couple of hours and don't worry about being able to reach me. Here, I'll show you how to work the TV."

Youngjae spent the next ten minutes showing Jaebum how to turn the TV on and off, change the channels and lower the volume. When he felt confident enough that Jaebum wouldn't chuck the control at the screen out of frustration, he hurried back to the narrow foyer.

"Under no circumstances are you to open the door. And lower the volume if you hear anyone outside. Make yourself invisible," Youngjae said as he stepped out into the morning sun's welcoming embrace. 

#

Youngjae arrived in time to beat the crowd of students who were let out after their 11:00 morning class. It wouldn't matter much if he had made it or not because he talked to no one but it felt good to know that sets of prying eyes wouldn't watch him as he headed towards the back of the school where the botanical building was located. Compared to the other buildings, the conservatory wasn't much to see on the outside. There was no modern flare that the Science division offered with its circular spheres used for astronomical majors or an extra emphasis on cleanliness that the towering, sharp-edged buildings in the Math division boasted. 

No. The conservatory was a single, long building composed of glass  panes from head to toe and an arched roof that peaked at the top. Despite the administration's multiple attempts to clean the windows so that a bit of the plants inside could be glimpsed from the outside, the hazy, green slime that coated the lower half of the building didn't budge. It clung to the building's glassy surface like a long lost lover unwilling to part for the second time. 

At first it was a wonder why they hadn't already tore the building down. Apart from its unsightly outer appearance, the number of students who studied within its care always numbered in the tens. Last semester, there were exactly ten. This semester it was just one- Youngjae. 

Eventually, Youngjae's knowledgable guess was confirmed. The building was being kept afloat by a single person. Yet, despite finding out, the information did little to help Youngjae wrap his head around how one single person could have so much control over a being that wasn't himself; much less a number that bordered 50. He tried to think little more of it after discussing it with himself for a few days. After all, the tranquility offered within the building's vast interior was what he needed to get his work done. 

But, even now, as he set his current  findings out before him, the peacefulness within the conservatory did little to clear his mind of worry. Would Jaebum do as he said? Would he be gone when he returned? It would be better for Youngjae if that were the case. Much, much better. Yet, he struggled to make sense of the needlelike shard of dread that pierced his heart at the thought of walking into an empty house without so much as a goodbye. 

Youngjae needed something to distract him so he set aside his things and took a walk around. Everywhere Youngjae stepped, fresh bouts of green grass sprouted at every corner. The smell of mud filled his nose as he stepped closer to the clearing where a pond was encircled by a pattern of stones. The stones dazzled with their mixture of minerals as the sun's rays danced along their surface. There were a multitude of different fountains that idly stood by, waiting to show off their full splendor, if only they could. 

The pipes had stopped working one day and even going so far as to slush through the pile of sewer water out back, Youngjae could not get them to turn on. Asking for help was not an option he could take, either. Besides, the only person who could help him was never around. 

Youngjae pursed his lips. He walked over the little cobblestone bridge that separated one side of the conservatory to what remained of the rest on the other side. He found a stone large enough to seat him. Taking a seat, he peered up and smiled. The leaves from the Amur Maple overhead greeted him with a flourish. There was no wind inside but they swayed along to their own silent tune. 

He was glad to know that not a single plant had died in the time between semesters. He would worry about rejuvenating them with water tomorrow. Right now, he wanted to absorb the familiar sights before him; taking it all in to repair the part of his life that anchored him with stability. 

Clusters of Weeping Figs huddled around near the mouth of the pond and a litter of Madagascar Dragon Trees erupted from a spool of dirt lifted above the floor. A convergence of vines sprinkled in with cacti from succulents to the taller, less gaudy variants formed loops around the ground. It was a magical place in here and Youngjae could finally enjoy it again. 

He leaned his head back against the maple's sturdy trunk and closed his eyes. He only meant to listen in for a few but before he could stop himself, sleep crept up and knocked him under.

When he awoke, the sun was no longer shining high above. It had sunk down below to where a soft splay of orange was barely visible through the small spaces in between the trees leaves. Not late enough to worry about the darkness creeping in but late enough to head home.

Youngjae clambered to his feet and nearly toppled over into the pond as he dashed over the bridge. He was in such a rush to head home that he didn't notice the bright pink sticky note placed at the corner of his calendar. 

A certain someone had discovered a sleeping Youngjae and unwilling to wake him, set the note down where he knew Youngjae would see it in all its bright fury. The stranger hadn't counted on the idea that Youngjae would hurry out because he had someone who was waiting for him back home. 

Youngjae's canvas bag knocked against his hip as he sped past the throng of beautiful plants. On his way out, they rustled their leaves with excitement from the secret they held amidst themselves. Until tomorrow, they seemed to murmur. And you'll see. 

On his way home, Youngjae stopped by the supermarket. He was next in line to check out. He set the three large containers of instant dry whole milk for babies and a pack of underwear onto the conveyor belt before stepping up to where he could reach out and hand the cashier his total without obtrusion from the scanner.

He was sliding his money out from his wornout wallet when the pair of women in line behind him snickered.

"It's terrible enough that we already have so many hungry children in this world. Do we really need more?"

"The poor mother. She must feel sick to her bones."

"How many do you think he has?"

Youngjae scrunched his shoulders up to his ears as if he could deflect their cruel remarks. He turned away from them as he handed the cashier his total. 

"Men who think women are meant to serve them. Hmph."

"Not to mention that they're the ones who don't have to go through labor."

Youngjae collected his change and bags before hurrying on towards the exit. 

The women set their items down and stepped up to pay their total. 

"I wouldn't make such crude remarks about others," said the man standing in line behind them. "You'll end up shattering your mirror when your beauty is washed away."

They both turned and looked. A tall, young man of 6 feet looked down at them. He wore an olive-colored turtle neck that accentuated the milkiness to his long, pale neck. The same went for the bed of black hair that splayed across his forehead in jagged, even edges. He blinked. 

The women spun around on their heels and huddled closer together as the shorter one took her change from the cashier.

"It doesn't help that he's handsome," the curvier one whispered to the other one as they walked on. They grumbled and cast glances full of faux disgust over their shoulders but the man paid them no attention. 

He set his items down, not once removing his eyes from Youngjae's retreating backside. 

# 

Youngjae sighed as he neared his house. He always let people's comments bother him more then they should be allowed to. With a kick of his shoe against a pebble, he looked up and jumped. Sitting stooped on his front steps was a familiar little girl who he loved very dearly. Yezi's hair shifted away from her face as she looked up. 

In a blur of skirt and long, black hair, she shot up. "Youngjae," Yezi said as she dashed up towards him. With the speed she was accumulating on her way down the path, it seemed like she would bulldoze Youngjae over onto the ground. Thoughts of Yezi doing that and _then_ placing her foot against his chest as a token to her victory slipped into Youngjae's mind because he knew she was fully capable of doing something like that. Thankfully, she stopped a hair's breadth away from slamming into him. 

"Where have you been?" Concern jumped through her body; made evident by the way her left eyebrow discreetly rose and fell in a twitch. Youngjae smiled. She would never be able to hide how she felt. He would see through it the second she tried to play another role.

Yezi placed her hands on her hips and brought her foot down hard against the floor. "This isn't funny. You've missed out on two lessons."

"Two? Yezi, it was only one."

"Only one!?" She huffed. "Did you forget that you owe me one from last week?"

Youngjae pondered the matter. Yesterday was indeed a scheduled lesson. Normally, they met every other two days but last Friday's meeting was rescheduled for Monday because Youngjae had had to cancel it. And now, in lieu of recent events, he had missed another lesson.

"I'm sorry, Yezi. Today was definitely my fault. I fell asleep." Youngjae chuckled. He couldn't very well tell her why he missed yesterday's meeting. 

He threw his hand behind his neck and peered up at her behind his eyelashes. 

Her shoulders relaxed and she dropped her hands to her sides. "Now you owe me three."

Youngjae tugged the left end of his lips up. He reached out and rubbed the top of Yezi's head. "And all the ones forever more."

She whined. "Youngjae, this isn't-"

"A fairytale," they said in unison.

He laughed and Yezi followed suite, albeit with an added touch of rolling her eyes. Youngjae hadn't realized he had walked up the path to his front door until he heard the faint click of the lock giving way. He snapped to attention. 

Yezi took a step forward, her hand pushing open the door when Youngjae shoved himself in between. He closed the door and pressed himself against the wooden surface. With a forced chuckle, he told Yezi to go home. "It's almost dark out."

Yezi cocked an eyebrow. "The sun hasn't even started to set and you're worried about it being late. Besides," she said as she reached out for the handle, only to find that Youngjae slid in front of it, "my parents know where I am." She tried to push her hand through the sliver of space between the door's frame and Youngjae's side to no avail. He slid further in. 

"What are you hiding Youngjae?" She stepped back. "Why won't you let me in?" 

Youngjae bared his teeth in an awkward gesture of reassurance. "My house is a mess."

"That hasn't stopped you from letting me in before."

Youngjae smiled. It was a slight sort of curling that made Yezi all the more curious.

"You need to head home."

Yezi stepped back. She crossed and uncrossed her arms over her chest before blowing the strand of hair that fell on top of her nose to the side. "Fine." Resigned, she let out an exaggerated sigh. "But like you promised. Three practices."

Youngjae nodded. "You've got it."

Yezi turned and walked down the two stone steps to his front door. She had taken but four small steps away when she glanced over her shoulder. Youngjae's back was to her. 

She turned on her heels and sprung up the steps. With a loud "yah" she lunged into Youngjae. She started tickling around the curve of his neck and clung onto him even as he thrashed about his foyer to losen her grip from around his shoulders. 

The hardwood floor came into focus. Yezi gave one last tickle under his arms before darting towards the elevated area that marked the entrance to his home. She shrieked as her knee glided along something wet. In a flash, the top half of her socks were soaked.

Youngjae reached down to pull her up but she darted out of the way, complaining as she tried to ring the water out from her socks. Youngjae sighed. He proceeded to take a step into the foyer when he noticed why Yezi had screamed. 

A large puddle of water soaked the entrance. The trail continued on towards the living room. Youngjae looked up. He didn't know what to make of the situation. He looked back and forth between Jaebum and Yezi before his body took action. He reached over and slid his hand over her eyes but it was too late. Yezi had seen it all.

"Youngjae, who is this sexy guy?"

There, sitting comfortably amidst a cluster of pillows, was Jaebum, dripping wet, with his legs spread wide and his shirt nowhere to be seen. 

 


	5. 『05』

"Jaebum, where is your shirt," Youngjae asked as he reached back for the grocery bags with one hand, the other firm over Yezi's eyes. In his haste to get away from her relentless attack, Youngjae had dropped the bags without a thought of where they may land. Luckily for him, the bags lay closer to him then to the door. Yet, the same luck proved to be unreliable because the bags were toppled over with their handles facing away from him. Youngjae needed to use just enough force to tug them in one by one without comprising his position with Yezi or letting the items slip through the bags' opening. Hopefully, he need only pull in the first one to get what he was looking for. 

"I can help you search," Yezi chimed in. 

"No."

She groaned.

After multiple times of bending over every which way, Youngjae's fingertips came into contact with the familiar squishiness of the item he was searching for. The bag crinkled under his touch as he pulled it in closer until he could dig his hand in. He wrapped his fingers around the package containing the underwear and was reveling in his excitement when he inadvertently relaxed his grip over Yezi's eyes. His fingers fell away and in the midst of defeat, Youngjae watched as Yezi teetered from side to side. 

When gravity proved to be less then useful at a time like this, Yezi added  all of her weight to her left side until she tipped over in that direction. "Oh," she said in a surprised manner as her eyes fell upon the sight of Jaebum who had done nothing to conceal his manhood. From her angle, not only did his smooth thighs appear thicker but also the one thing that Youngjae had been desperately trying to conceal from her. 

Springing forward, Youngjae threw a pillow from the nearby couch onto her face. With a muffled oomph, she peeled it away a second later. But a second was all Youngjae needed. Standing behind the couch, Youngjae told Jaebum to stay still where he was before dashing for the bathroom.

Bottles tinked and a steady stream of grunts escaped through the crack in the bathroom door. Jaebum took a tentative step forward but stopped short in time to see Youngjae returning with a bright yellow towel in hand. Out of breath, he set the towel down over the couch's armrest before fumbling with the underwear's package. He couldn't get the zipper to work so he poked his nails into the side and tore at the plastic. When a hole large enough to slide the fabric through was created, Youngjae handed it over to Jaebum. "Put one on." 

Jaebum made no intention of taking it. He looked back and forth between the package and Youngjae's hand. Exasperated, Youngjae shook it before shoving it closer to Jaebum's chest. "Jaebum, we don't have-"

"Don't couples help put underwear on for each other?"

Rationally, Youngjae knew there was nothing to be embarassed about. Animals were much more honest about sexual matters then the average human liked to presume yet the thought that Jaebum was once a fish escaped Youngjae's body completely as a splurge of heat burst over the tips of his ears. "We're not a couple! Quit saying things like that." 

"A couple!" Yezi squealed, more to herself then to make Youngjae even more flustered but it worked nonetheless. He slammed the packet into Jaebum's chest and spun around on his heels. He was certain that his embarassment came from seeing Yezi watching them intently; her eyes analyzing every moment to confirm the status of their supposed relationship. 

He thought to tell her that whatever escaped Jaebum's lips was all far from the truth but if he did, the teasing would ensue and he wanted one less thing to worry about right now.

"Dry off," Youngjae said as he handed Jaebum the towel.

"Sorry. You seem upset."

"Distraught is the word you're looking for."

Jaebum smiled. He squeezed the water out from his hair until the outer strands were damp before patting away the few droplets that trickled down over his back and arms from the base of where his neck and hair met. Setting the towel down on the floor and sliding the package from under his armpit, he pulled an underwear out. 

He dropped the package. It landed on the floor with a thud that wasn't quite loud enough to hide the sound of Yezi rustling through her bag in search of what Youngjae could only assume was her phone. He told her many times before not to leave it in there for fear of cracking the screen or chipping the edges but not long after he started, his scoldings morphed into teasings. Yezi didn't know that he knew that she placed it in the pocket high above from everything else in her bag. 

It eased his worry knowing that she was growing up to be the trustworthy and kind young lady anyone who held her close could see. It was only with Youngjae that she showed a growing dash of independence that seemed like it nipped at his ankles. A part of him wanted to cradle her and continue to look out for her like the baby chick she still was. 

Youngjae reached out and gripped the couch's back. He was eager to mop up the water before it caused irreperable damage to the floor. "And where is your shirt?"

"I put it on your bed."

"Why?"

"Because I didn't want to ruin it." Jaebum shook the bundled fabric out until it uncurled to its full form. He was certain that his penis needed to slide in through the largest hole. With a set determination, he started to slip his feet in through the two smaller openings.

Youngjae thought to probe Jaebum on the matter but decided to listen in attentively instead. His need for a complete reason came true when not even a breath later, Jaebum spoke up. Of all the things he could have said, what he did say next brought a genuine smile to Youngjae's face. 

"This man on TV told me there would be rain today so I decided to take a shower."

Youngjae pinched the bridge of his nose as an excruciatingly drown-out sigh escaped his lips. "You can take a shower inside here."

Jaebum looked up from having situated the underwear's hemline in a comfortable position around his hips.   
"I- I didn't know how to work the tub."

"Enough of that. I'll show you later. Are you done?"

Jaebum nodded and rapidly tacked on a "Yes".

"Your underwear is on wrong," Youngjae said as he turned and headed for the closet at the end of the hallway. 

Jaebum looked down, confused with which way was the right way when Youngjae called out "Backwards" before disappearing around the corner. 

Jaebum returned to his original seat after having turned his underwear around the right way. He made sure to tuck his feet in as he watched Yezi dump the contents of her bookbag onto the carpet. She rummaged through a heap of school supplies and other miscellaneous items like pocky boxes before finding her phone slapped in between two marbled composition books. She grinned and did a little hop on her knees as she reached for it.

Youngjae reappeared with an unsightly mop in hand. Its only redeeming quality was a faint coat of purple around the metal ring that connected the mass of frayed strings to the pole speckled with dried-out stains of varying sizes. 

He took a glance in Yezi's direction and alarm seeped over every inch of his face, down to the bed of fuzzy hairs that grew over his upper lip. To make sure of what he was seeing, Youngjae walked up behind Yezi and peered over her shoulder. 

True enough to what he glimpsed from afar, the image of an unclothed man with his arms outstretched stood on the front cover of a book. He had seen one too many penises today and prayed to the highest degree of nature that this would be the last one. Forever.

"Yezi. Why is that in your posession?" Youngjae asked as he pointed at the book in question. 

Yezi flicked a disinterested look in the direction Youngjae was pointing. "Oh, that," she said as she eagerly resumed messing with the settings on her phone's camera. "My friend left it behind after gym so I picked it up for her."

A second of silence morphed into a feeling that Yezi couldn't brush off. She stopped trying to take secret photos of Jaebum to look down at the book; this time taking everything in. A stapled pack of printer paper covered a good portion of it. And by a good portion, she meant the title that stated what kind of a book it was. 

She tried not to let her newfound surge of giddiness show as she reached over and slid the papers away with a taunting slowness. Looking up at Youngjae, a mischievous grin carved its way over her thin lips. "Youngjae, you didn't think this was a pornography book, did you?"

A ripple of goosebumps tore over his arms. "N-no." He turned and headed for the mess of water he had yet to clean up, nearly stumbling over the carpet in his haste to get away. 

Yezi giggled. She pressed a hand to her mouth to stifle the laughter but it bubbled through without stop. 

Jaebum had since sat up and was now gawking at the book's cover. Yezi did not miss how he glanced down at the mound of flesh resting behind the piercing red fabric of his underwear. His opened mouth closed, replaced by a slight frown  that tugged one end of his lips down. "Youngjae will fall in love for sure now," Jaebum whispered. 

If Yezi hadn't been paying attention to him, she would have mistaken his voice for the wind careening between the tree's branches outside. 

She wagged a finger. "Don't you worry. The penises in here aren't nearly as big as yours." Her cocky grin disspitated into a faint smile formed from the rememberance of memories. "Besides," She glanced down at the folds of her pleated uniform skirt before looking over at Youngjae who was struggling to lift the soaked mop towards a blue bucket. "Youngjae loves with his heart, not his body."

The creases on Jaebum's forehead softened. He reached out to smooth back Yezi's hair. He wanted to emulate the warmth Youngjae had given him with that gesture when he was feverish but pulled back in surprise when Yezi shot up. She twirled around once before bending over and taking Jaebum's large hand in her own tiny, less defined one. She yanked him to his feet and pulled him along. 

"Youngjae! We'll be back in a few," Yezi called out over her shoulder as she tugged a confused Jaebum up the stairs. 

Youngjae banged the mop on the floor, his mouth skewing to the right in a half-hearted frown. "Yezi, don't you dare make a mess. Better yet, stay down here. There's no need for you to go up there."

"No," she whined as she neared the  top of the stairs. 

Jaebum turned his head to offer Youngjae a playful smile full of apology but he was already hard at work again. Jaebum turned back around and watched as the last of the steps disappeared behind him in a blur of polished wood. 

Youngjae finished mopping up the water and was headed for the closet when an owl flew by. Intrigued, he set the mop down to lean against the kitchen entrance before ambling towards the window over the sink. As he neared it, his sleps grew lighter and slower. He waited for the bird to reappear but when it didn't, he turned. As he turned, he saw the bird fly by again from the corner of his eye. 

Reinvigorated, Youngjae moved back towards the window. He clumsily threw a leg up over the counter before following with the other. When he was up on the countertop, he positioned each knee to rest on either side of the sink. He ignored the pang of discomfort coming from them as he leaned in closer to the window. Youngjae needn't wait long to see the bird again because just as he was trying to peer over the edge of the window, the owl shot up from below and squawked as it pecked at the glass. Startled, Youngjae shot back and lost his balance. After struggling to latch on to something that could hold his weight up, his efforts came to nothing and his body tipped backwards. 

He shut his eyes and waited for the pain to race through every fiber of his body but not a single twinge came. The spool of silence that passed over the room was interrupted by the inadmissible realization that sprung forth within Youngjae's muddled mind. 

Someone had caught him and was holding him close. 

He felt the thump of a heart not his own against his shoulder. A surge of heat pierced through his clothes and onto his skin wherever the other person's body pressed into his. Youngjae cracked an eye open and immediately imagined having the largest frying pan possible slamming through his roof and flattening him into nothing. Jaebum grinned down at him; a slash of white spread taut against his already impeccable face. 

Youngjae felt a breeze brush up against his stomach. He looked down and a storm of red grabbed ahold of his cheeks. 

His shirt had slipped up past the elastic band of his black underwear, exposing a portion of skin that  revealed his navel. Youngjae tensed. Jaebum followed his gaze. Youngjae managed to react before Jaebum could see what made him react. He tugged his shirt down until he felt like the threads would unravel. "Set me down," Youngjae squeaked. He started trying to wiggle out of Jaebum's grasp but Jaebum only tightened his grip. 

"Y-you'll fall," Jaebum stammered. His face contorted into a grimace and a grunt resounded through his clenched teeth. Regardless, Youngjae continued his struggle to escape. 

"Way to ruin a surprise," Yezi said. Youngjae hadn't realized he was out of tune with his surroundings until her voice snapped him into place. He looked over Jaebum's shoulder to see Yezi leaning against the frame. Youngjae stared back in surprise, his mouth slightly ajar. He was befuddled. She was calling him out on something he hadn't asked for in the first place. He should have been the one complaining. Yet, even if he wanted to, he couldn't have because his mind jumped and clung to the feeling of fear brought on by his body tipping down towards the ground. He coughed and coughed to release the feeling of having choked on a ball of saliva. 

He was being set down. The air around his feet gave way to the hardwood floor and Youngjae shoved out of Jaebum's arms. 

"You put him up to this?" Youngjae posed the accusation as a question, his voice faltering towards the end. He hated disputes. The more he thought about it, the more he felt like he shouldn't have said anything but he was tired. Tired of Jaebum refusing to listen to him. Why wouldn't he stop touching him? 

"No," came Yezi's voice in a steely tone Youngjae rarely heard, if ever before. One laced with reprimandation. He knew immediately that he was in the wrong. 

'No way. You were in the right! No one can ask you not to be self-concious. It's a part of who you are,' roared the voice in his head that dominated all other jumbled thoughts. Youngjae wanted to approve this way of thinking but the gnawing feeling deep within the pit of his stomach served to echo another reason. One he wasn't entirely sure he wanted the answer to. No, he didn't need an answer. 

There was nothing wrong with Youngjae's way of thinking. That much he ascertained himself of. 

"Jaebum sensed that something was wrong so we stopped what we were doing and rushed downstairs. Good thing he came, too, because that would have been a nasty fall." She cocked an eyebrow at Youngjae.

Youngjae looked down at Jaebum who smiled up at him from the floor. He threw a thumbs up but immediately recoiled at the movement, his pain replacing the easy going demeanor of his face. Youngjae reached a hand out but pulled back before Jaebum could see the sympathy he offered. He swallowed before speaking. 

"Thank you, Jaebum. You really did save me." Youngjae cringed at the false sincerity coming from between his lips. He darted his eyes over at Yezi to see if she noticed but she gave no indication. She was boring a hole into the ground with her eyes.

Youngjae stalked past Jaebum before grabbing Yezi by the shoulders. In a display of affection meant to crush the tension between them, Youngjae moved her from side to side as they made their way over to the living room. A faux smile played over Youngjae's lips, pulling  the corners of his eyes taut across his face in what he hoped would conceal the rush of emotions he felt inside. 

The tension in Yezi's shoulders  softened but the disapproval she felt before was replaced with a feeling of utter annoyance. Youngjae was shutting down. 

"Go home Yezi," Youngjae said as he began to fill her backbag with the items scattered about the carpet. Yezi stepped in and helped. "It'll get dark soon." 

They finished and stood there facing each other for no less then a second before Yezi bowed, excusing herself. The current of electricity within the air evaporated, leaving behind a spark that fizzled out into nothingness. An empty feeling decided to take up residence within Youngjae's's heart. Yezi made her way for the door while Youngjae headed for the stairs.

Jaebum tapped on Yezi's shoulder  as she laid the curve of her palm on the door knob. "Thank you for today," he said.

"I'm sure he noticed."

Jaebum tilted his head to the side. She smiled. "The surprise, I mean." She pointed down at the pair of trousers that stretched taut across his thighs. She had picked them out specifically to help Jaebum ensnare Youngjae tonight but looking at them now, they seemed unnecessarily tight. 

Yezi's bottom lip trembled. She took a breath in to steady herself before continuing. "Take care of him, Jaebum. I'll see if I can come back tomorrow." 

Jaebum stepped back and she crossed over the threshold. She stopped momentarily before twirling around, her hand outstretched with the pinky finger raised. Where sadness once swarmed through her downcast eyes, a new feeling had washed it all away. Joy. It cascaded over her face as a wide, resplendent smile effused the happiness she  normally radiated. 

"Promise," she said with a giggle when Jaebum made an awkward attempt at meeting her pinky with his own. She hooked them together and bobbed her head to the beat of dropping their intertwined fingers once, twice and another for the best of luck.

"What does it mean?"

"It's a cool way of confirming a promise to someone. That way they can't cheat themselves out of the situation."

"Like magic?" Jaebum's eyes grew wide with awe. He looked down at his pinky and bended it every which way he could without straining it.

"Like magic." She stopped and peered at him as if she were seeing him for the first time ever. "Because we're friends now." 

Yezi turned away from Jaebum, her long, black hair falling behind her like the first shadows of darkness. These shadows that could never enfold her despite their longing and desperate eagerness to do so. She waved at the end of the stone path before disappearing around the shrubs. 

Friends, Jaebum mouthed as he stood there staring at his pinky, the memory of their intertwined fingers playing over like a movie. Play. Rewind. Repeat. 

Friends, he thought. That sounds delightful.

#

The last rays of light disappeared  beyond the farthest reaches of the sea as Jaebum finished wiping what remained of the bile from the corner of his mouth. He laid his hand against the toilet's side, willing the porcelain's coolness to penetrate through his skin and course along his blood. He wanted reprieve. Why did he feel like this?

Just one second, Jaebum thought as he fell away from the toilet. He curled up against the icy cold bathroom floor. I'll lay my head to rest and when I wake up, my body won't feel like this and Youngjae won't be angry with me any longer. No, disgruntled. That's the word I'm looking for.

Jaebum smiled in reference to Youngjae's adorable antics but didn't have time to think about it for long because a bevy of shadows slipped into his mind and licked away any remnants of energy. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 94 kudos!? I'm-  
> (going Interstellar, here. Where my boy I.M @)  
> Thank you so much, everyone. Gah (whatever Pokemon makes that noise, is so totally me)


	6. 『06』

Youngjae sat up in bed. Hunched over and with the hood of his oversized sweater drawn over his eyes, he looked over his current song selection. When the song's album art and title began to blur into little more than a swath of dark green clouded with specks of white, he pulled the phone away. The darkness around him swarmed at the edges of the brightly lit screen, eager to swallow what remained of the light. 

Youngjae thought he would be unaffected by the change in lighting but when the screen cut off completely, a thread of dread coiled around his heart and squeezed until it felt like the heaviness would stop his beating heart. He was taken aback. The darkness never took effect on him. He had come to seek solace within its borders. Yet this time was different. His heart yearned for the type of warmth the darkness could never offer. The type of warmth he had ceased to recall. One that would help guide and console him through his faults well into the night.

He flopped back into bed and drew his legs up to his chest until he was certain his knees could keep his weary heart from falling out of his chest. He wrapped his arms around his body and forced his eyes closed, willing away the tumultous cycling of thoughts in his head. They all traced back to the hurt he saw in Yezi as she turned to leave. 

Youngjae and Yezi had arguments. Either one would apologize with a gesture or snarky remark. She would leave smiling. The words "Sorry" never not be uttered. This was how their relationship had grown. He loved her so. But today's argument was something so much more.

He sighed and pulled out his headphones. The tender string of  piano notes flowed through the earbuds and poured into the room under their best attempt to dispel the heavy gloom that hung around. Youngjae tossed his phone on the bed before ambling towards the door. 

At the top of the stairs, Youngjae peered over the edge in search of Jaebum's silhouette. When he didn't spot it, he crept down the stairs on the tips of his feet. He came to a stop at the bottom and looked to the left. Seeing nothing, he stepped over to the right and his heart seized in his throat. The bathroom door was closed but the light was not on. 

Youngjae walked over to the door. His hand was already reaching for a spot on the wood, one knuckle bent forward, when the realization that Jaebum probably didn't want to see or hear from him stopped him short of knocking.

What am I even doing here? He stepped back. To keep his mind from digging deeper into the way today's events unfurled, he dwadled over to the living room's lamplights. He flicked the switch on and was immediately greeted by a familiar golden glow. It lasted three seconds before reappearing with a new color: purple. None of the seven colors battled each other for dominance as they cycled through their 3-second bursts of life before fading out and making room for the next color in queue. There was no need to. They  worked in harmony with their display of soft edges. 

Youngjae smiled. For all the desperation and trouble it had caused him in his search to find one exactly like the one he owned as a child, he was overjoyed to have it now. There was nothing that could replace the alleviation he felt when he saw it in that pawn shop so many years ago.

Youngjae sat down on the couch's armrest. He shut his eyes and watched as the colors danced over the back of his eyelids. It calmed him because a few color changes later, his body tilted backwards. He came to in time to catch himself before he could crash into the cushions. Fatigue had finally curled in over his nerves. 

Youngjae shoved his hands into his pockets and rocked forward. He held his bent-over position for a second before pushing off and heading back towards the stairs. The faint click of the bathroom door opening made Youngjae's ears perk up. He paused but seeing as to how he wanted to be out of sight before Jaebum appeared, continued on. He had a foot planted on the second step when Jaebum's voice cut deep through the silence. 

"Youngjae."

Youngjae immediately knew something was wrong. Where Jaebum's voice was normally overflowing with exuberance, now his litter of letters flitted by on a hoarse whisper.

Youngjae flicked his head to the side. His heart seized at the sight before him. The play of shadows across Jaebum's face did little to conceal the pale, sickly color of his skin.

"I know you don't want to be bothered right now but there's something I'm worried about." Jaebum's smile had been wiped clean with whatever internal terror he was facing. His head hung low to the ground and his eyes crinkled at the edges with the pressure of trying to keep his pain from overtaking him. "I haven't been feeling well."

He wobbled towards Youngjae who  remained rooted in place. 

"Please."

Youngjae turned around and pushed his hood back. "What's wrong?" 

"Can I show you? Describing it makes me queasy."

Youngjae nodded. He feared Jaebum would collapse any minute so he followed close behind in case he needed to catch him. They made it to the bathroom. Jaebum turned around. "Sorry. It's really disgusting but I don't know what to do. I'm sorry I can't remember the word for it. I know it would make things easier for you."

Youngjae shook his head. Or, at least, he thought he did but the next second Jaebum flinched and turned back around without another word.

Jaebum pushed the door wide open and flicked the light on. Youngjae's eyes darted frantically about the room. When he didn't see or smell blood, he thanked the world. Whatever was wrong with Jaebum could probably be fixed by administering medicine at home.

Jaebum walked over to the toilet and pointed. He fiddled with the fabric of his sleeves as he waited to hear Youngjae's response.

Youngjae stepped up and peered over the rim of the toilet seat. True enough to his assumptions, a pile of bile coated the bottom half of the toilet bowl. The stench was awful but Youngjae refused to cover his nose. "Everything's going to be okay. We can fix this." 

Youngjae turned around. He had just enough time to catch sight of Jaebum swaying to the side before he was underneath him, shoving all of his weight against Jaebum to counterattack him tipping forward. Youngjae snaked a hand over to Jaebum's arm and tried to push in between his armpit. When that didn't work, he then tried to hook his arm around Jaebum's waist but that position wouldn't hold either of them up long enough to head over to the couch. 

With only one arm holding Jaebum's body upright, his weight eventually became too much of a strain on Youngjae's body. They toppled over into the ground. Amidst the sound of their beating hearts, a groan from Youngjae emerged.

"I'm sorry," Jaebum whispered. "I'm  so stupid."

Youngjae's fingertips hovered above the back of Jaebum's head. The thought of running his fingertips through that mess of purple hair crossed his mind but he stomped it out before he could act on it. "You're not stupid. Quit saying things like that or I won't help you." A blatant lie.

"Alright. You're going to have to help me here. Can you stand?"

After three failed attempts at standing, Youngjae told Jaebum to sit up. He did just that and pressed his back into the counter near the door. With the trickle of energy he could muster, Jaebum slid up along the surface until he was on his feet again. He was in an upright position for a heartbeat before he slumped over into Youngjae's open arms. "So warm," he mumbled into the crook of Youngjae's neck.

Despite wearing a thick sweater, Jaebum's breath was hot against his skin. A shiver ran up his spine, prickling the hairs on the back of his neck. 

"Now picture it like so. To get to the couch, you'll need to take 1, 2 steps. Let's do them together." 

"Mm," Jaebum mumbled in affirmation. Youngjae stepped through the threshold with one hand wrapped around Jaebum's waist, the other clutching his hand so it wouldn't slip off his shoulder. "And start."

They counted "1,2" on their way to the couch, stumbling and nearly tripping every so often. Jaebum's knees buckled the second the couch graced their vision. 

"Not yet." Youngjae heaved Jaebum up before continuing on. They crossed the few feet that remained and Jaebum plopped face-first onto the couch. Youngjae ran to the kitchen. He poured a glass of water and took two pills meant to treat nausea from his medicine cabinet. 

"I don't understand. You were fine a few hours ago," Youngjae said as he tipped the glass of water back. Jaebum took three large gulps before laying his head to rest against the armrest. He darted his eyes away from Youngjae. 

Youngjae's eyes grew wide. He knew what to expect, the reality of their relationship being laid out before him. The truth took a jab at his heart. Of course they weren't close so there would be no need for Jaebum to tell him things regarding what he couldn't already see.

"I haven't been feeling well since yesterday but it wasn't this bad."

Silence from Youngjae who was busy trying to deduce the cause of Jaebum's low stamina. 

"But I didn't tell you so you could worry. I want you to be prepared in case I wind up dead."

 _Dead_. 

The word crashed into Youngjae's chest, splintering off into a multitude of little shards that cut deep into his flesh. One shard slid through and pierced his heart because the next second, Youngjae went stock-still. His hands clenched around the fabric of his khakis. 

Die. Dead. Deceased. So many structures for one universal meaning. Youngjae tried to keep his voice steady as he spoke. 

"Don't say that again. Please. Why would you say something like that?" Youngjae looked up. The awful memory of a woman whose eyes bloomed white against a bed of ruptured flesh cinched his heart. He met Jaebum's gaze head-on, the pain of that day kept at bay; hidden behind those shimmering, stoic eyes of his. "You won't die so don't say something like that ever again." 

Jaebum gave a faint nod, his eyes trained on the way Youngjae clamped down on his bottom lip. "I'm sorry." 

"Something like this won't kill you," he whispered more to himself then to Jaebum. Youngjae broke free of his spell and gave his most reassuring smile. Jaebum returned the gesture with a lopsided grin. Whatever tension existed between the two eased away in that moment of soundless apologies.

"Yesterday, what did you feel like?"

Jaebum's eyes roamed the length of his body. "Okay. A sudden headache  and this lump in my throat that wouldn't go away but no vomiting and-"

"That's it!" Youngjae shouted. 

"What?" 

"That's the word you were looking for earlier."

"Vomiting?" 

"Yes, well, vomit. There's also throw-up and puke but-" He cut himself short. "This isn't what's important right now." Youngjae went off on a tagent of mismatched thoughts and jumbled ideas about where he thought they should go from here. 

Meanwhile, Jaebum lost himself to Youngjae's bout of eagerness. The way his hands clamped down on his knees and the way he leaned in ever so slightly. Youngjae's voice receded into the background until it became the bridge on which the tune's main component- Jaebum's palpitating heartbeat- could swell. Whatever it was that Youngjae was talking about made Jaebum want to press him close and steal those words with a-

Youngjae caught him staring. Jaebum turned his head to the side and pressed his face into the couch, one hand clutching the pillow near his stomach. He bit down on his bottom lip. "Cute," he mumbled into the cushion, his rapidly beating heart never giving way to a slower pace.

Not understanding what Jaebum  was saying, Youngjae prepared to lean in further and check on him when he flipped back around, a toothy grin stretching his lips from ear to ear. But the smile slipped by as soon as a jolt of pain shot through his skull. Jaebum winced. 

"Are you alright?" Youngjae asked. 

"Fine. I must have moved too quick."

"The medicine should kick in any second now but before that, we need to find out why you're feeling this way. Think back to your life as a fish. Has anything other then pretty much everything changed?" 

"I guess you could say I exercised a lot more."

Youngjae frowned. "Well, you're in no condition to start running blocks around the house."

"Not that kind of exercise." Jaebum closed his eyes. "We could make it work. Lay down on top and-"

He was cut short by the feel of a hand sliding across his chest. A gust of cool wind followed suite. He opened his eyes and stared in shock at Youngjae who was lifting his shirt up past his pectorals. From Youngjae's other hand, a pair of scissors emerged.

"I think that's a little too playful, Youngjae." Jaebum watched with worried eyes as he slid the scissors up to just above his nipple. 

"If I cut here, it won't work," Youngjae said, lost in thought. He held Jaebum's shirt tight against his shoulder but Jaebum looked past the splinter of pain to the anxiety he felt. 

"Y-y-you're right," Jaebum stammered. A cold shiver ran up his spine as Youngjae pressed down on a patch of skin with the scissors' sharp metal tip. He slid the blades open and stuck one underneath the outermost layer of gauze. "Youngjae, we can be playful through other more delightful means."

"Turn around." Youngjae pulled the scissors away and set them down on their original place atop the coffee table. He must have failed to notice the scissors while he packed Yezi's belongings. 

"What?" 

"Exactly what I said. Turn around. And take off your shirt." 

Jaebum said: "Y-yes but let's keep the scissors away," at the same time that Youngjae said: "We need to redress the wound."

Youngjae offered Jaebum a scowl that threatened to bare one end of his teeth while Jaebum's heart sank, thoughts of playing the eventual captor in today's version of nurse and patient melting away. 

Youngjae helped Jaebum turn around without too much strain. Neither one said a word as Youngjae slipped Jaebum's shirt off. He headed for the bathroom and reappeared not long after with the first aid kit hooked around two fingers. As he worked on cutting through the gauze and pulling what remained of it that the scissors could not easily reach, Youngjae asked: "Is there anything you can remember doing as a fish that was absolutely fundamental to your survival?"

Jaebum shook his head, his eyelids beginning to droop. "Everything's different," he mumbled. 

Youngjae pursed his lips. "Can you sit up for just a moment? And whatever you do, don't tip forward. I'm not sure I'd be able to lift you back up if you were to fall over."

Jaebum took a deep breath in as he pushed himself up.

"No!" Youngjae's hand shot out, grabbing Jaebum by the shoulder before he could flop back into the threaded cushion. "You need to sit with your back facing me. Otherwise, I won't be able to do anything but stare at your chest."

The words were out before Youngjae  could register their meaning. He looked up in horror but to his relief, Jaebum didn't make any indication of having caught on. The medicine must have clouded his thinking. Youngjae sighed. 

"Like this?" Jaebum asked. The heat from his back emanated across the bit of space left between each other's bodies. 

"Too close," Youngjae said as he gingerly pushed Jaebum away with a finger. 

Situated in a comfortable position, Youngjae began cleaning the wound with a pad soaked in hydrogen peroxide when a low rumble sounded through the room. It intermingled with the sounds of the cicadas and crickets outside. Youngjae frowned. 

"If you were hungry, you could have told me before I gave you the pills."

Jaebum fiddled with the drawstring's on his trousers. "I've been starving since the day you found me."

"What?" Youngjae held the gauze tight over Jaebum's shoulder, ready to connect it around his shoulder but at a sudden loss for what he was supposed to do next. "I thought you had plenty with the omelet."

A ripple of understanding zipped through Youngjae. He peered over Jaebum's shoulder. "It all makes sense!" 

"It does?" 

"Of course it does." Youngjae finished cinching the gauze to the metal clip. "You're all set," he said and without another word, disappeared up the stairs. 

He grabbed his phone, nearly dropping it in his haste to affirm the cause of Jaebum's ailment. As he watched the browser pop up, another more pressing question hindered the  process of his hypothesis from being answered. He darted back downstairs. 

"What kind of food did you eat as a fish?" Youngjae approached the couch with a bounce to his step. "You've been throwing up because your body can't digest the food I'm giving you. There's a plethora of factors that go into-" He was cut short by the sight of Jaebum laying on his side, his chest heaving up and down to the beat of his breaths. 

Youngjae clicked his phone screen off and headed for the lamplights. He had taken but three steps towards them when he decided not to turn them off. 

"Better to sit with silence then to sit in darkness." He smirked. A terrible proverb from an equally horrible tween. He headed up the stairs and took one quick glance over his shoulder. Jaebum was resting, temporarily at ease with his pain and worries.

Youngjae climbed the last step in time to the darkness being overtaken by a new wave of color.

#

Tossing and turning. Youngjae couldn't sleep. He had spent the better half of the past two hours trying to focus on what he was reading but distractions came in the form of a purple-haired boy. His clock pinged, signalling the onslaught of another hour. Youngjae rolled over and looked at his phone. 3 AM. 

The medicine only lasts a couple of hours. 

Knowing very well that unless he was certain Jaebum was not awake, he wouldn't be able to help himself to sleep. He threw the thin cover back and speeded out of the room. 

He slowed his pace as he neared the base of the steps. Youngjae couldn't be certain but it looked like Jaebum was still fast asleep. He crept closer and looked, the soft green light illuminating his face. True enough, Jaebum was curled up in much of the same position Youngjae had left him in. 

Youngjae reached out and pulled the pillow from over his stomach. He then pulled the covers up over his torso, laying them to rest just below his shoulders.

Later today, we'll definitely figure something out.

Youngjae looked down at the pillow and was surprised at what he found himself doing next. He didn't feel compelled to, much less with a desire to do so, yet there he was taking a seat on an area of the coffee table nearest Jaebum's face. He wrapped his slender fingers around the pillow and for the first time since having met him, took in Jaebum's features with careful consideration. The sharp edge to his eyebrows. The small curve over the bridge of his nose. The way his face would fit into a frame with no visible disparity between each section. There was no denying it. Even as a human, any girl would like to have him.

What am I even doing? This is creepy. Not to mention weird. I wouldn't want him staring at me in the middle of the night.

He stood, the bones in his tired knees creaking. Youngjae froze. He didn't dare swallow the ball of saliva that had gathered around his tongue in fear of waking Jaebum. But to his pleasure, Jaebum did not stir.

Youngjae climbed into bed after having made it safely back to his room. He closed his eyes and for the first time in forever, fell asleep to the image of a fresh face; a man with a set of moles perched over the corner of his left eye. 


	7. 『07』

"Up! Up! Get up you lazy man!" blasted throughout the bedroom. Youngjae groaned as he reached under his pillow for his phone. Still half asleep, he swiped to the right to silence his alarm. The days had been creeping close to a month now since Yezi left him with the surprise of having switched out his soft ballad for her rambunctious voice and all this time, despite probing himself to change it back, he never did. 

Today would be different. He tapped his way into the phone's alarm settings when thoughts of an ailing Jaebum rushed to the center of his attention. He stumbled out of bed, leaving behind his phone with the twelve year-old's voice set as his alarm for yet another day.  

He made it downstairs to see Jaebum sitting up with his hands in his hair. 

"Are you alright?" Youngjae asked. 

Jaebum looked up. Youngjae was relieved to see that his skin no longer looked as sickly as yesterday.

"I never would have guessed how  good it feels to run your hands through your hair." He let out a moan as he continued running his fingers through his hair. 

Youngjae walked over to the lamplights and flicked them off. "We're heading somewhere today after-"

Jaebum looked up at him with expectant eyes. Youngjae didn't have it in him to eat breakfast when Jaebum was suffering through an empty stomach so he threw that idea out completely.

"After I get ready. I'll be back in a few."

"Okay."

Youngjae returned to his room. He shuffled through the pants scattered about his floor until he selected a pair of light denims. He pulled the first shirt he saw hanging in his closet and proceeded to find a pair of shoes for both himself and Jaebum. He hoped that they shared the same size or else he'd have to run to the shoe store down the street and Youngjae wanted none of that. He knew how nosy Mr. Myeong was and with buying a shoe size not his own, what better way to invite him over for some quality snooping around the house. Youngjae couldn't take those chances if he didn't want Mr. Myeong finding out about Jaebum.

He opted for his most comfortable shoes and a pair of worn-out sneakers. As a final touch to the outfit, he snatched his only snapback from the rack hanging on his door. 

Realizing his phone was not in his possession, he ambled over to his bed and slid it into his pant pocket before heading out. 

"Here, put these on in the foyer," Youngjae said as he handed Jaebum the newer, more comfortable shoes. "And wear this."

"No nonsense," Jaebum read aloud as he searched the cap for any other words that might be printed on the black fabric. 

"Quick. We have to catch the bus."

A few minutes later Youngjae stepped out into the midmorning sun  with Jaebum following close behind. Youngjae finished locking the door before brushing by Jaebum and heading for the entrance, his messenger bag knocking against his leg with each step. 

Jaebum stopped at the bottom step, his eyes roaming over the world around him. From the way the shrubs rustled their leaves in tune to an invisible ensemble's beat to the way the birds overhead sprung over a bridge only they could see, everything was a fascination he had to commit to memory. He watched as a small cloud connected with a larger one before lowering his gaze, his eyes falling on Youngjae's retreating figure. 

Every bit of him was illuminated by the sun's soft, golden rays. 

The entire underwater populace prided themselves on only giving into the concrete-matters that could be solved with a formula or proven through facts-but if they were to see Youngjae, they would start to believe in the theoretical; in chances and luck. They would allow themselves  the opportunity to imagine.

Jaebum had found his sprite. But unlike the ones he was always reading about in children's stories, his sprite came to him in the form of a handsome young man. Something tangible. Jaebum was going spend his time here compiling memories with someone he could trust; with someone that had become his everything in the span of a few days.

"My sprite," he whispered. 

Youngjae turned, exasperation threatening to cloud his preoccupied expression. "Let's go." 

Jaebum jogged up next to Youngjae  who was already a great distance ahead of him. He didn't break pace with Youngjae as they hurried along down the street.

"Thank you for taking me out."

Youngjae faltered. For a passing second, he wanted to turn his head to the side so he could see Jaebum's expression but he willed himself to keep his eyes trained on the phone in his hands. 

"Just don't cause me any trouble."

Jaebum nodded. He smiled and added on an "Mmm" when he noticed Youngjae hadn't looked up from typing something into his phone. 

They made it to the bus stop and a couple of minutes later, stepped inside the bus to a gust of cool air. 

Youngjae scanned the vicinity as he paid for the ride. To his relief, not a single person was on board. Hopefully, it would stay like this on  their ride to the city. 

The bus lurched forward, bringing Youngjae back to attention within the bus. He signalled to Jaebum to follow. They started to cross the wide open space where two rows of seats faced each other on opposite sides when Youngjae ultimately decided on the first set of seats situated on the slightly elevated end of the bus in the back. 

Youngjae was unaware of the tension laced throughout his muscles until he found himself relaxing into the seat. He watched Jaebum take a seat before turning to look out the window. 

The town with its jumble of houses and surrounding sea gave way to wide, open plots of land as the bus crossed over one of the two bridges that connected it to the mainland. Youngjae rarely had time to sit down and marvel at the beauty that was this world so when he did make time, it was as if the world were serenading him with all of the unspoken truths and dreams it carried. 

Youngjae was beginning to imagine what Jaebum's life at sea might have been like when a light thump against his shoulder disrupted his thoughts. He turned his attention to the right. He was in utter disbelief.

Jaebum had fallen asleep. On his shoulder. Even after he agreed to keep from causing Youngjae any trouble. 

Scenes like this only happen in dramas. And the sappiest of them all, too. No, wait. This _is_ the set to a drama. That would make Jaebum an actor. Right, Jaebum? How much are they paying you to do this? You've got the wrong lead. Youngjae opened his mouth to let out a voiceless scream. In shock at his own reaction, he glanced up at the bus driver to see if he was looking but his eyes remained trained on the road. 

"Jaebum." He nudged him in the side with his elbow. "Jaebum, wake up. Don't fall asleep." He tried poking him but when that didn't work, reverted to pinching his thigh. The only thing it elicited was a soft grunt that sounded oddly too sexual. 

Youngjae slouched in his seat and folded his arms over his chest, not caring if the movement waked Jaebum. To his luck, it did not. He resigned himself to hoping that the remaining stops would have no one there to board the bus.

As the time inched along, Youngjae  felt the strain of his slouched position begin to take a toll on his lower back. He tried wiggling his way up but stopped moments after with the fear that he would wake Jaebum. In the time it had taken them to reach the city's outskirts, Youngjae had analyzed the benefits and drawbacks associated with Jaebum's sleeping state. Apart from the gnawing feeling that he shouldn't wake him because he was still hurting, it would also be less exhausting to have him asleep like this. 

Youngjae turned his attention to the cluster of high-rise buildings and shop fronts that whizzed by. He had forgotten what he was bracing himself for until it came in the form of a group of schoolgirls. His eyes grew wide. They stood around the bus stop, laughing and taking photos. By the looks of it, they meant to actually board the bus. 

He grumbled. If it were a grandmother, he'd probably be able to convince her into believing Jaebum was his cousin whose father is a drunkard and whose mother hates modern advancements in technology. No questions asked. But if it's a group of girls, well, Youngjae was doomed. 

Youngjae sat up straight in his seat and awkwardly fiddled with his fingers until he decided to lay them flat against his legs. He tried grinning but it fell flat when the first few girls poured into the bus. They seemed to be about Yezi's age. 

He stared straight ahead, unblinking, but soon realized how strange that must have been when the tallest girl shot him a strange look. He might as well have been wearing a sign saying "I'm a creep! I want you!". 

Youngjae dropped his gaze in time to see the last two girls enter. The one with two braids running down the length of her back on either side wrapped her arm around the other as they walked by. Youngjae bit back a troubled laugh full of his suffering and embarrassment from the past few days. They probably thought him a weirdo but they didn't even know the half of what he had gone through since the arrival of the fish-turned-man at his side.

The girl with the long, black hair whose tips were dyed a mint green turned her head around as the duo made for their seats. She met Youngjae's eyes and ducked her head. 

Youngjae looked down at his shoes and gave himself some time before peering up. Although, he needn't worry about being caught staring. She was looking at Jaebum. 

Youngjae blew a gust of air through his nostrils. Maintaining his upturned face, he managed to eye Jaebum from the corner of his eye. He hadn't noticed it leaving the house but in the midst of this girl's wandering eyes, he was suddenly conscientious of just how striking Jaebum must appear in this outfit. He wore an equally balanced combination of chic and laid-back with his nearly all-black look and running shoes. As an added touch, the snapback gave him a sense of mystique. What could Mr. Dark and Brooding be hiding beneath that black fabric? Sexy came in the form of his broad shoulders and distinguishably handsome face. 

Youngjae looked down at his lap. Light denims and a pink shirt stained with splater after drip of food coloring. He quickly averted his gaze. Youngjae knew he was just another guy. Easy on the eyes. That's all.

He shook his head. He wasn't one to be critical of his appearance so there  was no sense in letting himself wallow in these melodramatic thoughts now. He loved himself and that was that. It was, in fact, all he could ever ask for. 

Youngjae saw the mall appear from afar. He checked his watch. On time. Sort of. Before leaving the house, Youngjae had spent time trying to teach Jaebum how to tie his shoelaces. After a tower of minutes passed by without success, it was ultimately decided that Jaebum would tuck his shoelaces into the side of his shoes. 

He needed Jaebum awake now if he wanted to earn back those precious minutes. "Jaebum," Youngjae leaned down closer. He glanced over at the girls to see the duo from before staring intently. A heat tore over the nape of his neck. He pulled back. Anything he did with Jaebum could be warped into a false reality. He had to be careful.

He faked a yawn and stretched his left arm behind him. In the process of trying to cover his mouth, he let it fall forward. It knocked into the back of Jaebum's head with enough force to startle him awake. His snapback flew off and landed in the middle of the bus to where a multitude of curious eyes directed their attention to it before locking their gaze on the spectacle that was Jaebum and Youngjae. Jaebum shot up, his eyes darting about frantically until they focused on his immediate surroundings and then, finally, on Youngjae. Relief washed over his features. His ragged breathing returned to normal. 

Youngjae wondered if he had seen fear in Jaebum's eyes but dismissed it as the bus crept to a stop. "Come on, we're leaving."

"What about the hat?" 

"Just leave it." Youngjae darted for the doors. Just as he felt the rush of warm air against his face, the one comment he didn't want to hear stopped him dead in his tracks. He spun around to correct whoever had spoken but the doors slammed shut. 

"We're not a couple!" Youngjae hissed. A scowl etched itself onto his face. He watched the bus disappear around the bend before turning to Jaebum who was busy twisting the snapback onto his head. "When did you get that?" 

"A lovely girl handed it to me."

The girl with mint green tips. No wonder she had been standing up. 

"And she also gave me this." Jaebum raised his hand.

"What is it?" 

Jaebum shrugged his shoulders before handing the paper over to Youngjae. Youngjae's mind went into overdrive as he looked over the paper in his hands.

It was the image of Jaebum leaning against his shoulder but everything from there on lacked accuracy. It made Youngjae want to bury his face in his hands. 

The rest of the drawing depicted Youngjae looking out the window with a prominent blush displayed across his cheeks. Jaebum's knee barely brushed up against Youngjae's. Best of all was the stream of hearts that erupted from the space between Jaebum's head and Youngjae's shoulder.

Embarrassment. The feeling coursed through Youngjae's body, threatening to exhaust his muscles and make him drop down to his knees in defeat.

Jaebum crept closer, his breath warm against Youngjae's ear as he spoke. "I think your embarrassed face is the cutest but I'd much rather experience every bit of it in the moment."

Youngjae jumped back, startling an elderly woman who was walking her dog. The tiny dog erupted into a stream of squeaky barks.

Youngjae bowed and held his stance until she disappeared around the corner. He flipped around to face Jaebum who was now busy trying to tie his shoelaces. 

"We are not a couple!" 

Jaebum paused. "I think you're right." 

Youngjae felt his heart swell. He had finally gotten through to him. After so much embarrass-

"We are boyfriends." 

Of course it wouldn't be that easy. The paper fell out of Youngjae's open hand. The soft jostle of air carried it away. He ran after it but not before  Jaebum took a huge step forward. Youngjae had just enough time to see him trip over his shoelaces before he left him behind. 

Youngjae caught up to the paper a few squares down the long sidewalk. He checked to make sure the drawing was okay. He didn't very well like the misconception of being portrayed as this meek, mushy being in love but he hated the idea of discarding someone's hard work even more. He slid it into his bag before sprinting back to Jaebum who continued to lay sprawled across the ground. 

"Jaebum," Youngjae seethed. "Get up." 

"Can I have a kiss?" 

"No."

"But I'm in pain."

"It'll go away."

Youngjae grabbed Jaebum by his shoulders and tried heaving him up but he wouldn't budge. A group of people popped out from under a low-hanging tarpaulin down the street. The smell of grilled chicken and meat wafted over to Youngjae. He immediately felt his stomach clench in hunger. 

The group approached and offered Youngjae smiles and grins as they ambled on towards their car. Two guys stopped in front of Youngjae. The one with glasses had his arm wrapped around the other's shoulders. His eyes were glazed over and not once did the lopsided grin  plastered over his face fade. 

"Here," his friend said as he reached into his pant pocket. He pulled out a plastic box full of mints. "It's still way too early but we've all got that friend." He signalled to the guy on his shoulder who had since begun hiccuping. With a wide grin that displayed a few chipped teeth, he dismissed himself with a faint bow.

Jaebum sat up, not looking at Youngjae. The snapback cast an unfamiliar shadow over Jaebum's eyes. Youngjae reached over and snatched the hat away. Jaebum pulled back further, hiding his face deeper into the recesses of his folded arms.

"Jaebum-" 

"You'll hate me."

The words clung to Youngjae like a persistent question. 

"What do you mean?" 

"You shouldn't see me like this. Go away."

"Jaebum, I can't just leave you here. Get up. Let's get going."

Jaebum stood. He kept his eyes to the ground. They walked for a bit before Youngjae darted in front of Jaebum. He gasped at what he saw.

Jaebum threw his hand up over his cheek and turned away. "I told you not to look!" 

It wasn't the way Jaebum's cheek looked-with the angry, red, jagged lines running down the length of its supple skin-that made Youngjae step back. No, it was the way Jaebum lashed out at him. It was the voice of someone who was afraid of being destroyed by the one thing that propelled them forward. Youngjae knew it by heart. He had gone through the pain of losing that irreplaceable thing himself. 

Youngjae reached out and grabbed Jaebum's wrist. He tugged his hand away from his cheek in the moment that Jaebum turned to face him. 

Jaebum lowered his gaze. "You don't think I'm ugly?" It came as a hoarse tremble of words. "Do you still want me?"

"Whoever put it into your head that you're any less beautiful because of a scrape against your cheek was misleading you." 

"It's a way of life. You select the partner that is going to give you the most viable offspring."

"And beauty is also subjective. Realize this." Youngjae jabbed a finger into the air. "Humans have the  choice of selecting their mate based on other very important things than just beauty."

"Like what?" Jaebum asked, leaning forward ever so slightly as if the answer were a secret no one should know. 

"Have you ever felt your heart beat uncontrollably?"  
 _Have you ever loved anyone?_

Jaebum's lips parted slightly. Youngjae found his reflection starung back at him within Jaebum's glistening eyes. After a time, Jaebum nodded. 

"Good. That's called an emotion and that's what you're going to use to help decide who you love. Realize that as a human, you don't have to pick the most prosperous candidate. You should go off of your heart and love who you want to love."

Jaebum stretched his arms out and before Youngjae could object, stepped forward and wrapped his arms around him. His hair smelled like the sea salt air before the wind kicks in and carries over the smells  of a city beginning to wake for the day. "Thank you," Jaebum said. 

Youngjae slapped a hand on top of Jaebum's shoulder and tried to pry him away, growing anxious with each passing second that he couldn't. A group of women dressed in business suits rounded the corner and stopped dead in their tracks. Youngjae managed to shove Jaebum away before they passed by. He dragged Jaebum in for a knuckle sandwich. "Cousin, you know you can count on me. Stay at my house as long as you need to."

Amidst the retreating whispers, Youngjae overheard a single comment that affirmed what he had been aiming for: "I wish my cousin was that nice to me." He had played his part well. 

"Cousin?" Jaebum asked. 

"Nevermind."

"Yes. Because we're boyfriends."

Youngjae ignored his comment as he continued forward. He mind wandered to Jaebum's life prior to becoming a human. He understood that nature calls for the most beautiful and strongest of mates but Jaebum's question ceased to conform to that message. It shouldn't have hurt to think that Science was cruel in this regards because animals deal on a need to reproduce, not a need to fall in love.

_Do you still want me?_

The sentence left a foul aftertaste. Youngjae wondered if the sea's populace had any negative notions against humans. Humans were, in fact, the only species to believe in abstract ideas like chances as opposed to resigning themselves to the concrete. Humans also gave into emotions like love. 

#

"We're here," Youngjae announced. A popular pop song engulfed their ears as they stepped into the mall beyond.

"This is amazing. It's like-"

"Wonderland."

"Wonderland." Jaebum grinned. "It has a nice ring to it."

Youngjae looked up from his phone. "No, I mean-" He stopped short when he saw how fascinated Jaebum was with the world around him. The last time he had seen anyone this awe-struck was when a four-year-old Yezi boarded one of the ships that used to be docked on the lake behind the mall.

"Come on. Our destination is located on the third floor."

They made for the glass elevator in the middle of the mall. 

"How many floors are there?" Jaebum asked as the doors closed behind them. He jumped forward, startling the pair of gossiping women to their right. 

Youngjae groaned. He had wanted to remain inconspicuous but that was knocked askew with Jaebum's revolving antics. 

"Nine."

Jaebum's eyes grew wide. "Nine. Is that high enough to reach heaven?"  

Youngjae opened his mouth to retort  but lost all desire to when the elevator lurched to a stop. Jaebum shut his eyes and gripped the metal railing behind him. The doors slid open to reveal a father and daughter duo. They stepped inside and the elevator continued on its way up. Jaebum remained pressed against the corner with his eyes shut tight. Youngjae looked over to see the girl fidgeting with the balloon wrapped around her wrist. 

The elevator pinged, signalling a reached destination. Youngjae walked to the front as the doors slid open. He turned when he didn't see Jaebum by his side and saw the girl quickly unraveling the string from around her wrist. 

"If Mr. Balloon says it's okay to fly, then you can, too," she said as she handed Jaebum the balloon.

The father opened his mouth to say something but clamped down when Jaebum turned to him and offered him a smile. Jaebum ruffled the girl's bed of brown hair and thanked her before dashing out of the doors after  Youngjae. He stood there waving until the little girl disappeared from sight. 

"This is what we call someone who must have saved a nation in his past life," Youngjae said. 

"Who? Me?" 

Youngjae shrugged. "Maybe the balloon."

They continued on. On this floor, each store had their own separate song selection. From a rock ballad to the one odd instrumental, Youngjae and Jaebum must have heard a thousand different tunes until they reached the storefront with a plethora of animal stickers decorating the windows. 

"Finally here," Youngjae said. He let a grin escape his lips as he turned to  face Jaebum. 

"A pet store," Jaebum said.

"Yeah, come on." 

Youngjae opened the door. A woof sounded, alerting the workers that a customer had entered. 

"Hello!," said the clerk nearest Youngjae. She offered him a radiant smile. 

"Yes, hello." Youngjae returned the gesture. Her eyes fell on Jaebum who followed after Youngjae with a smile of his own. A ripple of pink overtook her high cheekbones. She returned to packing up the pet supplies covering her workstation. 

Youngjae made for the back of the store. He stopped before the aisle displaying a wide array of fish supplies. "So, basically-" He turned his head to the side but Jaebum was nowhere in sight. 

Frantic, Youngjae dashed down the aisle, hoping to spot him around the corner but the only thing that greeted him was the empty passageway that ran down the length of the entire store. On his second round through the store, Youngjae picked up speed. The items lining each aisle blurred into indiscernible shapes and images. He was ready to resign himself to asking one of the workers for help when a sudden idea marched into his mind. 

He hurried to the back of the store where a cubicle was partitioned off from the rest of the store. Glass windows lined with the silhouettes of cats encircled the hexagonal area. Inside, a cluster of cats roamed about a figure that towered over them all. Jaebum.

Youngjae pushed open the door. A little ball similar to the ones normally found on cat's collars tinkled. The worker inside smiled as she stepped aside to let Youngjae squeeze in through the small opening. 

"Is he yours," she asked, turning to Youngjae with a smile that rounded her already plump cheeks.

She threw her hand up over her mouth before Youngjae could make anything of her words. "Oh, no, I didn't mean it like that." Her cheeks grew rosy and the tips of her ears burst into a flame of deep red. "I am so so sorry. I-"

Youngjae gave her the most sheepish smile he could muster. It had taken him a moment to realize what she was apologizing for but now that the full extent to her words stretched out before him, the feigned embarrassment no longer felt acted out. "It's okay."

She bowed. The color from her cheeks disappeared but the red over her ears faded only the slightest bit. With her chin tucked against her chest, she stretched her hand out, palm up. "Please, guests are required to sanitize their hands before playing with the cats." She wouldn't stop stuttering. Youngjae found it endearing.

"Yes, thank you," he said but only the sound of the bell tinkling against the glass carried with it the willingness to listen to his response. The young woman was darting away, her fingers fidgeting with the bracelet around her wrist.

Youngjae wiped his hands against the side of his shirt but immediately recognized how idiotic that was of him. He sighed and turned to squirt another pint-sized drop of sanitizer onto his palm when Jaebum came ambling up.

Youngjae turned away from the dispenser. He looked at Jaebum who had a jumble of cats clipped onto his body. One cat clung onto his fist with its teeth while another tentatively scratched at the surface of his right shoulder. There was one cat-an orange tabby-perched atop his head with little regards for the disorder happening below. The few remaining cats were either trying to get a solid grip on his trousers and climb up or gnawing at his shoes. 

Youngjae's stress from these past few days collapsed into one hearty guffaw. Jaebum gazed at him with a quizzical expression. He broke out into a sheepish grin.

Youngjae stepped back, the laughter beginning to make his voice hoarse. He leaned against the glass wall and grabbed at his waist. 

Jaebum grabbed the cat found on his shoulder and stretched it out before him. The cat meowed. It had lost all of its ferociousness from having tried to claw its way through Jaebum's shirt a few moments ago. 

Youngjae cracked open an eye. He took a deep breath in and steadied himself before reaching out and taking the cat into his arms. 

"I think they really like me," Jaebum said as the cat who had long since unclamped its mouth over his hand shot up onto his shirt. He clung onto the fabric with his legs spread wide over Jaebum's chest. 

Youngjae looked at the cat in his arms. Her eyes were closed and she was nuzzling her head underneath Youngjae's palm, eager to receive more attention and love. Youngjae stroked the area behind the cat's ear. 

"I'm absolutely certain they think you're their dinner."

"That can't be true. I'm a human now." Jaebum spread the fingers on his hands for emphasis.

"You're probably emitting a smell that we can't catch a whiff of. It makes sense if you take into consideration how humans have never been one to hone their other four senses if they can use their sight."

"Would you like to try?" 

Youngjae looked up from having watched the cat wiggle its whiskers up and down. "Try what?" 

Jaebum stepped forward. The cat on top of his head peeled open an eye. "Getting a sense of what I smell like." 

"I didn't sign up to be a weirdo when I took you in." 

"You could hone your senses with  the help of my body." He laid a hand over the center of his chest. "One night: Taste, touch, sound and smell. You would be an expert come morning. Nothing would pass by you afterwards." 

"Don't be embarrassing."

Youngjae pressed the cat closer to his chest as Jaebum took one last step forward. He was so close and the room had gone so quiet that Youngjae wasn't sure whether he was hearing his own heartbeat or Jaebum's. 

"What don't you understand about not touching me?"

"I'm not touching you."

"You were going to."

"What makes you think that?"

A surge of heat curled over Youngjae's cheeks. Was he being egocentric to believe that Jaebum had wanted to touch him? He looked down at his shoes. Or was he continuing to do the right thing by taking every precautionary measure  available in guarding himself against what he wanted least. Love.

Jaebum shoved his hands into his pockets and let out an exasperated sigh. "Nothing works on you. If it had been the girls, they would have been doing flips around but you just stand there looking petrified."

Good. "Let's keep it that way."

Jaebum looked at Youngjae with the same lopsided smirk he had given him so many times before. It was ridiculous for Jaebum to think anything between him and Youngjae would work out. It was even more astounding for him to believe in the prospect of trying. 

The bell tinkled. Youngjae turned his attention to the right. The worker from earlier stood at the entrance with a broom in hand and a container of wet wipes in the other. "I'm sorry. It's clean-up time," she said as she lifted the broom up off the ground. 

"Ah, right. We were just leaving." Youngjae walked out. As he headed for the aisle that housed what he had come for, he caught sight of Jaebum leaning down to whisper something into the girl's ear. She broke into a grin that would have made any stone-hearted person melt. 


	8. 『08』

"What I want you to do is eat one of these," Youngjae said as he pulled the thin plastic covering from over the package of algae sheets. He offered the package to Jaebum who took it in his hands and dipped the tip of his tongue over the surface without a passing thought.

"Hey, this tastes like what I would normally eat back home."

"Correct. I realized last night that your body wasn't accepting the food I gave you because it probably didn't have a buffer to help you digest it. Considering algae was a staple food from your diet as a fish, chances are it's the answer we're looking for."

"So you think this'll help?" 

"It should."

"Because I want to taste your omelet again without having to throw it up." 

Youngjae returned the cannister of fish flakes in his hand to its original place. "Just hurry up and eat it." He turned to Jaebum who was already intensely munching on one of the thin sheets. 

"There's nothing much else we have to do here, so let's go." Youngjae grabbed every package of algae sheets that were strung against the racks and stacked on the counters.

"Why so many?" 

"It's more convenient this way. In case I don't find a store in town that carries fish supplies, we'll have stocked up on enough to last you at  least a couple of weeks." Youngjae decided to add on a cylindrical tube of vitamins to the pile.

Jaebum tried to take some of the packages from Youngjae's arms but Youngjae pulled back, shaking his head. "I've got it."

"Are you sure?" 

"Yes."

Jaebum smiled. He was enjoying Youngjae's response when a tidal wave of pain shot through his stomach. He wrapped his arm around his waist and forced himself to stay as still as possible. The room stilled and a bead of perspiration broke out on his back.

He let out a gust of air through his parted lips as the pain receded. It left behind a numb, drumming sensation of what it had once been. Regaining his posture, Jaebum took a tentative step forward. Confident that the pain was a one-time thing, he smiled and continued his stride towards Youngjae who was nearing the end of the aisle. But the pain returned with newfound intensity as he stepped up behind Youngjae. 

Jaebum stumbled to the side, a moan threatening to spill free from between his gritted teeth. He shot one hand out to steady himself but couldn't get a solid grip on the shelf and in turn, crumpled to the floor.

Youngjae hurried over to Jaebum's side and dropped to one knee. "Are you alright?" Worry creased the space between his eyebrows. 

"I'll be okay. Give me a few." Jaebum looked up and smiled. He tried to relax his twisted expression, much to Youngjae's distaste. Jaebum didn't need to hide the pain he felt.

Youngjae felt his heart constrict. The memories of his mother telling him much of the same thing cycled through his mind. Her affirmations- her desire to 'keep him safe'- had always come to naught. 

Youngjae didn't need protection. He wanted the truth. He needed to be trusted. Trusted that he could handle whatever came his way. Trusted that protecting him was worse off then confiding in him. He was tired of being sheltered from the truth, however cruel it may be. He would not have the same type of relationship ever again.

"If it hurts, it hurts. Don't lie about things like this. You've done it twice already."

Jaebum's jaw relaxed. The pain was beginning to trickle away. He leaned against the shelf. "I'd like to think I'm keeping the truth from you." 

"Well, don't."

"If you promise me one thing."

"Which is?" 

"You'll never not smile because of me."

Youngjae took a deep breath in. He wasn't willing to draw out this conversation so he gave the one answer that would end the discussion. 

"Okay." 

Jaebum mouthed the words "I promise" and Youngjae followed along half-heartedly. It seemed silly to be promising something like this. 

He started to stand when Jaebum raised his arm; the pinky on his hand standing proud and tall amongst the other curled over fingers.

"You have to promise this way, too."

"Jaebum, we are not kids anymore." 

Jaebum paid his comment no attention. He moved his eyes back and forth between his pinky and Youngjae. 

"Fine." Youngjae stuck out the hand he managed to pull free from around the pile in his arms. Jaebum closed the gap between their fingers and in the matter of a single heartbeat, Youngjae felt a jot of joy bloom in the center of his chest. The feeling felt foreign to him. How long ago had it been since he shared in an action as simple as this? But the realization that this was pointless consumed all other thoughts. The joy spiraled away. 

"You can't go back on your word now," Jaebum said, a lopsided grin having replaced his pained expression. 

Youngjae stood. "Better now? Let's hurry home so you can get some rest." 

"Okay." 

On their way to the counter, Youngjae heard a familiar noise that he chose to ignore. Jaebum, on the other hand, set out in search of whatever had produced that melodic sound. Youngjae sighed and followed him to where a row of glass cubicles took up residence in the store's alcove. 

The alcove was brightly lit and despite Youngjae's abhorrence towards selling animals, had to congratulate the store for keeping the dogs well-fed and groomed. If not sleeping, they were running around or attacking their toys. Most were but pups. Youngjae's heart fluttered at the sight. 

Against his better judgement, he let his eyes survey the cubicles in search of the one thing he shouldn't have been expecting, much less looking for. He found it in the cubicle second from the wall. A pup with mocha-colored hair and ears that appeared to droop down way below its tiny face. Its beady eyes were nearly obscured from the puffs of hair that surrounded its cheeks on either side.

Youngjae's mouth went dry and his heart clenched from the memory of what was once his but he maintained his calm expression as he took a seat on the cushioned bench facing the cubicles. He was reading over the nutritional label on the package closest to his face when Jaebum's voice broke through his concentration.

"This one," he said. 

Youngjae looked up to see Jaebum stooped next to the cubicle he wanted to avert his eyes from the most. He had his palm pressed against the glass and was rhythmically tapping his fingers against the smooth surface. The dog inside leapt up to meet Jaebum's hand. It caught itself in an upright position for a moment before ultimately losing its footing and tumbling backwards.

"Can we take him home?" 

It got back up again and licked the largest hole set within the design of a paw print, its tongue barely sliding over Jaebum's skin. It fell back once more onto the plush blanket surrounding its temporary home. 

Jaebum threw his head back, a burst of laughter exploding through his parted lips. 

Youngjae was glad the pain had receded but couldn't very well relax until he made certain that it wouldn't return. "Having a dog is a lot of hard work and responsibility."

Jaebum pressed a finger to the glass. The dog barked, its tail becoming a blur of brown as it tore through its energy. "Have you ever had a dog before?" 

"I did. Her name was Coco." 

Jaebum's smile faltered. "How come she's not home anymore?"

Jaebum's innocent question was tainted with the sorrow from Youngjae's past. A much younger Youngjae had always believed the pockets of joy he could acquire would be his to keep forever. He was ridiculously naive to have thought so. Fairytales were the fabrication of someone's mind; not a way of life. 

"She died right after my college entrance exams."

"What happened?" 

Youngjae wanted to stomp the memory out but with Jaebum looking at him the way only he did, Youngjae couldn't help but give in to the growing trickle of sadness within.

"She had a cancerous tumor in her lower abdomen."

"Cancer is... It's a terrible thing."

Youngjae tilted his head to the side and closed his eyes for a second longer to be considered a blink. "Although, that's not what killed her." He took a moment to lick his dry lips. "She was run over by a car." Youngjae choked on the lump of saliva caught in his throat. 

She would have died anyways. Maybe this was the world showing me mercy. He shot to his feet and headed for the counter without another word. The realistic side to Youngjae was always quick to push his emotions aside and for that, he was immensely grateful. 

 

"Come on," Youngjae said as they moved towards the other half of the mall. They climbed the steps up to the fifth floor. On this floor, a dazzling display of chinese lanterns hung strung up over the food court in unyielding lines. The occasional blue lantern disrupted the flow of bright oranges and flaming reds. Youngjae couldn't help but think that those were the children who weren't going to be burdened with conforming. He smiled.

A little ways off from where the tables and chairs ceased to exist, a circle of paper cutouts stood around a sign in the middle. They were of varying sizes and held together through clasped hands. Each one only carried a single item. From a pair of purple berrets to a pair of shoelaces strung around a small neck, each cutout was distinguished from the rest by what each child had chosen to represent them best. Upon closer inspection, the sign in the middle was coated in a gold overlay. The display was honoring Children's Day. 

"You guys are so fascinating," Jaebum said. 

"It's a surprise they haven't taken it down yet." 

"I don't think they should. It's fantastic."

"Yes, but in this world, money speaks loudest."

They made their way towards one end of the circular area and stopped before a counter with the word "Soya's" printed on the sign hanging over the store. It featured a cupcake whose lime green star exploded into a stream of colorful sparks that seeped into the letters below. 

The menu was set out on a blackboard and unlike the store's busiest days-where the line extends as far back as the restrooms on the other end of the court-not a single customer was in sight. 

The fresh smell of cinnamon buns wafted up to greet Youngjae's nose. His stomach roared to life. Embarassed, he looked to Jaebum to see if he had noticed but to his relief, he was still gazing at the lanterns. 

"What would you like to order," asked the young man seated behind the counter. He shot to his feet and took up his position behind the cash register. 

"I'll have a mango smoothie topped with slices of strawberries and a Berry Steezy."

The boy frowned. "We actually only have a cup left." 

"What? But it's only Tuesday."

"I'm sorry but we had a customer the other day come in and ask for all of our boba tea and as it turns out, it was enough to fill the remaining cups we had left from last week's shipment."

Youngjae frowned. Who could want that much boba tea in one sitting? On average, there were at least 30 cups stacked in the front at all times- twenty-one 16 ounce cups with the remainder being the larger, less bought ones of 32 ounces.

"But! We have a special shipment coming in early tomorrow morning." 

Youngjae pursed his lips as he slid his wallet from out of his bag. "So just the Berry Steezy." 

The boy nodded and hurried off to retrieve Youngjae's order. He remerged a minute later with a glistening mix of berry juice in hand. He turned and grabbed the whip cream from next to the coffee machine and drew a figure in the shape of a berry over the mixture before topping it off with a mint leaf. 

"Here you go," he singsonged as he placed the cup on top of the glass container that housed a wide array of sugary treats from oversized cookies to caramel-wrapped candy canes dipped in chocolate. 

Jaebum grabbed the cup. "Thank you, Cutie." 

The cashier froze mid-pose, his hand outstretched to deliver Youngjae's change. A swath of pink spread over the apples of his cheeks. Youngjae gawked at Jaebum who continued to hold his guileless smile. After awhile his smile drooped. He turned to Youngjae with questioning eyes but Youngjae was already profusely apologizing on Jaebum's behalf.

"He comes from a country where being called cute is like using an honorific."

The cashier nodded as if he understood, his eyes darting back and forth between his shaking hands and Jaebum. He dropped the coins and yelped, immediately apologizing for the strange noise and then for dropping the money. He went off on a tangent about how he can be really clumsy on the weekdays because there's no adrenaline to fuel him like on the weekends. 

This is getting us nowhere, Youngjae thought. He was telling the cashier to keep the change when he noticed his nametag. A tingle ran over his arms. He couldn't believe what he was seeing. The desire to burst out laughing arose but Youngjae held back as he guided Jaebum away from the store. 

They took a seat farthest from the store.

"His name _is_ Cutie," Jaebum asked. "Right?"

The image of the worker's white nametag set against his checkered apron materialized before Youngjae's eyes. The name "Kyuti" was written on the nametag in thick, black lines.

A nickname or not, Jaebum had most likely mispronounced his name. The kid had either been too enamored or flustered to have connected Jaebum's pronunciation back to his name. That or he was just a really shy kid when confronted with comments that had the possibility of being interpreted two ways. Who could blame him? 

"I am one-hundred percent certain you're going to be a part of his dinner conversation later tonight."

"Does that mean I'll have to show up at his house?"

Youngjae burst into a fit of laughter.   
Jaebum smiled. 

When Youngjae collected himself, Jaebum said: "I like it when you laugh."

Youngjae stared straight ahead at Jaebum. He looked away when his eyes breezed over the set of moles  above his left eye, flustered that he never knew when Jaebum said the things he did to get a reaction out of him. 

Jaebum pulled the cup up to his lips but stopped short of taking a sip when he caught sight of Youngjae licking his lips. He set the cup down and hurried off in the direction they had come. Youngjae stood from his seat but sank back down when he felt his phone vibrate. He looked over his shoulder in the direction Jaebum was headed. There was no need to go after him. Hopefully, Youngjae wouldn't come to regret it. 

He checked his phone. It was a text from Yezi declaring herself present at Youngjae's home later today. 

"Practice! Don't let me get behind on my lessons."

Youngjae smiled. He was glad to know that last night's tension hadn't left a dent in their friendship. Looking back at it now, it seemed so silly to have thought it would. 

"Can't. Have a lot of work to do."

A ping. Yezi was always quick to respond.

"Does it involve embracing Jaebum?  
You dirty old man, you! It's not appropriate to discuss these kinds of things with someone of my age."   
A pause between texts before she sent a cluster of embarassed emoticons.   
"Although, if its Jaebum youre gonna go into detail about...   
Can I object?   
Hmmm   
Probably not.   
Hahaha"

Youngjae shook his head. Clearly, Yezi was becoming some variant of a pervert. He set his phone to silent and folded his arms over the table. While he waited for Jaebum to return, he took to looking over the dust that settled on top of the table. 

Youngjae was so intent on finding a spec that deviated from the majority  that he didn't notice Jaebum until he was standing on the other side of the table. Youngjae sat up. Jaebum took a seat. He looked at his hands and pointed. 

Youngjae shrugged his shoulders. "What am I supposed to be looking at?" 

Jaebum shook his head, pointed to his hands once more and frowned. He looked up at Youngjae with a confused expression. In the spur of a moment, he jumped in his seat and bent his arm at a ninety degree angle as if he were looking at a watch. With a smile, he shook his sleeve out and from it, the head of a straw popped out. 

Jaebum slid the straw into the cup. He wrapped his lips around the tip and dipped his head in lower until he was looking up at Youngjae through his thick eyelashes. 

Youngjae's eyes widened in shock  but before he could pretend not to have noticed the gesture, Jaebum said: "You should take a sip.".

"Absolutely not."  

"But you're hungry."

"I'll be fine."

Jaebum pulled back, his dejected expression wrinkling the space above his eyebrows.

"It's time to go anyways," Youngjae said. He checked the time on his white rubber watch. "I need to be back before one if I even expect to get some work done today."

"What if I give you the cup? Would you take a sip then?" 

"No means no."

"Then I'll definitely be there to catch you if you fall."

They made it back to Youngjae's house without a hitch. Youngjae was glad. He was tired enough from the events that unfolded in the past few hours so by having a quiet, uneventful ride back home, he was able to relax and recuperate. Whatever remained of his energy would have to lead him into the night until it was time to finally fall asleep and rest.

"Don't do anything that'll attract attention," Youngjae said as he hurried out of the kitchen. "And whatever you do, stay in the house." 

"Can I come see you at school?" 

"You don't even know where I go."

"Where do you go?" Jaebum asked expectantly. 

"That's not important right now!" He fumbled with the water bottle in his hand until he found a way to slide his arms into his lab coat without stopping his momentum. "I'll teach you how to get the water running when I come home." 

Jaebum listened in attentively from the floor in front of the coffee table. He had been given explicit instructions not to lean against anything until Youngjae returned. This would give the cooling gel on his back enough time to seep in and take effect.

"The bread is on the counter. Remember to take tiny bites and if at any time it feels like you want to throw-up, stop eating it immediately  and head for the algae sheets. Keep yourself hydrated with water. Okay?" 

Jaebum nodded. He turned the TV on and Youngjae jumped in his skin.

"Too loud!" Youngjae shouted. He finished sliding his sneakers on and gave Jaebum one last quick glance before heading out. He really did hope the pain wouldn't return. He couldn't imagine what he would do if Jaebum wasn't able to consume human food. More importantly, if he had to see him suffer. He didn't want to see anyone else die. The plan had to work. It just had to. 

Youngjae was out of breath by the time he reached the conservatory. There was no need for him to have hurried all this way but the desire to feed the plants propelled him into a brisk walk. It was better knowing that he could start on drafting the next step in his current experiment then to realize he wouldn't even be able to finish watering the plants before it was time to head home for Yezi's piano lesson. 

Youngjae slowed his pace as soon as he crossed the threshold. The temperature inside was infinitely cooler then the one outside and it immediately began working to dissipate the heat across his skin. 

He took one long, deep intake of breath through his mouth and while he knew not to expect much of a smell, was startled when his nose caught onto the scent of mud. He moved towards the first plant in sight and pressed two fingers onto the surface. Wet. Youngjae frowned. Either someone had been here in the hours since he was last here or someone was here now, watering the plants. 

Youngjae continued on further into the conservatory. On his way to the pond, he noticed that what were once nearly evaporated trickles of water became puddles and streams that snaked their way over the concrete walkway the farther in he traveled. 

He stepped into the clearing but nothing was amiss. He decided to check at his desk when a soft humming curled into his ears from somewhere behind the ferns. 

Youngjae knew not to be anxious but he couldn't help the way his heart accelerated as he touched ground on the other side of the bridge. He continued on the pathway to a raised portion of land that overlooked what was intended to be a meadow but  had instead been used to grow vines and some variants of ferns. Youngjae stooped to the ground and peered over the edge. He shoved away the sudden rush of blood to his head and watched with questioning eyes as the person below moved on to water another section. 

A bed of sparkling black hair. From his vantage point, that was all Youngjae could see. And all he needed to before his puzzlement was met with answers. 

The man looked up. His cheeks were tinged with a very faint pink that matched the coloring of his lips. His eyes gleamed under the streams of sunlight that poured in from high up above. 

"Hello," he said with a smile that lit up his elongated face. "You must be Youngjae."

Please don't be another fish-turned-human. 

 

*`*`*`*

Dun dun dun. Who could it be? 


	9. 『09』

"How do you know my name?" 

The man gasped and threw his hand up over his mouth as if the gesture could retract the sharp intake of breath. "I am so sorry." The pink shade over his cheeks intensified. "How rude of me not to have given you my name when I know yours. Please don't think me a creep or anything like it."

"Now that you mention it." Youngjae hummed and tilted his chin somewhat up towards the ceiling. He held firm to his nonchalant expression as the need to recoil hummed through his nerves. It was incomprehensible to think he had just responded in a manner that evoked a sense of light-hearted playfulness. You greet strangers with the mentality that they will stay strangers. Youngjae had stuck to that maxim for as long as he could recall so just now, why had he failed to follow through on it? 

The man gazed at him pensively. The smallest glimmer of a smile appeared, giving his cheeks the opportunity to show a softer side to his otherwise sharp features. "Yugyeom," he said in the split second before Youngjae turned to face him.

"What?"

The man smiled. "Oh, see. There I go again not making any sense." He tipped his head forward and in one fluid motion, folded his hands behind his lower back. "My name is Yugyeom," he said as he dipped forward ever so slightly. "A pleasure to have finally made your acquaintaince." 

Youngjae felt his heart thump lightly against his chest. "Hello, Yugyeom. Nice to meet you, too." 

The man's shoulders relaxed from the tension Youngjae could only assume came from the fear of rejection. Youngjae bit back his unethused feelings about the way he had spoken to him up to this point. If he had already made the mistake of acting like someone who could be confided in then there was no point in feigning indifference now. "But, there is one thing you forgot."

Yugyeom jerked upwards. He swallowed. "Yes?"

"You haven't answered my question."

# 

Youngjae headed to his work station. It wasn't until he was rummaging through the last of his drawers that he realized he had placed the bottle of fertilizer underneath his desk. He stooped and found it toppled over on the ground. He picked it up and pulled up, forgetting that he was underneath the desk. He smacked straight into it and groaned. His pinprick of a headache morphed into a pulsating monstrosity intent on holding him back.

Youngjae reached back and rubbed the back of his head. He had meant to set his materials down before heading to the vending machines near the gym for some much-needed food but the thought of finding someone in here had knocked the thought aside. 

Sighing, he stood and pressed his palms to the desk. While he waited for the incesstant throbbing to subside, he scanned the large desktop calendar taped to the center of his desk. As his eyes moved from the dates to the reminders scribbled in the upper right hand corner, a bright pink note caught his attention. He reached out and peeled it away from the tiny colored cactus on the corner of his desk. 

_Hello,_

_Leaving this note because I didn't want to wake you. I'm Yugyeom. Well, not the note. ( >< Sorry, bad pun) ...   
I'll be working in the conservatory with you from now on. Please do take care of me. _

_Sincerely,_

_Yugyeom [I'm sorry I don't know which honorific to use]_

Youngjae read over the note another few times- paying particular attention to the middle. It was refreshing to meet a character like Yugyeom's. A little on the odd side but someone who was likely to stick to his way of living life. Youngjae might even consider the note endearing. 

He folded the note before placing it in the recycling bin near his desk. With the headache having numbed out to a bearable pounding, Youngjae headed back towards Yugyeom. 

 

There was only one hose throughout the entire conservatory. There was never a need for more then one anyways. Before Youngjae, the students who worked within the conservatory's embrace didn't have to worry about feeding the plants since there was a gardener who cared for them. She was an elderly woman who made her rounds every so often within the week. On occassion, she would stroll through the school with her Pomeranian, much to the administration's chagrin.

It wasn't until 'supplemental' budgetary cuts came sometime last year within the winter that the gardener was dismissed among a set of other changes. While some students did notice the woman with the Pomeranian no longer appeared on campus, no one actually missed her. Not even the students who were conducting their work within the conservatory since by the time she was fired, they had already graduated some days earlier.

Youngjae was recalling the inexplicably warm day in March when he met the gardener for the first and last time when a voice filtered into his head. The concrete image of Mrs. Lim entrusting the plants to Youngjae dispersed into a hazy set of feelings before ultimately flitting away. 

Youngjae snapped to attention within the conservatory. In front of him was a succulent that threatened to break free from its now too-small ceramic container. It had grown so much since he came to the conservatory some weeks ago and while Youngjae was surprised to see the change, didn't mind it. In fact, he welcomed it. From what Mrs. Lim had told him, it seemed as if no amount of nutrients or sunlight would ever bring it up to its full potential. Seeing it now, with its swollen appearance and thick, sturdy spikes, Youngjae felt his heart swell with pride. The succulent had won the battle against whatever was trying to keep it from flourishing. 

A soft grunt from Yugyeom. Followed by an apology. "I didn't mean to startle you. Well, no, that's not entirely true. I-" Another grunt.

Confused by the sounds, Youngjae looked over his shoulder. He had just enough time to make note that Yugyeom was nowhere in his line of sight before he realized that he was high above the ground. Youngjae yelped and instinctively wrapped an arm around the silver step in front of him. He shut his eyes and clung to what he realized was a ladder. He was so engrossed in his memory to have noticed where his legs had taken him.

"Oh, God. Now I'm really sorry." Yugyeom threw down the hose and hurried over to Youngjae's side. 

Youngjae shook his head. He tried to bite back the stream of laughter that bubbled up inside his throat, to no avail. The sound escaped and he felt his muscles relax. "Don't apologize. As you'll more then likely come to see, I zone out quite often."

"But-"

"Really, I'm okay. I didn't fall, did I?"  

Yugyeom looked down at his empty hands before looking up at Youngjae with a sheepish smile. "No, you didn't." 

Youngjae looked away. He was probably looking too far into the innocent gesture. There was no way Yugyeom could be the slightest bit perverse. Jaebum was beginning to rub off on him with all the wrongness of his entity.

Youngjae thought back to what Yugyeom was saying earlier before he zoned out. The words "medical" and "student" were the only two that surfaced through the haze. Taking a jab with his best guess, Youngjae tried to continue the conversation. "So you dropped out of the medical field?" He climbed down the ladder.

"Yeah." Yugyeom started fiddling with his fingers. "I tried my hand as a doctor and then a coroner but as my mind will have it, there is no difference between the living and the dead if I have to cut either open."

"What? That means you are from the city."

"How did you know?" He looked up at Youngjae with a sense of purity only a child untainted by troubles could offer. He must have had a life devoid of worry or woe. But who was Youngjae to make assumptions? No one could guess the life he had lived. 

"Because this school doesn't offer those kinds of services for medical students. Not even the biology kids get to stay in town. You can do your first two years towards your bachelors but after that, it's to the city you go." 

"But you guys aren't even a small town. Why doesn't the school offer apprenticeships here?"

Youngjae shrugged. "Guess it's easier for the school to control their resources that way." He ambled over to the plants Yugyeom had been watering earlier. He pressed two fingers to the top before digging in slightly. Surprisingly, he had watered them perfectly. 

From the corner of his eye, Youngjae noticed the flaming red hose and the sounds from earlier resounded through his head. He reached over and grabbed the hose. "Were you trying to turn the knob?" He stood and looked over at Yugyeom. Portions of his beige shirt were darker in shade from where the water had seeped into the thick fabric.  

Yugyeom lowered his gaze and smiled. He pulled his shirt back, only to have it slam back onto his skin with a wet thud. "Guess you could say that." 

"It won't do you much good but if you would like," Youngjae said as he removed his lab coat, "take this. It'll keep the cold from seeping in." 

Yugyeom's lips parted ever so slightly as he reached for the coat. "Thank you."

"Don't worry about switching the settings," Youngjae continued. He turned away form Yugyeom who was beginning to slide his left arm into the sleeve. "Keep it on cone. It will have to do until I go out and buy another nozzle." In which case I've been meaning to for the past week but no one needs to know that right? 

"Anyways, what brings you here? If you're a research student, then there's absolutely nothing here for you that the school in the city can't offer."

Yugyeom rolled his shoulders forward but stopped when he felt like the fabric around them would stretch at the seams. The lab coat was tight around his armpits, limiting the degree to which he could move his arms. "That's where you're wrong." 

A heat tore over Youngjae's ears. Yugyeom had guts to respond to him that way. After the initial wave of shock dissapeared, Youngjae rocked back on his heels. He liked the idea of having someone who would challenge him.

"I had to come here. There were two things I had to see with my own eyes. One is the conservatory." Yugyeom lowered his gaze. "I hope it's not too much of a surprise but I'm actually studying to be a botanist."

Youngjae smiled. Hopefully, Yugyeom hadn't shared that bit of information with him while he was lost in the  memory of meeting Mrs. Lim. "That's not something you hear everyday." Yugyeom kicked a rock to the side. "But definitely worth the mention." 

Yugyeom looked up the moment those words swelled in his ears. A smile that might have captured the hearts of millions in another lifetime, spread wide over his face. The whiteness of his teeth accentuated the black tips of his bangs in a way that painter's accentuate the nighttime sky with a stream of blazing, white stars. "Your words mean a lot. Studying to be a botanist is never in anyone's top choice list. But I don't mind. I'm actually doing something I love now." 

Youngjae felt a pang of guilt scrunch up in his heart. Here was a man, who unlike himself, was hear to do honest work full of integrity. Youngjae, on the other hand, was going to use the findings from his paid position as a research assistant to fuel his senior thesis. "Are you my senior or junior?"

Yugyeom smiled. "I would think junior. I'm 21 and hopefully, going to graduate this year. You?"

Youngjae's eyes grew wide. 21. He must have skipped a grade like Yezi or stacked up on classes. "23. Senior. Last minimester." Student who is being paid for an underhanded research assistant position.

Yugyeom bowed without any of the frivolous movement from before. "I hope we can get along."

Youngjae had trained himself for years not to want the companionship of others but in having talked to Yugyeom, he came to the unsettling conclusion that the resolve was fracturing. It seemed that the one explanation he refused to believe would give reason to his actions from the past few hours was begging to be accepted as the answer. 

The explanation was simple. Since meeting Jaebum, something inside Youngjae's heart had given way to the feelings he had wanted to distance himself from the most. He was starting to crave the type of warmth another being could give him. He had refused to believe he had anyone before Yezi that had granted him friendship but as he faced Yugyeom now, the memories of his childhood spent with friends pushed through until they were as vivid an image as any other day. 

What was it about Jaebum that gave Youngjae reason to believe it was okay to entrust your heart to others? His purity? His open curiosity? His naivety? No. Yezi offered all of that for years as Youngjae watched her grow up into the fine young lady she was now. 

Then it was something more. 

A riddle that Youngjae wanted no part of. He shoved those thoughts away, sealing them forevermore behind closed doors. He'd have to remind himself not to get attached when speaking to other people. He could accept an estranged friendship but nothing more.

Youngjae checked his watch. If he didn't leave now, he wouldn't make it to class on time and he loathed the idea of being called out in front of a class full of people. "You can take your pick of any of the work stations lining the left side of the conservatory." He turned and started to walk away but not before he could quell the crest of curiosity inside. His lips parted and a stream of words rushed out before he had time to stop the impulse. "And the other?" 

He hadn't even been thinking about what Yugyeom had said earlier so why was he bringing it up? Another strike against maintaining his image as an aloof character.

Yugyeom tilted his head to the side, his eyebrows drawing in tightly over his face. Youngjae had the sudden urge to reach up and touch his own to see if they were any thicker then his extremely thin ones. "I'm not sure I understand."

Youngjae moved the bit of saliva in his mouth to the side. He didn't want to come off as nervous for swallowing it. "Earlier you said that you had to see two things with your own eyes. What was the other?"

Yugyeom looked straight at Youngjae with a smile that hid a number of stories only lost wanderers could weave. "Oh, that. That is a secret."

#  

Youngjae started whistling as he rounded the corner onto his street. His class had wrapped up later then normal but while he didn't mind, was  positive Yezi would scold him. She wasn't much of one to care about being on time or not but thirty minutes past their designated practice time was something even Youngjae would be a little upset over. 

It wasn't until he saw the little wooden gate open that he remembered Jaebum was never told not to open the door for anyone. Panic shot over his nerves. He felt the hairs on the back of his neck prickle. Youngjae kicked it in to high gear the rest of the way. He felt his heartbeat accelerating with each passing step; to the point where he couldn't distinguish one sound from the next. He could sense the disaster even before seeing it. He could see the look of horror on whomever was inside his home now. He knew he wouldn't be able to live it down.  

Not another naked Jaebum. 

Youngjae slammed his front door open and shot through, nearly stumbling forward as he kicked his shoes off. He forgot the slippers completely and the sensation of having bare feet touching the polished wood was an alienating feeling. But he didn't have time to dwell on the matter because his nerves were beyond fraying. He couldn't find Jaebum anywhere in the living room. Or the visitor, for that matter. 

Youngjae turned his head to the right and time seemed to slow. To stop. To bring him back down from the high of the unknown. 

Two familiar figures sat in front of the window, next to the bookshelf in the corner of the room. Where nothing but fear and suspense heightened Youngjae's senses mere moments ago, a wave of elation now coursed over his veins, knocking every other feeling askew. 

Jaebum was not naked and Yezi sat next to him with a book in her lap. He had never been happier to see the two of them together.

"Youngjae," Yezi said as she shut the book and stood. Jaebum looked up and grinned. Yezi ran forward and threw her hands around Youngjae's waist. She pressed her nose into his chest and took one mammoth breath of air in through her nose.

"You smell like plants."

"What did you think I would smell like?" 

She looked up with pursed lips. Pulling away, she pressed a finger to each side of her temple and hummed a rather loud "Hmm". After a moment's rest, she snapped her fingers and peered up at Youngjae from underneath her eyelashes. "Jaebum?" she whispered. 

"Yes?" said Jaebum as he approached the duo. 

"Absolutely nothing." Youngjae clamped down on Yezi's shoulders and guided her over to the piano. "Sit." 

"So rough. Are you guys into BDSM?" She smirked and without waiting to see Youngjae's reaction, swirled around in her seat to face the keyboard.

"What's BDSM?" Jaebum asked as he ambled over to Yezi's side. 

"Only Youngjae can show you." She scooted over and patted the space next to her. Jaebum nodded and took up what remained of the padded bench. 

Youngjae stared at the back of Yezi's head with squinted eyes. He was curious to know where she was learning these things but the desire to immerse himself in every rise and fall of the beat's breath compelled him to push that curiosity away. He pulled up a stool next to her and sat. "Lessons start now,"  Youngjae said as he rolled up his shirt sleeves. 

The two hour-long session carried on. Yezi practiced the piece she had been dying to learn. Towards the end of the session, she threw her head back and groaned. She leaned as far back as she could without letting her fingertips slip from their positions on the keys. 

The perfectly symmetrical edges of her hair swished from side to side in unison. It reminded Youngjae of the way dusk drains light from over the land in a symmetrical arc and while he wasn't much of a poet, could convey the beauty of it in song.

Youngjae reached over and flipped to the next music sheet. "All you've been done today is complain."

Yezi flipped back up. She started to wrap her hair into a bun when after a few turns around the base, dropped her hands back down to her sides. "Why don't I show Jaebum how to play?" 

"No."

"Come on," she whined.

"Lessons are not over."

"How can you say no to this sweet face?"

Youngjae gave Yezi a side-glance full of skepticism. "Sweet face where?" 

"Not me, you dummy! Jaebum." 

Youngjae placed his fingers over the keys and even though he knew he wouldn't start playing, made it appear like he would. 

"Please!" Yezi shouted. Youngjae sighed and turned to look at her. He knew what to expect from Yezi but in seeing Jaebum with his hands pressed together, eyes closed and head tipped forward like Yezi, he couldn't help but feel a whisp of happiness curl over his chest. If two people could enjoy each other's company without worry of past or future then maybe Youngjae could give in to the tug of his own heart and be like them.

Adding on to that, nothing had fractured since Youngjae caved in to the idea of loving Yezi so many years ago. He had not hurt her since. Everything worked out in favor of keeping her safe. 

But it was never enough. He would hurt someone, someday. It almost seemed inevitable that he be blessed with death. Whatever was struggling to break free within his heart was only making him more vulnerable to the dangers of loving someone else. He needed to cease these optimistic bursts of plausibility. 

Jaebum peeled an eye open and mouthed "Pretty please.". 

Youngjae gave in. "Fine, do what you like." He headed for the kitchen. "Be done before 7. You need to be home before 7:30, Yezi." 

"Yeah, yeah." She rolled her eyes and turned to Jaebum. "You ready," she asked.

"Is he alright?" 

You sense it, too, huh? She looked at Jaebum before looking over in the direction Youngjae was headed. She had just enough time to see him turn the corner into the kitchen. 

She didn't want to admit it but she knew nothing would ever be alright until Youngjae allows people into his life. While Yezi was a friend, she knew that her type of love would never be enough. Youngjae needed someone who could rupture that painful mentality of his. In order for Youngjae to truly love himself and let others love him, the frightened boy inside needed to learn to lean on the love of someone else. And that someone else would hopefully wash away his fears from a time long before. 

Yezi looked down at her fingers. They were poised to teach. "Jaebum."

"Yes?"

"Will you stick around even when it seems like there's no way he'll let you in?"

"Of course. Because he is my sprite." 

Yezi chuckled but Jaebum wasn't done. He raised his hands and counted off six for every letter in the word 'sprite'. He did the same for the word 'love'. 

"6+4=10," Jaebum said as he curled his fingers inwards. He tapped both fists against each other before laying one carefully atop his heart. 

Yezi's face lit up with a smile that stretched her thin lips taut over her face. "One heart." 

Jaebum nodded. 

She squealed and jumped in her seat before throwing her arms around his broad shoulders. "Thank you for being here." 

Jaebum raised his arm and held it over her back for a lapse of time before lowering it. Youngjae came running out of the kitchen with a metal spoon in hand. He stopped at the kitchen's threshold when he saw Yezi and Jaebum embracing. He thought it in an invasion of privacy to look at people sharing an intimate moment so with a huff, he turned back around but not before seeing Jaebum raise his pinky finger at him.

What could that idiot be promising me now? 

 

 

 

 

 

*`*`*`*`*

New character introduction! How many of you guessed it was Yugyeom? & as always, thank you, thank you for being so supportive of this work.


	10. 『10』

By the time Yezi finished her makeshift lesson, the sun had nestled in closer to the sea. Another hour or so and its expansive embrace will have dipped out of sight, laying to rest the busy bustle of today.

Yezi stretched her arms out as a softened war cry invaded the space around her. "Let's give it a go, Jaebum," she said before Youngjae had time to say whatever it was he was coming to say. In a matter of seconds, her fingers were gliding over the keys. One skip forward, three pushes down and a hearty hop to the right. On the other end, Jaebum was doing his own dance with a hand that while not as graceful as Yezi's, was equally as flexible.

The last few chords climbed higher into the air and only when they finished relaying their pent-up wishes and desires, did they disperse into a hazy wave of whatever magnificence they once held. The last of the notes came after, swelling in loudness and cheerfulness until they, too, were carried away on the current that should have resounded through the hearts of anyone who listened in.

The piece was beautiful but Yezi had failed to play with the passion of someone in tune to the music. Youngjae reasoned that she was tired or going through some melodramatic fight with her friends; _anything_ that didn't revert to the image of her hands dropping to her sides a breath away from having secured her hair into a bun.

It was something she did every practice session so her failing to do it now meant her pain was something that went deeper below the average issues of growing children. Youngjae could only hope it would be resolved by tomorrow's practice. Better yet, be completely nonexistent. Maybe he was worrying too much and for little to nothing of an issue.

Yezi beamed as Jaebum started to clap next to her. Youngjae reached out and placed his hand on her shoulder. "You did good." He turned to Jaebum and after a moment of silence, added on: "You did good, too."

Yezi cheered and attacked Jaebum's bicep in a flurry of fists. Unprepared for the attack, he nearly tumbled backwards.

"Now it's time to head home." Youngjae made his way back towards the kitchen.

Yezi bowed at Jaebum before heading off to retrieve her bag. "Oh, and BDSM is," she said with a wicked grin as she leaned in closer to Jaebum's ear.

On her way to the foyer, the smell of fried onions and baked bread filled her nostrils. Her stomach grumbled. "Youngjae, do you mind if I take-" She was cut short by the feel of a paper bag being thrust into her face.

"Take some home to your mom and dad, too."

Before she had time to thank Youngjae, her phone rang. She groaned. It was Mr. Hoon.

"Bye, Youngjae," she said as she hurried out of the kitchen to the foyer. "Bye, Jaebum," she yelled over her shoulder as the door slammed shut behind her.

Jaebum turned to Youngjae. "Can we make BDSM a part of our daily routine?"

A heat curled over Youngjae's ears and whether it was because he was upset with Yezi for having told him or because he was embarrassed, mattered little as he fumbled with the buns lining the pan.

Absolutely not.

Youngjae had to think of the impossible. Something Jaebum would never be able to do so that he couldn't continue pestering him about it. The idea came to him in a blaze that scorched all other ideas away. "If you learn how to bake an Eclair before the next morning."

Jaebum would never succeed. It had taken Youngjae multiple tries to simply get the bread to fluff up enough to fill it with the custard and on top of that, he would hide whatever materials he had on hand that were needed to bake it. Plus, there was no way Jaebum could know Yezi belonged to a family of bakers. Yes, the plan would work.

"An Eclair? What's that?"

"Not part of the deal. Now, tell me about today. Did the need to throw-up ever surface?"

"No. I ate the entire roll without problem."

Youngjae handed Jaebum the bun in his hand. "Good. Eat one of these."

Jaebum ate it without so much as chewing it.

"You'll never savor the moment if you do things too quick."

Jaebum looked down as if scolded. "Sorry."

Youngjae sighed. "Don't apologize. I'm not upset." He reached out and grabbed another bun from the plate. "Would you like another one?"

"Yes, please." 

This time Jaebum meticulously chewed it, paying particular attention to the way he let his tongue embrace the taste. When he swallowed the last of it, he said: "That was really delicious." He licked his lips. "Youngjae, why don't you become a chef?"

"I don't think mixing hobby and work is the best way to go about living life."  He grabbed two buns. The warm cheese was beginning to leak out, making Youngjae's stomach clench at the sight. He took one huge bite. "Have as many as you like," he mumbled.

Youngjae walked out towards the bookshelf. He stopped before the chair next to it and picked up the book Jaebum and Yezi had been reading earlier. He listlessly thumbed through the pages, stopping on a two-page diagram of whatever magical land was written about within the novel. Yezi might not be two anymore but she certainly couldn't deny the fact that she still enjoyed stories full of enchantment.

The mermaid pond was of particular interest. Curious, Youngjae looked over the rest and discovered that the diagram was of an underwater city. He shut the book and true enough to his suspicions, the title of the book read: Meyerf and the Lost Sea Kingdom. A tale of a fish who succeeded in saving his kingdom after he gave up the love of his life: a human. The price? His heart.

"Is what's described in here anything remotely like your home?" Youngjae asked with skepticism at the same time that Jaebum spoke up.

"Is there anything we can do to make her feel better?"

The question caught Youngjae offguard. He nearly yanked a page out of the book. Regaining his collectiveness, Youngjae tightened his grip so he wouldn't let the book slip again. He looked over at Jaebum and wondered just how much of his original instincts carried over during his transformation. Youngjae knew that fish were more in tune to their surroundings—like any other animal—but in looking at Jaebum with a face that hid not a gram of his worry, Youngjae couldn't help but believe that he noticed a change not because of his internalized traits as a fish but because of his genuine concern for Yezi's well-being. Despite his origins, he was just as human as any other one person could be.

"She'll figure out things by herself. Give her some time."

"So it's nothing serious?"

"No." I hope not.

Youngjae was sliding the book back into an empty spot on the bookshelf when Jaebum grabbed his wrist. Youngjae let go and pulled back.

Jaebum took the book down and held it up for Youngjae to see. "Can we read the rest of the chapter?"

"You can read, can't you?" Youngjae knew he was being cruel as soon as the words slipped free from his lips but regretting them was not an option he could take if he wanted to keep his heart sealed. There was still  the prospect that maybe by the turn of the hour tomorrow, Jaebum would be gone and Youngjae would be left to continue living his life the way he had planned to so long ago.

"It's not the same," Jaebum whispered as he lowered the book. "But you're probably tired. I understand. I'm sorry for asking." He gave his most reassuring smile before turning around. "Goodnight, Youngjae." Head hung low, Jaebum made his way towards the loveseat.

Youngjae felt a bubble of grief grip his heart. The feeling trickled out into every inch of his bloody vessel. He closed his eyes and was reminded of the time before the pain. When he was but a child seeking the same comfort that Jaebum sought now. When he reopened his eyes, the pain was still threatening to rip his heart apart and unleash the torrent of sorrow that consumed him through his years in solitude but at least now he knew how to keep it struggling.

"Wait." Jaebum stopped.

Youngjae knew he wouldn't regret reaching out and offering this one moment of understanding nearly as much as if he were to keep quiet and let him go on his way. He just hoped he wasn't giving Jaebum reason enough to search for a way inside.

"Just this one chapter." Youngjae grabbed the book from Jaebum's hand and without glancing in his direction, sat down on the couch. He turned to the page that had been marked with a pear-shaped sticky note. On it, a pair of eyes looked towards the side as if it were judging whatever breached its line of vision. Drawing faces was Yezi's trademark signature and she never went without doing it so long as she was allowed to draw on whatever she could get her hands on.

Youngjae felt the pain inside washing away, leaving behind an empty hollowness that surged with the need to be filled. He looked over at Jaebum and despite his longing to be embraced and cooed into silence, bit back his craving. Youngjae turned to the book and started to read aloud.

Moments after he finished reading the second to last paragraph, Youngjae felt a swoosh of air brush up against the side of his arm. He looked over and saw Jaebum flopped over onto the couch, his head daringly close to rolling over the edge.

Youngjae set the book aside and grabbing the pillow by his side, stood. He ambled over to Jaebum and decided to squeeze the pillow in between his side and the armrest but pulled away before he could even angle it in. It would be a terrible idea to leave him asleep like this. Come morning, Jaebum would wake with more than just a sore neck.

Youngjae set the pillow down where he had been sitting earlier and tentatively placed his fingers against Jaebum's shoulder. He tried pushing him over but his weight was too much of a strain. Youngjae lowered his palm bit by bit until his hand was wrapped around Jaebum's shoulder. With the added support, Youngjae finally managed to tip him over. Before the forces of gravity could take effect, Youngjae grabbed the side of his head with his other hand and lowered him down carefully the rest of the way.

The softness to Jaebum's hair engulfed Youngjae's thoughts for the span of a few heartbeats. Based off of its smooth texture, Youngjae knew not to expect the frizziness and split-ends associated with soaking your hair in the sea but for some odd reason, touching it gave an entirely different feeling then having thought about what it would feel like to touch it.

Jaebum's lips parted slightly and Youngjae hurried on.

With Jaebum now laying against the couch in a much more comfortable position, Youngjae headed for the bathroom, knowing that if he didn't get ready for bed downstairs, he wouldn't make it past the sight of his bed to do it upstairs. As he was brushing his teeth, he remembered he had an important assignment to turn in before midnight. He knew it wasn't anything past 9 o'clock but being the critical person he was, knew that three hours would not be enough if he did not get to work now.

Youngjae finished doing what he had to do with a hurried efficiency. On his way to the stairs, he took one last glance at Jaebum before rushing into the welcome hold of another late-night work-night.

Finished, Youngjae went to bed exhausted to dwell on much of anything. But one thing was certain. The feel of Jaebum's hair had left an imprint on Youngjae's skin that made it impossible not to compare the softness to his own cotton sheets.

#

There was no alarm this morning as Youngjae rolled over in bed. He double-tapped his phone's screen to check the time. 11:10. And then the phone shut off.

Startled by the late hour, Youngjae shot out of bed. No one had to tell him that too much sleep was bad for his health. He knew. From the occasional headache to the much more common grogginess, there was never a day Youngjae woke up feeling refreshed if he overslept.

Youngjae trudged down the steps. He looked at the couch, only to find the blanket carefully folded and set aside on the loveseat. He continued on towards the kitchen when a steady stream of wet, slapping noises cascaded into his ears. Thinking it was anything but what he was thinking, Youngjae turned the corner and stepped into the kitchen when a breathy moan jumped through the small space.

Youngjae stared in shock as he watched Jaebum rock his hips forward. They smacked back down as a grunt poured out. Not that Youngjae was paying attention because before Jaebum could make another movement or release another sound, he chucked an orange at him. It landed on the space below his gnashes. Youngjae winced. He knew the wounds were nearly healed but it didn't change the fact that the force of his throw must have hurt.

"Ow!" Jaebum turned around with a scowl etched onto his face. "Just because-" As soon as he saw Youngjae, his face softened; the lines that scrunched up his eyebrows broken down by the sight of his sprite. "Youngjae." But his fleeting grasp of the situation was soon swallowed again by confusement. He raised an eyebrow. "Why did you do that?"

"You were making these strange noises." I thought you were-

Youngjae swallowed. No way he was going to say that out loud. He looked down at Jaebum's hands. They were covered in something white and clumpy. Immediately recognizing that this had been a huge misunderstanding on his part, Youngjae stepped closer. The smell of flour assaulted his nose before his eyes could fall on the sight before him. A slab of dough about as wide as an average-sized cutting board sat on top of the wooden counter, not yet thoroughly kneaded.

"Nevermind." Forget what I said. He turned away to wash his hands, the time of the hour drilling a hole in his head to hurry up or else he'll get nothing done before class.

"Strange noises?" Jaebum asked.

As Youngjae pretended to scrub at a stain on his hand, his mind drifted away from berating himself to the scene behind him. He was questioning how Jaebum came to know that an Eclair was a pastry when he felt the very presence who conflicted his life, approach from behind. The movement jolted Youngjae upright. He whirled around to find Jaebum standing only a pace away.

Jaebum lowered his gaze and said: "Earlier you said 'strange noises'." When he looked back up again, his childish demeanor had been replaced by something much more vibrantly mischievous. He bit down on his bottom lip, making sure to catch the sliver of dough that clung to the corner of his mouth.

"Don't eat that," Youngjae said.

"Don't eat that-" Jaebum raised his index finger up to his lips and caught a piece of dough between his teeth. He rolled the dough over his tongue  and let the taste yank his body into sweet submission. Another soft moan poured out of his red lips. "Or don't do that."

"Both," Youngjae said without pause. He continued to look at Jaebum's hairline, despite the urge to look away completely. He would not give Jaebum the satisfaction of a reaction.

Leaning in closer, Jaebum stretched a hand out towards Youngjae's face. Youngjae steeled himself. He could feel his heart hammering against his chest but he reasoned that it was fear from the unknown. Nothing more.

In a touch that generated a streak of warmth along its path, Jaebum slid his thumb across Youngjae's cheekbone. Youngjae winced. When Jaebum pulled back, a pebble-shaped clump of dough clung to his finger. "I don't know how this got here but at least it's off now." Still holding his thumb up, Jaebum grinned and rocked back and forth on the balls of his feet like a child who expected an award for his good deed. Youngjae had no words to give.

 

 

 

*`*`*`*`*`*

10 chapters in, everyone! Thank you to those of you who continue to follow this work and cheers towards everything you've done from the fifteen bookmarks to the kudos you've given. Everything is something. Thank you. Love, Adrem. 

 


	11. 『11』

Youngjae tucked his face into his folded arms. He couldn't believe how negligent he had been to have forgotten to hide the ingredients needed to make an Eclair. Not to mention his fault in failing to remember to remove an entire row of cookbooks from his bookshelf.

He would have to tell Jaebum that only people really, truly, _madly_ in love could do BDSM with one another.

Youngjae looked down at his hand, flexing his fingers as he perused over the lines that marked his skin. He wouldn't even be able to hold someone's hand without feeling overwhelmed by the touch—the warmth. The last time he held anyone's hand was as a high schooler and even then, he understood that holding Yezi's hand would be uncomparable to holding the hand of someone whom you were attracted to.

Youngjae sat up and pulled the first pen he saw from his Rilakkuma-shaped pen holder. After digging through his bag for his notebook, he flipped open to a blank page and started scribbling down everything that came to mind.

The minutes hummed along and soon enough, Youngjae lost himself to the movements of sliding his hand along the smooth paper.

Up, down. Scratch, that. Left, right.

"I think it's safe to assume you're not a Mathmeclin."

Youngjae shot up, letting the pen drop from his hand and fall onto the paper with a barely audible thunk. He looked up to see Yugyeom smiling down at him, the pink tint that tinged his cheeks yesterday still there now. Youngjae smiled back.

The Mathmeclins were the school's junior-level math team. They won plenty of awards and held a fair amount of recognition throughout the town but the only reason Youngjae knew about them was because they had once wanted to use Mrs. Lim's Pomeranian as the mascot for last year's memorabilia and team wear.

Youngjae followed Yugyeom's finger to an area on the paper where he had written down something oddly electrifying:

_2+2=Fish_

Youngjae stared at the paper with furrowed eyebrows. The phrase must have come from his subconscious because there was no possibility that he had chosen to write down such a nonsensical thing.

Youngjae read over the phrase time and time again until the black lines began to blur into light shadows. The last time he gave in to believing that reality could be anything like what his imagination conjured up, had happened so long ago that he couldn't remember when that carefree mentality of his had disappeared in the first place.

"I think you might be here to spy on me," Youngjae teased. He looked over at Yugyeom who sat with his legs outstretched and his arms folded over his stomach.

Yugyeom had chosen the workspace directly in front of Youngjae's despite the bed of empty workstations around. Even though Youngjae knew the feeling should have been drowned the moment it surfaced, he couldn't help but enjoy the warmth Yugyeom brought. The conservatory was calm and quiet but at the price of desolation. Now it would be anything but lonely.

Yugyeom froze, a look of shock widening over his face with each passing breath. "How did you know," he whispered.

Youngjae dared not move a muscle. He could be just as good an actor.

Yugyeom burst into laughter. "Not to be self-degrading or anything, but I'm as normal as they come. Besides-" He looked around precariously. He leaned forward in his seat. "Why stalk someone when you can win their heart over."

Youngjae's heart skipped a beat. The image of Jaebum zipped through his mind.

"Much more pleasurable, if you ask me."

Youngjae gave a small smile that didn't go unnoticed by Yugyeom.

"We should get to work."

"Ah, right." Yugyeom scrambled to his feet before quickly seating himself back down. "I think I'll stay here and do my work."

Youngjae gave him a quick nod before pulling open his drawer. He picked up a pair of gloves and piled in all the other materials needed to conduct today's portion of his research into a white bucket. Before moving on, he stopped and watched a hunched-over Yugyeom franctically writing down something. The muscles in his shoulders twitched. Youngjae hurried on deeper into the greenery.

Moments later, Youngjae turned back, ready to retrieve the pair of clips he forgot. He stepped into viewing distance of his desk and stopped. His lab coat laid flat on his desk and from what he could see, not a single crease marked its folded form. Youngjae never ironed his clothes. But that's not what propelled him to stop.

Yugyeom was standing on his desk.

Youngjae didn't want to intrude so he slowly backed up. He was but a few steps away from shielding his body from view with the evergreens when Yugyeom flipped his head around.

"Youngjae-" He slipped. Youngjae watched in horror as Yugyeom tumbled to the ground. He landed flat on his bottom and didn't have time to utter a single word before Youngjae was at his side.

"Are you alright?" Worry creased his countenance.

Yugyeom threw his right hand up but quickly dropped it when a jolt of pain shot up his back. He tried to soften his pained expression. "Don't worry about me. I've gone through worse."

"We're talking about the present. Not the future or the past. I want to know if anything is wrong right now."

Surprised at the sudden ferocity, Yugyeom looked straight at Youngjae but his expression was unreadable. Yugyeom followed his gaze and winced. The pavement was splattered with red from the wound on his palm.

"Can you move over to the desk?"

Yugyeom nodded. Youngjae stood and headed over to his own desk. He pulled a mini bottle of alcohol from the fourth drawer. He hated to think he would have to clean Yugyeom's fresh wound with alcohol but he didn't have any hydrogen peroxide on hand. He headed back over to Yugyeom who had managed to prop himself up against the desk with only two grunts.

"Really. It's okay. You have work to do."

"I'll treat the wound."

Yugyeom gave in. He handed his hand over to Youngjae and immediately looked away. An angry gash ran down the length of his palm to his thumb.

"It's going to hurt but hold in there, okay?"

Yugyeom nodded, squeezing his eyes shut as he waited for the alcohol to sear his senses into oblivion.

He swallowed thickly as the pain started to subside. "Aren't you going to ask me what I was doing?"

Youngjae looked up at Yugyeom to  see if he was being teased. Yugyeom's bottom lip quivered. "Not unless you would like to talk about it."

Youngjae disappeared. Not long afterwards, he returned with a large bandage in hand. A baby elephant was printed in the middle alongside a butterfly that floated above its trunk.

Yugyeom smiled.

"Before you say anything, these were the only bandages I could find when I went to the store," Youngjae said.

Yugyeom raised his good hand up. "Hey, I didn't say anything."

Youngjae finished fastening the other end to Yugyeom's skin. He then grabbed the roll of clear tape by his knees.

"What's the tape for?" Yugyeom asked.

"I'm wrapping it around your thumb so that the bandage doesn't peel up. You are going to be using this hand, aren't you?"

Yugyeom nibbled on the inside of his cheek. He didn't know whether Youngjae was being perverse or not. "Well, I-"

"Not tonight and not until it starts to heal. This hand is off limits."

Youngjae's cell phone rang. He finished securing the tape to the bandage before sliding his phone from out of his back pocket. "Don't touch," Youngjae said as he lifted the phone to his ear.

If it weren't for the Caller ID function, the soft giggle on the other end would have given enough indication to know who it was. " 'Don't touch.' " A soft chuckle. "Am I interrupting 2Jae's play time?"

"We are not-"

"Okay, okay. Hear me out. Because I've got amazing news!"

Youngjae sighed. "I could have been in class, Yezi."

"But you aren't and that's what matters. Now, guess what?"

"Wait a second, Yezi," Youngjae said. He lowered the phone. "Does it hurt anywhere?"

Yugyeom shook his head. He pointed at Youngjae's phone before pulling his hand up to his ear. "Take the call. I'll be fine."

Youngjae raised the phone back up to his ear and was immediately assaulted by Yezi's complaint.

"Young man! Who is that? I know that wasn't Jaebum. You know, he'll be really upset when he hears about this."

"Yezi," Youngjae warned.

She laughed. "Okay, okay. Since you don't want to guess, I'll just give you the answer." A stream of broken sounds meant to resemble a drumroll erupted from Yezi's mouth. Youngjae cringed as he waited for the noises to die down. "We're going to have a welcoming ceremony for the international students!"

Youngjae pulled the phone back and eyed it with a skeptical eye before pulling it back up to his ear.

"Are they here now?"

"Ah! Details when I see you later. Bye!"

A thin silence carried over into Youngjae's ears. He shook his head as he turned his phone off. A group of international students here? In town?

Youngjae heard Yugyeom groaning. He whirled around to see him sliding up the side of the desk. Without a moment of deliberation, he hurried over to his side.

"Are you sure it doesn't hurt anywhere?"

"I'm sorry. This could have all been avoided if I had just asked you."

Youngjae felt a prickle run over his spine. A lot of things can be solved by talking it over but when your emotions run rampant, that specific solution is the last thing to come to mind.

"I really didn't want to bother you. Look at me, thinking I can do everything and anything." Yugyeom laughed a hoarse, dry laugh. Youngjae sympathized with his situation.

"Don't blame yourself. It does no one any good." Youngjae helped him into the chair. "So, is it safe to assume Mr. Park didn't explain things to you?"

Yugyeom bit back a grin that managed to escape anyways in a flourish of pearly white teeth and thin, pink lips. "He was in such a hurry. But he did say that I would find someone who could help me."

Youngjae frowned.

"Of course, I really didn't want to say anything. I know you have your own work to do and yeah, well, I'm sorry."

Youngjae felt his heart constrict. Even now, years after the fire that destroyed his life, he couldn't keep his mind from agonizing over those words. _I'm sorry._

The image of his younger, nine-year-old self clawing at the remnants of his mother's scorched shirt tore through his mind. He closed his eyes for a moment longer then a blink before reopening them with a newfound drive. He couldn't alter the past but he could give meaning to the present in simple, cut-off moments like these.

"One thing you need right now."

Yugyeom took in the sight of Youngjae, memorizing the essence of his presence down to the very way he managed to bring a splurge of sunlight into the space around him. Yugyeom grinned.

"Where do you buy milk tea?"

Youngjae laughed. A lighthearted sensation pierced his heart. He wondered if the plants were releasing a chemical meant to induce joy but even he knew how silly of a hypothesis that was. "I can do much more then that. If you can stand, I can show you where."

#

There is only one place he can be.

Youngjae stepped onto the hardwood floor. Yezi would be here soon so he had only so much time left to convince Jaebum that BDSM could not and would not ever come into his life.

Youngjae approached the kitchen with a set tenacity, unwilling to be swayed by either Jaebum or the Eclair that might stand in his way. He stopped as soon as he entered the kitchen, a deep intake of breath curling over his lips as he took in the horror before him.

To say the kitchen was a mess, was to say Youngjae had a name. Flour dusted nearly every available surface. Dirty dishes littered the countertops, dripping chocolate and cream wherever they could. Clumps of kneaded flour dripped down onto the floor from a tipped over bowl. And at the center of it all, amidst a concentrated splash of dry flour, sat the one and only perpetrator, Jaebum.

Jaebum looked up. Their eyes met and for a stretch of time, they stared at each other in silence; Jaebum stuck in this dream-like trance as if Youngjae weren't really standing before him.

"Jaebum, what _is_  this mess?"

Jaebum darted to his feet. "Youngjae!" He stepped forward and stepped back, unsure of whether to block Youngjae's view or reach for a rag and hurriedly wipe down the kitchen.

A familiar string of pings sounded through the room. Both men turned their attention to the oven whose automated timer now read 00:00. A smile spread over Jaebum's lips. He turned to face Youngjae.

"It's done." He said it like a child who had just made a cake out of twigs and leaves for his mother. Nothing but unfiltered sweetness and a strong desire to be acknowledged for his efforts.

Youngjae felt his heart clog with a swirl of emotions but he pushed them aside in that one moment before voicing the truth.

"There is absolutely no way I am going to make BDSM a part of my daily routine so get those ideas out of your head right now."

Jaebum froze. The liveliness on his face was zapped straight off.

Youngjae turned away to fetch a rag from the rack above the sink. He couldn't stand to see the disheartened look on Jaebum's face yet the hurt didn't end at the physical. It manifested itself into Jaebum's voice.

"But I made the Eclair."

"I know what I said. And what's also important, are the things I didn't say. I'll have to judge you on taste."

Jaebum slunk towards the oven. He stuck a hand in and reached for the pan, his fingers brushing up against the burning hot glass. He hissed and pulled away.

Youngjae strode forward. "You idiot. Wear mittens when you're taking out something from the oven." He grabbed Jaebum's wrist and pulled his hand up close, inspecting it for any serious burns. Knowing that any visible signs wouldn't appear until a couple of minutes after, Youngjae led Jaebum over to the sink. He turned on the faucet.

"Soak your fingers under the water," Youngjae said. He moved on to the fridge in the corner of his kitchen. On his way there, he couldn't help but take a peek at the Eclair. Its edges were nice and golden and the smell was tantalizing enough to make him want to rip a piece apart all for himself. Even if Jaebum had made it digestable enough, Youngjae would have to find a fault to call him out on and then, despite his guilt for falsifying the original intention of his words, the whole BDSM-fiasco would come to a close.

Youngjae returned with a bag of ice. He pressed it to Jaebum's fingers. "It's going to hurt but there's nothing to worry about. Here, take it." Jaebum grabbed the package and pressed down hard enough to bend his fingers backwards.

"I'm sorry. I really wanted to make BDSM something we could live by. Like a motto."

"Why are you so adamant about it? Whatever Yezi told you it would feel like, is nowhere near how terrible it feels." Not that Youngjae would know. He hadn't even kissed anyone before.

"Then we can make it feel good. We can do what you want to do."

_We can do what you want to do._

Youngjae stood as still as possible as if in doing so, he could quell the rise of sadness that threatened to submerge his ability to breathe. For nearly half a decade, he had battled a system designed to keep him confined to his misery; to the lack of love and warmth he experienced on a daily basis. The system could have cared less about his thoughts, his feelings, his desires. Nothing mattered to them more than letting him wither.

"Not everything has to be physical!" Youngjae grit his teeth.

"Which is why we can watch a movie or go out to eat. I won't force you to do anything you don't want to do."

Youngjae stared straight ahead at the mosaic tiling of his wall. "Then stop saying you want to make BDSM a part of our lives. Also, the last time I checked, there was no "our" or "we" to begin with."

Jaebum raised his hand but dropped it a breadth away from grazing Youngjae's shoulder. "Okay," he whispered.

"Youngjae! I'm here," Yezi called out. Within seconds, she was standing at the kitchen's threshold, her smile spreading wide over her face. "What happened here? Looks like a snowstorm crashed through."

"I tried making an Eclair," Jaebum said.

Yezi's eyes grew wide. "Those are so good!" She grabbed Jaebum's hand before turning on her heels. "If it gets any bit hotter in here, the sun will get jealous."

Jaebum walked along behind her, his head hung low but his eyes not once moving away from Youngjae who said nothing as they left. 

 

Youngjae should have felt good about having corrected Jaebum's misconception. Yet, the more he thought about how things went down in the kitchen, the more the clump of guilt inside gnawed at his heart. Youngjae knew he had been at fault for having given Jaebum reason to believe he could earn what he wanted if he worked hard enough. It didn't work like that with Youngjae.

Youngjae bit back a sigh. He felt the tension begin to thicken. He looked at Jaebum from the corner of his eye, for the second time that night, wondering if he, too, felt like he would suffocate at any moment.

Maybe not. Jaebum smiled and laughed like his feelings hadn't been hurt. And maybe they had not. Youngjae thought Jaebum would finally go on his way and hopefully, find someone else to be with.

Yezi hadn't yet tied her hair up into a bun. Youngjae's worry grew but he continued to keep silent. There was still some time left in their lesson for Yezi to reveal what troubled her.

The lesson went on and nothing was said. Youngjae could take it no longer.

"Yezi, you've been playing wrong all night."

She looked up, expressionless. A stark contrast from her normally jovial attitude.

"What do you mean playing all wrong? I've been hitting all the right notes!" Her voice cracked at the end.

"Remember your first lesson, out in the meadows?"

Yezi pursed her lips to the side. "You took me to see the butterflies."

"Why?"

"So I could learn to play like they live."

Youngjae rolled his hand forward.

"You told me that they attract the attention of everyone and anyone. Whoever you are, does not matter to them. I needed to learn how to let the beat support and guide me but never oppress me so that I could do the same with my music."

"So why haven't you been using that lesson to your advantage today?"

Youngjae placed his hands on the keyboard and let the keys guide his steps as he moved along to the beat. He finished playing and said: "I want you to play the melody with your eyes closed."

"Youngjae," Yezi whined. "Don't be ridiculous. Besides, it's almost time for me to go."

"Play."

Yezi turned her head away from Youngjae to swallow the ball of saliva in her throat. She smiled at Jaebum who grinned back at her. She turned to face the piano before she had time to see him mouth: "You can do it."

The notes pierced the air. The tense edges around Youngjae were beginning to soften, leaving behind a melancholy aftertaste that reminded him of all that had changed since Jaebum had arrived.

Youngjae had never disliked Nature as much as he had in that one moment when a stranger stepped into his life. Sadness and sorrow clouded Youngjae's life through the joys of meeting others, so why would Nature play this cruel game on him again by giving him someone as honest and as loving as Jaebum?

The notes screeched. Youngjae snapped out of his thoughts. He looked at Yezi before following the path down along her arms to her hands, where her fingers scrambled to get ahold of their proper positions.

Youngjae reached out and cusped his hand over Yezi's. He directed her fingers to their original places.

He finished placing her pinky on the "B" key when her silent tears became whispered cries.

"Yezi, tell me what's wrong."

She continued to cry in her seat, her shoulders heaving up and down in quick, successive spasms.

"Jaebum," Youngjae said. "Bring the Eclair." Please, he thought; knowing very well that he should have said it aloud.

Jaebum nodded vehemently before darting away.

When her cries slowed down, Yezi spoke. It started as a hoarse, broken whisper but gradually increased in firmness and sound.

"Youngjae-ah, you said that the butterflies call attention to themselves because they know how to love the wind that both threatens to push them aside and embrace them with love."

She looked up at him. Youngjae's heart shattered. He had seen her cry plenty of times before but none for anything as serious as whatever this was. He had to make sure her smile returned before the end of today.

"But what if they only beat their wings and soar along with the wind to survive? It's not like they wake up every morning loving what they do."

"Yezi-"

"So it should be the same for me, too! I play these tunes to satisfy a part of my existence- the part that can't bear to hurt anyone's feelings."

She started sobbing uncontrollably. Unwilling to let her grieve alone, Youngjae wrapped his arms around her small frame.

"Let it all out." I'll hear everything you  have to say when you're done.

 

Youngjae and Jaebum sat on either end of the couch with Yezi in the middle. The uneaten Eclair sat on a plate before them. Yezi had finally calmed down and was now wiping away her snot.

"I'm sorry," Yezi said.

"Don't apologize," Youngjae said.

"You didn't do anything wrong," Jaebum added on.

"So what's wrong?" Youngjae asked.

Yezi took a deep breath in. "Remember how I told you the school was going to hold a welcoming ceremony for the international students?"

Youngjae nodded.

"Well, the principal decided to make it a showcase for the different departments and I was offered to play the piano."

"And you are clearly not happy about that."

"It's not that I'm unhappy about being picked. It feels great to be acknowledged for something I've put so much effort into. I'm unhappy about having to lie to myself and everyone around me."

Yezi stared at the folds on her skirt.

"I thought it over and realized that I want people to recognize me for what I love to do."

Youngjae gave her the most judgemental look he could come up with. "And what would that be?"

She rolled her eyes.

Yezi stood up and faced them both with her arms oustretched, palms up. Youngjae reached out but she twirled away before he could place his hand in her palm. He looked away embarassed and peered over at Jaebum who at least acted like he hadn't seen anything.

"Dance. I love to dance." The words melted over her lips like honey and her face immediately lit up. "But my dad would hate me." Her smile flitted away.

Yezi took a shaky breath in. "I can't think of the pain it would cause him to know that I don't love to play the piano like my auntie once did. Worse, if he finds out that I don't want to continue."

Youngjae needn't know if the auntie Yezi was talking about was alive or dead. Remembering that one cold weekend in November was proof enough. The Hoons closed shop for the day to attend the burial of one of Yezi's relatives. When Youngjae came to offer the family condolences the day after, Mrs. Hoon had explained to him that Mr. Hoon's only sister had died because of a stomach ulcer. Mr. Hoon himself hadn't stepped foot in the bakery for a full week after the funeral.

Yezi started crying again. "I love her, I do and I really don't want to dissapoint anyone. But I'm tired of dreading these lessons every time I wake up and realize the kind of life I force myself to live."

"You don't have to justify anything, Yezi."

"But my auntie! All she wanted was to teach me how to play the piano and then, and then..." She shuddered. "Why am I like this? It's like I can't do anything right."

Youngjae stood.

"My dad will hate me!" She grabbed the hem of her dress shirt and tugged it up over her cheeks as the tears continued to overflow.

"Your dad could never hate you. He held you when you were born, fixed your cuts and scrapes as a child and kissed your broken hearts away. He wants nothing more then to see you happy. And if the only way you'll genuinely smile is to embrace what you so desire, then grab it now and don't ever let go."

"You really think so?"

He double-tapped his temple with two fingers. "I know so."

"Youngjae," she said. In a matter of seconds, she had her arms wrapped around his waist and the back of his shirt bundled into her two fists. Youngjae smiled. Everything down to the way Yezi stuffed her face into his chest reminded him of the times he used to cry to his mother.

"What would I do without you, Youngjae," she said in between sobs. "You're the best."

Youngjae reached down and rubbed the space in between her shoulder blades. For the briefest moment, Youngjae felt nothing but the tears soaking through his shirt before Jaebum stepped forward and as abruptly as he had come onto Youngjae's life, wrapped his arms around Youngjae's waist, pulling them both deeper into an embrace that cradled Yezi.

It took Youngjae no less then a moment to understand the rapid beating of his heart was slowing his senses down. He closed his eyes and relaxed into the hug. It felt good.

So very good to be held.

 

 

 

The following morning, Youngjae woke up to discover the one thing he ardently hoped would happen, had, in fact, came true.

Gone, was the boy who hailed from the sea.


	12. 『12』

Youngjae sat down, not once moving his eyes away from the Eclair. Where he once thought the sweet treat as a hazardous item meant to undermine his way of life from the past fourteen years, he now saw it as what it was truly meant to be from the beginning; just that: an Eclair.

By now the Eclair was cold, if also spoiled of its taste. The custard could only be so long out of the refrigerator without losing its already soft taste and the bread, with its hollow, light shape, could only be so long outside of anyone's stomach without soaking in the moisture from the chocolate and becoming soggy.

Youngjae reached out with the intent to rip a piece off and taste for himself what a few hours worth of time could amass in terms of flavor  but drew back into the couch with a resigned sigh. If he ate it now, he feared he would give every plausible reason to defend what he knew was going to be a horrible taste.

Youngjae continued to stare at the pastry, his eyes beginning to water from the strain of not blinking. He thought a hidden message would materialize before him if he only stared long enough.

Youngjae blinked and the absurdity of the situation caught up with his nonsenical belief in the unimaginable. It didn't matter whether Jaebum had left him a note or not. Either way, Youngjae was going to continue living his life the way he had planned to from the very first time he learned that the world was against him. Youngjae stood.

Letter or not, he would go on living.

Youngjae grabbed the nearly week old grocery list tacked onto the wall in his foyer and headed out.

Youngjae had only planned on visiting the grocery store yet found himself surrounded by the familiar, picturesque sights from the greenery. One second he was preoccupied with picking out the ripest jumble of bananas and the next, he was standing before a wall of green— taking in the fresh, damp smell of moss.

Youngjae made his way towards the pond. He thought about nestling into the shadows of his favorite tree when the sound of rushing water careened over the deep, silencing stillness.

Youngjae's mouth fell open as he gazed in awe at the sight before him. The fountains had all been turned on and were now functioning to their full splendor. The spouts streamed water to the rest of the system with the same intensity one would find a dehydrated man gulping down water. Youngjae knew who had turned them on, but what he didn't know was how Yugyeom had managed to do so. (And in no less than a day, too!) Youngjae shook his head as a sound of approval resounded in his throat.

He headed on towards the back where a thin strip of land was bordered by the glass wall on one side and a bulging tree root on the other. The strip had once been connected to the concrete walkway but had since broken apart when the roots started to push out and over the cracks lining the thick material.

Youngjae laid down on the soft bed of grass. It tickled every piece of skin that wasn't concealed.

He closed his eyes and as soon as he felf himself drifting off into sleep, an unfamiliar image played out over his eyelids. It was of his mother sitting at the kitchen table with a pair of sewing needles in hand. The room was doused in a thick, red hazziness that immediately struck him as what he thought the smell of iron in blood would look like if it could have a color.

Youngjae felt a trough of uneasiness wash over his body but he pushed it aside in favor of seeing the rest of this memory play out. His mother never ate at the kitchen table; much preferring the comfort of eating out on the roof where the Higan Cherry would bless her with its petals come spring and autumn.

Youngjae stepped forward. A  strange sensation coursed over his heart because while he was just a spectator to the events, he felt like the stifling air would drown him.

His mother looked up and offered a smile. She tried covering her leg with the damp towel on her lap but it was already too late. Youngjae had seen it all.

A thick, angry wound tore down the length of her left leg from about mid-thigh to where the bone in her kneecap juts out when bended. A succession of curves from the thread marked the wound where it was sewed shut. And where the wound had not yet been closed off, red consumed Youngjae's vision once more.

Youngjae could see the items that were all previously nameless and brandless—uniditenfiable. From alcohol to painkillers, the items flashed by before Youngjae's eyes in one quick snap. Just one second of crystal clear visibility and yet, Youngjae could vividly recall every last detail down to the tilt of the shadows. Shadows? There was no light in that room.

Youngjae's eyes snapped open. He looked down at his hand and pulled it up when he noticed how deep his fingernails had dug into the ground. He sat up slowly and gazed out over the plants, desperately seeking something that would take his mind off of the terrible image in his head. Whatever was troubling him, had been strong enough to jolt awake this dormant memory of his.

A low whistle filtered through the thicket. Youngjae's ears perked up. Anyone could have reason to venture this far back but not everyone had the willingness to step inside the greenery. That gave Youngjae reason to know who was here now.

Yugyeom stopped dead in his tracks as he walked into the clearing. "Youngjae," he said matter-of-factly before realizing that was too little to take note of. "What are you doing here? No, well, I mean to say how are you doing?"

Youngjae felt the tightness in his chest begin to ease off. He turned his body around to face Yugyeom.

Yugyeom's placid features contorted into a pained expression. "Can you stand up please?"

Youngjae did as instructed and in a flash, Yugyeom was at his side, looking back and forth between the area where Youngjae once sat and Youngjae himself.

"I think you killed them," Yugyeom said.

A shiver dashed over Youngjae's arms. Yugyeom pressed his fingers to his chin and stooped down. He contemplated the area while Youngjae mentally willed him to explain what he meant.

Yugyeom pursed his lips in an attempt to hide his bubbling laughter. "There were ten," he managed to say before his lips betrayed him. A boisterous laugh unfurled over the air, wiping out any desperation Youngjae knew would have otherwise submerged him if Yugyeom hadn't appeared in the moment he did.

Youngjae frowned as Yugyeom collected himself. He had the sudden urge to show him how upset he was by pinching the skin on his shoulder but shoved that thought away with a hurried urgency. To do that would have been a careless gesture on his part. More importantly, how could he have even thought about performing such an intimate action? Youngjae curled his fingers into a tight ball.

"Sorry to spook you but, technically, I wasn't lying." He smiled down at the strip of land and slid his fingers over the ground without disturbing it. "Not about killing something, though," he quickly tacked on.

He lowered his raised hands. "Guess what's hidden underneath this soft bed of land?"

Youngjae knew even before he asked. Yugyeom's actions—his kindness towards Nature—spoke for him in a way that words could never dream to describe.

"But nothing grows here," Youngjae said.

Yugyeom looked up at Youngjae with that customary soft smile of his. "I wanted to try. It's pretty dark and lonely back here."

Youngjae felt his fingers unfurling. In a set of steps orchestrated by his muscles, he found himself seated next to Yugyeom, head thrown back and laughing like he wanted to cry. Of which, he did. But he held the tears back as his laughter continued to ripple out.

"Youngjae-"

"Thank you, thank you, thank you," Youngjae said. "Maybe it's just me that can't make anything grow."

Yugyeom stood, turned and ambled down the way he had come from.

You're leaving, too. Youngjae crossed his arms over his knees and tucked his head low into that dark space. Everyone leaves. A single tear slipped free before he bit down into his knee to quell the rest.

He felt a light tap against his temple, thinking it had been a leaf from the tree overhead. He looked up and felt his heart squeeze with the kind of feeling the joyful memories of his past brought along. He had never been any gladder to have been mistaken.

Youngjae reached out and took the lychee drink from Yugyeom. Yugyeom plopped down next to Youngjae with a prolonged sigh. He kicked his long legs out in front of him as he said: "I hope you like it. I heard the locals hate it." He cocked a grin at Youngjae.

It took Youngjae a moment to make sense of Yugyeom's comment but when he finally did, chuckled softly. I love this. "Thank you."

"I didn't cut the grass before I planted the seeds because as silly as it sounds, what if whatever is planted here wants a little competition to grow?"

Youngjae scoffed. "What plant would want that?"

Yugyeom took a sip of his own drink. "The ones that can't stand being handed things. The ones that let others come before them. I don't know. Don't mind me." Yugyeom laughed. "On another note, what are you doing here? Class?"

Youngjae shook his head. "Yeah, no." From the corner of his eye, he found  a small smile playing along Yugyeom's face. Glad to know he had managed to achieve a reaction, Youngjae continued on: "I guess I needed a break from the busy bustle of life."

Youngjae had planned on telling Yugyeom that he came here because he forgot to take something home yesterday but he realized that Yugyeom deserved the kind of honesty he kept reserved for Yezi. In all his years, Youngjae had learned that honesty is the sole factor that builds and maintains relationships. So he made it the one thing whose visibility he kept locked away from others.

There was a calm stillness that washed over the two young men as they continued to bask in the taste of lychee.

"Well, good thing you came." Yugyeom set his drink down and stood. "Because I sure don't know where to find a microscope."

Youngjae pulled the drink down from his parted lips. "There should be one in your kit."

Yugyeom shrugged. "Unless the microscopes here are true to their name, I'm without one of two noninterchangeable items."

"There's no way the second can be yourself."

Yugyeom gasped. "You mean to tell me I can't be a walking spoiler?"

The idea of being able to throw away his indifference to someone whom Youngjae had only met days ago, felt foreign and dare he think, alleviating. "Well, in the meantime, you can borrow mine."

Yugyeom's eyes temporarily grew wide with excitement. He snapped his fingers and threw him a crooked, open-mouthed grin. "So long as you're not using it."

Youngjae shook his head. He finished his drink and reached out to grab Yugyeom's to throw away in the trash. In a moment of warmth, he found himself connecting with Yugyeom's fingers.

Yugyeom pulled back. A faint blush betrayed his otherwise composed expression. "Thanks."

Youngjae gave a faint nod. "You might want to talk to Jinyoung about getting you a microscope."

"If I can get him alone for even a second."

The two men shared a laugh. They both knew how difficult that would be given the circumstances. Now that spring had come, soccer season was in full swing. That gave Jinyoung all the more reason not to be kept away from his team, TWICE.

"You'll figure something out." Youngjae felt a genuine smile taking control of his lips as he looked up into the face of someone who was beginning to strike a chord in his heart.

Youngjae and Yugyeom worked along throughout the day with the same gentle calm that accompanied Youngjae on his best days of loneliness.

#

Youngjae had only just kicked off his shoes when the sound of his name being called out cascaded into his ears. Yezi stepped out from around the corner with a grin that could stretch to great lengths without coming anywhere close to an end.

"We should go with Jaebum to the new candy shop out on Hangyu Avenue." She peered over Youngjae. "Where is Jaebum?"

"Yezi-"

"Youngjae, if you kept him from coming in, I-"

"Yezi, he's gone."

Yezi chuckled. "Are you sure you didn't leave him behind at the grocery store?"

"If I had, don't you think he would have found a way back home by now? He seems awfully capable of a lot of things so why not that." He brushed by her.

Ignorning the protest in his head to not look, Youngjae glanced down at the coffee table on his way to the piano. The Eclair was gone.

Yezi caught up to him. Her hair was tied up into two high ponytails that bounced along as she walked. She stopped before Youngjae, bringing him to a complete stop. "Youngjae, you worry too much." She turned and walked on.

Youngjae directed his gaze to the world outside the window by his bookshelf. The soft green edges on the tree outside illuminated the lack of variance the monotonous blue sky offered. Today's color in the sky didn't give reason to feel melancholic over its appearance so Youngjae didn't dwell on the sight. He moved on to where a familiar scene assaulted his vision. Youngjae's mouth went dry. His heart skipped a beat as if taking the lapse in time to assemble the puzzled pieces of his memories into one coherent image.

Without word, he hurried out towards the backyard. He stumbled down the steps and skidded to a stop before he could run straight into the tree that had brought him nothing but fond memories.

Sharp edges in the bark, cut straight from nature's desire to incite an alarming sense of beauty. Small buds that hadn't yet bloomed. Slivers of green between patches of nothingness. Youngjae reached out and placed the tips of his fingers to the bark.

This particular tree was still a newborn; holding none of the magnificence the tree of his childhood exhibited. Of course, this tree wasn't the same tree from the days spent alongside his mother. Youngjae, of all people, should have known this. Nothing lives forever.

"Do you still believe Jaebum would leave?" Yezi stepped up next to Youngjae. She looked down at the tree, smiling because of how similar they were in both size and stature.

Youngjae took a deep breath in through his nose before exhaling slowly through his mouth. "Let's go inside."

After Yezi and Youngjae finished eating the Kimchi stew they had prepared, Youngjae walked Yezi home.

He was welcomed by Mr. Hoon who asked if Youngjae had eaten.

Youngjae smiled. "We actually already ate."

Mr. Hoon cocked an eyebrow. He looked down at Yezi who had since hooked her arm around his. "Oh, really now. Well, would you like seconds?"

Yezi grinned. "Dad, Youngjae has someone to be with." She winked at Youngjae before pulling Mr. Hoon along into the bakery.

Youngjae watched as they disappeared around the bend that led to the stairs before turning. He looked up at the sky. Only a few clouds dotted the growing ferocity of its orange being.

But Youngjae knew better than to think the clouds harmless tonight. After having sat through a countless amount of rainshowers, he had learned to treasure the sight of Nature as much as any of his other five senses. If the animals hid, then so would he.

He took a few steps forward in the direction of home when the first drops of rain showers plummeted onto his umbrella.

#

By the time Youngjae finished baking another of his favorite sweets, the rain had stopped. Dusk fell over the land in thick swaths that darkened with each passing sweep.

Youngjae trudged over to the living room and plopped down onto the couch, ready to search through the channels for something good to watch when a faint click resounded through the silence. He lowered the remote control and listened in for any more sounds but none followed suite. He stood and tiptoed over to the corner. Tucking his chin against his chest and laying his shoulder flat against the wall, he peered over the edge.

What he saw next sent both quiver and shiver rushing over his body.


	13. 『13』

"My king," He said. Youngjae's blood turned ice cold. How had He found him?

With a smile that Youngjae recognized as having made the oblivious housemothers giddy with anticipation, He unwrapped his scarf and set it on one of the pegs rooted into the wall. Little did the women of the orphanage know that behind The Director's handsome appearance and desirable mannerisms, a treacherous secret—from his bearing—bore into the hearts of the very own children whom they used to care for and love.

Did the Director continue to work at the orphanage? Or had he spent the past decade of his life trying to find Youngjae? Youngjae felt the bile in his stomach churning.

The Director stretched his arms out before him. Youngjae did not move. The Director scowled.

He always wore a coat emblazoned with a cross on the cuff. Today was no different. The shimmery material cast shiny streaks of prismatic light across its surface. Today's cross was red to match the maddening blaze of his dress shirt. Tomorrow's might be blue as repentance for the bodily crimes he would commit today. Or white. White was his favorite. You see, as a child, Youngjae's skin was as pale as the snow that blanketed the orphanage during the shortest and most silent days of the year.

In seeing the color white, the Director would be reminded of Youngjae and therefore, be kept from acting out without reason. He needed to be certain that a favor was in his future before punishing the other boys. Otherwise, he dare not act.

Youngjae tried to force his eyes shut but something inside of him refused to loosen its hold on the terror that flooded his body. He had learned how to keep his fears at bay and the negative emotions from overtaking the puddle of joy he had managed to regain in the years after his departure from the orphanage but in seeing the Director again—after nearly a decade of having lived with the tainted memories of his adolescence—Youngjae lost control. His emotional barricade splintered and disintegrated, allowing the pain to consume him.

The other boy's fears and tears pressed into all corners of his heart until it felt like he could not breathe. For the longest time, Youngjae had thought Death the only answer he could take as proper penance for having failed to protect the other boys. Even now, he realized, that thought to end his life had never truly left.

Youngjae looked on towards the large, gothic window that had suddenly replaced his front door. He could only hope that this was all just a dream. (Yet everything felt so real.)

The Director drew close to Youngjae from behind. Youngjae shuddered. There was no feeling. Only an existence.

"I hope no one has hurt you." The Director breathed into Youngjae's ear; heightening his need to move away from this dangerous man. But as much as he tried to push himself to move, Youngjae knew that his feelings were entirely one thing and his struggles another. No amount of mental probing could unroot him to the spot.

He was trapped. Stuck again in the body of his pre-adolescent self. Without selflessness and without a way to escape, no matter how often or how hard he tried.

"I missed you."

Youngjae's stomach swelled with revulsion. He tried to remain calm. He needed to be a doll; lifeless in character but beautiful in appearance.

Bemused, the Director tightened his grip around Youngjae's waist. Cold. His grip itself was death. "Do you know what I did to the little boy who threw mud at you yesterday?" The Director laid his spindly fingers on the edge of Youngjae's knee.

Youngjae shoved the tears away. He hated to think that this man would only ever feel sympathy for him—one, among tens of other boys whose happiness had been muddied since the Director's arrival.

With his unoccupied hand, the Director took ahold of Youngjae's and lifted it up into the air. The sheen on the cross drew Youngjae's attention further up to where the familiar glove greeted him.

After days of never having been seen without something to cover his hands, speculations arose as to what kind of disfigurement marred the skin on those limbs. Some even went as far as to say the Director carried a magical power that should never be used. Everyone who assumed so got one part correct.

But Youngjae knew the truth. There was nothing on his hands but skin equal in complexion to the impeccabilty on his disgusting face.

Youngjae felt a light tap against the back of his leg. He understood. He crossed his right foot over his left heel. A curtsy. Even now, the gesture came to him as natural as breathing.

Everything was odd. Youngjae had grown into a stature that would allow him the pleasure of trying to overthrow the Director. Yet he didn't dare try. He was a child again and as a child, the inescapable hopelesness of this hellish nightmare had returned.

The Director started inching his fingers up along Youngjae's inner thigh. "One touch." He stopped before he reached that which Youngjae had yet to fully understand as a tween.

"That's all it took for him to understand." The Director dropped his hand.

"But I'll never do that to you, my king." He wrapped his arms around Youngjae and with one kiss to his bed of brown hair said: "I love you."

╄

Youngjae sat up, eyes darting about frantically. A trickle of sweat rolled down the side of his forehead from where a thin strip had accumulated on his hairline. He huddled deeper into the couch until it felt like the cushions would protect him from the dangers the darkness held. 

It  _had_  all just been a dream.

Youngjae took a shaky breath in. He searched his mind for the good memories in order to help quell the raw emotions that run rampant over his nerves but the dread, the fear and the insurmountable sadness continued to cling to him like a beggar does to help. He doubled over into a fit of half-broken sobs and wails.

Everything had perished in the orphanage as soon as the Director arrived. The jubilation, the joy, the elation. Everything. And Youngjae was to blame. He would always be to blame.

Youngjae squeezed his eyes shut. The floorboards creaked and groaned under the weight of empty beds. A door. Soft light from the outside. A pair of well-polished shoes appear through the crack in the door. And than the doorbell jangles. He is trying to get in.

Youngjae's eyes snapped open. A fresh pool of tears mixed in with the sweat on his palms as he moves them from over his ears to his eyes. He slid to his knees. The image of his childhood opressors (who were soon to be oppressed themselves) flashed by. One boy after another. The faces began to blur and soon they were faceless. Youngjae jabbed his teeth into his bottom lip but the short burst of pain provided no comfort. He opened his mouth to catch a breath but ended up choking on the air meant to fill his emptying lungs. He swung his arm into the empty fish bowl before him.

It slammed into the ground and shattered a good distance away from where Youngjae slumped over into the snow-white carpeting.

#

Youngjae cracked an eye open after what felt like a few hours had gone by. He reached for his phone, accidentally dropping it into his lap. Only fifteen minutes had gone by.

He took a deep breath in. The air around him felt like it was below freezing. Goosebumps covered his arms and the hairs on the back of his neck stood on end. Without knowing where he was headed, Youngjae stood and walked over to the heating controller mounted onto the wall next to the kitchen's entrance. The temperature read 26 degrees Celsius. Surely, it was wrong. He turned the knob up until the number read 31.

That's when he heard it. A commanding voice from outside. Youngjae froze. He came close to praying to a God he knew did not exist. Please, let it all have been a dream. The door crept open.

Jaebum looked up from the decorated box in his hands. He broke out into a smile that lit up the entirety of his tired face.

"Youngjae-"

"Where have you been!?" Youngjae felt his muscles driving him forward before he could make sense of what he was doing. He shoved Jaebum backwards.

Jaebum looked up between his long, black lashes with an expression full of hurt and confusement. Creases marked the space on his skin where his eyebrows drew in over his face.

A swirl of emotions pulsed through Youngjae. He searched Jaebum's face to keep from succumbing to the sickly feeling rising within his stomach. He noticed something then that helped him focus on the visible—the logical—as opposed to his emotions.

Where smooth, clear skin once gave Jaebum a complexion to be envious of, two dark swoops now embraced the space below his eyes. It looked like he hadn't caught a single moment of rest in the time since his departure. But Youngjae's momentary release didn't last long.

Jaebum set the box down, turned without word and stepped out into the nighttime air. Youngjae stood there burning with foolishness, embarassed at having been ignored. He opened his mouth to say something when the door creaked open ever so slightly more. And in one whisper of a moment, a small dog appeared through the crack in the door.

Youngjae felt his heart swell. Lovely. Charming. Soft. A cloud of positivity passed through his mind until it was just as soon swallowed whole by a swarm of negativity.

Delicate.

Fragile.

 _Whisked away_.

The features on this dog were similar to those of Coco's. From two round eyes centered amidst a spool of white hair on either of its cheeks to a small, black nose that dotted its tiny, round face, Youngjae couldn't help but embrace the image of Coco whom he had managed to care for only a year before the accident took both her life and a chunk of his happiness with it.

He had already lost one dog so how could he bear to lose another friend?

Jaebum slid in with an ear-splitting smile. "Surprise!" he shouted. The puppy wiggled around in his arms.

Youngjae steeled his emotions so he could respond calmly but his resolve ruptured. (Or maybe it hadn't been there to begin with.) How dare Jaebum make decisions that didn't concern him.

"So now you even bring a dog home!? Unbelievable." He sat down on the hardwood floor. "What more do you need to do to be satisfied about ruining my life?"

"She's-"

"Just when I thought you were out of  _my_  life!"

Youngjae's breath caught in his throat. Had he just said that? His eyes watered and his throat screamed for release but he would bite back the pinprick of discomfort he felt if it meant keeping any sign of weakness from Jaebum's prying eyes.

Hadn't it always been like this? When Youngjae expresses what he wants to say, he is never heard but when he says what he does not mean to say, every last being attentively listens in.

The deafening silence continued to crowd around in the space between the two men; making room for the only sound Youngjae knew could be heard: his heartbeat. His heart struck the front of his chest like a child kept locked behind closed doors.

"Your happiness. That's all I want." It came as a whisper. Jaebum's voice had lost all of its enthusiasm.

"Than maybe you should have asked me before you went on your way to do whatever the hell you wanted."

Jaebum pursed his lips into a thin line. He looked down at the puppy who had since peed.

"I'll clean it up," Jaebum said as he set the puppy down on the floor. He pushed the box aside so the liquid couldn't catch up to it. "And I'm sorry, Youngjae. The puppy can be returned."

Youngjae stood. He looked down at the puppy. Enamored by the way it played around with the box, he stretched a hand out to call it forward but pulled back when Jaebum turned around.

"And I can give you whatever's within my powers but leave, I will not."

Youngjae looked on as Jaebum retreated into the kitchen. He returned his gaze to the puppy who peered at him with a certain inquisitiveness. Aren't you just being selfish? The puppy yapped.

Youngjae turned and carried his swollen heart up the stairs to the space where, ever since Jaebum's arrival, he had come to dislike.


	14. 『14』

Youngjae refused to close his eyes; knowing all too well that sleep was what he needed the least of right now. At least with his eyes open, he could control the terrors of this particularly restless night.

His left earbud popped out of his ear as he rolled over in bed. He picked it up and was just about to slide it back in when another thought demanded his attention elsewhere. He gave in and listened in for any sounds downstairs. Nothing but the soft rustle of leaves greeted his focused hearing. Maybe Jaebum really had left. Youngjae wouldn't be surprised to know. He wouldn't even put it past him at this point. He had all the right in the world to walk out on someone as insufferable as Youngjae had  been.

Youngjae sat up and nearly tumbled forward as the blood rushed to his head. It seemed like in the time he had spent crying silently to himself, every last drop of water in his body had been depleted.

He wrapped his arms around his chest. The cold was long gone, replaced by a growing heat that made Youngjae wonder what kind of feeling rested in the hollow of his heart. Where an abundance of emotions once crackled at the center of his red-hot hearth, an all-the-more familiar numbness had since fizzled them out; leaving behind an opening that Youngjae filled with self-loathing.

The enthused look on Jaebum's face, right before it was swept away by the loss of control in Youngjae, snapped into place. Youngjae's heart sank. Jaebum was not at fault. He could never be.

Youngjae was still stuck in the past and as he felt, without a way to escape. So he had taken the moment fueled by his fear and driven by his regret to attack Jaebum through the most powerful weapon of all: words.

Youngjae's moment of remembrance lingered on the feel of his hands pressed up against Jaebum's chest. To the feel of something influenced by positivity beating below. A heart.

An organ Youngjae had stopped exercising in both sentiment and value when it came down to his own emotions. He had no right to be happy. How could he when the other boys had been left tainted from an unwanted touch, while he, who was His favorite—His King—had left the orphanage unscathed.

So it was that on Youngjae's way to recovery, he had chosen the path that allowed the flux of negative emotions to guide him through life. And in the midst of succeeding to emerge from the thorny brambles, Youngjae had forgotten something equally as important as breathing.

He had forgotten how to love without reserve.

Thoughts of the single-bedroom apartment from his childhood blurred into focus. From the beaded curtain that had been created by taking the collectible tokens found in the brand of chips Youngjae liked best to the throng of objects his mother would bring home from her actual job as a hotel attendant, the little kitchen flared bright with detail. A flash of memories whizzed by until they stopped on the image of his mother holding the house phone up to her ear.

Bright, sunny. Dark, gloomy. Anyday. Most days. Anytime. Everytime.

The memory, regardless of a change in details like what she wore or how she styled her hair, was one and the same, brought together by intention. These were the times when she would use up her minutes chatting with the women who would call her for dating advice or marital problems.

At some point, being forced to hear the conversations because the walls were so thin became less of an annoyance to Youngjae since by that time, he had begun to discern the tenor of her voice to that which she said. He came to enjoy eavesdropping.

With listening in, came a longing. He wanted one of the business cards she would use to write her saying down on as she repeated the phrase to those distraught women. Self-created or self-taught, Youngjae had never once found the saying outside the sphere of his mother's lips.

Eventually, he realized how flawed his thinking of wanting a card was. He didn't need one. Not when he had other resources. So, he threw the thought out and turned to the childish journal he had been given to write down whatever he liked. He flipped to that first, clean page and spent a little over a week making sure each word he jotted down was right before finally signing off with his mother's name at the bottom.

The journal perished in the fire but by then the words were so heavily ingrained in his memory, that he thought even the angels who carried his mother away that fateful day would have been able to see the words etched on his soul.

_The bad things we do tend to stick around the most because there is always us to blame and the good things that happen tend to be buried away because there will always be someone to thank._

"So, sweetie, which one will it be?"

Youngjae tugged his hoodie off and ventured downstairs.

He lowered the thermostat's temperature to the degree he normally kept it on and like a nurse who needed to be reminded of where he last left his patient, crept towards the couch. He swallowed as the sight of a sleeping Jaebum filled his vision. The puppy lay nestled into the crook of his toned arm.

Youngjae used to fall asleep with Coco like this. He recalled the feel of her silky, smooth hair against his skin and smiled. His heart felt heavy again but not because of the swirl of despair that lingered from the dream. No. This feeling was a bittersweet type of sadness. The kind of blissful sensation that thoughts of having a companion brings along with it.

Youngjae sat down on the coffee table. As his fingertips brushed against the cool glass, a recollection of images from earlier tumbled to the front of his mind. He whipped his head around and scanned the floor for the fish bowl's shattered form; knowing that he had to clean it up immediately, lest he risk the puppy getting hurt. But instead of finding a shining splatter of shards, he discovered a polished spot on the floor. Youngjae darted his eyes back towards Jaebum who continued to sleep soundlessly.

He looked down at his knees and squeezed. I can't protect you. So why do you continue to stay? He looked back up at Jaebum as if expecting an answer. Silence.

Youngjae felt the temperature beginning to drop. He retrieved the blanket from the loveseat when an idea struck him.

He returned a few minutes later with a folded slip of paper in hand; of which, he set down on the edge of the coffee table nearest Jaebum. Underneath the flap, the words: "Don't take the dog home. We'll talk about it later," were written.

Feeling the cold beginning to seep into his bones, Youngjae hurried. He unfolded the blanket and slid it over Jaebum's legs.

"Welcome home," Youngjae whispered. He reached a hand out to touch Jaebum and let him know that he was here but drew back, alarmed. Whatever amount of strength he had garnered from his mother's words was gone now. He turned and ambled back to his room.

Jaebum waited a minute longer then necessary before cracking an eye open. A soft yip from the puppy who who seemed to be having a riveting dream—something fascinating enough to make him drag his paw down along the front of Jaebum's shirt.

"You hear that little one?" Jaebum planted a kiss next to the puppy's left ear.

" 'Welcome home.' "

The puppy started thumping its tail as if it were listening in. With both eyes closed and a smile tugging one corner of his lips up, Jaebum nestled deeper into the cushions. He allowed himself the satisfaction of sinking into a slumber that would give him yet another days worth of time. Time to win over Youngjae's trust. Because, as Jaebum had come to learn since his arrival, trust was what he wanted, needed, craved the most from Youngjae. Without it, he would never be able to see a Youngjae far removed from the pain and agony of what continues to plague his existence. And apart from having his heart, being able to see Youngjae smile without worry was the one thing Jaebum desired the most.

_Welcome home._

#

Youngjae's eyes languidly moved around the room. It was apparent that he was still stuck in a dream-like trance; unwilling to break free from that which brought him some measure of comfort. Because even as his world came into focus, the  feeling that the dream from last night had been just that—a dream—was difficult to shake.

It was unbearably hot but instead of removing the plush blanket heaped over his lower half, he chose to pull it up higher as he rolled over in bed. He closed his eyes in hopes of falling asleep again but an unresolved matter refused to let him sink back under. In a matter of seconds, he was wide awake.

He sat up and without paying heed to the fact that he had spent the last couple of days without taking his Vitamin C supplements, headed downstairs.

Youngjae walked past the living room, confused to see the note in the exact same place and what looked like the exact same position from the night before. Without sight of Jaebum or the dog to quell his doubt, Youngjae hurried on towards the kitchen. He stopped at the threshold when a soft padding greeted his hearing. He looked down and felt a crest of relief flow over his body. The puppy sat on the floor in a puddle of its own clear liquid.

Youngjae tsked. He bent forward to pick the puppy up and carry it over to the tub when a bright spray of light from the corner of his eye drew his attention towards the entrance. He watched as a familiar figure stepped in through the opening in the door with a bundle of flowers in hand. Jaebum looked up and understanding registered across his face. He slammed the door shut and rushed towards Youngjae.

Youngjae flinched as Jaebum wrapped his hands over his eyes. One of the flower's petals slid into his nostril, causing him to sputter and nearly sneeze. He reached up to pull Jaebum's hands away.

"Jaebum," Youngjae said with what he hoped was a voice not laced with annoyance.

Jaebum gasped and let go. "Sorry. I- Uh." He looked down at the flowers bunched into his fist. Laughing, he loosened his grip on the stems. "See, these were supposed to-"

Stopping midsentence, Jaebum pulled a particularly lively flower from out of his hand. It had a dazzling  yellow center rimmed in white—reminiscent of a firework in the second right after it unleashes its torrent of color into the nighttime sky.

He reached out and tucked the flower behind Youngjae's ear.

"Jaebum-"

Jaebum pulled back as if scorched. "Sorry," he whispered, his eyes downcast. He turned and walked into the kitchen and as he did, Youngjae realized that he had not minded Jaebum's touch.

Youngjae snapped out of his thoughts. He hurried after Jaebum but stopped short of taking another step forward once he was next to the thin kitchen island.

Jaebum, who was crouched behind the table, jumped out from his obscured position with the puppy dangling from his hands. "Surprise!" he said. "Although it's not much of a surprise, JunJun, here"—Jaebum raised the puppy up higher—"wanted to go through with it no matter what. I hope this is okay," Jaebum added on, almost immediately.

Youngjae didn't have to follow Jaebum's gaze to know he was talking about the stack of pancakes at the center of the folding table. The smell was delicious even if the edges were burned.

Jaebum walked up to Youngjae. He stretched his arms out until the puppy was but an inch away from Youngjae's chest. What would it feel like to reach out and grab him now? Youngjae knew the answer even before he curled his fingers into the dog's coiled hair.

"Don't say another word," Youngjae said.

Jaebum looked on, his jovial expression dropping to a gaze. "I'm sorry. It won't happen again."

Youngjae shook his head. He had said something again that didn't convey what he meant to express.

"I mean to say, let me apologize first."

Jaebum looked up and for an instant, Youngjae swore he saw his eyes gleam. The clarity one could see in a pair of eyes reminded Youngjae of the fake crystal earrings his mother used to wear all the time. They had been a gift from him for her twenty-seventh birthday—the year the last of Youngjae's paternal relatives disowned him.

Youngjae knew she would be lying whenever she told him how expensive she looked with them on. After a few uses, the stones had begun to cloud over and their hinges had begun to rust. What Youngjae had failed to realize as a child, he later came to understand as a young adult. They hadn't _made_  her look expensive. There was no need for that when his mother had already birthed her greatest treasure. No, the earrings had made her _feel_  expensive.

These earrings come from the heart, she had said one night after tucking Youngjae in bed. Your heart.

Sad, that Youngjae could not recall that time in his life. Or the times she would wake up early Saturday morning to make him seafood soup; on a tight budget. Or the times she would twirl around with him in pace to whatever distorted tune was playing on their rundown radio with the missing dial. Youngjae felt a surge of tears accumulate at the front of his waterline but he forced them back under.

His diary had told him all he could not remember about their times spent together.

"I'm sorry," Youngjae said, surprised to hear how breathless he felt on the inside.

Jaebum set the puppy down. It whined for a minute before maneuvering its small body towards the source of that delicious smell.

Youngjae had been so busy paying attention to JunJun that he did not notice Jaebum closing the distance between each other.

Youngjae faltered. Jaebum was too close.

 _Too close_.

Youngjae thought to take a step back when Jaebum caught him by surprise, derailing his thoughts and ability to focus on anything but what stood in front of him. Jaebum's forehead was pressed against his. Youngjae looked up, only to be met with the same set of rich brown eyes he took note of soon after he found him in place of the fish.

"God, you drive me insane. There's nothing worse than not knowing what the other person is thinking."

Jaebum looked down. He took a deep breath in before exhaling slowly. "You know I'm here. And I'll always be. So when you're ready to talk, please, don't think I wouldn't want to hear it."

There was a pause in which Youngjae paid special attention to the warmth that emanated from Jaebum's forehead.

"Anything. Let me hear it all and once you're done, if sharing isn't enough to make you smile, I'll take it all. The tears. The anguish. The pity and sadness. Everything."

Jaebum pulled back but his eyes remained trained on Youngjae's delicate face. "If only you'll genuinely smile."

"In sickness and in sorrow. What is this? Some kind of-" The words had slipped off of Youngjae's tongue before he could register their meaning.

Jaebum smiled. "Marriage? Only if you want to." He pulled back with a smirk. "Of course, we would need a babysitter. There are some things cute babies like JunJun don't need to hear."

Youngjae didn't pay Jaebum any attention. He was busy watching JunJun struggling to lift himself onto a chair. With the faintest gesture of a smile, Youngjae started moving towards JunJun. "Let's go eat."

Youngjae spent that breakfast listening in to Jaebum's story of how he got JunJun.

Knowing that he needed money, Jaebum searched around town for any job openings. Eventually, he found a local fisherman who needed help reeling in his afternoon catch.

"Said he didn't have his son-in-law working with him because his blistered hands were still healing from their last trip out to sea," Jaebum said.

After having delivered the fish to the elderly man's front door, Jaebum used the money he earned to catch a ride into the city. There, he found another handful of odd jobs from transferring barrels of logs from one backyard to another to mowing lawns. Soon enough, he had enough money to buy the dog who had stolen his heart that day at the mall. But his name in itself didn't suffice when asked for identification. Jaebum headed out, disheartened. He didn't want to go back home empty-handed but he also didn't know what to do.

"Cheer up, young man. I've got one at home, if you'd like to see," the round woman who had followed Jaebum out of the store said. "Besides, buying a dog is the last thing you would want to do."

Perplexed, Jaebum asked: "Why is that?"

Youngjae interjected. "Did you go _home_  with her?"

Jaebum nodded.

Youngjae sighed. He felt like shaking some sense into Jaebum but at the same time, he knew there was no point in reprimanding him for something that had already occured. And the more he thought about it, the more he recalled how open and free the sea must be. When an animal does something, the action is never laced with malice. The animal does the things it needs to do to keep alive, unlike humans who are capable of making decisions driven by emotion. "You can't follow a stranger around just like that. Next time, excuse yourself and leave."

"But she was a really sweet lady. No harm done in trusting someone who would never hurt you," Jaebum said.

"And how do you know that?"

"I... I guess I sensed it. Maybe my instincts are still part fish."

Youngjae leaned back in his seat. "Say you will never go by yourself again."

"And?" Jaebum said, circling his hand forward.

"And nothing," Youngjae said. "I'm waiting."

Jaebum looked down, a frown creeping up over his mouth. "I won't. I promise."

Youngjae rolled his eyes at the mention of a promise. They were empty words used to blanket a sense of security that things might just stay the same. "Keep going."

So it was that Ms. Kun spent the ride out to her home explaining to Jaebum about the dangers of buying an animal. "One should always adopt because when you do, any sudden urges are eliminated. You go to the trouble of adopting because it's what you really want unlike with buying when your decision can be altered by impulse."

She laughed. "Sorry, I'm not being strange, am I?"

Jaebum looked over at her from having wondered what Youngjae thought on the matter. "No, I think it's a wonderful mentality."

After a fifteen minute ride that passed by in a blur of pasture for miles to see, they arrived at Ms. Kun's home. She lived in a ranshackle kind of living space. The paint on one of the four walls was peeling off and as far as Jaebum could see, a thin layer of dirt lay splattered over that same wall's lower half. The roof had been patched over multiple times with different colored bundles of rice straw and the rain from that one night's downpour had brought along a flood that caused one half of the now-unused watering shed out back to collapse in on itself.

"Everytime my daughter visits, she complains about the cleanliness in here. But what can I do? My animals deserve the best treatment and that includes a shower inside."

So it was that as soon as Jaebum stepped into her house, he noted not the gleaming oak panels, the ceramic tiled floors or even the crystal chandeliers hanging above but the puppy who came tumbling down the stairs, nearly tripping over his own front paws, every few steps.

"No one who has come around wants him."

Jaebum looked over at Ms. Kun. "How could anyone not love him?" Jaebum laughed as he struggled to free himself from another onslaught of the puppy's wet kisses.

Ms. Kun smiled. "Do you see his left eye?"

Jaebum looked down at the puppy who was now struggling to balance his weight on his hindlegs. There, in his left eye, a thin milky film covered the entirety of his iris and pupil.

"He's blind in that eye. His seven other brothers and sisters have all gone to good homes but he's still stuck here because of it."

Jaebum knew what he wanted to do. He knew it the moment he saw the dog. Setting the pup back on its four legs, Jaebum slowly stood up and with a determined demeanor, stretched his hand full of crumpled bills out to Ms. Kun. "I'll take him."

And so it was that Ms. Kun did not accept his money in exchange for helping her get the puppy ready to travel to his new home. As they were bathing him, Jaebum explained that the dog was a present for someone he loved. She nodded along with a knowing smile. As a final touch, she tied a red polka-dot handkerchief around his neck.

"I don't need to tell you to take good care of him because I know you will," she said as she drove Jaebum back towards town. "So instead let me tell you this: Thank you for coming into his life." Youngjae's laughing face flashed before Jaebum's eyes. He looked up through the windshield towards the town that was becoming less of an outline and more of a painted picture. This town that had granted him the chance of a lifetime.

Jaebum set his fork down on the table. JunJun sat on the floor near his feet with his tongue hanging out of his mouth. "She gave me a bag full of kibbles to feed him with but he finished them all last night," Jaebum said as he piled what remained of his pancake onto the floor in front of JunJun.

Youngjae pushed his chair out. "That means we will be taking a trip to the store. Right now."

Jaebum licked the dribble of honey off his finger. "But before that, is it alright if I give JunJun some water in a cup?" 

Youngjae furrowed his eyebrows. "What have you been giving him water in since?"

Jaebum looked up, a sheepish smile overtaking his placid features. He cupped his hands together.

Youngjae shook his head. "I've got something we can use. Wait here."

Youngjae stepped out into the foyer. He meant to go straight for the drawer that had the keys needed to unlock the cabinet that held Coco's things but thoughts of what was in the box drew him forward. He looked over his shoulder before hurriedly pulling the lid off and taking a peek inside.

What he found inside left him baffled. Surely, Jaebum had chosen to ommit this part of the story. Inside, a certificate lay flat against the bottom of the box. The words "Choi JunJun" stood out to Youngjae. He read over the entirety of the paper a couple of times before closing the box and heading off towards the cabinet he hadn't opened in over four years.

#

"Grab something to eat for on the way back, if you want," Youngjae said as he picked out the largest watermelon he could find.

Jaebum nodded and disappeared; barely returning in time to see Youngjae was just about finished scanning his items.

"A second longer and I would have thought you let yourself be whisked away by some creep with candy."

Jaebum's nose wrinkled. "Were you worried?"

"No," Youngjae said without stopping to look at Jaebum. "If I were, I would not have started paying without you."

Jaebum sighed.

#

They were at a crossroads when Youngjae's ringtone blasted through the fabric of his pants. Youngjae pulled his phone out. With a glimmer of joy, he pulled his phone up to his ear.

"Yo-yo-yo-Youngjae." An intake of breath. "God, that was awful. I swear it sounded lovelier in my head."

Youngjae shook his head, a playful smile taking root over his lips. "Lovelier might not be the word you were looking for."

"But it is the word I would love to use to express my day today, if only I can make it that way."

"What do you mean?"

A brief, strained laugh. "State of emergency? I accidentally broke one of those vials next to the Fergesia."

Youngjae knew immediately what Yugyeom was worried about. While the liquid wasn't dangerous, it did have the potential to induce a fire under the right circumstances.

"Keep it from seeping into the cracks lining the walkway. I'll be there soon."

Youngjae hung up and spun around without pause. He handed Jaebum everything in his hands. "Head home and stay inside until I get back. Okay?"

Jaebum nodded along, not understanding what was going on. He opened his mouth to offer his help, but Youngjae was already headed in the opposite direction.

Jaebum heard a ping from one of the bags he held firm in his grip. He peered into every bag until he found Youngjae's phone laying on top of the dog treats.

He looked back and forth between the phone and the direction Youngjae had gone. With one last glance at the phone, Jaebum turned and headed on his way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter took a few pounds of my hair with it. Not an easy chapter to have revised. Heck, to have even written. I kept wanting to chuck myself over a window or something. lol Hope you guys enjoyed and stay tuned for the next chapter.
> 
> Love, Adrem


	15. 『15』

Youngjae stumbled into the greenery; taking a prolonged moment to catch his breath. The few times he had run quick enough to feel his blood threatening to burst from his body had always ever been to retrieve an ingredient or two from the grocery store. He would than hand them over to a frantic Yezi who would replace the used-up items in both location and quantity to make it appear as if she had never been in the kitchen at all. It saved her the hassle of having to explain to her mother how she had 'evaded' her grandmother—who would always fall asleep watching whatever drama she could find on TV at the time—to mess around in the kitchen without supervision.

At first, Youngjae, in fearing for Yezi's safety, would tell her not to do it again. But as the days went by, the times Yezi proved her maturity in the kitchen also increased in number. Not long after that first day, he stopped pestering her about the dangers of working alone. Of course, that hadn't meant Youngjae didn't teach her how to use a fire extinguisher.

Ignoring the web of pain that jabbed at his side, Youngjae hurried on towards the back where the vials from his previous experiment were hidden beneath the shade of an evergreen. He stepped into the crowded space and nearly stopped short of making his way towards the hunched over figure. Yugyeom was on his knees, leaning forward into the ground to inspect the liquid up close. To think that someone as good-natured and handsome as Yugyeom didn't mind looking the part of a fool in public ellicited a smile from Youngjae. Too many people worry about what others think to genuinely enjoy life.

"You're not supposed to smell that," Youngjae said as he handed Yugyeom a surgical mask.

Yugyeom looked up, any traces of amusement wiped clean off of his face. "You're kidding, right?"

Youngjae chuckled. "Yes, but this fixative—he slid a metal can out from under the rack—is going to smell atrocious." He uncapped the can in time to see Yugyeom hurriedly slipping his mask on.

Youngjae made sure the liquid wasn't anywhere near the cracks separating each large square from one another before carefully layering a coat of the fixative over the liquid. When the particles from the spray began to disipitate into the air, Youngjae opened his mouth to say: "The smell might even linger on your clothes if you stay within a two mile radius."

Yugyeom groaned. "This shirt could have bought me six bowls of ramen and now it's all ruined."

Youngjae looked over at Yugyeom, surveying him to understand if he meant what he said. Here was someone who surely had the money to buy things any materialistic person would drool at the thought of.

Yugyeom walked over and stretched his hand out. "But that doesn't matter. I could care less about things like that. What matters is that I caused the problem so I should be the one to fix it."

When Youngjae didn't hand the can over, Yugyeom squatted in front of him and asked again. "Please?" He raised one end of his lips up to reveal a crooked tooth near the back.

"Not this time." Youngjae stood and moved to the other end of the square before layering another coat on top. His head was starting to pulse and a wave of nausea was beginning to accumulate in the pit of his stomach but instead of attributing it to the lack of Vitamin C in his body, he thought it was the horrid smell coming from the fumes. "What I said holds true, though. Never forget to wear your lab coat. You pose a serious risk to yourself when you show up here without one on."

Yugyeom sucked on his bottom lip, his eyes following the movement of Youngjae's hand. Sensing that it sounded too much like a scolding, Youngjae scoured his mind for something else to tack on. He was just about to say what he had settled on when a tidal wave of dizziness slammed into his body until he saw a neverending sea of black. He stretched a hand out to catch himself before he could slam into the ground but his muscles wouldn't latch onto his command. Youngjae yelped as his shoulder crashed into the ground.

"Youngjae!" Yugyeom kneeled beside Youngjae, the space above his right eyebrow rumpling with worry. "What's wrong?"

"Hey, I'm okay."

Yugyeom stripped himself of his windbreaker and folded it.

"Stop."

He lifted Youngjae's head to slide the jacket underneath when five cold fingers grazed his skin. Yugyeom looked down to see Youngjae's fingers laced around his wrist.

"I said stop." Youngjae sat up slowly. He slumped forward, his chin tucked against his chest with his eyes shut tight. "I'm okay, really. Just. Five seconds, okay?"

Yugyeom nodded despite knowing that Youngjae would not be able to see the gesture. After a droll of time passed by, Youngjae cracked an eye open and than the other. The darkness started to fade as his eyes grew accustomed to the bright, vibrant space around him. "This happens when I don't take my Vitamin C supplements." He swallowed whatever bit of saliva he had in his dry mouth.

Yugyeom was on his feet in an instant. "Don't you worry. Be back in a flash with those supplements." He snapped his fingers and dashed off before Youngjae could say anything against it. Youngjae pulled himself to his feet and closed his eyes, letting the welcome emptiness give him a moment to collect his strength.

Back at his workstation, Youngjae pulled open his desk drawer and reached for his bottle of Vitamin C. He let his fingers graze over the cool plastic sticker as the memory of Yugyeom heading off with a passionate intensity replayed in his head. There shouldn't be any harm done in spending a little more time without taking his recommended dosage. He had already gone a couple of days without doing what he had routinely done for the past several years.

"What is another half hour of my life without Vitamin C?" He blew a gust of air out through his nostril.

"That sounds like it can kill you."

Instinctively, Youngjae tensed up, slamming the drawer shut as he whirled around.

"Do you want to die?"

"Who are you?" A shadow of doubt passed over Youngjae as his eyes caught on the insignia emblazoned on the left pocket of her lab coat. The gold-colored pair of needles set before a dark green patch of land was only ever used by the Biology/Biomedical students. As per anyone who cared about society's expecations, being accepted to this department was the greatest honor anyone within the city or town could have if they attended either University.

"Oh, I apologize. I hope that wasn't rude of me." She tsked. "I didn't mean to alarm you."

Youngjae shook his head. "No, it's quite alright."

"That's strange. Isn't there two of you?"

Youngjae furrowed his eyebrows. It took him a moment to realize she wasn't talking about Jaebum but Yugyeom.

"He left to retrieve something." Youngjae felt his vision begin to swirl into a blur but he tried his best to clear it before he could let it overtake him again. He didn't need sympathy from a complete stranger.

"I must have come at the wrong time but I'm already here, sooo..." She grinned from ear to ear, her smile never quite reaching her eyes. "On behalf of the Biology department, I came to extend an invitation to the botany students. We've planned a retreat for the Juweok Mountains to take place next weekend. It'll be a two-day, two-night stay. All expenses paid." She made sure to pronounce every word from the last sentence with distinction.

Her watch beeped, signalling the change in hour. With a smile that accentuated her doll-like features, she curtsied the exact same way Youngjae used to all those years ago. Any icy cold chill rippled over his skin, knocking every last ounce of fatigue straight out of his body. He must be losing his mind. It was just a curtsy. Like any other. Nothing more.

"Details in the formal invitations to be delivered soon. I hope to see you all there." She stopped just before the evergreens that hid one half of the walkway from view.

Youngjae was sure she was going to say something else but realized she had been watching someone approach when Jaebum appeared from behind the thicket. Jaebum?

Youngjae stood up straight, his vision temporarily knocked askew from the sudden movement. He clutched the back of his chair in time to keep from stumbling around. The second Jaebum walked by, the girl continued gliding down the paved walkway. Not once did she look back.

Jaebum met Youngjae's questioning gaze head-on. He shrugged. "I don't know who she is."

"That's not what I'm asking."

Jaebum's cheeks reddened. "S-sorry. Um. Than what was it that you wanted to ask?"

"What are you doing here?"

"Delivering a very important item to you." Jaebum pulled out Youngjae's phone. The back cover was wet with splotches of sweat.

Jaebum followed Youngjae's line of sight. "The drawstring broke last night." As if that could explain why he had to stick the phone into his underwear.

"You should have told me. I would have fixed it."

Jaebum looked up, surprised. His eyes held steady as he said: "Well, there is this one huge hole..."

"Where? Let me see."

Jaebum lifted his shirt up and already had a few fingers wrapped around the front of his joggers before Youngjae could thwack him in the back of the head.

"Don't do things like that in public," Youngjae hissed.

Jaebum burst out laughing as he pulled his shirt back down over the taut skin on his stomach.

Youngjae felt his nausea trickling away by the second, replaced by a familiar annoyance. Leave it to Jaebum to try and cure the world's illnesses with sexualized banter.

"I think it's all clean now," Jaebum said as he handed Youngjae the phone. Frowning, Youngjae took it in between his index finger and thumb.

"If that's all, you should head-"

"Youngjae!" Yugyeom's voice swept through the space before his body arrived. He slowed to a hault when he noticed Jaebum standing next to Youngjae. There was a tense moment of silence in which Yugyeom tightened his grip around the bag's plastic handle.

"Youngjae, who is this?" Jaebum asked.

Before Youngjae could introduce either man to one another, Jaebum stepped forward and introduced himself. Yugyeom stood rooted to the spot. The air grew frightful with piercing cold gazes and unwavering stances.

Sensing that Jaebum had made enough of a scene already, Youngjae stepped forward and took the pharmacy bag from Yugyeom's hand. "Thank you, Yugyeom. You really didn't have to." He slipped his hand into the bag and pulled out an aluminum packet. "What's this?" Youngjae asked as he pressed around the center.

Yugyeom's cheeks flared pink. "A cooling pad," Yugyeom said as Youngjae called it out. A grin burst over Youngjae's face. He looked back down at the bag to help steady the joy that lapped at his heart.

"I'll have to pay you back for these, you know."

"There's no hurry... But instead of money, I hope I can count on you for a favor."

Youngjae paused mid-stride. A favor? Asking someone for a favor was akin to revealing the inner workings of your heart. On any other occassion, Youngjae would have immediately found a way to excuse himself and immediately thereafter, gone about snipping whatever familiarity the other person thought they shared with him. But now, Youngjae couldn't help but think that there was nothing left to snip. The relationship between Yugyeom and Youngjae had already taken root.

Youngjae looked over his shoulder, a playful smile tugging both corners of his eyes up to create a look Yugyeom wanted nothing more then to remember for life. Pictures be cursed if he could have this for the rest of eternity.

"A favor for a favor."

From in front of Youngjae's desk, Jaebum stood watching the exchange with a defiant gleam in his eyes.

Later that afternoon, right after Youngjae and Jaebum departed from the conservatory, Youngjae stuck his hand out in front of Jaebum.

"I fed JunJun before coming here, if that's what you're worried about."

Youngjae shook his head. "That's not why I stopped you. You said you needed a new pair of pants, right?"

Jaebum's brows drew in over his impeccable face. "Yeah. I guess."

"Good. Let's go get you a pair."

Youngjae and Jaebum hopped off of the bus before a crowded strip of clustered shops and stores. The smell of cooked noodles and the less ginger smell of pickled radishes and onions wafted through the air as they headed deeper into the mass of people.

After having sat down to eat dinner, they approached a mall that paled in size to the one they had visited some time ago.

"This looks expensive," Jaebum said. He tilted his head back to get a better view of the building—with its clean edges and pristine surface—but looked down as soon as his eyes connected with the sun's dazzling rays.

Truth being that the place  _was_  expensive but Youngjae had some money saved up from the times he had a little leftover after having paid off his monthly expenses. "Come on."

They entered through way of the gallery. Droplets and splotches of paint against white canvases disappeared behind them as they stepped through another pair of glass doors and into the mall's east wing. Both the east and the west wing featured a wide array of boutique stores down the lenghts of their corridors but unlike the west wing, the east wing's air didn't carry with it the smell of food from sweet treats to fried food.

Youngjae had forgotten just how well-lit and polished the entirety of the building was. From floor to ceiling, bright lights eliminated every inch of darkness without jarring the occupants with its vibrancy.

"Alright." Youngjae gave himself a firm nod. Turning to Jaebum, he said: "If anyone tries to stop you, politely excuse yourself. No falling behind." Of which, he meant no being stopped by the saleswomen scattered throughout the store they were just about to enter. But Youngjae knew better than to tell Jaebum this. He could guess this for himself. "Okay?" Youngjae knew just how dangerous places like these could be to the people who didn't have a way to pay for the items being sampled.

Jaebum nodded. And not-so surprisingly, they—well, no, just Jaebum—was approached by nearly every woman working in the perfume/make-up department floor.

"So handsome."

"What tender skin."

"Such strong arms..."

And on and on and on; in a neverending cycle of and giggles and playful banter, touches and gazes.

Youngjae had to admit: the one that flanked Jaebum to his left was smart in her tactic. Making it appear as if she were just shifting from foot to foot when in actuality, she was shuffling ever closer until finally, her hip clashed with his.

Youngjae stood watching because he couldn't very well leave Jaebum. After what seemed like another layer of skin was sloughed off of his skin in reference to the time spent here, Youngjae's phone pinged. He kept his chin cusped in his palm and his eyes trained on Jaebum as he pulled his phone out. He briskly tapped on his phone messaging app. It was Yezi.

_Wedsenday's the day! (≧▽≦)_   
_..._   
_눈_눈 I visited you earlier but neither you or Jaebum were home._   
_So I taped the invitation to your door._   
_(o´▽`o)_

_What is up with all of these thingys??_

_Thingys!?_  
 _Youngjae, these are only the cutest things to have graced you today. (hahaha that rhymes)_  
A prolonged pause.  
 _Unless you're seeing more of Jaebum. (✧≖‿ゝ≖)_

Youngjae scowled. Here she was playing up to her pervertedness.  
 _What are you saying? Yezi. You're only 12._

_12 and alive._  Youngjae skewed his mouth to the side.   
 _But what are U talking about. Geez. Dirty adults and their dirty minds. I meant seeing his heart._

Of which, Youngjae wasn't entirely sure was true.

_There's nothing_ -   
But Youngjae stopped short of typing out that thought when he felt a presence standing over him. He looked up to see Jaebum grinning down at him with a poker hand composed entirely of samples.

The words flit by on a murmur that Youngjae heard loud and clear.

"Do you see his hair?" Said someone within the group of teenage boys passing by. "Looks like he fucking raided the shop my girlfriend works at." Youngjae knew Jaebum heard it too by the way he flexed his jaw. Before the situation could escalate, Youngjae grabbed Jaebum's hand and pulled him along towards the escalators on the opposite end of the store but not before the words: ''Fucking homosexuals." could push through the boy's lips in one soundless breath.

Youngjae and Jaebum rode the escalator in silence. It wasn't until they reached the top that Jaebum looked over at Youngjae who wore the same indifferent expression.

"I'm sorry."

"For what?"

Jaebum looked down at his shoes. "I wouldn't mind shaving my head if it saves you the trouble of being called out in public."

Anger was the first to pulse through Youngjae. How could Jaebum apologize for something that didn't distinguish who he was a person? But soon after, a trough of sympathy washed away the surge of negativity inside.

"There's nothing wrong with how you look. Don't let those idiots bring you down. They mentioned your hair because they had nothing else better to discuss with each other."

Youngjae nibbled on his bottom lip. He steadied his thinking and before he could catch the words from tumbling out, he said: "Your purple hair is beautiful." Swallowing thickly, he thought to quit talking now but the words he wanted to say lumped together on the tip of his tongue—threatening to constantly resurface in his mind until they could see the light of day. "Like your name, your hair is a part of who you are and like your name, it doesn't define who you are."

Jaebum's lips parted slightly and before he could take action for himself, Youngjae raised his hand up with the pinky finger lifted up high over all the rest. "There's nothing wrong with how you were made." And so with an exploding sense of perpetual happiness, Jaebum took Youngjae's pinky in his own and accepted the promise that his Sprite had made unto him.

After having paid for the clothes they had managed to find on the clearance racks, Youngjae and Jaebum made their way towards the bus stop. But, of course, not before Youngjae could pay the pharmacy a quick visit.

#

The following morning, Jaebum woke up to find the bathroom door closed. Believing it to have been shut so whatever smell was inside wouldn't filter into the air outside, Jaebum opened the door. And was met with a surprise.

Youngjae spun around at the waist, groaning when his elbow hit the porcelain seat behind him. He hurriedly dropped his hands from his hair and shoved the box of hair dye behind him. "I... I wanted to try a new color. That's all."

Jaebum reached down and grabbed the box of dye wedged between Youngjae's ankle and the trash can. "Golden brown blonde is going to look wonderful on you." Jaebum smirked.

Flustered, Youngjae stood and tried to snatch the package away from Jaebum who continued to read over the instructions, all-the-while laughing and laughing.

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Hello again there, everyone! I would love to know if the emotion (especially with the scene in the mall) in this chapter felt jaded. Did you connect with either character?

And as always, thank you guys for giving me so much support from your wondrous comments to your kudos and to the bookmark surprises some of you have left me with. Thank you, thank you. Have a wonderful day.


	16. 『16』

The boy shuffled along towards the top of the emergency stairs, his eyes never once moving away from the floor. The song currently playing through his earbuds came to a close just as he reached the landing. Humming along to what he could recall from the beat, he grabbed his phone and selected another song. This one gave him a surge of adrenaline. He rode that wave as he pushed through the metal door with his shoulder.  
  
The sounds of people chattering and laughing welcomed him into the folds as he stepped out onto the concrete. The students on this side of the roof turned to size him up. His necktie was loose, concealing the school's insignia within a mass of crimson fabric and his shirt sleeves were rolled up to just above his elbows.  
  
Jackson peered up towards the sky but tilted his head to the side when his eyes threatened to spoil from the sun's bright rays. He noticed a familiar figure hiding within the ventilation system's shade. Keeping his eyes trained on the smaller boy, Jackson ambled over to him.  
  
BamBam was his name. Or so he thought. Jackson couldn't be sure when no one within his classes had talked to him outside of assignments and group projects. But Jackson was absolutely certain of one thing. BamBam wasn't from China.  
  
Yezi looked up from her manga. Carefully setting her bowl of rice onto the ground, she stood and sauntered over towards Jackson—who, from a distance, could easily be suspected of harassing the other boy.  
  
Jackson squatted down in front of BamBam. His elbows rested comfortably on his knees. BamBam scooted back a tad bit, his throat closing in around the ball of saliva he refused to swallow. He kept his eyes focused on the phone in his hands.  
  
"Wanna hang with us?" Jackson asked as he pointed in the direction where Yezi might still be eating her lunch.  
  
The boy masked his distaste for swallowing too quick with a string of coughs. His lips parted to speak but he willed them closed into a thin line. Shaking his head, he reopened his mouth and said, "I'm waiting for someone."  
  
Jackson had never met anyone with a voice as quiet as his—not even Yezi who admitted she was intimidated by him that first time she had to introduce herself to him as his guide.  
  
Jackson pursed his lips. After eyeing BamBam for a while longer, he made like he was getting up to leave. Overcome with relief, BamBam closed his eyes. Jackson took that moment to pull the phone away.  
  
BamBam looked up. The frightened, wild look about his eyes sent Jackson's curiosity speeding over the rail. He turned the phone around... and was greeted with his own reflection.  
  
A black screen.  
  
Jackson cocked the phone to the side with a smirk. "What's the timer on this thing?"  
  
Silence on BamBam's end. He kept his eyes trained on Jackson's pair of clean, seemingly brand-new Nike's. A brand he could have if he only bought a pair of knock-offs.  
  
Jackson stood and started to laugh. Heads turned to see what the commotion was about but when they saw it was only Jackson again, those not enamored with him turned back to their respective meals and conversations.  
  
"Come on, champ," Jackson said. He grabbed BamBam's bag and took his tray of food in hand before BamBam could object. "You wouldn't want to leave me all by myself, would you?"  
  
Yezi appeared behind Jackson with a scowl etched onto her face. Without making her presence known to Jackson, she raised her foot to tap the back of his heel but stopped short when she heard the boy speak up.  
  
"P-please, m-my phone." A deep, dark red spread around the entirety of his neck and ears. Jackson looked down at the boy—who was a full two heads shorter—and smiled. It was a soft, barely-visible kind of smile; the kind BamBam had thought was only meant to be shared intimately.  
  
Jackson agreed to hand the phone over if BamBam would follow them over to the area he and Yezi had shared since his arrival.  
  
#  
  
Jackson leaned back in his seat, the soles of his shoes squeaking against the metal railing lining the opposite end of his desk.  
  
He was looking out through the window, wondering if the snow here will remind him of home, when Yezi's phone vibrated. He looked around and to his sudden realization, the classroom was empty. His eyes darted to the windows. True enough to what he assumed, the bell must have rung because the students were piling out onto the soccer field and beyond.  
  
Jackson sighed. He didn't like losing himself to his thoughts in public. It added a touch of vulnerability to his exterior and the last thing he needed was for anyone here to wonder if he had something to hide.  
  
Plunging into his curiosity, Jackson reached over and picked the phone up off of Yezi's desk.  
  
Caller ID: Turpedo  
  
Jackson's eyebrows drew in over his face, forehead crinkling with confusement. He was just about to set the phone down when Yezi strolled in.  
  
She stopped short of taking another step towards her chair when she noticed her phone wasn't where she had last left it. She crossed her arms over her chest. "Jackson, where's my phone?"  
  
Jackson shrugged. "You sure you left it here?"  
  
Yezi raised her pursed lips until the top lip just about touched her nose. "You hid it. Where?"  
  
"Look for it in the hallway, near one of the three windowsills closest to the door."  
  
Yezi threw her body forward as if she intended to fight him before speeding out into the hallway.  
  
Jackson scrabbled to slide the phone into her backpack. He returned his gaze to the window with some seconds before Yezi reappeared at the door. She wrinkled her nose.  
  
A synthesized voice blasted through the room. It repeated the words "candy candy" for some time before moving on to a stream of Japanese. Jackson tilted his head to the side as he scrutinized the screen on his phone. When he felt Yezi near enough, he turned the phone around and cocked it slightly to the side. "Cute ringtone."  
  
Yezi rolled her eyes as she fished her phone out of her bag. "I should have known you would hide it somewhere in plain sight."  
  
When they reached the front of the school, she pulled a cardboard box from within her shoe locker. Jackson didn't need to see to know what was inside. The smell of baked pies and buttery bread embraced his sense of smell. It tugged at his stomach, making the bearable lump of hunger excruciatingly more painful. Jackson would much rather use the money to save up for the camping trip Yezi had said would take place in the break between semesters and he hated to ask his parents for any more money. His family was extremely well-off but he had promised himself he would only live off of his monthly stipend. No more than that.  
  
They parted ways at the second intersection from school. Normally, Jackson would pedal away on his bike to the family that had signed up to care for him but today was no normal day. Jackson wanted an answer that had left his curiosity parched from the unknown. Who was Turpedo and why was Yezi's nickname for him Turpedo?  
  
The latter was of significantly less importance than the fact that Yezi might be seeing an older man. Jackson knew what a sugar daddy was and that a lot of them were known to go after teenage girls but to think that someone like Yezi would be in on the idea left Jackson baffled beyond belief. He  _needed_ to know.  
  
He contemplated what kind of a man Turpedo was as he waited for the  traffic lights to change. After two intervals, he sped after Yezi who had since turned the corner around the other end of the park.  
  
As Jackson cruised through a particularly crowded street, he wondered if he had made a mistake in following after Yezi. She had mentioned her parents owned a bakery on one of the busiest streets in town. A trickle of doubt coiled around his determination, threatening to overcome his resolve from earlier. How could he be certain that she was headed for Turpedo's home? How could he be certain Turpedo was an older man? Just as he began to cave into the idea of following Yezi around, she turned onto a cobblestone alleyway. He rushed after her and found himself face-to-face with a quiet street full of houses overshadowed by towering trees and bundles of bushes.  
  
Jackson was onto something. He was sure of it now. He mentally gave himself a high-five before continuing after Yezi who had since to check over her shoulder even once. Figures. It's not everyday you're followed around by someone who wonders if you have a sugar daddy or not.  
  
Jackson watched as Yezi stepped closer towards a rusty garden gate. He half expected the door to fall to pieces but it swung open without protest. Jackson held his breath as he watched her walk up the cobblestone path. She had taken but one step underneath the awning when her phone ringed. Jackson swallowed. Let that be her parents, he thought. Someone that will keep her away from whoever was inside.  
  
"Oppa, I'm horny," she whined.  
  
His mouth fell open. Had he just heard that right? H-horny!?  
  
Jackson jumped off of his bike before he could topple over into the bushes at his side. When he snapped his attention back to the house, Yezi was gone.  
  
The sheer shock of it all propelled him to check the time. 3:47 PM. There was no way a sugar daddy would risk the possibility of being caught in broad daylight with an underage female student. Unless... The blood in Jackson's face drained away. Unless this sugar daddy enjoyed the thrill of doing perverse things in broad daylight. Jackson hurried towards the house. He peered around the edge of the bushes to make certain no one was around. All clear.  
  
He got off of his bike and slid it in between two of the bushes nearest the entrance before ambling to the front door. He pressed his ear to the wood and waited. The sounds of footsteps running down what might be stairs greeted his hearing.  
  
Jackson swallowed and loosened his tie even further. A trickle of sweat slid down his spine. There was no way the man liked to chase the girls around first, right? That would mean he was one of the creepiest sugar daddies out there. Jackson smacked his hand against his forehead. He needed to calm down. "Chill, Jackson, chill. This is getting out of control. You don't know for sure." Besides, you're only here to check up on her.  
  
Jackson tiptoed around the side of the house. Four windows lined this side of the wall. The largest of them all was closest to him, followed by another much-smaller window about five feet away. Another two windows lined the uppermost half of the wall; one of which seemed to be there purely for decorative reasons.  
  
Jackson swallowed as he made his way towards the back. There was nothing in sight but a sapling, a grimy pond and a few bushes clustered together in the corner closest to him.  
  
Jackson crept back to the largest window. He knew taking a peek from below the window would increase the likelihood of being caught. So he chose the alternative.  
  
Gripping the trim for support, he scooted in closer and in one single swoop of his head, took a peek in through the glass. He pulled back with a frown. Only a cheap, plastic table and some chairs stood in wait. Being able to look further in was obscured by a pale periwinkle wall.  
  
Jackson grumbled as he moved to the other side of the house. He hadn't imagined he would be working with someone smart enough to buy a house that would keep prying eyes from viewing what lay beyond the exterior. Lost in his thought, Jackson tripped over a rock and fell forward. The side of his shirt sleeve caught on a thorny bush as he crashed to the ground with a silent oomph.  
  
Cursing himself for not having brought a pair of spare clothes, Jackson threw his arm back over his head to help lift himself up. His fingers connected with something cold and hard. Before he could deduce what it was, an icy cold stream washed over the back of his neck and down his shirt. He jumped to his feet and tugged the fabric away from his back before anymore of the water could seep into his trousers.  
  
The sound of people talking drew near. Jackson scurried over to the wall. He waited for the people in question to bring his scurrying about to an end. Seconds ticked by and no one appeared. Only the birds were around to watch him and even than, they paid him no particular interest.  
  
Taking another deep breath to calm the swell of his blood, Jackson made his way towards the only window lining this side of the house. An odd design by nature but he knew better to expect any less from the mastermind who lived within this house.  
  
At this point, Jackson was tired of sneaking around. He could care less about being caught. If Yezi was in trouble, he would see to it that she be saved. No matter what.  
  
Jackson rose to his feet and looked in through the glass. He made no attempt to conceal himself from view. And as his eyes drank in the sight before him, his mind nearly lost its way.  
  
A stranger, strong and sturdy, stood in front of the bookshelf. Dark, dark lashes touched upon his glowing skin. An ear marked with a straight edge accentuated the perfect slope of his chiseled chin. And an electrifying tuft of purple hair sat atop a mass of black roots.  
  
His grandmother loved to tell him that when he sees someone whom he is destined to meet, a small part of his heart will rotate in place to capture the person's appearance before turning in again to lock that person in place. Could it be that was what was happening now?  
  
The man turned his head to the side. Jackson gasped and ducked down. His knees knocked against each other as he waited for the confrontation. But nothing came from it.  
  
He ran back to his bike and hopped on. His wrist caught on a bush and this time, he let out a howl. The front door crept open. Jackson had to battle the desire to surrender himself. He needed to get away.  
  
By the time Jackson made it back home, his thoughts were in shambles and his body was out of breath. Maybe his poetic grandfather would be proud to know that his grandson had spent some time today trying to make a daring comparison to the man he had seen today. And then it hit him. The realization that if he liked guys, he would never be accepted. He would be disowned from his family. And if he wasn't a Wang than _who_  could he be?  
  
Jackson shook his head. None of this made sense. He liked women. Had always fantasized about them. To think that his way-of-life had betrayed him so easily was incomprehensible. There was no way his reaction was spurred on by a sudden desire for someone of the same sex. Love at first sight was a myth. Even he knew that.  
  
Tomorrow, he would make certain of his hypothesis. And for that, he needed BamBam.  
  
#  
  
Later that evening, BamBam lay curled up in bed within the home of the family who had agreed to house him during his scholarly stay. The crickets and frogs played their customary ensemble as night toppled over onto the land.  
  
BamBam steadied his breathing as he waited for the call to connect. His phone ringed once before the person on the other end of the line picked up.  
  
"Baby! Hello. How have you been?"  
  
BamBam sensed a smile spreading wide over his mother's lips. The last time he had called was two days ago—the day he confirmed what he thought would go away if only he moved away from home for some time. "I'm good, Mâe." He thought he heard his voice quiver. But he wasn't afraid anymore. He had time to think his rash decision over in the time since and he came to the conclusion that it was right to do what he had done. He could finally move towards the future as his true self.  
  
"How is it over there?"  
  
BamBam felt a tear slide down his cheek. He hadn't even realized he had been crying. The tears must have been spurred on by the unknown; the fact that he still didn't know if his family would still accept him and more importantly, continue to love him.  
  
His mother breathed into the phone. "Any new friends?"  
  
BamBam nodded his head vehemently as if his mother could see him through the phone. When her question wasn't met with a response, she moved on. "We made even this month so don't you worry about getting a job over there. I've told you already. Your siblings and I are doing just fine without you taking care of us."  
  
"Mom, I love you."  
  
"I love you, too, Bhu. And listen. In the time since you hung up that night, I haven't thought about what you said. Because there was nothing to think about. We love you for you. We let you walk away with closed fists because we thought maybe you had wanted to leave because of us. But now that we know, we'll wait for you with arms spread wide. Enjoy your time in Korea and make us proud. We'll be waiting where you last left us."  
  
"I promise I will. I won't disappoint you, Mâe. I have to go. Bye."  
  
BamBam pressed his face into the pillow. His tears were uncontrollable now. They gushed out over his eyes like a cup of tea knocked over the table's edge. He was so happy. Beyond happy. There was no contempt in his mother's voice. Not a single ounce of disgust. And his mother was an honest woman. If she had felt any other way, she would have made it evident whether through tone of voice or through words.  
  
He let the tears yank him into submission. Cry, cry, cry. That's what he did that night until his tears clogged the edges around his puffy eyes. He could finally start moving towards a future that didn't involve denying his true feelings for the sake of his family. Eventually, sleep pulled him in tight and with one final, comforting squeeze, put him to rest under its spell.  
  
His phone pinged once, twice— followed by a dispersed trio of pings. His mother wasn't good with technology so she must have gotten one of his siblings to help after she realized she couldn't do it by herself tonight.  
  
The first message was one in error. The second message was a block of text that read:  
  
_You are not a disappointment. Bhu, please listen to me when I say we love you for you. We look at you and see you, Bhu. We don't see failure or a genetic mutation. We don't see what science tries to shove down our throats. We'll listen to what religion says but that doesn't mean we have to adhere by its rules. How could we when all I see when I look at you is my beautiful baby boy. 7 pounds when he came to me after delivery and now, a growing, young man who just won't stop eating! I love you, Bhu. Can't wait to see you in February._  
  
The cluster of dispersed messages was from his older sister. They read:  
  
_Shut the hell up, you dickwatt. You being gay makes no difference to us. We love you and that's that. So smile for us. (((You can be cute when you're smiling.))) Besides, if you keep looking gloomy, none of those Korean boys are gonna wanna know anything about your family and uhh, excuse me, have you seen how delectable I am?_  
  
_P.S. Snap a pic of a Korean dude. I'm tired of your friends coming my way, asking for a date. Like, no, Niran, I will not fucking go out with you. I only date guys my age._  
  
_P.P.S. You're gonna love the pics I'm sending you now. I swear no one told them to do it. And Panit doesn't even know about it, either! Mom literally just asked him if he would continue loving you even if you were gay, bi, a monkey, a four-headed lizard. Yah. You get the idea._  
  
There were two separate photo attachments. One featured a child of around seven years doodling on a piece of paper. The words "If you're gay, I always love you!" were sprawled out over the center of the page in disjointed patches and exaggerated curls. A giant pink heart wrapped around most of the letters.  
  
The second photo was of BamBam's fifteen-year old brother. He was turned away from the camera with the same annoyed expression he always bared. His chair was pushed away from the table, making the marker in his hand the only indicator that he had written what was on the paper laying on the table before him. That is, until the words on the paper are read.  
  
"You can finally break Bussaba's heart! Quick, do it now. There's still time for me to ask her out to the summer festival."  
  
And below that, written with pencil in the tiniest print possible, the words: "It makes no difference to me if you're gay, a duck or some old lady disguised as a prepubescent boy (disgustING). You'd still be my brother. No matter what. So worry about getting that scholarship and coming back home safely."

 

 

 

 

 

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I apologize, everyone, for the two day(?) late post. But, the chapter is here now! Hope you guys enjoyed it and super excited to know what you guys think about it.


	17. 『17』

Jackson tipped his head back and closed his eyes. In that moment, a flood of bright, white light infiltrated the darkness. He knew what was coming. It was the same image that had plagued his mind since yesterday afternoon.

Shadows, urged by their insatiable hunger to consume that which threatens to conceal their existence, launched themselves out over the white space until the light from before was swallowed whole. Than, as sudden as the shadows had come, an electric blue door materialized from within the darkness. And with it, Yezi.

Exuding a vibrancy that neither shadow nor light could come close to enveloping, she trodded towards the door. Jackson's muscles tensed. A growing, pulsing trickle of pain inched its way out along his mind until he could feel it knocking against the side of his skull. But before much else from his vision could be revisited, the school bell rung and the image dissolved.

Jackson's eyes shot open in time to see a group of girls dash around the bend up ahead. He took a moment at the foot of the stairs to berate himself for having been so reckless. He could have caused an accident.

Coughing to release the ball of air that gripped his throat, Jackson started on his way up the last set of stairs. On his way up, his thoughts returned to the image of Yezi disappearing into that stranger's house. The action had brought about a multitude of questions, the least of which had prevented him from falling asleep. Not even Chaerin's bottle of lavender perfume had soothed his frazzled mind.

In the end, he had decided to do something productive with his temporary insomnia. He had turned to the Internet. From searches like "signs u like guys" and "how to know if you're gay" to eventually winding up on sites where the images of thousands of hairless young boys could be perused through, Jackson had come to one singular, startling conclusion.

Nothing.

He felt absolutely zero attraction towards someone of the same sex. Not a single fiber in his body flared at the sight of another male. His heartbeat didn't accelerate, his hands didn't turn clammy and he would bet that not even his pupils had dilated—a surefire way of knowing that whoever is right before you is the person your body registers attraction towards.

Needless to say, Jackson was left feeling stupefied. How could only one man in particular evoke some uncontrollable sense of attachment in him? And if it was true that he was attracted to the opposite sex than how had he not noticed until now?

The God of Washing Ass knew just how often Jackson would use the saunas after fencing lessons. Jackson had seen his best friend, who just so happened to be a guy, strip in front of him an immeasurable number of times. He reasoned that if he was gay, he would have come to realize it by now; if not through Jianyu than at least through one of the other hundreds of naked boys who also frequented the saunas and washing rooms after practice.

Jackson was known for being fickle. He couldn't wear socks that weren't 100% cotton and he wouldn't drink certain beverages like those that contained banana fruit preservatives. That much was true. But to think that his selectivity had even extended as far out to the choice in men his body favored was an exaggeration even Jackson didn't want to believe. What did the purple-haired man have that no other male did? There had to be something more to this attraction.

The more Jackson thought about it, the more he wanted to forget that he had a fully functioning brain. Whatever was happening to him was never going to be explainable!

He forced his thoughts to the kinds of plates Mrs. Lim would prepare for dinner later tonight. If he wanted to do what he felt he had to do afterschool than he needed his mind cleared of all other serious topics. He needed to keep reserved what little energy he had gained during the hour-long nap he managed to fit in before his alarm rung at 6 AM.

In his daze, Jackson failed to notice his legs had stopped moving. Looking up, it took him only one tick of the clock to know he was not standing before classroom 707. His classroom. He searched the room for any familiar faces. His eyes locked onto Yezi's gaze head-on. She raised her hand to wave just as he lowered his eyes to the ground.

Before he could tempt himself to look back up, he sped down the hallway towards his own homeroom and like the guilt-stricken thief he had promised himself he would not act like, ducked into his classroom.

At his desk, he leaned back in his chair. He had done the first thing he had been adamant about not doing. He had ignored her.

There was no way she would want to talk to him again after having ignored like so. He sighed as he picked up the pencil nestled in between his college-ruled notebook. He swept his eyes around the classroom once before looking up at the blackboard.

The sound of a book's pages being turned shattered the room's silence. Jackson realized why the topic of today's discussion looked foreign to him. He directed his attention to his copy of The Guide to Literature During 21st-Century Beginnings. For the first time in forever, Jackson had not done the readings for today's class. He had not done his homework. He had not done what was expected of him.

# 

Jackson did not move from his seat when the lunch bell rang. He turned his attention to the front of the classroom until he was certain Yezi would not appear in the doorway. Seconds ticked by and a crick was beginning to form in his neck before he thought it safe enough to re-direct his attention towards the window. He started to turn his head when a group of giggling students clambered out of their seats, one chasing after the other. As soon as they parted ways from the door's threshold, a lone figure came into view. Yezi stood on her toes, the fingers on her left hand wrapped tight around the metal handle of her personalized lunchbox as she scoured the tops of students heads for someone in particular.

Jackson's mind was already buzzing with confusion and a dull touch of uncertainty when she spotted him. She smiled and threw her hand up over her head; high, high into the air before rushing over to him as fast as she could without tripping over bookbags or bumping into anyone. But Jackson was quicker. In the snap of a finger, he was on his feet and rushing towards the other half of the room. He had made it to the front of the classroom before Yezi had a chance to understand that he wasn't rushing over to greet her. Her shoulders slumped and she pretended to have gotten the wrong classroom before turning to leave.

Jackson, on the other hand, was already halfway down the set of stairs that led to the third floor. As soon as he reached the landing, he pressed his body against the wall and slapped his hand against the hollow of his chest. He questioned why he had run away from her. It made no sense to have done so when all morning long, the idea of Yezi wanting to have nothing more to do with him had kept him from paying attention in class. He had wanted things to be okay between them and now that he knew they were, he had gone and screwed up a _second_ time.

Jackson blew away the strand of hair that had escaped from the gel-backed monstrosity perched atop his head. He was surprised to know no adult had pointed out his need for a haircut when tale after tale had been whispered to him about how strict Korean schools were about the rule for guys to keep any and all hair off of their face. With an exaggerated harumph, he lifted his shoulders and headed back towards the third floor. The poisonous thoughts in his head would not stop him. No way.

As soon as he climbed the stairs, he noticed a figure leaning against the windows at the far end of the hallway. Her head was scrunched forward and her shoulders were curved inward. Yezi was furiously typing away at the screen on her phone.

Jackson walked with a deliberately slow and calculated pace. It wasn't until he had himself hyped up enough that he strode forward the rest of the way with unrelenting enthusiasm.

Yezi looked up at him and scoffed. "And who do I owe the honor of speaking to? Because, surely, it can't be Jackson. Not when he stopped talking to me this morning."

Jackson stopped short of another step. He threw his hand behind his head and gave an awkward laugh. Yezi rolled her eyes before returning to the dark screen of her phone. Unbeknownst to Jackson, she was looking at a jumble of random characters that she kept erasing and rewriting every so often in her notes app.

"I wasn't ignoring you. It's just-" Jackson took a deep breath in and before he could let the part of him that wanted to avoid confrontation take control of him, he spoke. "What do you do after school everyday?"

Yezi looked up from her phone. The hallway was cleared out and calm, a deep contrast to the clamber of thoughts within her mind. She peeled her eyes away from the impeccable, white wall in front of her to give Jackson a quizzical glance. "What?"

"Okay, let me rephrase that. What did you do afterschool yesterday afternoon?" The last word fell on an accusatory tone. Jackson knew it, too, because he thought about apologizing. But this was no time to derail the conversation. Not if he wanted to get her to open up about whatever predicament she may be in.

Yezi shot forward. The charms on her bracelet jangled as she turned to face Jackson. She was two full heads shorter than him but with her chin tilted up high and her eyes never once wavering, Jackson was the one who felt a thousand feet shorter. He had the sudden urge to dismiss the situation before it could escalate. But, he was only trying to help and if he had to suffer through her fury to get to the truth than so be it.

Jackson took the few moments between licking his lips and pretending to swallow the ball of saliva that didn't exist in his throat to reinstate the courage that remained inside of him. "Yezi, if you're in any sort of danger, you would let me know... right?" He looked down at his worn sneakers. In his rush to get to school on time, he had forgotten to slide on his newest pair. The pair he was wearing now were the ones he used back home to clean out the chicken coops or when playing ball with friends down by the pier.

Yezi sighed. "If there was any danger worth mentioning, I wouldn't exactly be here."

Jackson glanced up. The tinge of anger in her voice was gone. She was back to being the Yezi he had known all along and while he would have liked to keep things like this, he knew it would do nothing for his conscious later on.

"I mean with your body... being touched by..." He shrugged his shoulders. "Well, you know."

"No, I don't know. What has gotten into you?"

What has gotten into you? Jackson wanted to laugh, if only to break the tension that gripped his shoulders like heavy-weights from one of the many weight-loss reality TV shows that became the prime form of entertainment back in China recently. "Has a certain purple-haired man been coercing you to do anything weird?"

Yezi's eyes drew closed into slits. "What?"

"Does the phrase: 'Oppa, I'm—he swallowed—h-horny.' sound familiar to you?"

Yezi tightened her grip on her phone. "Did you by any chance follow me home afterschool yesterday?"

Jackson looked away before Yezi could capture his gaze. "I only meant to check up on you. Make sure you were okay. I didn't see anything if that's what you're worried about. And even if I did, I promise not to tell anyone."

"Shut up," Yezi whispered. The words barely escaped her lips.

"It's not in my right to tell others what you're doing. But I want to make sure you're doing it for you and only you."

"Shut up."

Jackson shut his mouth. He shoved his hands deeper into his trousers. On any other occasion, he would have been cautious about rubbing his knuckles against the thin fabric of his pockets.

"Thank you for assuming something like that about me. You've really livened up my day." She took a step back and cupped her hands together. With one deep intake of breath, she said: "Jackson Wang, pervert extraordinaire and guilt-trip jerk. Got a secret even you don't know about? Well, guess what? He'll let you know what it is! Hoo-rah!"

Jackson stretched his arms out to quiet her down but Yezi paid him no attention. She pressed on.

"Not to mention that the secret is based on his imagination running wild." She lowered her hands and turned to face Jackson. "A sex slave? Really?"

Sex slave. A wave of nausea crashed right through his gut. Was that what he had unknowingly been trying to insinuate with this conversation?

No... No way.

"I don't have to explain myself to you so I won't. But just to quell that ridiculous imagination of yours, I was waiting for my friend to show up so we could practice the piano."

He had thought the worst about what he had seen—or the lack thereof—and now that the truth had been revealed, he realized his imagination had indeed run wild. Nothing of what he imagined had turned out to be reality. Could it even have been the reality he was expecting?  
  
"Jackson, I don't know how you guys do it over there in China but over _here_ , friends don't accuse friends of being something they are not."

Friends? Had Jackson heard her right? She  _had_ said friends. He looked up, the growing grin on his face falling short of bursting at the edges when he noticed Yezi wasn't returning the sudden quiver of warmth he felt inside with a smile of her own.

"Even acquaintances don't follow each other around so I guess that makes us nobodies now." The school bell rung. She turned to leave but not before grabbing her lunchbox and digging through it. "And just so you know," she said as she pulled out a metal container packed with sushi rolls and a packet of mixed nuts that had since crinkled at the edge from having been squeezed into the box. "The phrase was 'Oppa, I'm hungry."

She set the items down in the spot the lunchbox had left vacant. Jackson watched as she walked away. He felt his heart give way. He had made a mistake. An awful, terrible mistake.

 

 

 

 

*`*`*`*`*`

And that, my friends is another chapter update. To those of you who have stuck around and waited paitently for an update, I salute you. You guys deserve a magical bar of chocolate. Not intriguing enough? Okay, I'll throw in a set of animal crackers. B-O-O-M (drops the mic)

Would definitely love yo know your thoughts on where the story has progressed thus far. Has this chapter been uncomfortable for you?

Until next time! 

Love, 

Adrem


	18. 『18』

The rest of the school day passed by in an endless loop of unachieved encounters. Jackson had tried to get Yezi's attention so that he could begin what he assumed was going to be a lengthy road to earning her trust back but she had ignored him each and every time. If it hadn't been BamBam at his side, Jackson would have gone mad with the jumble of emotions that bounced around his heart. All of his thoughts that day might have split away from Yezi but they eventually circumnavigated back to the anchor that was their temporarily severed connection. He had to mend the relationship.

A flurry of movement caught in the corner of his eye, snapping his attention back to the present. The school bell must have rung because his classmates were already piling into the hallway and merging with the stream of students who were already hurrying towards the entrance.

The sight reminded Jackson of the Koi that would whip and zip past one another during feeding time. There had been one particularly frightening time in which Jackson had witnessed the effects of hunger on a living entity. He had forgotten to feed the Koi while his grandparents were away on a voyage to the islands. When he had remembered to check up on them, he hadn't expected to see bits and pieces of flesh bobbing up and down throughout the crystal clear water.

Two of the seven smaller Kois had been devoured and a third had been nipped at around its tail. Neither his mother, father nor older sister could do anything about the injured fish and so Jackson was caught in hour after hour between heart-wrenching despair and worry. His mother assured him that things would be alright and that once the fish was okay, things would go back to normal. Tranquil  ~~little lies~~.

Even as a child, Jackson understood that nothing could be as it was before after even the simplest change. That Koi was still a Koi but his outlook in life had changed. He would never be the same again.

Looking back at it now, Jackson realized that it was selfish of him for having wanted the Koi to pull through—to expect something from the fish when  _he_ was the cause of its suffering.

G'Mama returned two days after. She said nothing about the fish despite seeing the way he no longer moved with the refined grace of his brethren.

That event cemented itself into his brain as the first time he felt this strong, inexplicable longing for the sea. That entire day, he moped around more because of the sadness that encapsulated his being and less because of what he thought the world might say if he didn't appear distraught. That day was the first of two vivid memories in which Jackson felt like the fish could have once been a part of his family.

Jackson checked to make sure the tips of his shoelaces weren't hanging over the edge of his soles before following after everyone else. He rounded the corner onto the first floor, looked up and stopped short of taking another step forward.

The trinkets on Yezi's bracelet jangled against her thin wrist as she raised her arm to open the cubicle's door. He had never noticed her trinkets before. They hadn't seemed like anything to notice but now he, despite not knowing the reason, couldn't tear his eyes away from the mix of silver and gold and alloy-infused metals. After a skip and a hop of time, the sound of his pounding heartbeat dulled into nothing more than a steady rush of blood.

His eyes lingered on the smallest trinket of them all: the gold-encrusted silhouette of a fish hidden behind a cluster of bronzed seaweed.

She replaced a green notebook with a torn paperback. She tucked a loose strand of hair back into her messy bun. She shut her door and yet, Jackson was paying her motions no such attention because his eyes remained glued to the trinkets that concocted a melody uniquely theirs.

"Yezi!"

Jackson startled. He yanked his attention away from Yezi and before he could connect the voice to a face, scurried behind the nearby row of decorative pillars. A teacher walked by, stopped and stared for the count of a few blinks before continuing on with a shake of his head.

Jackson peeked over the edge of the pillar. Yezi was gone. He rushed out through the doors but Yezi was already gone.

On his way to the bike ramps, Jackson spotted BamBam walking across the track field.

"BamBam!" he shouted. No response.

Pursing his lips, he turned and dashed for his bike. After two unsuccessful attempts at unclasping the lock, he gave up and dashed after BamBam.

Jackson's arm shot out and in one fluid motion, clasped his hand around BamBam's wrist before swirling him around.

BamBam's eyes, who were wide with shock, softened at the sight of Jackson. A blush creeped over the bridge of his nose. He looked down at the ground, aware of the group of girls watching their every move.

"Jackson, I-I-I."

"I need you to come with me," Jackson said. He hadn't removed his grip from around BamBam's wrist. Taking a step closer to BamBam, he licked his lips and lowered his head until his eyes were on the same plane as BamBam's. The gesture elicited a disjointed collection of gasps from the accumulating group of girls who had stopped walking to watch. "I need to do this one thing but I can't do it without you. Please."

BamBam craned his head away." I really think you should let go now," he whispered.

Jackson followed BamBam's gaze. He chuckled before pulling his hand away. He flexed his fingers as his brain suddenly caught onto the way a group had begun to form around them. Wondering why, he nearly asked but soon remembered what his original intention had been before the fresh batch of words could slip out. He grinned. "So, what do you say? It won't be long. I promise."

Another set of stifled gasps erupted from the crowd who had since grown to include two boys with the ruddiest cheeks. They glanced at each other before ultimately averting their gazes to opposite ends of the track field.

BamBam swallowed. "S-sure. But can we go now?" He darted his eyes back and forth between Jackson and the surrounding area.

"Great!" Jackson wrapped his arm around BamBam's shoulders. Another dash of red burst over the bridge of his nose. He tried to pull away but Jackson's grip was more powerful than what he had originally imagined.

As they walked at a leisurely pace, a fat droplet of water plopped onto Jackson's cheekbone. He looked up and brushed aside the thought of a possible rainstorm when he noticed how clear and inviting the sky was. What he couldn't ignore was the feeling that he was being watched.

Jackson reached into his trousers and slid the pen out just far enough to make it tip over with the push of a single step.

"Oops!" he said as the pencil plopped down onto the ground. As he turned to look for the item, he gazed out over the immediate area but saw nothing—or no one—out of the ordinary. There actually wasn't anyone around now—the students who went home in this direction had already disappeared beyond the thin line of trees a few feet from the edge of the field. Confirming that his suspicions were for nothing, he hopped back up after having pretended to discover the pencil.

From far, far, away, a lone figure sat up, above the ground, on the fifteenth-story apartment building's eave. At his side was a coal-black mass of smoke whose fluctuating, jagged edges were never at a standstill.

"He noticed you."

The figure watched as Jackson ended the farce that was his stupidity. He looked over the entire child's physique before speaking. "If he had noticed me, he wouldn't have been so quick to offer a smile to the boy at his side."

The cloud of smoke, who was without physical eyes, directed its attention to Jackson. The figure, on the other hand, forced himself to stop thinking about the child as an entity that contained a shred of understanding for the sea. The thought only elicited frustration within him. This child should have had no connection to a world he knew nothing about.

The figure reached up to touch his left temple, wherein a butterfly was imbedded underneath the thin layer of skin.

"'A splay of color, a splay of life,'" he whispered. The irony of how this creature had come to be a part of him, sent him reeling inside with a sickening feeling that fluctuated between wanting to laugh and wanting to destroy everything.

The sound of the butterfly's beating wings intensified. He grimaced and let his fingers fall away.

"Inject him."

The jagged edges on the cloud of smoke shifted as if in response. "I'm sorry. What?"

"Don't make me repeat myself."

A moment of silence. "Won't you regret it?"

"I can't regret that which I've never had the privilege of knowing."

"But..."

The figure thought about what could have been. And what could have been was never what once was. So there was no need to dwell on the past. He had enough control over the present to warrant caring only about the sea and its inhabitants.

Without looking over at the thing at his side, he raised his hand out flat until the tips of his fingers faced the smoke. He drew his arm out over in front of his body and without a moment to waste, the smoke plopped down onto his open palm.

"I'll see you when I see you," it managed to say before he sank into the figure's hand. He reemerged on the other side as a black blob. As soon as it dripped down onto the ground, it jumped back up into a crouch. It had gained a fuzzy outer body and a set of legs on either side. The figure watched as it skittered away.

His attention returned to the child. He bent forward and despite the slope of the building's eave, maintained his position in the exact increments from before. The sound of the butterfly's wings had become an unbearable nuisance. He reached up and slipped his nails in around the tip of the butterfly's wing. There was a satisfying crunch as the first half of the butterfly was yanked free from his temple. The incesstant noise began to decrease in volume.

As he continued to pull the butterfly from out of his skin, he looked down at his wrist and saw the veins that were etched into his flesh like the tendrils of spilled ink. They served no purpose other than to help give him the appearance of a human.

Jackson, sensing that he was still being watched, turned back around. He made no attempt to hide his confusion as he looked in the direction the figure would have been, if only he hadn't slid off the apartment complex's roof mere moments ago.

"What's wrong?" BamBam asked.

Jackson shook his head. The eeriness that had settled over his spine disappeared. "People aren't lying when they say you start to go crazy without sleep." He hopped onto his bike and patted the space in front of his crotch. "Come on. Hop on."

The sound of the butterfly beating her fragile wings had since come to an abrupt stop. The figure found temporary reprieve in the form of silence.

He looked up at the bloody butterfly caught in between his thumb and index finger and drew it close to his lips before he became nothing more than the air itself.

Silence.

That was what M valued. Even more than his own life.


	19. 『19』

 

The slight gust of wind carried with it the smell of the ocean's salty spray. Jackson's hair flew off of his forehead as he darted around the puddles that had yet to dry up from the afternoon's drizzle.

Jackson picked up speed as they neared the wooden bridge that curved over the stream that separated mainland from the sea. He lunged forward with a newfound jolt of energy just as the bike's front wheel touched upon the bridge's raised surface. BamBam bent forward and tightened his grip around Jackson's shoulders as Jackson—in his haste to outgun the incoming car—nearly toppled over into the railing. Having lost its balance, the bike lolled around for some time until Jackson realigned the wheels.

BamBam breathed a sigh of relief. He had no reason to doubt that the rest of the ride would be safe considering the long, gray street ahead of them was devoid of both people and cars.

  
"We should try that again," Jackson said. BamBam's mouth fell wide open and before he could utter a single syllable, Jackson was already kicking up speed. BamBam swallowed. He thought about leaning forward and resting his chin against the top of Jackson's head but decided against it after a second thought blossomed within his mind. If he couldn't do that back home with his friends than he wasn't about to do it here, in a foreign country, with someone he had no prior relationship with.

Jackson slammed his palm on the bike's bell repeatedly as they rode through a clustered line of seagulls. The seagulls screeched and the bell jangled and Jackson yowled and howled. Intermixed, the harsh, jagged sounds did little in terms of subduing the wave of nausea climbing up through BamBam's stomach and yet, through it all, he smiled the kind of smile anyone would have been left enamored with.

Life could be good if he let himself relax.

As they neared the stranger's home, BamBam decided to ask what he had meant to ask since seeing the item in question. "Why do you have a wicker basket?"

Jackson began to turn his head around when BamBam's soft, timid "No" stopped him short of completing the action. He rolled his eyes. "I won't crash, you know. And as for your question, if you're expecting me to remove my basket because of some preconceived notion about what it means for a  _guy_ to have one than I'll have to say only my parents can tell me what to do."

BamBam shook his head as he disembarked from the pegs. "N-no. I was just-"

Jackson grinned. BamBam relaxed. "I know what you meant. I was just teasing. While a comment like that would have shut up any of the bullies back home, I knew it wouldn't have worked on you." He finished propping his bike up against the sapling out front before beckoning BamBam forward with two fingers. "Come on." He turned and whispered to himself. "Let's get down to business."

Meanwhile, inside Youngjae's home, Yezi was still fuming over the conversation that had occurred between her and Jackson. The first thing she had done upon stepping foot in Youngjae's home was complain about how much she hated what he had done.

"I hate him! I hate him! I hate him!" she repeated like a mantra.

"Yezi, you can't fall in love with someone you've just met," Youngjae had said in response.

"You would kn-" She clamped down on her tongue before she could complete the sentence. Turning to face Jaebum who sat on the loveseat, she clucked her tongue. "How is it going with you and Jaebum anyways?"

Knowing not to expect a response from Youngjae—who was busy preparing a number of triangular sandwiches in the kitchen—she leaned in and asked Jaebum if he had any success so far in their relationship.

Jaebum stopped fidgeting with the Rubik's cube. He pulled it down into his lap. "Have you noticed something different about Youngjae?"

Yezi's eyebrows pulled in over her eyes. She shook her head.

"He dyed his hair," Jaebum whispered.

Yezi's mouth fell open. She gawked at Jaebum for a split second before turning her head to face the kitchen's entryway. Her features softened. "I hadn't noticed..." Something warm brushed up against her hand. She turned to see Jaebum offering her a wicked grin. "He might have dyed it for me."

Her heart hammered against her chest. Before she could melt under Jaebum's gaze, she averted her eyes and burst into laughter.

"Oh, Youngjae," she singsonged, cringing internally when she heard her voice crack on the last syllable.

"What?" Youngjae called out.

Jaebum grabbed onto the cuff of her dress shirt before she could walk off. "Wouldn't it be embarrassing for him?"

Yezi plopped back down onto the couch and kicked her feet out. The hair that cascaded over her shoulders shined with the natural youthfulness that embraced each strand. "You're right. Let's keep it between ourselves."

Jaebum stuck his hand out with the index finger curved inward and the thumb jutting out. Yezi reached out with the same gesture. Together, they formed a heart.

At that point, a pair of eyes was peering into the living room from the window next to the bookshelf. Jackson's eyebrows shot up over his face while BamBam continued to pace back and forth around the flowers that encircled a weathered turtle statue.

Youngjae stepped out into the hallway. Upon seeing Jaebum and Yezi hunched over and giggling about something he had no particular interest in knowing anything about, rolled his eyes. Jackson ducked before Youngjae's eyesight could realign.

"Jackson, this feels wrong. What are we even here for?" BamBam asked.

Jackson scurried over to the right before jumping up. He gripped BamBam by the shoulders. "Whatever happens here today, promise me you won't stop being my friend."

BamBam's thin eyebrows furrowed. "That doesn't sound right. What do you mean?"

"Here, let me show you." Jackson stepped forward, one hand still wrapped around BamBam's shoulder while the other drifted off towards his waist. BamBam took a wobbly step back. Jackson tightened his grip in response.

He settled his hand against BamBam's waist just as a gentle wind breezed by. Little did he know that with that breeze, the black bob had managed to scurry past the window without having been detected by Jaebum.

In taking notice of BamBam's features up close, Jackson felt nothing of the heady feelings that came from gazing upon the purple-haired man. While this might have  been reassuring under any other circumstance, right now the revelation only added fuel to the burning question of whether he only felt what he felt for the stranger because of his looks.

Jackson ascertained himself that the only way he could begin to solve the mysteries of this past day would be to go through with what he had planned. The only way to be certifiably positive that he had no romantic inclination for the same-sex, regardless of appearance, was to be physically intimate with both BamBam and Jaebum and only when he had both variables to make a comparison with, could he alleviate himself of this uncertainty that would continue to rack his brain-dead if he did nothing about it.

Today. In this very moment, he would kiss BamBam.

As he leaned in ever closer to BamBam's face, the black blob clambered into his trouser pants and in a flicker of time, had attached itself to his heart. The blob unraveled its body over the red mass until something akin to a net was spread taut over the surface. And like a fish caught inside, his heart thumped against the obstruction with unrelenting fury.

Jackson went absolutely still, his eyes glazing over with absolute stillness. His conscious was temporarily lost as a series of vivid memories invaded his mind.

First was the lingering eeriness that had attached itself to his awareness during those few minutes on the track field. Than came the memory of when he was four. His extended family had visited an apple orchard on the day of his parent's seventh-year anniversary. That day, Jackson had wanted to pluck apples so that he could be acknowledged for his efforts but he feared approaching the looming tree when every which way he stepped, a number of frightening faces would leer at him.

Disheartened, he turned back around and when he did, something shiny and red caught his attention from the corner of his eye. He looked down at his basket and sitting there before the light brown twine was an apple as big and as red as that of the stories his mother had told about on the car ride here.

Eager to show off his discovery, Jackson hurried on in the direction of the pavilion with newfound vigor. He tripped on the rock he had been careful to avoid on his way up the hill. All the way down, he tumbled and tumbled and tumbled until he hit the bottom. He opened up with a shrill, ear-splitting wail. In the midst of being tended to, Jackson had forgotten all about his treasure.

The next memory was that of a funeral. In front of a shroud of white chrysanthemums, a picture of the person who was being mourned stood atop a steel-gray altar. The memory was too brief to have caught on to anything but the black and white suit the deceased had worn when the photo was taken.

The following memory succinctly flashed by. A woman who looked an awful lot like his grandmother was leaning into the lithe frame of a tall man at her side. Her hands were clasped over her mouth and tears poured down her cheeks like undulating rivers. Before them stood a man clad in some type of uniform. He held out a black box embossed with an unfamiliar insignia. Sitting amidst the box's velvet fabric, a medal gleamed with its polished spray as if it, too, could understand the sorrow its presence brought.

And than came the most startling memory. One that left Jackson gasping for air through both fear and a sense of melancholy that gripped his heart and threatened to catch it within his throat.

He was looking up at the face of a soldier. Fires blazed in the back and smoke curled upwards from somewhere off in the distance. The soldier was peering down at him from the bridge of his nose. His breathing was labored and his face was contorted into a pained expression. His hands were coated in a mixture between dried, caked blood and mud all the way up to his elbows. The man, whose name tag was almost completely obscured—all, except the first letter that read "M"—looked up.

He smiled a wicked grin. None of the pain from before lingered on his face.

In one quick snip, everything refocused on the present. The memories were thrown into an infinite void—never to be seen again, much less experienced by anyone who did not have the right to invade M's life.

Jackson blinked a few times. His hands were still around BamBam's shoulders when he came to from his stupor. He took note of how close their bodies were and asked: "What are we doing?"

BamBam's entire face was cherry red. He swallowed and tried to speak but his dry mouth prevented him from doing so. He swatted Jackson's hands away and choked back a cough that had lodged in his throat.

"I-I-I don't know. You didn't say a-anything. What were you even doing? Because you were knocked out for like five seconds straight. If that's your idea of a joke, it's not very funny." BamBam crossed and uncrossed his arms a few times before ultimately letting them fall down to his sides.

Jackson scratched the back of his ear. He opened his mouth to speak when someone appeared from around the house's corner. Jackson immediately thought about turning to run but shoved the impulse aside when he saw how much BamBam was shaking. He couldn't very well leave his friend to this stranger. He stepped in front of BamBam.

Youngjae pursed his lips in his attempt at a smile. "May I-"

"Who are you?"

Youngjae looked startled. "Who am I? I should be asking _you_ that."

Jackson looked on with confusement. He had no response to that. He didn't know what his intention had been in coming here today. Whatever connection he may have had to Jaebum had disappeared alongside the sudden influx of memories that attacked him minutes ago.

"Youngjae!" Yezi yelled. Her voice sounded like she was just around the corner. True to Jackson's assumptions, she appeared next to Youngjae a second later.

She looked up from the Rubik's cube in her hands. Her eyes flared bright with anger as soon as she took notice of Jackson. But, she said nothing to him. Instead, she called out to BamBam. "You should come in! If that's okay with you, Youngjae." She smiled up at Youngjae.

"Yeah, sure."

"Oh, um. I- We don't mean to intrude. We'll just be going." BamBam chuckled nervously.

"No way!" Yezi said. "Since you're already here, why not help me solve this Rubik's cube." She grabbed BamBam by the arm and tugged him along towards the back entrance.

When they had disappeared into the home, Youngjae turned back to face Jackson who was evidently sulking. "You can come in, too."

Jackson looked up from having been trying to mentally dig himself into a hole in the ground. "Can I?" He only ever spoke with this low voice when in the presence of adults.

Youngjae tilted his head in the direction Yezi and BamBam had gone. "Sure."

Meanwhile, from a cliff overlooking the sea, a lone figure identical in height and complexion to that of M, stood with his hands tucked into his knee-length inky black coat. He watched as the sea began to lull itself into the first stages of sleep.

He knew what had occurred before, during and immediately after the incident involving Jackson and the Sekomon. It was his job, after all. His duty. His promise.

What he didn't know was what he could only presume to and yet, though his educated guesses may be just that to an outsider looking in, the truth of the matter was that his assumptions were honesties in disguise. He would never need to ask for the answer to questions that involved M's actions. If he did than it was a question fueled solely by his emotion. He understood M's heart like one would be able to recite a poem.

A strong gust of wind rolled by. The figure's plump lips parted. He said a name—that person's name—and disappeared. Whoever's name the lone figure had said was lost to the roar of the waves slamming against the entrance to the cave below.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wooo hooo! What do you guys think about these turn of events? Was the place we're at now what you expected from the story summary? Like what is up with this M guy?? And now a new stranger added in to the mix! Holy mama. Looking forward to hearing what you guys think. 
> 
> & Thanks for reading. Catch you guys in the next installment. (Bang Bang Bang :D)


	20. 『20』

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Auyuuu. We're at the big 2 0. My goodness, thank you to everyone who is still here and to those of you who are new. Thank you for the comments, the kudos, the laughs and smiles. Here's to some more until the story can read "complete". /raises gallon of bubble tea/

"There's got to be something... wrong with it..." Yezi said as she continued to twist and turn one of the multi-faced rows of squares. She sat with her back to Jackson. BamBam occupied the space directly next to her while Jaebum, with his wider build, had taken up position in the loveseat.

Youngjae appeared at the kitchen's entryway. "You two," he managed to say before Yezi jumped out of her seat with a yelp of excitement. She turned to look at Youngjae. "I knew there was something wrong with the cube! We've been duped," she said as she turned to look down at BamBam with a grin.

The left-hand corner of Youngjae's lips turned upwards.

"Why?" BamBam and Jaebum asked in unison. Jaebum broke out into a smile and BamBam blushed.

Leaning down between the both of them, Yezi held the cube out before her. "Do you see how the squares on this side are a little more wobbly than the rest?" To demonstrate she twisted that particular line of squares around 360 degrees. The plastic cubes on that line shook with the movement unlike the other parts of the cube that held firm to their structure.

BamBam nodded while Jaebum kept his attentive gaze on the contraption before him.

"Well, at first, I thought it was nothing more than a loose screw but as it turns out,"—she flipped the cube over on its side—"someone pulled each square out and rearranged them so that the colors would never align!" She displayed her newfound observation to her two engrossed spectators.

Youngjae started clapping. "Great deduction, Yezi."

Startled, everyone turned to face Youngjae who had since walked over to the couch's armrest. Yezi shot him a disgruntled look. "So you did this."

"No." He frowned and yet, despite this, his whole demeanor dripped with a level of smugness. "I hadn't even realized." He turned and headed back into the kitchen.

"Than what's with the snide remark!" Yezi yelled after him. She turned to BamBam and handed him the cube. "You can have it."

"Oh. Um... Thank you." He tipped his head forward slightly before proceeding to stand up. Jackson was already on his feet, reaching for a number of cookies that sat before him on the glass table.

Youngjae reappeared with a glass container. "Take them home." He handed the container to Jackson who, for a moment, stood dumbfounded. Before he could shake the moment away, BamBam had already taken the container and was gingerly laying the cookies inside.

"We couldn't possibly eat them all so we'll leave some here," BamBam said as he took the plastic lid from Youngjae's hand. He sealed the container and Youngjae escorted them to the door. "Until next time, guys." Youngjae closed the door behind him.

As Jackson grabbed his bike, he fixed BamBam with a solidarity look. It was the most disillusioned BamBam had seen him in the days since he had gotten to know him.

"Seeing as how Yezi no longer wants me," he began, "will you still keep me at your side?" He offered BamBam a poor excuse of a sheepish smile.

BamBam's quizzical expression softened. His eyebrows relaxed and his lips closed in on themselves. "Oh, Jackson. Don't say that. If she isn't mad at me for doing what we did, than I'm sure she's not mad at you. I'm sure you guys are still friends."

"You think so?"

"Of course." BamBam reached over and draped his arm around Jackson's shoulder. "Now, that isn't to say an apology isn't in store for the both of us."

Jackson rolled his eyes while the thin, red line of his smile morphed into a smirk. Together, they headed back towards their temporary homes where the call of nature was nonexistent.

#

"Yezi, we have to go." Youngjae pressed a hand against the wall in the foyer to steady himself as he slipped on his shoes. "You know I shouldn't be the one telling you to hurry up."

"I'm coming," Yezi hollered as she made a beeline for the bathroom.

Youngjae sighed. He knew she was still worrying over whether or not she had done the better of things in ignoring Jackson and not BamBam. He knew that sometime in between having taken BamBam's arm and having been served the cookies, that Yezi had realized her anger towards the situation wasn't worth the hassle but by than she had already begun her vow of silence. And if there was one thing Youngjae knew best about silence was that once you started, finding your way out became impossible. There was comfort to be found in trusting you, yourself and only you.

Youngjae looked up to see Jaebum staring at him. "Can I come?" he asked.

Youngjae stood up straight. "You're your own person, aren't you?" He smoothed out one side of his track jacket before moving on towards the door. On his way there, he recalled the order in which his sentence had been composed. By the time he held the doorknob firm in his palm, Youngjae had come to realize that a person as kind and gentle as Jaebum had most likely not taken his words at face value. With a temperament like his, there was no way the words hadn't been mistrued to mean something else entirely than what Youngjae had originally intended. Letting his lashes brush up against the tops of his cheeks, Youngjae came to a decision.

Hand still on the doorknob, he turned around and said, "You can come," before quickly crossing over into the hazy blue sky's embrace.

#

At Yezi's middle school, she and seven other students—four singers and three theatre students—took up one half of the backstage while the orchestra took up the other half. Youngjae sat towards the back of the stage, his fingers flexing over the keys. If he was to get acquaintanted with the piano like one might a lover than he needed to be able to play both through the quickest and slowest of tempos with relative ease. So far, the keys hadn't needed any extra grease to help fuel their desire to be heard.

Jaebum, all-the-while, sat a few seats away from the mother who had arrived with her daughter in the dress attire for tomorrow. "To compliment the set," he had overheard her say to another mother. The persistent, almost deliberate sound of papers being rustled off to his side was not enough to draw his attention away from the stage; away from his sprite.

The mother drew in closer to Jaebum. She nudged him in the side with her sharp elbow. Her black hair flopped as she struggled to shove her way into Jaebum's line of vision. "You're awfully young. Can't imagine any one of those babies up there is your kid."

Jaebum didn't so much as glance down at the woman. "No. I'm not a dad, yet."

The woman smiled. "Than what is someone as handsome as you doing here?" She licked her lips.

Jaebum's mouth crinkled at the edges. "I'm watching someone very important to me open up to his sweetheart." His eyes brushed over Youngjae's concentrated face. His smile softened.

The woman's face burst into a bright swath of red. "I'll have the principal escort you out if you so much as look at any one of these children in an odd manner." She scoffed and hastily retreated to a seat two rows and some seats in front of the one she had originally been sitting in. Jaebum looked on with confusement. Had he said something wrong?

The lights cut off and the students, one by one, filed out onto the stage from both sides. A song of children who needn't be worried about the day's troubles escalated in volume until everyone was singing along, if not at least mouthing the lyrics. The song concluded and the children took one last synchronized bow as the projection screen behind them burst into a shower of fireworks set against a navy night background.

Having concluded the practice session with complete success, the students were dismissed and together with their guardians, headed home.

Youngjae remained at the piano, his fingers strung over the keys. He pressed down lightly with the tip of his pinkie until the cool sensation from the ivory absorbed into the warmth of his flesh. He followed with the tip of every finger thereafter until a natural arch in his hand took shape over the small, precise rectangles.

A nostalgic fondness swept over him. The last time he willingly performed for someone had been so long ago that the feeling of having tens of eyes on his back sent him reeling over with nausea. He curved his body inwards until his chin lay flat against his chest. In pulling his left hand into his lap, he flexed his fingers; paying attention to the way his joints maneuvered underneath his vulnerable skin.

As a child, Youngjae had thought that his life would encapsulate nothing but his love for music, his childhood sweetheart and his mother. But than the fire happened and most of what he had envisioned for his future took a nasty curve through every other which road but the worry-free one he had imagined for himself in the form of golden stairs dotted by teeny tiny mushrooms.

The darkness, in having stemmed from his anguish, anger and bitterness, became a part of him. At first, his mind was unable to recognize those terrible feelings as anything else but foreign objects that needed to be eradicated immediately. But Youngjae lacked the drive and will to rid his being of those negative feelings and so, the darkness festered. Eventually, despite the neglected bit of him that wanted to reach out to someone in hopes of finding a home he could latch onto, Youngjae fed the darkness his trust. Thus, the darkness was allowed to nurture.

His unwillingness to deal with others was the answer to that elusive, eternal happiness everyone so desired. He could be happy with only himself. He  _would_ be happy. He didn't need anyone else.

Right?

No. Than the Hoons popped into his life and things changed.

Youngjae took up their offer to have someone help them set up shop in the center of town. He went in thinking he needed the job so he could earn a little extra money in case he wanted to spoil himself in the winter months by turning on the heating system during the night. He couldn't do it often because all of his money went towards paying the rent and other more important bills like the water and electricity.

What Youngjae hadn't accounted for was to leave that day with thoughts of wanting to spend more time around that odd family of four. That was the day baby Yezi, in her pink tulle dress, had reached out and squeezed his finger without reserve for the type of person he was. She hadn't cared and neither had her parents or grandmother. They had reached out without expectations or demands. They had gifted him a sense of belonging.

Youngjae was able to reexperience that same sense of warmth he had when his mother was still alive. That day he realized it was okay to give your trust away.

What hadn't changed in his agenda was the ability to trust other people. He would never have control over other people's actions so why put himself in a situation whose outcome could potentially destroy what joy he had managed to regain in the two years since his escape from the orphanage? The answer was simple. He didn't.

Youngjae continued to live his life with the same reserved tendencies from before. Even with Yezi, whom he had come to love like a younger sister, his life from before his arrival to the town was kept under barred doors.

There was nothing worth mentioning.

Youngjae stroked the thick fabric of his jeans with the pad of his thumb. He would not let the memories of that loathsome day resurface. Taking a deep breath in through slightly parted lips, Youngjae sat up and reached for the piano's fall board. He was about to pull it down over the keys when a memory flooded his perception.

He was back home in the apartment with his mother who was stirring the batter for a number of cookies that would be delivered to one of her long-time callers. The woman in question had faced several difficulties in her love life and finally, after several years of "torturous, lonesome nights", had gotten engaged. Now that the woman in question was set to leave for America within the next week, she had invited Mrs. Choi over to share in the details of her love life for the last time.

Youngjae, on the other hand, sat before the piano with his injured hand nestled in between his thighs. He had been careless at school. The day before, he sprained his wrist when attempting to take the full force of a speeding dodgeball from a younger female student. He had been sent home with a referral to be checked at a hospital but had kept the note—and his injury hidden from his mother. He didn't fear her reaction because she had no wrath to give. He feared having to confirm the possibility of not being able to continue playing the piano.

Youngjae had grimaced as he raised a shaky hand up to the keys. He pressed his foot down into the pedal and with one silent, open-mouthed scream, lay his fingers to rest against the ivory beasts. He felt the pain cloud his senses. With a muffled moan of displeasure, he pulled his hand back. In that moment between the onslaught of his anger and fear, his hand had fallen into a comforting grasp. Youngjae looked up to see Jaebum looking at him with an expression marred with worry. Youngjae looked at his hand and when he realized that the heat surrounding it had not been a figment of his daydreaming, yanked it away.

"What are you doing?" Youngjae mumbled.

Jaebum sat down next to him on the edge of the seat. "You jammed your finger on the keys."

"And?"

"So I thought maybe you needed someone to massage it."

Youngjae tore his gaze away from Jaebum as he started to subconsciously massage his wrist. The feeling of Jaebum's touch lingered on his skin. "You didn't have to do that...but thanks."

Jaebum smiled.

"Youngjae! Jaebum! Time to head home. My mom's here." Yezi shouted as she skipped over to them. Taking Youngjae's hands in her own, she pulled him in for a tight hug.

"Thank you, Youngjae. You know I really appreciate this."

"Thank me after my magnificent performance tomorrow."

Yezi pulled back with an exaggerated snarl. "Oh, shut it, Youngjae and take the compliment!" She ran over to Jaebum and pulled him in close to her side. "As punishment, I'll be taking Jaebum away from you!"

Jaebum threw a glance over his shoulder to call Youngjae forward but he was already moving towards the auditorium's light switches. The switches were positioned so that they were obscured by the curtains for anyone looking in from the seats but not so that they obscured the switcher's vision of the audience.

Youngjae grabbed the hulking switch and held it there halfway between complete darkness and light. He looked out over the empty, cushioned seats; contemplating how unafraid he needed to be. These were people. Only people. No one could harm him anymore than he wanted to. He had told Jaebum this. He repeated this to himself. Youngjae had lived by these words since he was but a child so there was no need to contemplate their usefulness anymore.

He flicked the lights off. The darkness was quick to envelop everything. Youngjae’s vision faltered.

The auditorium’s backstage door slammed open. “Youngjae!” Jaebum shouted from somewhere beyond the darkness. “Are you there?”

“Am I here?” Youngjae thought as he followed the sound of Jaebum’s voice to a spot where the darkness was lighter. By the time he turned the corner, the darkness had met the demands of his eyes. He could see. Jaebum stood before him.

Yes, Youngjae thought. “I’m right here.” He net Jaebum's gaze head-on. “Don’t go anywhere else.”

#

Youngjae bent over into the driver seat's window to thank Mrs. Hoon for the ride home.

"Nothing to worry about," she said. "But, before I go, mind sending your friend over to me for a quick second?"

Youngjae was equally as perplexed as Yezi. He pulled back with furrowed eyebrows and a slipped mouth. "Sure." He bowed and left.

In stepping up to Jaebum, Youngjae pointed in the direction of the red compact car. "Mrs. Hoon wants to talk to you." Without waiting for a response, Youngjae turned to unlock the door.

Jaebum trodded back down the stairs. Upon reaching Mrs. Hoon, he was confronted with a dazzling smile full of white, radiant teeth. Jaebum tucked his head against his chest as a greeting. "Hello, Mrs. Hoon."

"Jaebum, is it?"

He nodded.

She reached out and patted the top of his hand. "Take care of Youngjae."

Jaebum's confused face softened. "I will. Because I l-"

"He's a valuable customer, that man is! Don't put us out on the street because of your negligence." She tsked for dramatic effect.

"Mom," Yezi whined. What are you saying? We have plenty of customers."

Mrs. Hoon turned to her daughter with a raised finger pressed to her lips. "Shh," she whispered.

Yezi scowled but said nothing more. Mrs. Hoon turned back to the window.

"Don't keep him up all night, either, doing what you young folk do best."

Yezi groaned and kicked her legs out in front of her.

"Goodbye, Youngjae!" she shouted. Youngjae waved goodbye.

"Bye, Jaebum. I'll need a full status report tomorrow."

Jaebum looked over at Yezi who was vehemently shaking her head and cutting x's through the air with her arms. Jaebum smiled and backed away from the car. He watched as the car disappeared up the street before ambling back up the stairs towards where Youngjae was leaning against the porch's wall.

"What did she say?"

Jaebum shrugged his shoulders. "Can't say."

Yoyngjae pushed himself off the wall as Jaebum walked past. "What? What do you mean you can't say?"

He reached out to grab him by the shoulder but Jaebum was already turning around; of which, Youngjae was grateful.

Jaebum reached out and smoothed Youngjae's bangs back to reveal a clear patch of smooth skin. A thick jolt of warmth shot out over the back of Youngjae's neck.

"Because I like this side of you, too."

A pink tinge pushed through the sandy colored tint of his ears. Youngjae didn't have anything witty to say so he glided past Jaebum into his home. He couldn't believe he still had schoolwork to do. 


	21. 『21』

Youngjae wondered why there were three finely decorated envelopes on his desk as he slid his messenger bag over his head. That girl named Eunji should have known that there were only two botany students.

Youngjae took note of the first envelope. His entire name had been scrawled onto the front with a black pen. The "Jae" in Youngjae had been darkened in extensively as if the person writing it had forgotten who the letter was addressed to.    
  
Youngjae dropped his bag onto the desk. It knocked aside a booklet and some sheets of paper. Groaning inwardly, Youngjae bent to retrieve it when he realized his invitation had fallen down, too. As he picked it up, he heard it crinkle. He flipped it over. A sheet of holographic paper had been attached to the back. The school’s biology emblem gazed up at him from its place at the center of the chemically treated paper. It shined brightest in the parts where the sun’s rays fiddled with its being.

Youngjae rolled his eyes. At this point, he expected the letter itself to have been imprinted with the emblem. He wouldn't put it past the biology majors to miss out on an opportunity to show off their connection to the most sought-after and supported division of the school.

Youngjae scanned the second envelope as he tucked the papers away into the top drawer. The name was obscured because unlike his, the envelope had been set out to show the holographic paper. On the other envelope, only the letter “m” could be seen peeking out from underneath the one above it.

Youngjae assumed that this one was Yugyeom’s invitation as he slid it out from underneath the other one. He caught sight of the name and immediately stopped to stare at the letters that embraced his vision.   
  
Jaebum's name had been neatly written—almost to the point of looking like it had been typed—across the front in thick, black lettering. In pulling the envelope up closer to his face, Youngjae noticed the faint outline of tiny hearts strewn across the m’s arches. A drawn-in strawberry dotted the left-hand corner. 

Youngjae let his hand fall away from his face as he plopped down into the seat. He could not wrap his head around why Eunji had extended an invitation Jaebum's way. Did they know each other? Had they met before? Impossible. Jaebum would have told him if he went about outside. If he had met someone new. Right? Youngjae ran a hand through his hair as a long, drawn-out sigh poured through his lips. There was no reason to get involved and yet, he couldn’t help wanting to know. 

Youngjae pulled his phone out and with the swipe of a finger, opened up his texting app. He was just about to send Yugyeom a message inquiring about his whereabouts when the idea to check the letter crossed his mind. Setting his phone down onto the table, Youngjae pulled his invitation down into his lap. _Shlick_ went the paper as Youngjae tore a strip from the left-hand side. He slid the letter out—noting that he had accidentally ripped it—and turned to the first sentence with a growing mound of distrust.

 

Dear fellow student, 

We invite you to attend our summer-time ski resort trip this coming July. If willing to attend, know that we will be gone for two days and one night. Departure is at **9 AM** on **July 2nd** in front of Kang’s Library.

RSVP ASAP so that accommodations can be made for lodging and transportation.

For the sake of our safety and well-being on this school-sponsored trip, only certain items may be brought. Please see the list attached to the back of this sheet for further information.

Also, please limit yourselves to one suitcase and/or duffel bag per person. Thank you.

As always, gooooo students!

 

Sincerely,    


 

Eunji

 

Secretary of Treasure for NEPSHA 

 

Youngjae perused through the list of items one could bring and sure enough, the list was better suited as a directive to the the kinds of items one should NOT bring. Items like cigarettes, firearms and matches rounded off the list.

Youngjae rolled his eyes. Who would be stupid enough to think matches would work in an area surrounded by snow-capped mountains? Besides, none of those stuck-up students would take the chance of smoking inside so why bother with the warning?

Youngjae sighed. Life couldn’t be getting any more difficult. It was people who made things harder for themselves. 

He picked up his phone and texted Yugyeom.

_ Your invitation is here. _

Yugyeom replied with a frowny face. _Tell me what’s inside? Can’t pick up today. (I’m in the city.)_

Youngjae had the sudden, nearly reflexive, thought to tell him he could pick it up the next time he comes to school but realized what a waste of time and energy that would be. He liked texting Yugyeom so to take the chance of potentially hurting his feelings was beyond him.

_ Says if we want to go to RSVP ASAP. July 2nd, day of departure. Two days, one night. _

_ Wow. Sounds like fun. U going? _

Youngjae bit into his bottom lip. He wasn’t going to go but he knew not to tell Yugyeom that before the deadline to RSVP had passed. Knowing his friend, Yugyeom would have him signed him up without having first asked.

_ Yeah. I am. _

At least with this little white lie, Youngjae could keep himself from having to see Yugyeom's hurt face.

_ Awesome. Can’t wait. _

Youngjae spent the rest of the afternoon catching up on his thesis. When the clock on his phone read 4:30 PM, he collected his things and headed back home. Yezi needed his help.

#

The hour of the concert arrived. Yezi stepped up to the curtain and peered over the edge. The auditorium was packed. She sniffed the air, noting that the janitor had done an amazing job of airing out the thick, musky smell of the polish she had used to shine the piano about an hour ago. She hoped to tell him when she got the chance.

A group of women burst into laughter from the second row of seats off to the side of the stage. Yezi turned her attention to the three seats she had specially reserved for her family. The only person missing was Jaebum.

She was just about to ask someone for the time when she overheard Minah—the school counselor—telling everyone that the show would begin promptly in seven minutes. That means both Jaebum and Youngjae—who had gone to the restroom earlier—had less than seven minutes to show up or she would tear them both apart.

Lowering her head, Yezi puckered her lips to take a deep breath in when someone sneezed behind her. She turned to see who it had been.

Jackson. He was still in his uniform, his hair slicked back with what was probably sweat because of the way his white sneakers were caked in mud and splotches of grass stains. He looked back at her with a crooked grin. 

Yezi rolled her eyes. She brushed past him but he caught the sleeve of her black dress before she could walk away. Yezi looked back and forth between Jackson and his hand with squinted eyes. He pulled his hand away, his face beet red. “Sorry. Didn’t mean to do that. But, just hear me out, Yez.” His eyes darted down to his sneakers before snapping back up again. “I came to apologize. I’m sorry for the way I acted yesterday and for the things I said at school.”

Yezi’s face remained placid.

“I was stupid. I let my imagination run wild and in the end, I ended up hurting you. That was wrong. I was wrong.”

Youngjae, who had just rounded the corner, stopped short of taking another step when he heard Jackson’s voice up ahead. He looked up from having been fixing the cuff around his wrist. Jackson and Yezi stood facing one another. Youngjae slid behind a mannequin and drew the rack of hats closer to him before Jackson could spot him. He peered over the edge as both students and teachers continued to go about their way doing last-minute touch-ups and sound-checks.

Jackson and Yezi eyed each other for a number of tense seconds before Yezi’s rigid shoulders lowered. She stepped forward and wrapped her arms around Jackson. Jackson looked momentarily confused before he melted into the embrace.

Youngjae smiled. He had been expecting this and to think that the apology had come right before the concert, made his heart swell. His sweet, precious Yezi could finally immerse herself in the performance of her life.

#

Yezi’s solo performance was quick to arrive. The cheers had just died down from the previous performance when the principal, Mr. Gwak, slipped out from behind the curtain on Youngjae’s side of the stage. 

While he announced the upcoming special performance, Yezi looked straight ahead at Youngjae who was standing as straight as a pillar. The tight, red knot of his lips softened into a slight curve when his eyes met hers. She had no idea if Jaebum had arrived yet but in seeing Youngjae look like this performance was the center of the universe, she knew he had better shown up on time.

Youngjae swept an arm underneath his doubled-over torso. She curtsied.

The lights dimmed. 

Yezi took a step forward. The lights had completely obscured Youngjae’s physique. But she had nothing to worry about. There were no fears today. She knew he was there. He always had been and always would be.

Mr. Gwak whispered a good luck as he walked past Yezi towards the chair that awaited him.

Yezi looked on as Youngjae stepped out onto the stage. She smiled. This performance was not only hers.

Youngjae stepped out to face the hush of an entranced crowd. He kept his eyes trained on the banner strewn up across the auditorium’s back wall. Even without looking directly into the concert-goers eyes, he could tell these people were pushing their expectations onto his every move. 

He took a bow before turning on his heels and moving towards the piano. He sat down with the grace of a lake’s ripples when disturbed by a leaping frog. Youngjae took the moment between setting his fingers on the keys and beginning the musical number to embrace the moment. The liveliness and warmth of this exact moment was to be remembered and held close to the heart, not admonished. Youngjae absorbed what he could remember of his mother’s warm touches, her kind words and her comforting physicality right before he let the song take control of his being.

Yezi crept out from behind the curtain. Her steps were slow, steady; calculated. She dipped her hand low towards the ground as her upper body twisted around, starting from her shoulders down to her torso. She stopped in the center of the stage and let her arms and head droop. The silence stiffened. No one moved.

Yezi’s father startled when he noticed his daughter had appeared on stage dressed in pink ballerina slippers and a black dress that draped her willowy figure. He looked at her name on the pamphlet before turning to his wife with an incredulous expression. She caught his eye and with a smile, placed her fingers over the back of his hand. She, too, had little idea what was going on.

The song reached the bridge and Yezi slipped her leg out to the side. The light caught on her outstretched arm. She could do what she wanted. She was doing what she had fallen in love with. 

The lights were bright. She staggered but quickly caught herself before spiraling out towards Youngjae. She pressed her palms onto the piano before twisting around and arching her chest out towards the dark void that was the ceiling. 

The curls on her head bounced around to the beat of her spirals as she twirled from one end of the stage to the other. She bent forward and collapsed onto the ground in a flurry of black cloth and limbs. 

There were so many eyes watching her every move. 

She could do this.

The song reached its melody. Yezi dipped forward and in one swift movement, lifted her leg up into the air. Her other leg followed thereafter until her entire body was held up by her arms. During that brief moment in between glancing down at the ground and aligning herself so that her feet touched ground once more, the bright lights became less daunting. They were meant to fortify her resolve. She didn’t have to be afraid.

The music tapered out into the change up. Thump, thump, pound. Thump, thump, pound. 

Yezi pursed her lips. This was it. She was not afraid.

She rose to her feet and in raising her hands up to the sky like a goddess awaiting a kiss from heaven itself, Jaebum rushed in through the auditorium doors. His breathing was heavy and his hair was in disarray but as soon as he saw who was performing, he stopped worrying.

_ The sky was limitless. _

Yezi lowered her hands. The song reached its finale. In the blink of an eye, Yezi flipped over not once or twice but thrice. She came to a stop at the front of the stage and looked out over into the crowd to a roar of applause. Her mother shot up out of her seat to continue her ecstatic applause and her grandmother jostled with excitement but her father remained seated, unmoving; detached.

Yezi deflated. She suspected as much. A trickle of tears slipped out from within her eyes but no one worried because her grin was too wide and inviting to have shown reason for concern. She _was_ happy despite the part of her that wished her father could have approved of her change in hobby. Youngjae stood and without coming to stand next to Yezi, bowed. As he perused the crowd, he wondered if Jaebum had shown up.

Yezi looked back and waved Youngjae forward. Youngjae raised a hand to protest but in seeing that Yezi had been crying, strode forward. He wrapped his hand around Yezi’s and as they took a bow, squeezed her tiny hand. He wondered at what point she had begun to sprout her wings. He brushed aside the lump that was accumulating in his throat. 

As they turned to leave, Youngjae shot one last quick glance at the Hoon’s. By a stroke of luck, he noticed a bed of electrifying purple-blue hair. The pit of his stomach scrunched up and his heartbeat accelerated. He bit back a smirk. Surely, this was his body’s way of releasing the nervousness from having performed in front of a crowd after all these years of solitude.

#

Students and parents rushed to greet one another. Flowers were handed out and embraces were received. Not a single child went home that day without being given one compliment or another. 

Yezi was hugging Youngjae when her parents and grandmother stepped up behind them. Mr. Hoon coughed. Yezi pulled away. She gave Youngjae a sheepish smile before turning around to face her family. Youngjae excused himself but not before Mrs. Hoon squeezed his shoulder and mouthed the words, “Thank you.”. Youngjae shook his head. They should be thanking Yezi for having done what she did.

Youngjae climbed the stage’s stairs. On his way to the backstage exit, he took a moment to look out over the emptying seats. He was busy wondering whether angels truly do exist, and if they did, had his mother chosen to become one, when someone tapped his shoulder. Youngjae turned to see Jaebum all dressed up in a button-down that accentuated his wide shoulders and a pair of trousers that were a tad bit too short for his long legs. Surprising, considering they were practically the same height.

But what caught Youngjae off guard the most was the way his hair had been slicked back to reveal a patch of smooth skin. Youngjae felt the hair on his arms prickle. A cluster of schoolgirls giggled and stared at Jaebum as they made their way towards the stairs.

“Are your parents here?” Jaebum asked.

Youngjae shook his head. He tucked his hands into his trouser pockets. “They’re not here.”

“But everyone’s parents are here.”   
  
Youngjae tilted his head to look up at Jaebum. “Yeah.” He pursed his lips into a faint smile. “You may be right.” In that moment, it didn’t seem too outlandish to think angels could exist through some paradagrim.

Youngjae cocked his head to the side. “Come on. Let’s go.”

As Youngjae finished signing the visitor book out front, he asked Jaebum what he would like to eat. When no response came his way, Youngjae turned around and asked, “How about ice cream?”

 

“Why? If I have my vanilla right here,” Jaebum said as he roamed over every inch of Youngjae’s cream-colored suit with a swipe of his tongue over his bottom lip.

A mother of two passed by just than, her cheeks blazing with embarrassment and her eyes wide.

Youngjae hastily slapped his palms over Jaebum’s mouth. “Of course!, We can have vanilla _i_ _ce cream_.” Jaebum smirked.

The woman practically flew as she tugged her two children towards the restrooms.

Jaebum signed his name into the platinum-colored book before dashing after Youngjae who had since rushed out through the theater’s doors.

From a branch in a tree on the other side of the street, the lone figure watched as Jaebum caught up to Youngjae. His eyes drank in the sight of two people who were never meant to be. Suddenly, the taste of mango flavored boba was no longer the same sweet creaminess from before. He tasted ashes. The man sighed and lowered the cup from his lips.

“Huh?” The creature on Jinyoung’s shoulders cocked its round head to the side. Its body was the same shade of black as the Sekomon’s but instead of retaining the creature’s unfixed physical form, had paws that trickled down into a cloud of gray smoke. A set of beady, white eyes gazed out from within the abyss that was his pitch black face. “Oddly enough, the fish hasn’t lost his luminescence.”

“That fish has a name now, Jinju, and he's still as much a part of the sea as any other creature.”

“That’s not what I mean, Jinyoung and you know it. Don’t play the hopeless romantic. Love won't work this time.”

Jinyoung downed what remained of his boba tea. He sputtered and coughed, desperate to get rid of the disgusting taste. “Go get me something to eat. I’m starved,” Jinyoung said as he flicked Jinju off of his shoulder. The four-legged creature flipped and flipped in the air until he came to a stop some inches from the tree’s trunk. The flame on the back of his neck blazed as he realigned himself. He watched Jinyoung momentarily. “Don’t lose yourself to your thoughts again.” 

Jinyoung shooed him away with the flick of a hand. Jinju lowered his head, his ears drooping down over his face as he disappeared through the keyhole that had appeared in the air before him.

“Jaebum.” Jinyoung bent forward. “Why? Why did you let yourself be swayed by the unknown?” He chucked the now empty cup into the trash can a few feet from where he sat. It teetered around the edge before ultimately tipping over into the gaping hole. A woman startled. She looked up but because the Earth and Sea were never one, she could not see who had thrown the cup.

“Tell Youngjae the truth before it’s too late.” Jinyoung disappeared through the keyhole he had conjured up just as Jaebum glowered over his shoulder. 

  
What is love without pain?  Aren’t they both 

s y n o n y   m

                         o

                              u

                                   s **~~¿~~ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> DO let me know if things seemed overwhelming in this chapter. I like to think my pacing is good but authors aren't always the greatest of judges. Otherwise, I hope you enjoyed! A lot is about to be revealed.


	22. 『22』

The following morning, Jaebum staggered into the bathroom. The sun had yet to rise.

He leaned his head up against the cold wall as he waited for the painful throbbing in his head to dull.

"Hello, Jaebum," came a voice with crystal clear tonality.

Jaebum's eyes shot open. He scanned the vicinity but saw nothing out of the ordinary. While he knew to expect a visit from the O.D himself, he hadn't expected that day to come so soon. On one occassion, he had come close to praying to the God Youngjae didn't believe in—all for the sake of prolonging his time on the earth. He wanted to stay; to be with Youngjae. One second more.

Even he knew forever was impossible.

Jaebum glanced down at the parched skin on his hand. The intersecting lines were much more prominent now than they had been yesterday. At this point, only the sea's embrace could moisturize him.

"You've noticed the effects of being so long without the sea, haven't you?"

Jaebum chortled. "What effects? This dry skin here?" He threw his head back and laughed. "Nothing some shea butter or coconut oil can't fix."

"From the thousands of plastic containers that go into the sea, right?"

Silence.

The voice sighed. "I apologize. I'm not saying that to play devil's advocate. I only want you to know that there's nothing but pain if you continue down this path."

Jaebum looked up to see Jinyoung seated on the edge of the bathtub. His coat pooled over the edge like wisps of shadows. A burgundy cravat was tied around his neck and a silver chain hung down around his ear.

"Jaebum, it's not too late. Return home."

"To what? The ridicule?" Jaebum clucked his tongue. "But, wait. That's the least of my concerns. I have someone-"

"I love now," they both said in unison.

Jaebum eyed him with disdain.

Jinyoung scoffed. "I didn't take you as the romantic sort."

Jaebum smirked. "And I didn't think you would come to do S.R's bidding. What a well-trained puppy you are."

Jinyoung pulled a compact watch from out of his trouser pocket. He inserted a golden key into the lock and rewinded it two times before the lid flipped open. He turned it so that the mirror inside faced Jaebum. Tick, tick, tick went the watch as the scene flashed by.

Jaebum caught the gasp in his throat before it could escape. He had known the dangers of coming here against the Sea's Mandate but to think that the fish in his community—the fish he had come to know down to the smallest scale—had been savage enough to have exiled one of their own to the Wastelands was beyond his comprehension.

Had he done his one and only friend a diservice by leaving him behind? A flood of memories jostled around in his mind; each one serving to fuel the crushing anger that welled up within him. Tears pricked at Jaebum's eyes but he shoved them away with thoughts of Youngjae's scoldings.

Jinyoung shut the watch before Jaebum's friend could be seen being carried off into the darkness by the riptide. "M will still take you back. He hasn't given up on you yet. He's furious but he'll welcome you home with an apology and-"

"Go screw yourself. S.R will never listen to what any of us lhave to say so why should I care about what he has to say? This whole idea that he does the things he does in the best interest of the sea is a joke. A total farce." Jaebum slammed his fist into the wall. "Not when his vision stems from his hatred for humans. I may not know the story of how the order for the Sea's Revival came to be but I can tell you that the Sea's Mandate only serves to justify his thinking. Without its powers, he would have died as another angry old fish."

Jinyoung cocked his head at the floor. M wouldn't have died an angry old fish, he thought. He would have died young and afraid.

And as a human.

Jinyoung stood. The heels on his boots tapped against the marbled floor. "Tell Youngjae or I will."

"You wouldn't dare," Jaebum seethed.

"Believe me, if the choice of death (and) life were in my hands, I would have let you and Youngjae live out a life together. But, alas, the justification for life is beyond my reach."

From the smoke around his calves, Jinyoung converted into an owl. He turned his head at Jaebum and watched him for some seconds before speaking. "You have received your second warning. There will be no more." He spread his wings—a puff of glistening shards dispersing out over the air—and disappeared through the window on a cloud of smoke.

Once he found a tree limb to perch on, Jinyoung transformed back into a human. Jinju appeared at his side. "I heard him call M, S.R. Why?" Jinju settled himself across Jinyoung's shoulders.

Jinyoung took a deep breath in. The bathroom window was frosted so he couldn't see inside but he could sense the tears that spooled out over Jaebum's cheeks.

"The creatures who live within the sea know M as the Sea's Revival. That name is per the tales passed down through the generations. The name itself stems from the powers bestowed upon him: to protect the sea and its inhabitants."

Jinju curled his tail around Jinyoung's cravat. "And you?"

Jinyoung closed his eyes. "O.D."

"O as in ocean." Jinju's mouth fell open. ''That's taboo," he whispered.

"Yes. And to think that no one has ever gone out of their way to protest the use of 'ocean' above 'sea'."

All because I am death itself.

He looked down at his creation—his partner—and offered him a weak smile. "Let's go home. I'm starved."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soooo. Do we know what M and Jinyoung represent now? I'd love to know so that I can guise if I'm on the right track to resolving unanswered questions. Other than that, let me know what you guys think. It's been awhile since my last update so I'd love to hear from you guys.


	23. 『23』

Youngjae was busy stirring the ingredients for the batter into a glass bowl when he heard the floorboards creak. The left-hand corner of his lips turned upright before dropping back down into a stagnant expression, just in time for Jaebum's arrival.

Jaebum stepped into the kitchen, eyes downcast. Youngjae caught a glimpse of him as he poured in the milk. A flash of red stuck in his mind. He thought he had seen Jaebum's eyes bloated and red. Wanting to make clear of his suspicions that Jaebum might have been crying, Youngjae counted to three before tilting his eyes back up. Somewhere between the last two seconds, Jaebum had pretended to sneeze. He hoped his facade was plausible enough.

Youngjae frowned but said nothing on the matter. He turned to pour the batter into the skillet. "Looks like you nested with the owls."

Jaebum's heart dropped to the floor. Had O.D told him? Already? So soon? "What?"

Youngjae glanced over his shoulder although his eyes remained trained on the skillet before him. "Have you seen your hair?"

Jaebum reached up to touch his hair. On either side of his head, two thick clumps of hair stuck out over the top of his head like icicles. He let his slightly widened eyes fall back into place. "Might have slept on the wrong side of bed."

"Have you been eating your algae sheets?"

Jaebum rubbed the side of his hand against his pants even though he knew that there wasn't any sweat there. He couldn't sweat anymore. And he would die because of it. Not unless he returned to the sea.

But, in doing so, he would have to let go of his sprite—his Youngjae—and that was simply something he would not do.

"Yes. It's okay. I'll be okay. On another note"—he whistled—"pancakes for breakfast? What if I want something else?"

Youngjae scoffed. "Than you better find-" He shuddered as Jaebum's body pressed into his from behind. His arms wrapped around his waist and his nose nearly brushed up against his earlobe as he placed his chin on the space above his collarbone. A shiver shot up the length of Youngjae's spine. Jaebum's grip tightened.

"You're right. I should save my appetite for the full course meal." A rough, guttural sound rumbled from within his throat as he breathed out through his nose.

The sound jostled Youngjae away from the strange sensation that heated his body. He stabbed the heel of his foot onto Jaebum's toe. Jaebum yelped and pulled away. He leaned up against the kitchen island. Groaning, he lifted his foot up to massage the injured digit.

"Youngjae. So mean." Jaebum whimpered as he continued to proke and prod his throbbing toe.

Youngjae busied himself with setting up breakfast. As soon as he had the pot of honey placed onto the table—the last touch to this morning's breakfast—he thought it a miracle that he hadn't broken anything because every second of setting up had been occupied with thoughts of Jaebum's touches.

As Youngjae slathered on the honey and garnished the top of his pancake with some fresh-cut strawberries, he wondered at what point had he allowed his heart to be taken. After a quick second of debating, he shook that thought away. No. He hadn't let Jaebum take it. Love didn't work like that. Love was the kind of feeling that sought to ascertain itself by sneeking in without regards for the captive's thoughts or lifestyle.

His heart had been stolen.

Youngjae set his fork down to watch Jaebum slide JunJun a huge cut of his pancake. "But don't tell Youngjae. He might"—JunJun barked—"just... He's watching us, isn't he?" Jaebum cocked his head to the side, an excuse of a smile twitching over his lips.

Youngjae burst into laughter. He realized it now, no matter how dull and usharpened the ascertation was. He was okay with the idea of giving himself away to someone else. He would let more people in like he had let himself be snatched by Yezi.

However long ago, Youngjae would have done everything and anything to rid everyone from his life. He loved himself and that was all that mattered. No more thinking he needed anyone else but himself. Other people only brought out his crippling weakness: his inability to protect.

There wasn't a single person he could protect—not his mom, not his orphanage brothers—and he always feared Yezi would break someday under his touch, his gaze, so what was the point of opening the door for anyone else? So that they could take up residence in his heart and prove to him just how awful of a person he was for failing to protect the ones he cared about?

No. No more.

He didn't need anyone and never would. Not ever again.

But, Youngjae thought, I can learn to let people love me and I can love back. I want to. I do. It's happened with Yezi and admittedly, Jaebum. I might not even need to tell him the truth.

Youngjae smiled at the thought. His dark and bitter past would continue to remain sealed away.

Jaebum peeled an eye open and than another. He looked down at his lap, a blush overtaking the soft melon-colored look of his cheeks. He reached down and whispered to JunJun: "I can't wake to kiss your mom."

    ҉

The following morning, Youngjae awoke to discover an owl peering into his room from the balcony ledge outside his bedroom's sliding glass doors. He got out of bed and approached the glass with meticulous steps but the owl flew away before he could get very close.

Youngjae scrunched his eyebrows but said nothing as he turned back around. The sun's rays caught on the gold writing inscribed onto the top of his bedside drawer. Letter by letter, the message engraved onto the bedside table began to fade away as if burned. Youngjae turned away from his calendar to see what was catching the light so vividly but he was one second too late. The surface of his nightstand was as spotless and as smooth as he normally kept it.

Yongjae pursed his lips. Today was beginning to prove itself an odd day. Or maybe that one extra hour of sleep was giving him the kind of headache he loathed.

From the corner of the balcony, Jujin took off running towards the cliff where one could find Jinyoung on his most troublesome days. "He didn't read it," Jujin said as he jumped down from a rock.

"That or he chose not to."

"But I saw him. There was no way he could have caught the message before it disappeared. You set it out too soon."

Jinyoung raised a finger up to his lips. "Youngjae is full of renewed love and hope for the future. This is only the beginning for him."

Sparks flew from the fire in Jujin's neck. He pulled his ears down over his head. "You don't mean to tell me you never intended for him to read the message."

"I offer condolences, not kindness." Jinyoung took a deep breath in. Jujin shook his head. The way Jinyoung was handling the situation was cruel in of itself. Had Jinyoung given Youngjae the chance to read the message, he would have known that Jaebum was set to die soon but by letting him not read the message, Jinyoung was only helping to foster the tidal wave of pain that was sure to destroy Youngjae.

A forlorn expression took ahold of his face. He sat down and laid his chin on top of his two front paws. "Either way, Youngjae and Jaebum's lives together are destined to demise." What a fate, Jujin thought.

The sun's rays caught on a single small plume sprouting out from somewhere around Jinyoung's shoulder blade. Before long, the entire sun had caught onto that one ray's target; revealing an object that glistened.

Shiny, white. Resplendent. And alarmingly beautiful. A wing.

"Such is life." Jinyoung stood.

A cluster of clouds floated by. Jinju watched as the shade gobbled up the pearlescent white of Jinyoung's wing until a black as dark as the bottomless depths of the ocean stood in its wake.

"Your wing. It's black."

Jinyoung smirked. "What wing?" And true to his words, the wing was no longer there.

"What is love without pain?" Jinyoung stepped up to the edge of the cliff. Hands in pockets, he looked out over the ocean to see a multitude of dead fish floating on the surface in the shape of a scythe. Pitch black; as black as the darkness that consumes all living creatures.

"Aren't they both synonymous **¿"**


	24. 『24』

"Jaebum, I don't want you going on this trip if you're feeling unwell," Youngjae said as he took inventory of the winter gear at his feet. So far, the only things missing were snow goggles for the both of them and a pair of fur-lined boots for Jaebum.

"I want to go. And I'll be good. I promise." Jaebum was playing with JunJun on the couch. All Youngjae could see was his back and booty. He shook his head as he turned to rummage through the other hulking bag. Inside was nothing but the clothes he had grown out of as a teenager. Back before he had moved into this house, he had promised himself to reuse the clothes but in the eight years since that promise, he had yet to make a dent into the medium-sized collection.

"Why don't you replace that bag?" Jaebum asked. The hairs on the back of Youngjae's neck stood up. He jolted forward. JunJun barked. "There's too many holes."

"D-don't do that."

Jaebum tilted his head to the side. "Do what?"

"Don't play dumb with me. You know... Sneaking up on me. Don't do that."

Jaebum ducked his head. "You're right... I have to ask. May I touch you?"

A wave of heat crashed over Youngjae's face. "A-a-absolutely not." He busied himself with the clothes at his feet to hide his embarrassment.

Jaebum pouted. He crashed onto the floor. Youngjae turned to see what the commotion was about.

Jaebum held JunJun up over his face. "I love you," he said in an overly saccharine voice. Youngjae felt his heart skip a beat.

He than switched over to a deeper voice. "Ahem." A string of exaggerated coughs followed suite. Junjun turned his head to try to nip at his captor.

"That's right,"—Jaebum lowered Junjun until he could see his sprite's flustered appearance—"We love you."

Youngjae rolled his eyes. Before he could let Jaebum see his smile, he returned to the task at hand.

Jaebum turned away from Youngjae with a frown. He was about to slide forward when Youngjae shot to his feet and swung a stack of shirts at his face.

Jaebum's grin flourished. He set JunJun down and ran straight for Youngjae who didn't even have time to sidestep. Jaebum's head slammed into his side. Youngjae braced himself for the fall but it never happened.

When he cracked his eyes open, Jaebum was looking up at him from the floor. His right hand encircled his waist. Youngjae blushed. "What are you doing?" He pushed on Jaebum's chest to help himself up but Jaebum held on tight to his wrist. The sultry look full of wanton desire disappeared as a cheeky grin took control of his facial features. "I learned this trick from a drama. Good thing it worked." Jaebum reached out to brush a finger through Youngjae's hair but JunJun stepped on his face before he could.

"JunJun!" Jaebum yelled in between fits of laughter.

Youngjae took the chance to escape. "I hope he pees on you."

On his way to the foyer, Youngjae placed the tips of his fingers to his lips and wondered if he had made any strange noises. He had been so preoccupied with the thought of not farting that he couldn't have paid any more attention to the other aspects of his body.

He reached up to copy Jaebum's foiled attempt at being romantic. A shiver ran up his neck. He sighed. His ears still felt hot to the touch and the beating of his heart was barely just beginning to slow.

"If you want to come, you'll need some things to keep you warm, " Youngjae mumbled. "And,"—he flicked his hand around to signal his indifference—"I'm not waiting for you."

The sound of JunJun's paws pitter-pattering after a pair of dashing feet filled the space. The bathroom door slammed shut. Moments later, JunJun appeared at Youngjae's side. He pawed at the zipper on his track jacket. Youngjae smiled softly. "If you want, I can leave him behind at the mall."

Junjun sank down to all fours and whined as he brushed his paw over his ear and eye.

Youngjae chortled. "You're right. I shouldn't do that."

#

"Can't we buy the things you're looking for in town?"

"We can but then I'd be without money and the last I checked, I have a cute puppy to care for." Youngjae finished untangling his earbuds. He slipped one into his ear.

"Can I be the king? So I can care for my prince."

"You're embarrassing." After a moment of silence, he added on, "Kings weren't allowed to date princes."

Jaebum turned in his seat. Youngjae gripped his phone. Why was he suddenly so nervous?

Jaebum brought his face up close to Youngjae's. What was Jaebum doing? Why was he so close? Youngjae couldn't quiet the roar of thoughts in his head.

Jaebum stopped just before his forehead could touch Youngjae's. He took his sprite's pinky in his own before looking up at him through his dark lashes. "Than let me be a pauper so that we can be on equal footing."

The bus lurched to a stop. Youngjae pulled away. The doors opened and a very familiar young lady stepped onto the bus. "Jaebum!" she shouted as soon as she spotted him. Jaebum waved. She beamed.

After paying, she practically ripped a trail through the metal floor in her haste to get to Jaebum. When she was but a few paces from him, she acted like she had just seen Youngjae. "Fancy seeing you outside of school."

"We don't see each other in school."

She slid in next to Jaebum who closed his legs and pressed his back up against the seat to make room for her. Youngjae rolled his eyes.

"So where are you guys headed?" She leaned in, the few loose strands of her messy bun curling over onto Jaebum's shoulder.

"Somewhe—"

"The mall!"

"What!? Me, too!" Eunji's knee pressed up against the side of Jaebum's leg. Youngjae's chest tightened.

"Wait. Speaking of which, are you letting Jaebum come on the trip, Youngjae?"

Youngjae scoffed. "You're asking me like he's my pet."

"But wouldn't you like that?"

Youngjae flicked his gaze to Eunji. Her venomous stare melted as soon as Jaebum turned to look at her.

"I can be whatever he wants me to be but maybe you shouldn't say that, Eunji." Jaebum whispered.

Eunji harumphed. "Fine. Only because you say so."

Youngjae hadn't heard that last tidbit as he was too busy mulling over Eunji's intentions. What was she planning? How far would she stoop to attract Jaebum's attention? Did it really matter?

Jaebum deserved to be happy.

#

After a nearly forty-five minute drive to the city, the bus pulled up to the mall. Jaebum and Eunji stepped off together while Youngjae trudged behind.

The rest of the day was spent with Eunji suggesting choices to Jaebum even though Youngjae could have argued that  _she_ didn't live with him. How would she know his tastes?

In the end, they even walked away from a store with matching marshmallow keychains.

Youngjae tucked his hands into his sweatpants as he waited for Jaebum to hand Eunji her bags full of unnecessary junk. She wrapped her fingers around his arm before reaching out to grab her last bag. She stayed like that for the count of a few breaths before pulling away with a soft giggle.

She stopped at the top of the stairs for one final goodbye. "Can't wait to see you again tomorrow, Jaebum!" She flashed another of her fake sweet smiles at Youngjae.

When the bus had pulled away far enough up the street, Youngjae threw his head back and laughed.

"What's wrong?" Jaebum asked.

"You're a fool."

Jaebum cocked his head to the side. "What? That's mean."

Youngjae rolled his eyes. "Come on. Let's not miss the last bus back home or I'll have you working the streets for hotel money."

Jaebum picked up his bags and hurried to catch up to his sprite. He hoped to see him smile again soon.

The following morning, Youngjae and Jaebum awoke before sunrise to take JunJun to the Hoon's. From there, they stopped by a convenience store for some snacks.

"Can we take ramen?"

"No. Only dry snacks and drinks. Everything else stays put."

"But the package says all we need is hot water."

Youngjae reached for a bottle of aloe vera juice. "And where would you get hot water on a tour bus?"

"Yeah... I guess you're right."

From the corner of his eye, Youngjae watched as Jaebum put the package back onto the shelf. He wore a disheartened frown all the way through.

#

Before the two could approach the bus, Eunji popped out from behind Kang's library. Armed with a clipboard in hand and a duffel bag in the other, her eyes darted back and forth between Jaebum and Youngjae before ultimately landing on the bag in Jaebum's hand. "Snacks?"

Jaebum nodded. "Youngjae said the trip would be long so we went and bought some things to eat on the way there."

Eunji cocked a brow at Youngjae. The familiar wave of uneasiness coursed through his body. Whenever he was in Eunji's presence, he didn't know whether to flee or to fight. Today was no different.

She turned to Jaebum and pouted. "No snacks for me?"

Jaebum shifted from foot to foot. "I- Well... You can-"

"That's right. We only went shopping for the two of us."

Jaebum darted a glance at Youngjae before looking towards Eunji who refused to show the slightest hint of emotion on her face. "But you can have my graham crackers! And my soda, too."

Eunji giggled. "No, that's alright. I was just teasing." She pursed her lips. "You're adorable, Jaebum. You know that, right?"

A faint blush appeared on Jaebum's cheeks. Youngjae's heart constricted.

"Hope you'll partake in the festivities with everyone."

"Of course. I'm sure it'll be a lot of fun. Right, Youngjae?"

Youngjae looked out across the empty parking lot to where a group of energetic male students were loading their suitcases into the bus' belly. They reminded him of the group of friends he had in the orphanage. "Yeah."

#

Halfway to the ski resort, Jaebum fell asleep on Youngjae's shoulder and surprisingly enough, Youngjae didn't mind in the slightest.

#

"Time to disembark!" Eunji shouted as she rose from her seat at the front of the bus.

An infectious energy overtook the bus. The quieted mumbles of a few students quickly evolved into the tumultuous chatter of many. Eager smiles and nervous glances were passed along from student to student. All except one.

Youngjae stood and sighed just as the last student in the back left her seat. Jaebum followed thereafter.

Before Youngjae could take the first step down, Yugyeom popped into the doorway. His hair was sticking up every which way and his colorful scarf was threatening to slide off of his neck. "Youngjae!" he shouted.

Youngjae felt himself smiling before he could catch himself. "Yugyeo-"

A pair of strong arms caught him off guard. His eyes grew wide as he felt his feet lift up off of the floor.

"I'm so glad you're here. Thank you for coming." Yugyeom set him back down onto the platform.

"You don't have to worry about that."

Yugyeom tilted his head to the side and offered the floor a sheepish smile. "You're right. I knew I could count on you." He looked back up to see a sturdy figure towering over the much more slender Youngjae.

"Oh. Jaebum. Hello."

Jaebum smiled. "Hello."

"Glad you could make it, too."

"Yes, of course."

Youngjae took ahold of Yugyeom's backpack and pushed him along towards where the students had begun to congregate at the front of the lodge.

"Alright, everyone, listen up!" Eunji pulled out her clipboard. "We're right on time. You all have two hours before the saunas open up to us at 8."

A slew of snickers were passed around the group of boys huddled together by the end of the crowd.

"And yes these saunas are family friendly so they're separated by gender."

The guys who had shown a different kind of eagerness lowered their heads into their parkas.

"After the saunas, you all are welcome to enjoy any of the indoor commodities the lounge has to offer. The arcade will stay open until 12 AM for us and the only way staff will know you're a part of the unlimited pass is if you show them your school ID." She glanced at her clipboard. "So, I hope you all didn't forget to pack it. Dismissed!"

Some students immediately began to discuss the status of their predicament. Eunji ran up towards Jaebum. She didn't acknowledge Youngjae or Yugyeom.

"Hello, Mrs. Student Body President." Yugyeom said.

"Mm, yes, hello."

"Is she so in love that she isn't even going to correct me?" Yugyeom whispered behind his hand.

Youngjae froze. "In love? You think so? How can you tell?" He bit down on his tongue to keep the questions from coming. Thankfully, Yugyeom didn't see further into the string of questions. Youngjae wouldn't have been able to come up with an explanation on the dot for his curiosity.

Yugyeom shrugged his shoulders. "Normally women act like Eunji when they're head over heels."

"So you know her personally?"

Yugyeom shook his head. "I've had interactions with her before and from those few times, the one thing she never stood for is being called anything but Team Leader."

Youngjae pressed a shoulder up to his ear. "Doesn't matter. We're here to have fun. And by fun, I mean sleep in my room until it's time to go."

Yugyeom's eyes grew wide. "So you're not going to join me at the saunas?" He reached down to clump a ball of snow together.

Youngjae looked up at the sky. He couldn't ignore Yugyeom's request to be together. He enjoyed being around Yugyeom. Besides, what was an hour in the water going to do to him?

"Yeah. Su-" He shrieked as a ball of snow hit him in the side of his head. He looked to the culprit who had begun to steadily retreat.

Raising his hands up to his chest, Yugyeom said, "No. Wait. I can explain. I meant to-" But before he could finish, Youngjae threw a snowball that managed to land on his neck.

Yugyeom shivered and screamed as the ice slid into his parka. Youngjae laughed. Quickly recovering, Yugyeom bent forward. "What's 2-2?"

Youngjae began to run away towards the lounge's main entrance. "I don't know!" he called over his shoulder.

Yugyeom snickered. "The death of you!" He swung two snowballs at Youngjae. One managed to slap him in the back while the other flew off and hit one of the two pillars that upheld the entrance's roof.

"You'll get us in trouble!" Youngjae shouted as he doubled-over to try to control his laughter.

All the while, Jaebum watched as his sprite played with Yugyeom. A strange sensation tugged at his heart. He knew from Yezi that the feeling was either because he was sad or... jealous.

Eunji tugged on Jaebum's sleeve. "Let's go in."

Maybe he was sad because he couldn't be the one playing with his sprite.

Yes. That's right. He should be spending every last breathable moment with his one and only.

Before it's time to say farewell forever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm backkk. Whoo whoo.
> 
> Next update a LOT of amazing things are happening so I hope you guys can hold out until than. <3 Have a pleasant week, everyone and remember to take care of yourselves.


	25. 『25』

After getting settled in, Youngjae left Jaebum in the shower to meet up with Yugyeom in the lounge.

 

"Do you feel comfortable doing this?" Yugyeom asked as they turned down yet another corridor.

 

"Sure. I mean yeah. Not like I'm performing a belly dance in front of the boys."

 

Yugyeom looked away while a blast of heat tore over his face. Meanwhile, Youngjae contemplated his words. What in science's name had probed him to say something so embarrassing? Shrugging the thought off, he turned to Yugyeom who was still looking off to the side.

 

"Everything alright?"

 

Yugyeom jumped in his skin. "Fine and dandy. Dandy fine." He chuckled before turning his head back around. "Thought I saw an ant on the ground."

 

Youngjae cocked an eyebrow. "In the lodge?"

 

Yugyeom laughed. "You'd be surprised. Mother nature has a way of showing up in the strangest places."

 

Jaebum's face flashed before Youngjae's mind. "Tell me about it."

 

They arrived at the sauna in time to see a bunch of semi-naked college boys running out through the back door. The sound of a loud splash followed suit. Youngjae and Yugyeom looked at one another with utter bewilderment.

 

"A hot spring," Youngjae mouthed as Yugyeom shouted it loud and clear. He was quick to tear off his clothes. Youngjae suddenly felt embarrassed as he began to slip his own clothes off but he couldn't very well make a big deal out of it so he kept his comments to himself. When the towel was secured around his waist he turned to see Yugyeom gazing at him from the door's miniature window.

 

"That's creepy."

 

Yugyeom drew back. "I- No. I mean it probably does look like I was staring at you but I wasn't. This up close you can see the other side. The glass loses its reflectiveness from over here."

 

Youngjae smiled. "So defensive."

 

"I don't want you to misunderstand. I'm not a creep or anything."

 

"Than your nothing?"

 

Yugyeom stomped his foot on the ground. "You're really making things difficult for me."

 

"Let's go already." Youngjae said as he slid open the door to the steaming hot pool of water.

 

#

 

Jaebum wandered the halls in search of the sauna. He was nearly about to give up when he spotted a group of familiar looking girls. He ran after them and was nearly stopped by a staff member for being thought of as a stalker when Eunji ran up to him. As usual, she was all smiles and touches.

 

"Hey, there handsome. Where you headed?"

 

"The sauna."

 

"Well, let's go together then."

 

Jaebum said nothing as Eunji slipped her arm into his own.

 

"Have you seen Youngjae?" Jaebum asked when the sauna's entrance came into view. There were two separate entrances—one for females and another for males.

 

"I haven't. But enough about that. Are you feeling unwell, Jaebum?"

 

Jaebum froze. Every nerve in his body grew heavy. No one could have known he was fatigued unless they could see his bioluminescence and the only ones who had that capability were other... fish.

 

"Eunji, why are you doing this?"

 

Eunji giggled. "Doing what?"

 

"Being so friendly with me."

 

Eunji frowned and blinked a few times before responding. "Can't I?"

 

Jaebum tensed his jaw. "Tell me. Are you by any chance a... a..."

 

"A?"

 

"Do you know Ocean's Death? Sea's Revival?"

 

Eunji reached up to lay the back of her hand against his forehead. "I really think you should get some rest. You're saying some of the strangest things."

 

Jaebum felt the muscles in his shoulders relax. He was dumb to think she had any connection with the sea. "The hot spring will help. Goodbye, Eunji."

 

"Until later!" Eunji shouted. She waved ecstatically until Jaebum disappeared beyond sight. When he had gone, she dug her fingers into her palms until the tips of her nails carved crescent-shaped marks into her flesh.

 

 

Jaebum was eager to be with his sprite. After having spotted him through the door's window, Jaebum hurriedly disrobed. He nearly left the comforts of the sauna without a towel around his waist.

 

No one paid him any attention as the boys in the spring were all either too busy roughhousing or chatting about things ranging from how much fun the arcade was going to be to the latest developments from whatever games they were currently playing.

 

Jaebum spotted Youngjae's mess of brown hair at the same time that Yugyeom stepped in front of him.

 

Jaebum sucked his teeth. They hadn't spent a single moment together since disembarking. There wasn't reason to wait any longer. He would make Youngjae smile right this instant.

 

Taking a deep breath in, Jaebum moved towards the spring with newfound confidence but less than a couple of inches from the lip of the pool, he tripped on an uplifted part of the concrete and slammed into the water with as much grace as a broken sailboat.

 

Heads turned and bodies shifted to stare at a flailing Jaebum.

 

"Jaebum!" Youngjae rushed over and stepped on Jaebum's leg before he could kick him. "Jaebum, stop. The water's not that deep. You can stand."

 

Jaebum stopped thrashing about in time to see his sprite flick a strand of wet hair away from his face. "So beautiful," he mumbled.

 

"Not here," Youngjae hissed.

 

"Right." Jaebum righted himself and planted his knuckles firm on his hips.

 

"Yo! Dude. You lost your towel."

 

Jaebum gazed down at his crotch. Youngjae facepalmed. Yugyeom pursed his lips in a failed attempt at a smile.

 

Jaebum retrieved the towel and returned to his spot by the boulders. Youngjae shook his head.

 

"Was that embarrassing for you?" Jaebum asked with downcast eyes. But Youngjae's attention was elsewhere.

 

"Jaebum. You're burning up."

 

"Am I that hot?"

 

"Quit messing around. Why are there tendrils of mist curling up around you?"

 

"Because the spring is hot."

 

Youngjae crossed his arms over his chest. "Out. Now."

 

Dejected, Jaebum pulled himself from the spring. Immediately, a wave of relief crashed over his senses. He (italics) had been burning up in there but he wasn't about to admit it to Youngjae.

 

The two left in a hurry. As soon as he had his clothes back on, Youngjae texted an apology to Yugyeom. He had wanted to say goodbye to him in person but that would have attracted even more unwanted attention.

 

Yugyeom's phone stayed lit until Youngjae closed the door behind him.

 

#

 

Back in their room, Youngjae slid a chair out for Jaebum to sit in but he refused to take it.

 

"What were you thinking?" Youngjae asked. "If you knew the water was too hot why would you dive in like that?"

 

Jaebum kept his gaze on the carpeted floor before him.

 

"Unbutton your shirt."

 

Jaebum did as told. When his fingers moved to unclasp the second button, he spoke up. "You didn't see me trip."

 

"What?"

 

Jaebum bit down on his inner lip. "You didn't see me trip. I didn't do that to attract attention. I really did fall into the water."

 

"Oh." Youngjae cringed as his lips popped over the o. The tension in the room made every sound all the more extreme. "I didn't-" Youngjae stopped talking when he heard Jaebum's shirt rustling. He looked up in time to see the fabric slide off his broad shoulders.

 

Youngjae's breath caught in his throat. With a shaky hand, he reached out to touch Jaebum's skin. "What's happening to your body?"

 

Jaebum shivered when Youngjae's soft fingertips brushed against his throbbing skin.

 

Youngjae couldn't fathom the sight before him. Thin lines ran across the length of Jaebum's shoulder blades. They formed a pattern reminiscent of the scales on a fish's flesh. In certain areas, the patches of skin were beginning to peel away.

 

"Have you been taking your vitamins? The algae?"

 

"That's not it."

 

"If your upper half looks like this then what does your lower half look like?"

 

Jaebum clenched his teeth. "I'm fine. Or I will be."

 

"Great assurance you've got going there." Youngjae pressed down into one of the nearly invisible lines. Jaebum sucked in a breath. He turned around to face Youngjae who had yet to lose the surprise on his facial features. "I'll be fine. All I need is a soak in the tub." Jaebum headed for the bathroom.

 

"Why can't I know what's happening to you?"

 

Despite his unwillingness to disturb Jaebum's privacy, Youngjae ventured after him. His curiosity had won. He needed to know what was wrong with Jaebum.

 

"Because it's nothing serious," Jaebum said. "I'll be fine. A cold soak is all it takes."

 

"Why is your skin peeling? Why does it look like this now?"

 

Jaebum clenched his fists. "It's just what you see, Youngjae. There's nothing more to it."

 

"There's a reason for everything. What are you afraid of Jaebum?"

 

"Brush it aside, Youngjae." He lowered himself into the tub.

 

Youngjae looked aghast. Jaebum had never before spoken to him with such a calm detachedness. Youngjae swallowed the ball of saliva in his throat. Something was wrong but he couldn't be bothered to help those who didn't value his sympathy.

 

He turned and walked out of the bathroom.

 

Jaebum watched as Youngjae disappeared beyond his line of sight. As soon as he heard the door close, he knocked the back of his head into the wall behind him. A prolonged sigh escaped his lips.

 

He hadn't wanted to tell Youngjae because he knew that he would have worried. He didn't want to place any burdens on his sprite's shoulders.

 

Jaebum closed his eyes and recalled their first meeting. A weak smile played over his lips.

 

Maybe he was being selfish for concealing the truth. But not this truth. Because this truth was simply that. Fish can't be in hot water or their flesh will burn.

 

No. It was the other truth. The one that would bring this unimaginable dream to an end.

 

#

 

Youngjae stormed off to the party room reserved for them. He nearly stumbled into a female student as he turned the corner. Apologizing profusely, he ducked into the room and felt the tension in his body dissipate when he saw the seat next to Yugyeom empty.

 

"Hey," Youngjae mumbled as he took his seat.

 

"Hey," Yugyeom exclaimed. He excused himself from the girl at his side before giving Youngjae his full attention. "What's up?"

 

"I sent you a text. Did you read it?"

 

"Of course. Everything okay?"

 

"Everything's okay. Jaebum's stomach was hurting a little so I told him to stay in and relax until he felt better."

 

Yugyeom hummed along to Youngjae's confession. When he was done speaking, he pursed his lips. "Quick recovery."

 

Youngjae furrowed his brows. He turned in the direction Yugyeom was pointing to see Jaebum standing in front of the doorway. A loose silk shirt hugged every inch of his arms and pectorals. He looked as stylish as he had ever seen him in the few weeks since they had been together.

 

Youngjae frowned and turned back to Yugyeom before Jaebum could catch his eyes in the crowd of students. "Guess he won't listen until he's puking all over the table." Youngjae reached for a bottle of soju. He slapped a cup down before filling the glass up to the brim.

 

"Woah. Woah. Isn't that a little too much?"

 

Youngjae gulped the first sip down. The taste scathed his esophagus. He brushed the fire aside with sip after sip until the taste became bearable. "Never. My alcohol tolerance level is high. I used to go out drinking with my dad before..."

 

Yugyeom reached for a cup. Youngjae shrugged his shoulders. "Before he left."

 

Yugyeom dipped his head low in affirmation of Youngjae's declaration. "Let's not talk about those things. We're here to have-"

 

A loud squeal cut through the air around them. Everyone turned to see Eunji swatting at Jaebum's arm with her manicured hand. "Jaebum, you're so silly." She reached over and dipped a strawberry into the pool of white chocolate before her.

 

Youngjae stood and excused himself from Yugyeom before heading off to the bathroom. He wasn't jealous in the slightest. He was angry that Jaebum had it in him to flirt when he couldn't have told him what was wrong.

 

Minutes later, Youngjae returned to see everyone had already begun eating dinner. He hurried back to his seat.

 

Yugyeom leaned in close to Youngjae. Bringing his hand up to his mouth, he whispered, "They have steamed dumplings."

 

Youngjae smiled. He appreciated Yugyeom's readiness to alleviate his troubles with some humor. "What about the dipping sauces?"

 

"They're here, too." With a grin on his face, Yugyeom placed the black spinning wheel before Youngjae. Everything from soy sauce to melted cheese graced his vision. Youngjae's stomach grumbled. Embarrassed, he looked towards Yugyeom from the corner of his eye. Thankfully enough, Yugyeom was staring at him with an exaggerated facial expression full of shock. They erupted into laughter at the same time.

 

This time it was Jaebum who turned to see what the commotion was about. His heart sunk when he realized who his sprite was laughing with. Yugyeom this, Yugyeom that. He yearned for it to be Jaebum this, Jaebum that.

 

"Oh, Jaebum."

 

Jaebum let out a breath of air before turning to face Eunji who was raising a strawberry up to his lips.

 

About an hour later–after nearly everyone had moved on to explore the lodge–Youngjae stood and ambled towards the door. Yugyeom shot up and hurried after him. He grabbed his wrist.

 

"Where are you going?"

 

"Instead of asking "Are you drunk?"'

 

Yugyeom blushed. He let go of Youngjae.

 

Youngjae chortled. He reached over and patted Yugyeom's shoulder. "I'm not drunk and I'm only going to the bathroom. Wait for me. Okay?"

 

Like a child who had been praised for his good deed, Yugyeom nodded.

 

#

 

Youngjae groaned as he stepped out of the bathroom. He had nearly fallen into the toilet several times. Keeping his legs up after all of that alcohol was a whole lot more difficult than he had thought.

 

He brushed his hand through his hair as he walked down the corridor. Halfway to the corner, he heard a male voice shout something from around the bend. He turned his head and froze when he saw Eunji standing before another male student. Before they could see him, he slapped himself against the wall. Suddenly, he felt even more lightheaded than when he had been trying not to fall into the toilet. He was doing the one thing he loathed even thinking about. Eavesdropping. What a hypocrite.

 

"What does he have that I can't offer you?"

 

"He's much more handsome. Taller, too. And not to mention he's not bisexual like you."

 

Youngjae's eyes grew wide. What were they discussing? All he wanted was to go back to his room and sleep but he couldn't very well interrupt now.

 

The boy scoffed. "How can you be so sure he won't run off with that boy?"

 

Eunji smirked. "Youngjae isn't a problem. He never was and he never will be. Too bad Jaebum hasn't told him, yet."

 

Youngjae's heart picked up speed. The palms on his hands were beginning to sweat. He wasn't enjoying this conversation one bit.

 

"You don't mean-"

 

She giggled and raised her hand up into the air. "Yes." She wiggled her fingers. "Because I'm his fiance."

 

Youngjae's head exploded with a thousand thoughts and sudden realizations. He leaned his head back against the wall but the ill feelings did not subside in the slightest. Jaebum was engaged.

 

Licking his dry lips, Youngjae reviewed all of the moments he had seen of them together and suddenly understood why Jaebum hadn't pushed her aside. Why he hadn't been willing to tell him what was wrong. He already had a special someone whom he could count on. They were engaged. Jaebum was going to get married.

 

Youngjae wanted to laugh. However, the hell that worked, right? I mean fishes don't even get married. Or do they?

 

He turned away from the conversation before he could hurl onto the clean carpet. He needed a breather.

 

"Too bad he hasn't wrapped his head around the idea, yet, either." Eunji continued. She looked at the diamond ring on her index finger like one would a lover.

 

The boy snarled. "You bloody girl. It's an arranged marriage."

 

She tilted her head to the side. "Does it matter? Love is given, not earned."

 

#

 

Youngjae stumbled around from door to door until he came to an opening that led him to a hallway where glass panes curved over the rooms in place of an opaque roof. He looked up to see the sky. There were no stars.

 

A door opened to reveal a little girl peeking out from within the comfort of her room.

 

"Mom?"

 

Youngjae dropped down to his knees. The little girl startled.

 

"My name's Youngjae. How about you?"

 

The little girl flicked her gaze back and forth from inside to Youngjae several times before opening her mouth to speak.

 

"Who is it!?" called another child's voice from within the room. The door flung open to reveal another girl of around the same height. Her left arm was decorated with bracelets. A sparkling yellow bow was wrapped around her neck like a choker. In her right hand was a large pink brush.

 

"Hey, mister! What's your name?"

 

"Youngjae."

 

"My name's Jaeeun but you can call me Sol."

 

Youngjae giggled. Maybe the bottles of soju were finally taking effect. He reached out to shake Sol's hand.

 

"I know!" shouted Sol. The other girl—who must have been her sister—jumped. She nearly tripped on the veil hanging over her tiny frame.

 

"Mister, do you think you could help us set up the tea party?"

 

Youngjae nodded. He crawled after the two girls to the patio that overlooked a small pond.

 

The girls took to brushing Youngjae's hair. They fastened barrettes on either side of his twin pigtails.

 

"I still don't know your name," Youngjae said as he turned to look at Sol's sister. He had fallen back onto the floor while Sol had been trying to fasten a pearl necklace around his wrist.

 

"Eunha."

 

Youngjae smiled. "Pretty." He hiccuped. Eunha blushed.

 

Sol smacked her hand down on the ground. "Gentleman don't burp in front of ladies."

 

"S-sorry, Cap'N."

 

Sol stood over Youngjae. "Cap'N, huh?"

 

"Ai, ai."

 

She harrumphed. "I like the sound of that."

 

Several minutes later, Youngjae felt the vibrations of a pair of feet running across the wood floor before he could force himself to turn and see who it was. When he did, he saw a young woman panting heavily. Long black hair framed her slender face and a kimono-style blazer nearly swallowed her thin frame. Youngjae smiled.

 

"Oh, no. I'm so sorry."

 

Youngjae forced himself to sit up. He felt the blood in his body rush into his brain. "Don't be. Are these your girls?" He winced. Too much damn alcohol.

 

"Yes. I told them to wait inside and while this is technically inside"—she looked around—"I didn't think they would play out here."

 

"Mom, this man is really cool. He tells us he likes boys."

 

The mom tittered. "Does he now?"

 

Youngjae blushed. He tried standing to excuse himself but his feet felt like jelly. He slipped and fell backward. Sol screamed while Eunha and their mom looked on with horror.

 

A moment of silence passed by before Youngjae realized that he had fallen into someone's warm embrace. He looked up to see Yugyeom doubled over and gasping for air.

 

"Youngjae, I finally found you," he said in between breaths.

 

Youngjae smiled. "I'm a princess."

 

Yugyeom pulled Youngjae into an upright position. That didn't last long before he began to slip free from his embrace. Sighing, he forced Youngjae onto his back before rising ever so slowly from the floor. "I apologize if he caused you any troubles."

 

The mother shook her head. "Not at all."

 

"Well then. Have a wonderful night."

 

"You, as well." The mother waved Yugyeom off with a soft smile.

 

"Mom," Sol asked. "Is that his boyfriend?"

 

Sol's mother turned on her daughter. "Young lady, what did I say about asking so many questions? Time for bed. The both of you. Come, come." She shooed them into the room.

 

"Geez, Youngjae. You'd think you weren't telling the truth half the time."

 

Youngjae mumbled something incoherent. The side of his face was pressed into Yugyeom's shoulder. He hiccuped.

 

Yugyeom pursed his lips. "Can't believe I was dumb enough to take your words into consideration after all of those bottles you gulped down." Yugyeom turned the bend to see Jaebum pressed up against the glass pane. He turned to see who had arrived and in a flash, he was standing before Yugyeom.

 

"I'll be taking him." His arms were already reaching for Youngjae. "Thanks for taking care of him." He made sure Youngjae was secure on his back before walking away.

 

Yugyeom watched as Youngjae disappeared from view. He cocked his head to the side. Who exactly was Jaebum?

 

#

 

"I'm glad you're happy," Youngjae mumbled. They were nearly to their room now.

 

"Hmm."

 

"She's not exactly ugly."

 

She? Jaebum furrowed his eyebrows. Did Youngjae mean (italics) he? Just how drunk was he to confuse himself as a female?

 

"Good boy. Good."

 

Jaebum felt his insides turn to mush. Maybe being called that under other circumstances wouldn't be half as bad, either.

 

Back in their room, Jaebum tucked Youngjae into bed. He was pulling away when he felt a light touch around his biceps. He looked down to see Youngjae pulling him forward into the bed with him. Jaebum faltered for a moment before giving in and collapsing alongside his sprite.

 

"You're going to scold me in the morning."

 

"Do you like my pigtails?" Youngjae looked up at Jaebum. Jaebum's heart picked up speed. Something in his stomach tightened. His sprite was so beautiful. Captivating eyes, sweet smile and tender touches. At this moment, all he wanted was to let his hands roam free over Youngjae's soft body.

 

Jaebum pressed the tip of his nose into Youngjae's hair. "They're cute."

 

Silence. "I didn't tell you what was wrong because it isn't anything serious. Fish can't swim in hot water which is why my skin was peeling. Please, don't worry."

 

"I'm happy you're happy."

 

"And I'll let you know all of this tomorrow morning."

 

They stayed like that until Youngjae's breathing gained a measurable repetivity. Assuring himself that Youngjae had fallen asleep, Jaebum pulled away. He was sliding out of bed when he heard Youngjae mumble a string of incoherent words.

 

Jaebum shook his head. Youngjae might be tough and independent but he knew just how unlikely it was for his sprite to be without love. No human could live without the sentiment. Love seemed to be the basis for connection. The only thing being that Jaebum desperately wanted to be a major reason for Youngjae's happiness. But as things were going that wish didn't seem all that plausible.

 

The following morning, Youngjae woke up to a stream of sunlight glaring in his face. He groaned as his eyelids peeled away from his eyes. Everything seemed too bright; too white. He collapsed back into bed.

 

Reaching over for his phone, he found that a glass of water and two small pills had been left on his bedside table. He reached for the glass—grateful that whoever had brought it in knew he would wake up with a headache from hell.

 

...

 

Headache.

 

Youngjae shot up out of bed and immediately regretted doing so. Ignoring the sudden jolt of pain in his head, he pulled his texting app up and breathed a sigh of relief. He hadn't called or texted anyone in his drunken stupor.

 

Leaning his head back against the headrest, he tried to recall the memories from last night. They didn't come. Youngjae looked at the clock hanging over the bathroom door and winced. 11:24 AM.

 

Sucking in his breath, he managed to open his mouth for a loud scream when the door to his room creaked open. Youngjae flung himself back into bed and pretended to be asleep. He heard heavy footsteps followed by a barely audible grunt.

 

"Oh. He's still asleep. Should I wake him up? Is too much sleep bad?"

 

Jaebum.

 

Youngjae yawned and sat up slowly to stretch his arms. The gesture was very unrealistic but Jaebum didn't see through the corniness of his actions.

 

Youngjae's heart flew into his throat when he saw what Jaebum had carried into the room. Breakfast.

 

"Jaebum, what's that?"

 

"Breakfa-"

 

"Actually, no. On that note, tell me before I forget to ask. Did I do anything embarrassing last night?"

 

Jaebum looked away. "You mean you don't remember."

 

"I... I don't."

 

Jaebum gasped. He set aside the tray of food before climbing into bed. Youngjae scooted away until his lower back hit the headrest behind him.

 

"You don't remember a single thing?" His eyes were trained on Youngjae.

 

Youngjae shook his head. He gripped the sheets. What was Jaebum alluding to? "I don't. So tell me. Don't sugarcoat things, either."

 

Jaebum mused. His lips drew near to Youngjae's ear. "How about I show you instead." He pulled back with a smirk.

 

By the time he realized what was going on, he was laying on the floor. Youngjae had kicked him off the bed. A shard of pain blossomed in his thigh. He reached down to massage the tender flesh when a pillow smacked his face.

 

Youngjae stepped on the pillow. "I'm sorry," Jaebum cried out. "You didn't do anything last night. Well, other than being really cute but that's an everyday occurrence."

 

Youngjae removed his foot, suddenly self-conscious about the one thing he had managed to recall. Jaebum was engaged. He was going to get married.

 

"You should stop calling me cute."

 

"What? Why?" Jaebum whined. "I thought we were getting somewhere."

 

Youngjae brushed aside Jaebum's comments. "We're friends."

 

"Friends that can become something more."

 

"What's wrong with you?"

 

Jaebum recoiled.

 

"You're getting married and all you can do is flirt with me?"

 

Jaebum shot up off of the floor. He grabbed Youngjae's hand.

 

Youngjae pulled it away but not before he felt himself being turned around.

 

"I'm not getting married. Who gave you that stupid idea?"

 

Youngjae peered up into Jaebum's eyes. He wanted to believe him—that however long ago hadn't been a lie. He needed to.

 

"Eunji. I overheard her speaking to her boyfriend. Well, ex, I guess."

 

"Eunji was as drunk as you were." Jaebum pressed his forehead to the top of Youngjae's head. "The only person I would be willing to marry is standing right before me."

 

I believe you, Youngjae thought. He quickly pulled away. "Not that it mattered, anyway. God, Jaebum. Why don't you go work for a k-drama?"

 

Jaebum threw his head back and laughed.

 

#

 

"Hey! You two!" On their way to the lodge's front entrance, they were confronted by a female student whose snow goggles had been painted a fiery red. "Aren't you coming out to ride the slopes with the rest of us?"

 

Jaebum pumped his fist into the air. "Ready to grind."

 

#

 

More than halfway up the climb to the first slope, Jaebum remembered that he had forgotten his snow goggles. Apologizing to Youngjae, he turned and headed off in the direction from which they had come.

 

As he came upon a cluster of trees off to the side of the trail, he ran and took shelter within their obscurity. His hand was barely upon a tree trunk when he felt the bile spurt free from his lips. After emptying the contents of his stomach into the snow, he leaned against the side of the trunk and pressed the tips of his snow-covered gloves to his temple. He was losing energy faster than he had anticipated. Knowing that you were going to die was one thing but did it have to happen so soon? He sighed. There were less than six hours left in their excursion; of which, he was extremely grateful for. There were only so many excuses he could use before Youngjae would begin to probe him of the inevitable.

 

#

 

They spent the next couple of hours racing each other down the different-sized slopes. A competition had been set up for the less experienced students—of which, Jaebum had participated in.

 

He won 2nd place.

 

#

 

On their way back to the lodge, the pair had decided to take a detour by the frozen lake. Not even a minute into the trip did Youngjae find something so enthralling that he couldn't help but scream with excitement. He dropped to his knees and drew as close to the edge as he could. There, before him was a live sample of algae growing at nearly negative temperatures.

 

"What are you looking at?" Jaebum asked.

 

"Mother nature in all her beauty. Do you know algae can survive in temperatures like these? Even lower, too!"

 

"How do they get sunlight?"

 

"Since the ice is thinner towards the top, the algae typically only grow around the edges of a frozen lake or pond."

 

Youngjae stood and brushed the snow from his knees. "Sorry. I got carried away."

 

"I don't care. I love seeing you smile."

 

"There you go again." He rolled his eyes as a barely concealed smile washed over his lips.

 

✤

 

Darkness hung from the corners of the room like skulls clinging to the notion of death. Towards the back of the marbled desk was the only source of light–composed entirely of thousands of tiny fireflies trapped behind a mesh lining.

 

The figure who stood to the side of the desk glided back towards the girl who was on her knees in supplication. "You had one goal you should have been dedicated to entirely. Why you failed is of no concern to me."

 

Eunji broke the promise she had made upon stepping into this room by moving away from her original spot. She fled to the nearby pillar. Her cheek was swollen and her bottom lip had been split open—red drips of blood dotted her collarbones.

 

"You haven't been dismissed."

 

"I can still try again. But I can't do that if you won't listen to me."

 

"Don't come to me asking for forgiveness. You set yourself up to the task of making Jaebum fall in love with you. To what avail? That fish is as in love with that (italics) thing as he'll ever be."

 

M raised his hand to strike again. Someone stepped in from the shadows and clasped his hand around M's wrist. The candle closest to them burst into flames. M turned his head to eye O.D with disdain.

 

"You have no business interfering with what I do or don't do. This isn't your sect of life to control."

 

He snatched his hand away. Jinyoung took a small step back. To Eunji, M turned and said: "Don't let me hear from you ever again."

 

Eunji stood on wobbly feet and ran away before she could suffer through another second of M's ferociousness. On her way down the stairs to the main entrance, she lost a slipper.

 

"The old you would have been repulsed by the idea of laying a finger on a woman," O.D said.

 

M returned to his spot by the window. "The old me is dead."

 

Jinyoung prepared to depart. "No. That you is only missing. And I wonder if he'll ever come back."

 

"Mistake #2: Loving me."

 

But by than Jinyoung had already left.

 

M looked out over the sea. His residence was invisible to anyone looking in which meant he could keep it floating on the sea for as long as he wanted to. There was not a trace of land for hundreds of thousands of miles to see.  

 

"What's mistake #1?" M's sekomon asked. Knowing not to expect an answer, he left immediately thereafter.

 

M slashed a line through the fireflies, killing a bucketload of them instantly. His breathing ragged, he watched as the lights dimmed to little more than a spark before cutting off completely.

 

"Mistake #1: Letting me live."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So many kudos were given in the previous update! I hope this chapter can be met with even more love. Everything will be resolved soon so that by the end of the story, I hope you guys can look back on 2+2=Fish with love (and not confusion!). (>.<) Thank you for coming thus far you beautifully sexy people.


	26. 『26』

Before leaving, Yugyeom invited Youngjae to a cup of tea in a private room. Youngjae readily accepted the offer.

 

"Can you bring in your finest cheesecake?" Yugyeom asked as he handed the menu back to the waitress. She bowed before leaving.

 

"You like sweets so much so I thought you should be able to try them all before we leave."

 

Youngjae gaped at the array of sweet treats before him. Everything from chocolate-drizzled rice crackers to triple-layered melted custard cake graced his sense of smell and sight. He couldn't believe it. Yugyeom was too kind. "You didn't have to do this."

 

"I wanted to."

 

Youngjae dipped his fork into a plate of pralines. He took a bite and shimmied in his seat. "Delicious."

 

Yugyeom swallowed before opening his mouth to speak. He had to say what was on his mind. Now or never.

 

"Youngjae. There's something I have to tell you."

 

"Hmm?"

 

Yugyeom shifted forward in his seat. "I really like you."

 

Youngjae's mouth popped open.

 

"And I would like something more with you than just friends."

 

Youngjae lowered his fork before taking a napkin to his lips and wiping away the chocolate from his molten lava cake.

 

"There's already someone else." Youngjae understood it the feeling he had been fighting to suppress for so long. All he had to do was let his mind speak for himself.

 

The realization that Jaebum had managed to steal his heart was as clear as liquid. He looked down at his lap. When had it happened?

 

Yugyeom looked off to the side of the room. "It's Jaebum, isn't it?"

 

Youngjae offered Yugyeom a sympathetic smile. Yugyeom sighed through his nose. He gave Youngjae a failed attempt at a smile.

 

#

 

Jaebum and Youngjae arrived shortly after 11 PM. The Hoon's insisted that they drop by on their way home for some bread and juice.

 

Once there, they discussed the trip with Mrs. Hoon and Yezi—whom despite her messy attire and disheveled hair—didn't seem the least bit embarrassed around Jaebum. Youngjae smirked. He would tease her about it soon enough.

 

After a half hour around the table, Youngjae stood and excused himself.

 

"Make sure you two join us for dinner tomorrow."

 

Youngjae let himself be pulled into Mrs. Hoon's embrace. "Thank you," he said. The smell of her perfume was a strange comfort.

 

"Don't worry about anything, sweetie." She slid her hand up and down Youngjae's back. The motion swayed him into a temporary bliss. His nerves connected to the gentle motion as something familiar even though his mind struggled to recall the last time such a thing had happened.

 

"Thanks for watching over him," Youngjae said as he lifted JunJun into his arms. The pup had been running around so much earlier that he could barely keep his eyes open now. Youngjae lulled him back to sleep by stroking the back of his ear.

 

"He was so much fun," Yezi whispered. She stood on her tiptoes to press a kiss to the tip of his forehead. "You should bring him over again."

 

"I will if you stop trying to take Jaebum away from me."

 

Yezi's eyes sparkled. Her mouth dropped open.

 

"No, wait. I-"

 

She tilted her head to the side and closed her eyes as a full-frontal grin darted over her face. "Okay," she singsonged before turning on her heels and skipping over to her mother who was handing Jaebum the bag full of baked goods.

 

"Yezi, wait. I!"

 

Youngjae was helpless. He watched her hair sway from side to side as she retreated. He had been so tongue-tied that he hadn't been able to relay his thoughts into coherent sentences.

 

She stuck her tongue out at him. He hung his head.

 

Jaebum came up to Youngjae. "What was that about? Yezi won't stop grinning." The tote bag crinkled as he shifted it up higher onto his shoulder.   

 

Youngjae sighed. "Let's go home."

 

#

 

Upon arriving at their home, Youngjae went and tucked JunJun into his crib. On his way through the living room, he accidentally knocked into the table. The remote control fell onto the ground and the screen flicked on. Youngjae mentally slapped himself. Thankfully enough, he had set the sound to an extremely low volume prior to leaving for the trip.

 

He glanced at the screen as he moved to pick up the remote.

 

A set of words. That was all it took.

 

Every muscle in his body tensed. His head swelled. His heart picked up speed. Was he reading the byline correctly? Could it really be her?

 

With wobbly legs, he fell back onto the couch.

 

"... analyst assigned to this case is ruling her death as a suicide. Currently, we do not know anything else other than the fact that a newspaper clipping was found clenched in her fist. Details were not provided but rest assured that we will report on the latest. Back to you, Huan."

 

Youngjae reached for his phone but ended up knocking into the cradle of kinetic balls. The contraption toppled over onto the floor. A deafening boom cut through the silence as the glass shattered and the balls rolled every which way but Youngjae couldn't make sense of anything other than what he had just heard. Suicide.

 

With shaky hands, he unlocked his phone just as Jaebum rushed forward. "Youngjae, are you okay!?"

 

"I'm fine... Yes. I'm okay."

 

True to his initial assumptions, the search results turned up the image of the woman who had helped to ruin his childhood. The page was filled with articles reporting on the news of her death on top of the accusations held against her for child abuse and fraud.

 

"Heavens, you're crying!"

 

Youngjae reached up to touch his cheeks. "I guess I'm fine."

 

"Youngjae, tell me what's wrong." Jaebum raised himself from the ground to take a seat next to Youngjae but all Youngjae needed now was to be alone. For a moment. For a minute. How long was forever?

 

He moved Jaebum's warm hand away from his knee and stood. Any second now, he would collapse into the void that was his heart. Any second now he would suffocate while the world continued to turn. That's how life worked. That's what his life had been composed of. One breath to pull him through another day followed by a night full of breathless screams. No one's struggles were worth more than a fallen leaf.

 

"Here. Wait a minute. Wait until I go to the bathroom."

 

"But-" Jaebum reached out to grab Youngjae's wrist and pull him into a hug but Youngjae moved away before he could stand.

 

#

 

Once inside the bathroom, Youngjae closed and locked the door behind him. He let gravity take control as his legs collapsed under his weight.

 

Dead. She is dead.

 

He ran his hands over his tear-stained face.

 

Suicide. Dead. Was it even plausible?

 

He knocked the side of his head against the cupboard below the sink. When that proved to be futile, he slammed his head into the wall behind him. The relief was temporary; the rush of vile memories was quick to overcome the focused pain.

 

She's dead. All of the reports said so. She's gone. She can't hurt anyone anymore.

 

Youngjae repeatedly slammed a fist into his leg. The tears continued to rush over his face like a broken dam.

 

Love. Love. All he needed was someone to hold him. Embrace him and never let go. Please. Is anyone out there?

 

He collapsed onto the floor. Exhausted, he turned to the bliss that was his greatest adversary and strongest friend coupled into one: the darkness.

 

Sweet and tantalizing.

 

#

 

Some time later, Youngjae reawoke. He stayed glued to the ground for several minutes more before forcing himself into an upright position. He reached for his phone but realized that he had left it on the couch in the living room.

 

Heart still heavy and eyes still swollen, Youngjae walked back out to see Jaebum hunched over on the couch. He deftly twisted the snowglobe in his hands.

 

Youngjae took a step forward. The floorboards creaked. Jaebum looked up. "Youngjae." He shot to his feet and quickly hurried over. "Youngjae!"

 

Youngjae grinned. "That sushi was terrible. How long was I on the toilet?"

 

Jaebum remained silent. He took a deep breath in. "I can't believe you right now."

 

Youngjae's heart sunk. No. This was all wrong. This was not the response his heart yearned for. Maybe his excuse had been subpar. Should he try again?

 

"What do you mean?"

 

"Youngjae,"—Jaebum grabbed his shoulders and tried to pull him into a hug but Youngjae resisted—"I need to know what's wrong."

 

Youngjae looked away. "I already told you."

 

Jaebum stepped in front of him. "Don't play stupid with me. Why won't you let me in?"

 

Youngjae could feel the lid on his anger beginning to boil over. "Let you in where!? My house? You're already here. My life? You barged in without asking. My heart!? I can't do that because there's nothing there to give!" Youngjae slammed his foot into the ground. The spittle from his mouth landed on Jaebum's jacket.

 

Jaebum ran a hand through his hair. "Listen to me for once and  _actually_ try to understand where I'm coming from."

 

"Because what you have to say could be any more important than what _I_ have to say?"

 

Jaebum threw his head back and let out a prolonged half-sigh/half-laugh. "See. There you go again. Dismissing me when I'm trying to get to the root of your troubles.  

 

Youngjae clenched his fists. That wasn't the truth. That couldn't be the truth. But with no one ever confronting him before like this, how could he assure himself that Jaebum was lying?

 

Jaebum let his shoulders droop. "Youngjae, I want to be more than just friends. Yes, a boyfriend. Yes, a lover. But a confidant, too. Your fami-"

 

"What would you know about being someone's family? You've never had a place to call your own!"

 

Jaebum stopped mid-stride.

 

"You've never loved anyone."

 

Youngjae felt the words slip off of his tongue before he could place some sense to each syllable. He swallowed. What he had just said could never be reclaimed.

 

Jaebum clenched his jaw.

 

Youngjae saw the hurt in his face. He held firm to his spot even though he would have liked to run and hide; to be anywhere else but here—where his entire being felt minuscule under Jaebum's intense scrutiny.

 

"I see that's how you truly feel." Jaebum placed the snowglobe on the floor by his feet. "I'm sorry my love wasn't worth much." Slipping his hoodie onto his head, he turned and walked out into the pouring rain.

 

Youngjae watched him go.

 

As soon as the front door had closed, Youngjae kicked the glass table over onto its side. His tired reflection gazed back at him.

 

This was all wrong. Why had he said those things? He reached for the snowglobe at his side. The moonlight glinted off of the glass encirclement. The tears were quick to swell in his eyes.

 

Youngjae stood and ran for the door. On his way to the foyer, he threw the snowglobe down onto the couch. The globe bounced against the cushion before rolling to a stop near the edge. Moments after the door slammed closed, the snow died down to reveal a cluster of algae.

 

#

 

Youngjae headed for the only place he could think Jaebum possible of visiting. He ran to Hanyang river.

 

There, by the rocks, he spotted Jaebum down on his knees. The torrential downpour made things hard to see but there was simply no mistaking that striking tuft of purple hair.

 

A few paces from Jaebum, Youngjae dropped to his knees. The umbrella flew out of his hand. He crawled the rest of the way to where Jaebum had yet to react to his surroundings.

 

Behind a face full of snot and tears, Youngjae began to apologize for having said those horrid things but Jaebum said nothing. He remained unmoved.

 

Youngjae gripped his jacket sleeve and stopped short of tugging on it when he saw what was cradled in Jaebum's open palm.

 

A tiny fish—eyes closed and breathing silenced.

 

"Youngjae," Jaebum said as he turned to look at him.

 

"Yes." Youngjae tightened his grip around Jaebum's shoulders. "Yes. I'm right here," he said through broken sobs.

 

"He was my friend."

 

Youngjae nodded. He understood the sentiment. Back before the orphanage—when the most he had to worry about was what video game he would play after supper—Youngjae had chanced upon his mother's charred body after the fire. Every minute detail that had once represented her—from the twin moles below her left eye to the way one nostril was slightly larger than the other—had become nothing more than the same broiled black mess of burned flesh. In that moment of confusion, Youngjae had identified that mess of a person as being his mother. Instinct. That's all he could attribute the reasoning too. He had known because there was something less molecular and more spiritual connecting him to her.

 

"I can't tell you how I know but I do and it makes me sad that there's no name for me to say. He has no name, Youngjae." Jaebum was crying now, the tears dribbling down over his chin before plopping into his palm.

 

Youngjae sunk to the ground. What could he say? His apologies would mean nothing now in the wake of his friend's death.

 

"I told him to stay back. To stay put. Why didn't he listen?" Jaebum doubled over onto the ground. The side of his face smashed into the mud. Hand pressed to his chest, he began to crawl towards the flooding river.

 

Youngjae shot out and latched onto his leg. "Jaebum! Where are you going?"

 

Jaebum threw his leg out to try and kick Youngjae away but Youngjae held on. "To the sea. Maybe I can... Maybe he'll be okay. All I- There's so much..." Jaebum screamed.

 

The mud was making things slippery. Youngjae was forced to let go.

 

"Even until death, he was no good." Jaebum hunched over—his shoulders shaking.

 

Youngjae latched onto his jacket and pulled him into an embrace that nearly sent him toppling backward.

 

"You can't go, Jaebum," Youngjae said in between gasps. His sobs had yet to quiet and now they were threatening to silence his voice. "Jaebum, I need you here with me. I'm sorry that you fell in love with someone as selfish as me but I can't." Youngjae pressed his face into Jaebum's chest. "I can't let you go now."

 

Jaebum slung his arm over Youngjae's back. Youngjae tightened his grip on Jaebum's back. "I won't let you go."

 

They remained like that for several minutes until Jaebum shifted his leg. "We should go home."

 

Youngjae pulled away. He brushed aside the strands of wet hair hanging over his eyes.

 

Jaebum gently set his friend on his leg before peeling his windbreaker off. In one deft movement, he swept it over Youngjae's head.

 

Youngjae tried tugging it away but Jaebum held firm to the material.

 

He knocked his forehead to the top of Youngjae's head. "You forget that I love the water."

 

#

 

Once they were safe within the confines of their home, Jaebum stripped Youngjae of his outerwear; leaving him solely in his pants and underwear. He proceeded to grab a pair of shorts from the bag Youngjae had been rummaging through some days prior and two towels. Jaebum used one of the towels to dry off Youngjae's hair and upper half before taking the other and draping it over his shoulders.

 

When that was done with, he turned and looked away. Youngjae carefully stripped himself of his jeans and undergarment before slipping into the pair of shorts Jaebum had handed him. The button jammed into his stomach and the fabric was too tight around his thighs but he didn't care. He latched onto the idea that he still had Jaebum.

 

By the time Youngjae was done, Jaebum had discarded his own shirt and socks.

 

Youngjae trudged up the stairs—one large hand firm on his lower back. He promised not to look back. He wouldn't look back. There was nothing to fear anymore.

 

Jaebum pulled him towards the bedroom closet. Youngjae waited. When he resurfaced from the pile of clothes on the floor, he had a cover in hand. He unraveled it and pulled it tight around Youngjae's shoulders. With no expression at all, he reached into the cover and grabbed Youngjae's hand before tugging him to the bedside.  

 

Youngjae crawled into bed without thought of what his body was doing. As soon as he laid his head to rest on the pillow before him, the fatigue from earlier dissipated. He could finally enjoy the warmth that the cover brought.

 

Eyes on the empty spot before him, Youngjae spoke up.

 

"Jaebum."

 

He needed Jaebum here with him tonight. He couldn't let him go. Not now, not ever again.

 

He was already at the door, his hand on the light switch. "Hmm."

 

"Will you..." Youngjae discreetly brushed his hand over the other pillow. "Will you listen to me?"

 

Jaebum stood still a moment longer before flicking the light off. Youngjae winced. His heart shattered from being ignored. He  _had_ said all the wrong things. Tightening the cover around his bare shoulder, Youngjae shut his eyes to control the influx of tears he wouldn't hold back any longer when the sound of feet padding across the floorboards invaded the concentrated silence in his head.

 

Youngjae's eyes shot open in time to see Jaebum crawling into bed beside him.

 

Youngjae wriggled forward. Jaebum pursed his lips in a weak smile. They met at the center.

 

Youngjae pressed his hands into Jaebum's chest. Jaebum wrapped his hand around Youngjae's head, his thumb running circles over a patch of damp hair. The stroking sensation threatened to pull Youngjae under but he didn't push Jaebum's hand away.

 

"I want to hear it all. Every last thing."

 

Youngjae looked up into Jaebum's heavenly face. He didn't feel afraid of the creatures that lurked in the darkness all around him. He didn't have to anymore.

 

"Everything," Youngjae whispered.

 

And so he began.

 

#

 

Two days before his ninth birthday, Youngjae had gotten into a heated dispute with his mother over not being able to see his father now that he was in town. Tensions were high because the school was planning to expel him while the bully's parents were threatening to sue his mother for the fight Youngjae had been accused of instigating. They couldn't afford a lawsuit and Mrs. Choi certainly couldn't afford to have her son moved to the only other school in the district. Not only was the crime higher in that part of town but the student retention rate was significantly lower. Youngjae—who continuously struggled in his studies—would have definitely failed under that type of environment.

 

After having tried to get into Youngjae's room, Mrs. Choi gave up and headed off to her room. That afternoon, Youngjae unlocked his door. That afternoon, Youngjae didn't leave behind a note saying where he was going. That afternoon, he slipped out of the house through his tiny window and didn't return until the sun's rays had set over the city.

 

When he returned home, his apartment building was ablaze and all Youngjae could do was try and fight his way through the officer's strong grip. He had to save his mother. Why wasn't she standing amidst the crowd of people that had since been forced out of the small apartment complex?

 

Nearly an hour after the fire had been extinguished, a form closely resembling that of a human was rolled out on a gurney.

 

Youngjae approached and recoiled. The charred flesh reeked of spoiled meat. Shoving down the desire to retch all over the unmoving body, Youngjae dropped to his knees and reached out for his mother.

 

The medical worker on standby slapped his hand away. "Son, you can't be here. Who let you through? Come, let's go." He picked Youngjae up and slung him over his shoulder.

 

Youngjae kicked and clawed at the stranger to let him go.

 

"That's my mom! Put me down." He smacked his fists onto the man's back but he remained unphased as he drew Youngjae further and further away from his only family. "Mom!" Youngjae yelled; hand outstretched and tears flying over his round cheeks.

 

#

 

Youngjae shoved his face into the crook of Jaebum's arm as a fresh wave of sobs tore free from his lips. Jaebum tightened his grip around his waist. "I'm here," he cooed until Youngjae's grip softened.

 

"It was my fault. If only I had stayed in that day. I shouldn't have left." Youngjae took a deep breath in. "Why didn't she tell me she was sick? I would have-" The tears choked him up again.

 

Jaebum swept the tips of his fingers underneath Youngjae's chin. "That's it. Let it all out." With a kiss to his hairline, he tilted his face up ever so slightly. "Let it all out." He continued to press gentle kisses to his eyes, his cheeks, and his forehead until Youngjae had calmed enough to continue.

 

The story only got more difficult from here on out.


	27. 『27』

> WARNING: Read with caution. Heavy themes ahead. 

 

The investigation into the incident revealed that the fire had started in the living room from what was discovered to have been a candle's wick. When asked to discuss the matter, Youngjae confirmed that his mother liked to leave candles on the windowsill. She enjoyed the breeze that carried whatever little scent they had further into the house.

 

The case closed and immediately after attending the burning of her ashes, Youngjae was moved into the orphanage that would alter his way of life.

 

No more would he value being treated as a king.

 

◇────◇────◇────◇─────◇

 

The orphanage was a ramshackle two-story building perched atop a hill that overlooked the sea. Wintergreens encircled the building 3/4's of the way around; leaving a small break in between for a trail that led to the river some miles from the playground. The only way to and from the orphanage was to cross a rickety old wooden bridge.

 

Upon arriving at the orphanage, everyone—including the janitor— greeted Youngjae with warm welcomes and smiles. While he had yet to acclimate himself to the loss of his mother, he quickly learned to appreciate the kindness that everyone displayed. In particular, he fell in love with the Director—an insightful middle-aged man who always donned a pair of gloves and a fitted suit. The adoration came relatively quick and while he knew no one could replace his mother, Youngjae came to realize the fact that his life had to move on.

 

In all regards, the move to the orphanage seemed like the perfect resolution to the nightmarish inferno the recent past had become. That was until the bullying started.

 

♘

 

The Director was every boy's favorite person so when he took to Youngjae like a fish out of water, the older boys became displeased. At first, the complaints were nothing more than a number of snickers and grunts that soon grew into taunts leveled at Youngjae—from the way he wore his knee-high socks to the way he picked up a spoon at dinner. Youngjae hadn't understood why his friends had turned their backs on him so quickly and so easily. Weren't they working as a team?

 

Weeks turned into months and eventually the boys had had enough. On one especially cold morning, they forced Youngjae into a fight he could not win. On top of being outnumbered, two of the four boys had learned how to fight. As previous members of street gangs, this was the one thing required to defend your territory.

 

"Youngjae, we told you before. Don't ruin things for the rest of us." Jinhe slammed his fist into Youngjae's stomach. The breath in his lungs deflated relatively quickly. He coughed.

 

"That's right. We're supposed to be on equal footing and yet you take The Director away from us," Hwall said. He slammed the heel of his foot onto Youngjae's toes.

 

Youngjae cried out in pain. His digits throbbed as Hwall shoved him back onto the ground.

 

“What makes you so special?” Jinhe raised his foot over Youngjae's head. “What makes you any bit different than the rest of us? Why does the Director give you all of his attention?” He was ready to swing his foot across Youngjae's head when a firm hand gripped his shoulder. All four boys looked up at the towering figure.

 

The Director remained stoic as he spoke. "Little boys who fight are the worst kind of boys."

 

He ordered them each to a classroom as he moved to help Youngjae up. "Draw the blinds and lock the door. You'll know when I arrive."

 

"Yes, sir," they mumbled collectively before trudging off towards the stairs.

 

"Youngjae, are you alright?"

 

"I'm fine. I'm okay." Youngjae kept his eyes trained on the ground. They hadn't made fun of his mother today but what was stopping them from doing so any other day?

 

The Director slid his fingers underneath Youngjae's chin and lifted his head up high. "Go wash up and stay in your room until I come. Okay?"

 

Youngjae nodded. He felt his heart thump against his chest.

 

The Director stood and headed down the hallway. Halfway to the stairs, Youngjae shouted: "Wait!"

 

He turned. Youngjae fiddled with the hem of his sweater. "Don't get mad at them. Please. They're just upset."

 

The Director smiled. "Of course, my king."

 

Youngjae gave him a shy smile.

 

He hadn't heard that last phrase.

 

#

 

The days continued to go by without an exchange of words between the boys and Youngjae. Youngjae wondered if they hadn't yet forgiven him.

 

So he turned to the girls. They welcomed him into their world of dolls, play partying and hand movements that amounted to some type of game. On occasion, he would get asked out by one of the youngest girls but he would kindly decline. He couldn't be bothered by love when his heart was discontent with the social situation he had been put in. He hoped to make things right with the boys. And soon.

 

One day, while in home economics, he took and hid a number of sugared cookies in his knapsack. When class was done with, he ventured towards the playground with the intention of handing a cookie to each of the boys but was stopped by a girl he had come to know as "Jiji". Her age brought him immense comfort because he didn't have have the need to act like the older brother.

 

"Hmm." Jiji tucked her hands behind her back and leaned forward. "What's that I smell in your bag?"

 

"N-nothing. What smell?"

 

Youngjae had made sure to pick a day where the cookies wouldn't be fragrant. Lemon didn't stick around for long but grape did.

 

Jiji giggled. Her black pigtails bounced in around her plump face as she tilted her head from side to side. "I saw you take some cookies in class."

 

Youngjae blushed. That fiend!

 

"Don't worry. I won't tell anyone." She took a step forward. Youngjae took a step back. "On the occasion that you let me snack on one."

 

Youngjae pursed his lips but soon gave in to her demands. He didn't have it in him to say no—especially not to Jiji who had been the first to welcome him into the group of girls. "Alright. Only one." He looked around for a place to sit. "Let's go sit on that log over there."

 

"Okay!"

 

They sat with their backs to the orphanage—shoulders to shoulders and knees drawn close. Jiji pulled the frock of her dress towards Youngjae. Youngjae averted his gaze. A blush crept up over the tips of his ears.

 

"Don't worry. It's only an apron."

 

Youngjae dropped the cookie into her lap. He watched as she nibbled on it precariously before plopping the entire thing into her open mouth.

 

He reached over and patted her hair. Jiji stopped chewing. She swallowed hard before looking over at Youngjae who was smiling down at her with warm, trusting eyes. An angel in disguise.

 

She broke out into a squeal as she threw herself on top of Youngjae. Youngjae subconsciously wrapped an arm around her back as they fell over.

 

"Jiji, the ground is still wet!" Youngjae screeched.

 

"It's only a little bit of snow!"

 

"Even worse!"

 

All the while, the six boys Youngjae wanted forgiveness from had been watching from somewhere along the tree line. Not a single one was content with the recent development.

 

#

 

Youngjae wasn't able to give the boys a cookie. Immediately after having been informed of the breach of classroom rules, the headmistress had confiscated the treats.

 

"What are the rules?" she asked.

 

"N-n-n-n" Youngjae stopped to clear his throat. The headmistress cracked the whip against the wall. Youngjae momentarily recoiled. Any bit closer and that would have been his face.

 

"Loud and  _clear_."

 

Youngjae repeated the rule to her with only a minor infraction. Her unsympathetic eyes took in Youngjae's tear-stained face for the fraction of a section before shoving him into the janitor's closet.

 

"Take your time reflecting on your lack of misgivings. There will be no dinner for you."

 

"Y-y-yes ma'-"

 

The door slammed shut. Amidst the wholesome darkness, flashes of the fire materialized before Youngjae's eyes. He wondered if his mother had felt this frightened in her final moments. Or worse, had she felt alone?

 

The Director, upon returning from his errands in town, had promptly scolded the headmistress for not treating Youngjae with kindness before venturing deeper into the building.

 

The doorknob rattled. Youngjae looked up. The hinges creaked. He huddled up further into the corner as he waited to be assaulted by the headmistress once more.

 

So when the Director's face appeared in the doorway, a surge of relief tore free over Youngjae. He flung himself into the Director's open arms.

 

The Director rubbed circles into the back of Youngjae's head. "You're alright now. I won't let anyone hurt you anymore."

 

"Promise you won't leave me," Youngjae said in between sobs.

 

The Director reached down and took Youngjae's much smaller hand in his own much more defined. In one delicate motion, he raised his arm up into the air like a ballerina in the final curtsy before the red curtain falls. "I promise." He closed his eyes and took in the forbidden scent of his King.

 

The following morning, Youngjae awoke to five pairs of eyes trained on him. Of the six boys, Jinhe was missing.

 

Youngjae kept his eyes focused on the space directly in front of him as he moved to the bathroom.

 

Where was Jinhe?

 

The answer didn't come until sometime after breakfast. Jinhe—whom was the loudest of the boys on a daily basis—walked into class with a lifeless expression. He fell into his seat and never once responded to the probes and questions that came from his friends.

 

The bell rung and the six boys shuffled out of class together. Youngjae wondered where Jinhe's change of character had come from. While he wasn't averse to a quiet Jinhe, the silence he had offered today unnerved him beyond belief.

 

Youngjae shuffled in his seat. He was going to stand when someone clamped down on his shoulder. He looked up to see Jinhe staring down at him. On any other day, Youngjae would have been itching to get out of his skin but today felt different. There was something to the way Jinhe moved that gave Youngjae the sense that something was terribly wrong. Even mean-spirited people smile.

 

"Yes?"

 

"Come with me."

 

Youngjae prayed that Jinhe's drastic change in behavior wasn't because of him.

 

They snuck into the bathrooms on the second floor. No one was allowed inside because the toilets were currently being fixed for a plumbing issue.

 

Youngjae took tentative, small steps after Jinhe. He nearly yelped when Jinhe spun around on his heels. Youngjae glanced to the side and froze. He could see their reflections in the mirror.

 

Youngjae returned his gaze to Jinhe. What was he capable of doing this time?

 

Jinhe bowed, startling Youngjae with the sudden movement. "I'm sorry." He dropped down to his knees and bowed once more. "Sorry, sorry, sorry. How many times would you like me to say it? No. That doesn't matter. Not when I'm begging you. Please. Accept my apology."

 

Youngjae took a small step back. Jinhe shot out to grab ahold of his foot. "Please. Don't go without forgiving me."

 

Youngjae felt sick to his stomach. He couldn't understand what was happening.  _Why_ was this happening?

 

"Y-yes. Of course."

 

Jinhe looked up at him with tear-stained cheeks. "You do? You forgive me?"

 

"Yes. I said yes. Please, let me go." Youngjae managed to free himself from Jinhe's grasp. He turned and ran all the way back to his room. What had he done wrong? Why was Jinhe crying?

 

None of this made any sense! He turned into his room, grateful that all of the other beds were empty. Turning to lock the door, he collapsed onto the floor in a tangled mess of questions and doubts. Where had Jinhe been this morning and why had he pleaded for forgiveness?

 

Youngjae clamped his palms over his ears. Sleep. He needed to sleep.

 

#

 

Youngjae awoke to the gentle rapping of knuckles against wood. He sat up and looked towards the door.

 

"Youngjae. Are you asleep? Please let me in. I have a surprise."

 

For once, Youngjae didn't want to see the Director, much less talk with him. But he couldn't refuse his company. The man had keys.

 

"Coming," Youngjae mumbled. He swiped the grogginess from his eyes before hurrying to open the door.

 

The Director tilted his head to the side. "Youngjae, what's wrong? You had me worried when you didn't show for dinner."

 

Dinner! Youngjae's mind flashed with alarm. Had he really been asleep for several hours?

 

"Sorry. I wasn't feeling well so I went to bed early."

 

"Are you feeling better now?"

 

"Yes."

 

The Director set his shopping bag down onto the ground by the doorframe. He dropped to one knee and reached out to touch Youngjae's cheek. "Youngjae, are you sure you're alright? You know you can tell me anything, right?"

 

Youngjae had wanted to relay his worries to him but something told him he shouldn't. Maybe this was a test to prove his strength. So Youngjae listened to his heart and spoke with his mind. "What's in the bag?"

 

The Director looked at the bag and smiled. "This"—he reached inside and pulled out a fluffy scarf—"is a present for you."

 

"But winter is almost over."

 

"Ah." His eyes softened as he wrapped the scarf around Youngjae's delicate neck. "But that doesn't mean we've reached spring, yet. You're traveling too fast, grasshopper."

 

Youngjae frowned. "Can I go eat?"

 

The Director stood. "You know that's against the rules."

 

Youngjae looked away, suddenly embarrassed for bringing it up.

 

"But because it's you, I'll sneak some bread and ham from the pantry."

 

Youngjae felt the familiar warmth blossom in the pit of his stomach before spreading out to every corner of his body.

 

Because it's y o u.

 

The next morning, Hwall was missing from the morning's daily routine. The morning after that, Doyoung went missing. The cycle repeated itself until all of the six oldest boys had spent a morning outside of the bedroom.

 

Where before the boys had at least looked to Youngjae when it came down to picking groups, now they wouldn't even acknowledge him in passing. Youngjae hadn't appreciated this one bit so he tried to confront them. They continued to avert him.

 

One summer evening, Youngjae had walked in on Jinhe clawing through the skin on his thighs. Droplets of blood trickled over his porcelain skin. Alarmed by the sight, Youngjae had asked him why he was doing that.

 

"Don't ask me that."

 

Jinhe shoved him out of the bathroom. "Don't tell me I'm broken."

 

Youngjae clambered to his feet but Jinhe had already closed the door. "Jinhe! Open the door!" Youngjae continued to rattle the doorknob until the will in him waned but by then, a familiar numbness had begun to bloom in the back of his head. Why was the world turning against him? Had he done something wrong?

 

There was only ever one answer to that question.

 

Yes.

 

Youngjae spent the next few weeks wondering what had gone wrong. Jinhe was a phantom of the lively boy he had once been. The other boys proved to be no better. They still hung out with one another but they didn't tease each other or spend nights outside on the playground after-hours. They didn't even smile—something that Youngjae would see most often between Hwall and Doyoung even when the mood of the class was supposed to be serious.

 

One morning—two weeks before Youngjae's twelfth birthday—he awoke from a startling dream in which the boys had all stepped on the train tracks right before the train zoomed by. Perturbed by the vision, Youngjae clambered out of bed and rushed to the Director's private suite.

 

He knocked on the door multiple times before placing his hand on the doorknob. Seeing that the door was unlocked, he gingerly turned the knob and peeked inside. Surprised by the sight, he let his hand fall away from the knob. The door opened up to give him a larger view of Jinhe doubled-over on a table with his underwear dropped down to his ankles.

 

The Director stepped in front of the door, concealing Jinhe from view. "What is it Youngjae?" He reached out to touch Youngjae's cheek but Youngjae stepped back.

 

"Is Jinhe okay?"

 

The Director smiled reassuringly.

 

"He's fine. Only performing a check-up. You're too young to understand but he's at that age where hormones go haywire."

 

Youngjae didn't understand. Then why had Jinhe looked away? Why had his face looked like he had been crying? Youngjae took the explanation without further probing. He thanked the director and opened his mouth to shout good-bye to Jinhe but the door had already been closed.

 

Less than halfway back to his room, Youngjae realized that he hadn't told the Director about his nightmare.

 

That same day, Youngjae stayed indoors. He ignored the grumble in his stomach and he didn't attend morning classes.

 

Setting his sketchbook aside, he looked through the window to see the girls pretending to be pirates. They fought with sticks for swords and wore moss around their shoulders for shields. Youngjae smiled. Could he have that sensation of being worry-free again? Life lately seemed to be nothing but a mystery.

 

Someone knocked on the door. Youngjae had the sudden urge to hide underneath the bed but he shoved the feeling away. Taking a deep breath in, he exhaled slowly through his lips before answering with, "Yes?"

 

"It's me."

 

Lately, Youngjae had begun to question the dynamics of their relationship. As stated by the headmistress, any faculty member was allowed into the rooms without prior notice. They didn't have to knock or say who they were; they could just barge in and yet, the Director always presented himself before entering.

 

Youngjae knew it only happened to him after asking the girls if the Director knocked before stepping into their room.

 

"No way, Youngjae!"

 

"He just strolls right in. Tells us to go to bed."

 

"Good thing we hide our dolls under our pillows or else we'd be in some serious trouble."

 

The door opened to reveal the Director in his everyday pristine condition. Slicked back greying hair with a red velvet suit, a pair of freshly shined black shoes and those familiar white gloves with the ribbed knuckles.

 

Youngjae didn't run towards him. The Director locked the door behind him. Youngjae reached out behind him. A wall.

 

The Director raised the bag in his hand up by his side. The plastic lining crinkled as he pulled the zipper down in one quick motion. Inside was a dress shirt the color of freshly pruned grapes. Ruffles were adhered to the cuffs and a golden brooch in the shape of a hummingbird hung from the left-hand side.

 

"I brought you this."

 

Youngjae looked down. "I don't need it." Suddenly remembering that Hwall had complained about holes in his favorite shirt some months ago before the silence became permanent, Youngjae looked back up with a look of ecstasy. "But Hwall would love it! He needs a new shirt."

 

"Youngjae, let me ask you this." The Director took a seat on the bed nearest him. The coils creaked. "Do you love Hwall?"

 

"Yes. Of course!" Youngjae looked towards Hwall's end of the room with a dejected expression. "He used to be my friend."

 

"So would you be willing to do anything for him? For any of the other boys?"

 

Youngjae didn't know how to respond to that. He loved them and he would do anything for them but he hated how none of them would ever appreciate his kindness. Even if they didn't do it openly, Youngjae suspected that they mocked him and that saddened him beyond belief.

 

"I would. I would do anything."

 

The Director tipped his head forward. "You're a good boy, Youngjae."

 

#

 

Youngjae was coming back from having snuck a grasshopper outside when he saw a faint stream of light peeking out through the gap underneath the janitor's closet door.

 

He crept closer. The floorboards creaked. The light cut off.

 

Youngjae hurried over to the next door and hid within the wide doorframe.

 

Several minutes later, someone stepped out. Youngjae was surprised to see Jinhe emerge from the dark room. He looked every which way before hurrying off in the direction of the boys' dorm room.

 

Youngjae walked over to the room and gingerly stepped inside to the familiar sight of brooms, mops and the random stack of bed linens. He reached up and grabbed the flashlight, careful to conceal the bright flash of light underneath his shirt.

 

He moved the light around the room but nothing out of the ordinary popped out. He was going to turn and leave when a pair of red eyes in the corner of the room caught him off-guard. He nearly screamed as he struggled to flash the light directly onto the creature. The mouse scampered off towards the hole from which it came. Curious, Youngjae tentatively approached the hole and was about to peer inside when a thin white string caught his attention. He picked it up and found that the string was rooted into the floorboard directly beneath it. He pulled harder and the board shifted to reveal the corner of a white book.

 

Youngjae picked it up. Thick cardboard paper encircled pages cut out from weathered newspapers. Youngjae turned to the first page. A blank sheet of paper greeted him. He turned to the following page and read the first sentence. A sharp inhale disrupted the silence.

 

Youngjae continued to skim over the entirety of the page. By the end, only the tense had changed.

 

In thick, angry letters the following had been carved onto the page:

 

He touches me there

He touches me there

He touches me there

He touched me there

He touched me there

He touched me there

 

The image from several nights ago flashed before Youngjae's mind. The connection was immediate and yet the disbelief was not readily dismissed.

 

#

 

Youngjae spent the next morning tucked in bed. When the teacher had come in to check on him, he had pretended to be asleep.

 

But he couldn't evade the one person whose motives he had begun to question. Was his love sincere?

 

The bed creaked as the Director took a seat on the bed. "Youngjae, I brought you a snack fr-"

 

"Did you hurt Jinhe?" Youngjae shut his eyes tight. There. The question was out.

 

The Director sighed. He stood and ambled over to Youngjae's side. Youngjae could feel the air from his nose hitting him in the face. He was _s_ _o_ close.

 

"Open your eyes."

 

Youngjae clenched his jaw. After he felt the Director had stood, he slowly peeled his eyelids open.

 

The Director had his arm outstretched, palm face-up. "Come with me."

 

Youngjae did as told. He stood but did not take his hand. The Director reached back and clasped his fingers over Youngjae's palm. He guided him over to the window.

 

"Do you see that? Have you noticed? The boys haven't been acting up lately."

 

The Director kneeled behind Youngjae so that his chin rested slightly above his shoulder. Youngjae shuddered. The image of Jinhe proceeded to jab at his mind.

 

"You've been so kind. To think that my King hasn't told anyone about the pain they've caused you. All because you haven't wanted to relinquish the good that came about your friendships."

 

Youngjae froze. "What do you mean? That's not true." The palms on his hands had since become two planes for the sweat to accumulate.

 

"Oh, Youngjae. You don't have to lie to me. Everything has been settled."

 

"Have you hurt him? Them?" Youngjae swirled around on the balls of his feet. "Please stop. I'll tell..."

 

The Director smiled. "Tell who? The headmistress? She doesn't care about you. Only I do."

 

The Director turned Youngjae back around. Hands heavy on his shoulders, Youngjae desperately wanted to be anywhere else but here. The Director squeezed. Youngjae's stomach lurched forward.

 

"I do this to teach them a lesson. They,"—the Director brushed aside a strand of unruly hair from Youngjae's ear—"shouldn't have hurt you. And never again will they." He drew close to Youngjae's ear but ultimately pulled back before he could place his lips on the tip.

 

Youngjae continued to watch the children play around in the backyard without a care in the world. They were joyful. They were smiling. Everyone should have remained like so.

 

"I brought you a jacket. Would you like to try it on?"

 

The question was a command laced with the threat of an unforeseen future. No was not an answer he could take.

 

#

 

Youngjae spent the next three years in near solitude. Apart from being bounced around from foster home to foster home, Youngjae lived with the fear that he could never escape the orphanage. The homes wouldn't last long—if ever—because if the families weren't already in it for the money and/or prestige, the Director would find a way to get him back through bribery or lies.

 

Eventually, Youngjae—at the age of 16—had managed to escape. By the time he left, only Doyoung had been adopted out. Youngjae left with a heavy heart and soiled dreams but at least he had the assurance that the boys couldn't be hurt anymore. The cause of their suffering was gone.

 

Or at least, that was what he told himself when he tried to find comfort amongst the barrage of questions that arose.

 

The guilt never went away.

 

Humans didn't function off of emotions.

 

Eventually, news came back to Youngjae that the man had been expatriated on account of evading the military and charged on two other accounts of fraud and embezzlement. The news brought comfort but soon the idea that he was still alive registered amidst the satisfaction of knowing he couldn't hurt another child ever again.

 

Now there was news that the headmistress had committed suicide. Youngjae was dying to know what had been written on the note in her hand. Maybe that would shed some light on the Director. He knew she had been enamored with him.

 

#

 

"I thought they couldn't be hurt anymore but what does me leaving have to do with their well-being? So many questions with no known answers. I don't even know how things went down after I left. I don't know if the Director continued to-" Youngjae gripped the sheets until his fingers began to tremble. Jaebum took Youngjae's hands and pressed them to his cheeks.

 

"You did well. You did great. Thank you for telling me."

 

"Jaebum."

 

"Hear me when I say this. You're not at fault for what happened. You aren't now, you weren't back then and you'll never be. That disgusting man is to blame."

 

Youngjae moved his head up and down. "But humans are so fragile. We're so fragile, aren't we?" Youngjae looked up at Jaebum through his muddled eyesight. He thought that by now he wouldn't have any more tears to shed.

 

"That's because you care. There's no greater treasure in life than knowing you are loved."

 

Jaebum moved his face down to Youngjae's and kissed the corners of his eyes. Youngjae gasped when he felt a teardrop plop down onto the tip of his nose.

 

Jaebum was crying.

 

The probability of this happening was a certain 0%. Fish don't cry. They aren't biologically engineered with this mechanism.

 

No, Youngjae thought. Fish don't cry but Jaebum isn't a fish. He's human.

 

He's family.

 

"I'm sorry I pushed you away for so long," Youngjae said in between hiccups. "I've lived with these regrets my entire life and I hadn't ever told anyone." So thank you for listening to me.

 

"You've worked hard. Thank you."

 

"Sorry, you were picked up by a selfish person like me."

 

Jaebum shook his head. "I'm the sel _f_ _ish_ here."

 

Youngjae burst into a fresh wave of tears that intermixed with the strange sound of laughter his closed-off throat tried to produce.

 

"Everything's going to be okay," Jaebum cooed as he stroked the back of Youngjae's head. 

 

Youngjae wondered if this was what his mother had been trying to relay in his dream.

 

_You might just have found happiness with Jaebum. Hold onto him._

 

Mom, I'm glad I found someone.

 

The pair fell asleep in each other's embrace. The night was dark but the shadows were not unsettling. The creatures had gone and packed their bags, no longer to be seen lurking around the frightened boys' home.

 

An eagerness grew inside Youngjae while he slept. Tomorrow, he would tell Jaebum the three words he hadn't told anyone in a long time. As for today, the Earth rotated on its axis and Youngjae's world turned along with it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SO close to the end!


	28. 『28』

Youngjae awoke to find the space next to him empty. He scrambled out of bed and hurriedly slipped on the first pair of pants lying around. In his haste to get downstairs, he nearly tripped over his own two feet.

 

Even before the living room could come into focus, Youngjae recognized that familiar tuft of electrifying purple-blue hair.

 

"Jaebum!"

 

But Jaebum didn't respond.

 

"Jaebum!" No reponse. Why wasn't he turning around? Youngjae stretched his hand out to grab ahold of him when Jaebum made a noise akin to that of a squeak. Youngjae let his arm fall back down to his side.

 

"Youngjae, um, I... Well, there's something important JunJun and I have to ask you."

 

Youngjae looked taken aback. "Okay?"

 

Jaebum took a deep breath in before turning around. Youngjae shifted his attention from JunJun—whom was cradled in Jaebum's arms—to Jaebum's hand. He could barely just make out the color of the item he was fiddling with.

 

"So, well, I bought this-" JunJun yipped. "Yes, you're right. Sorry," he mumbled.

 

Youngjae cocked his head to the side. What were they up to?

 

Returning his attention to Youngjae, Jaebum said: "At the lodge, there was this earring I found." He presented the item in question. Three silver stars whose inner edges were rimmed in black hung from a plastic clip at the top. "I bought it thinking the three stars represent something. One for JunJun who'll be there to bounce us back up when we're feeling down, one for me who wants to be there for you and the last one represents you"—he rubbed the uppermost one—"If you'll be mine." A light pink tinge crept over his cheeks. "So we can be a family of three," he quickly tacked on in a blur of syllables.

 

Youngjae did not immediately respond. He looked to and from the earring and Jaebum. A family... A family? Yes. The Hoons wouldn't have to worry about him anymore. He could be with somebody who chose to love him down to his smallest faults. He could be with the person who carried his heart. He could be with Jaebum.

 

"Yes."

 

Jaebum looked visibly relieved. "Yes?"

 

Youngjae tipped his chin forward. "Yes."

 

Jaebum bridged the gap between them. With one shaky hand, he handed Youngjae the earring. "Could you put it on?"

 

Youngjae scoffed. "This is a clip-on. It's bound to fall off." He unclasped the plastic clip. "Why don't we get your ears pierced and ask them to change this into an actual earring?"

 

"Soon?" Jaebum asked. He fell back onto the planes of his feet.

 

Youngjae nodded. "Soon." He reached up to fasten the earring onto his earlobe. "But first let me see what it looks like on you."

 

Jaebum watched as his sprite affixed the earring to his ear. "Your fingers. They're so soft." JunJun wiggled around in his arms.

 

Before Youngjae could finish, Jaebum wrapped a hand around his lower back. Youngjae's heart skipped a beat. He kept his attention locked on the kitchen entryway. "Jaebum?"

 

"Look at me."

 

Youngjae pulled back. Jaebum drew him forward. Any closer and they would have been able to feel each other's rampant heartbeats.

 

Youngjae could see the beauty in Jaebum's bold, brown eyes. They belonged to the person he wanted to be with. Those same eyes that had captured his interest as a stranger now enthralled him as a partner.

 

Jaebum lowered his lips until they were a fraction of the distance away from Youngjae's. "I love you," he whispered before sealing the promise of a future together with a kiss.

 

Youngjae's body grew hot as Jaebum tugged his bottom lip into his mouth with each successive kiss. He drew his hands up to Jaebum's pectorals. A current shot through him as the warmth oozing off of Jaebum swelled over his skin.

 

Jaebum reached down and cupped the soft flesh of Youngjae's butt in his hand. Youngjae's lower half lurched forward. He blushed. His body was reacting so crudely to Jaebum's touches. Not to mention that JunJun was trapped somewhere between them both. JunJun! Youngjae gripped Jaebum's shirt in an attempt to get him to pull back but Jaebum must have taken the gesture as wanting more because he splayed his fingers over Youngjae's buttcheek and squeezed with an intensity that lighted his nerves. Youngjae gasped. Jaebum took the opportunity to slip his tongue deeper into Youngjae's mouth.

 

With controlled, sure-footed steps Jaebum guided Youngjae over to the couch as his tongue continued to stroke the roof of his mouth. He plopped back onto the couch, dragging Youngjae down along with him. JunJun barely had time to squeeze through before Youngjae came down on top of Jaebum with a silent oomph.

 

Jaebum pulled away to let Youngjae catch his breath. But the thought didn't last very long. The sight of a disheveled Youngjae panting heavily drove him into a frenzy. His mind reeled with the idea of worshiping Youngjae’s body; of stimulating his nerves down to the featheriest touches. "Baby, I love you," Jaebum said as he pressed another kiss full of wanton desire to his lover’s lips. Youngjae whimpered. The sounds of the cushion crinkling under their weight added to the heat pooling in his abdomen.

 

Now that his other hand was free, Jaebum snaked both hands down the length of Youngjae's back. Halfway to his butt, he slid them back up to Youngjae’s chest. Frustrated with the inability to get a solid feel for his nipples, Jaebum pulled the fabric of his hoodie behind his back until the contours of his hardened nubs could be glimpsed through the thin material.

 

Youngjae let out a shaky breath, his hips bucking forward on their own accord. “Jaebum, what are you-” He didn’t have time to finish as Jaebum brushed the tips of his fingers over the protruding mounds of flesh. Youngjae jolted forward. He let out another breathy sigh into Jaebum’s ear. Jaebum grunted. "What a bad boy." 

 

His hands came to a rest on either side of Youngjae's butt. “Soft. So soft,” Jaebum said as he ran circles into the flesh with his thumbs. He trailed a litter of kisses along Youngjae’s jawline. "So hot. All mine." His fingers traced the contours of Youngjae's butt through the fabric of his sweatpants.

 

The flush of pleasure was becoming increasingly difficult to ignore. Youngjae didn't know whether to concentrate on the heat accumulating in his groin or to focus on the way Jaebum’s sinewy fingers felt against his body. "Jaebum. S-s-slow."

 

Jaebum looked up at Youngjae. "Slow? How can I when you're making these sweet sounds?" To convey his point, he reached up and swiped the tip of his tongue over Youngjae's ear. Youngjae gasped, pushing the weight of his upper body further into Jaebum. Any more of this and he would combust. He raised his shoulder up to his ear to try and brush aside the rush of tingles and blood but Jaebum did not waver. He grabbed Youngjae's hand and moved it to his head. Youngjae obeyed. While Jaebum continued to suck and nibble on his lobe, Youngjae ran both hands through Jaebum's hair.

 

Flustered by the moist sounds reverbrating through his ear, Youngjae tried to hide behind his bangs but Jaebum smoothed them away from his face in one deft motion. "Let me see all of you."

 

Youngjae forced himself to look at Jaebum with unwavering eyes. This was the person who had chosen to love every bit of him. Youngjae knew that sharing his past with Jaebum was the most powerful thing he could have done. Of the people who had come into his life since the orphanage, Youngjae realized that they had given him the most beautiful piece of advice he could use to move on.

 

Not everyone was out to get him.

 

He needed to stop playing the part of a fractured puzzle piece. Life was a process and learning to trust others was a part of that equation. He could go out and talk about what bothered him. He could have people in his life without the fear of not being able to protect them anchoring him to a life of solitude. He _could_. And he would.

 

He hoped the boys had grown up well, too.

 

Youngjae lowered his forehead to Jaebum's. "Thank you for coming into my life."

 

Jaebum leaned in to swipe the tip of his nose across Youngjae's.

 

"That's how you lean in to kiss someone," Youngjae said as he moved in to steal a kiss for the first time.

 

The floorboards creaked. Youngjae stopped and turned to see what had caused the noise.

 

Yezi laughed awkwardly as she turned around to face the door. "Geez, guys!" She scratched the back of her head. "I know I’m gorgeous but do you really have to stop what you're doing to stare at me?”

 

"Yezi!" Youngjae shouted, more to himself than to the middle schooler. He tumbled over to the side and shot to his feet. "What are you doing? Would you like a glass of water? How much did you see!?"

 

"Youngjae, stop. You're going to bore a hole into the ground." Jaebum stood and took Youngjae's hand in his own.

 

Youngjae stopped pacing back and forth. He returned the squeeze Jaebum had given him. "You really didn't see anything?"

 

Yezi shook her head. "I... I can hand you the key back if that'll make things easier."

 

Youngjae shook his head. "Keep it. Buttt,"—he walked up to her and wrapped her in an embrace—"some things are going to have to change. You'll have to knock before entering and/or send me a text before you leave the house."

 

"Yeah," Jaebum said. "A naked Youngjae is only for my eyes to see."

 

"You wanna go!?" Yezi stepped up to face Jaebum. "I knew him before you did!"

 

Jaebum butted heads with her. "He wants what I have."

 

Youngjae turned red.

 

Yezi growled. "Doesn't mean you get him all to yourself! Besides, he helped me shower when I was a baby." She crossed her arms over her chest. Jaebum snarled. 

 

When Youngjae had disappeared into the kitchen, they both simultaneously drew back.

 

"Are you two really going out now? Are you guys boyfriends?" The smile on Yezi's face and the glint in her eyes were astonishingly bright.

 

"Yeap."

 

Yezi squealed as she flung herself into Jaebum. "I knew you could do it!" Cheek squished up against his chest, she added on: "Make him cry and I'll punch you in the shin."

 

Jaebum smirked. "Depends on the occasion."

 

Yezi threw her hands up into the air. "I don't have time for boys!"

 

"But I do." Jaebum slung her over his shoulder and proceeded to march around the living room with JunJun trailing close behind.

 

"Who's the pervert now!?" She stretched her hand out towards Youngjae who had since re-emerged from the kitchen with a tray of cold drinks. "Youngjae," she whined. "Please save me."

 

"I don't control him."

 

"But when the lights go out." Jaebum pretended to swoon.

 

"God, you weirdos!" Exasperated, she looked to JunJun and whispered: "We're doomed."

 

Jaebum sneezed. Youngjae chuckled. Reaching up to wipe the snot from his nose, Youngjae said: "You forget you're human. Next time, keep your windbreaker on."

 

JunJun yapped.

 

#

 

As promised, Youngjae took Jaebum to get his ears pierced. They stepped outside of the tattoo shop to see a group of girls huddled together before the metal railing.

 

The one in the center stepped up almost immediately. "Can we get a picture with you?" She looked back and forth between the bedazzled phone in her hand and the smoking hot man who was looking at her with an inquisitive gaze.

 

Jaebum looked to Youngjae for a split second. "Sure."

 

Youngjae stepped back to give them ample space for the photo. The girls all leaned in close to Jaebum and flashed their loveliest smiles. Once he had taken several shots, Youngjae handed the camera back to the girl and sauntered off towards where Jaebum had moved some feet away.

 

"Thank you," some of them sang.

 

"What was that all about?"

 

Youngjae swatted Jaebum's hand away from his ear. "They told you not to touch. You'll get an infection."

 

"Sorry."

 

Youngjae sighed. "I guess they think you're a celebrity."

 

Jaebum's eyes lit up. "Am I that handsome?"

 

Youngjae looked away. "Don't ask me that."

 

Jaebum pouted. Before his sprite could get very far, he wrapped his arms around him from behind and placed his chin on the edge of his shoulder. "But you're all the validation I need."

 

Youngjae struggled to shove Jaebum's hands away. "Quit being so embarrassing. We're in publi-"

 

The last syllable was captured in a kiss.

 

The girls looked on with mixed expressions full of shock, intrigue, and embarrassment. Youngjae melted into the kiss despite his desire to present a cool side.

 

Jaebum pulled away and hurried for the stairs before Youngjae could complain. Youngjae trailed after him—his face beet red and his bottom lip tingling with the nibble Jaebum had slipped into the kiss.

 

From what remained of the demolished buildings off to the side of the shopping plaza, Jinyoung watched as Youngjae and Jaebum boarded the bus.

 

"Take his life," M said. He stepped up behind Jinyoung. "Expire him."

 

The bus roared to life.

 

"Do it now!"

 

"No."

 

"You have the power," M seethed. The sound of flapping wings was growing louder. More persistent. He despised it.

 

"And I will not use it."

 

The bus pulled away from the sidewalk.

 

M staggered backwards, one set of fingers scraping against his left temple. "This is why Bomi died with that look of surprise on her face.” M snarled. “You could have saved her."

 

Jinyoung's eyes widened. Jaw clenched, he turned to face M but the boy had already fallen over the edge of the building. Jinyoung could barely just make out the sound of a butterfly's wings beating against one another.

 

#

 

"What don't you understand about kissing in public being embarrassing?" Youngjae asked as they took a seat in the back of the bus.

 

Jaebum frowned. "I had to do it."

 

"Oh?" Youngjae raised an eyebrow.

 

"Those girls should know you're my boyfriend."

 

After a momentary pause, Youngjae blew a puff of air out through his nose. He pulled Jaebum's hand into his lap. "Next time,"—he unfurled Jaebum's fingers—"grab my hand and we'll walk away together." He looked to Jaebum whose eyes were focused on their interlaced fingers.

 

"Okay?"

 

Jaebum smiled. "Okay."

 

Youngjae took the ride home in earnest—imagining a future where this carefree life would last. Jaebum, on the other hand, struggled to ignore the sinking feeling in his heart. He knew a future together was not only impossible but something that the sea stood against. For all the hate in him, he alone could do nothing to change the rules.

 

The Mandate was absolute.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lemme know if this chapter made you exciteddd.


	29. Fish: 1 heart and 1 body

"Mom, what's wrong with Cooly?" Youngjae was at his desk, feet dangling over the edge of the chair. "Why isn't he moving?"

Ms. Choi stepped up to view the fish. He was floating about on his back. "Oh, Youngjae." She wrapped an arm around Youngjae's waist as she slid into the space next to him. "He's moved on."

"As in moved houses? But why would he do that? I love him. I make sure to feed him, too. Does he not like his food?"

Ms. Choi offered her son a bittersweet smile. "No, sweetheart. That's not it. Life is a little more complicated than that." She grabbed Youngjae's hand and squeezed. "He's taken up residence in the sky."

"Can I visit him?"

Ms. Choi swiped at her eyes. "Not unless you want to make him sad. He's up there so he can watch over you down here."

Youngjae's gaze fell to the patch of rough skin on his thumb. "So he's never coming back?"

Ms. Choi shook her head. "No."

"He's gone forever..." Youngjae whispered. He felt a familiar prick of along his waterline but he forced the tears away in case Cooly showed up again. His friend deserved to be welcomed home with a smile. No matter what.

"But," Ms. Choi said as she slipped a strand of hair behind her son's ear. "I can tell you where he is and where he'll always be." She tapped the side of Youngjae's head. "Here."

Youngjae swallowed. "In my head?"

"In your memories. Every time you get sad, remember the good he brought you. Remember your relationship and then you both will be able to smile."

Youngjae puffed his cheeks out and stretched his eyes wide open to keep them cool. No tears. Keep smiling for Cooly.

"It's okay to cry, Youngjae." Ms. Choi leaned in to kiss the side of Youngjae's head. "Tears can also show how happy you are."

Youngjae nodded. Cooly was smaller than his index finger and thinner than his thumb. Blue scales hugged his wiry body. The fish had been with him every morning, every night and all of the times in between. Youngjae reached out to touch the glass wall of Cooly's home just as the tears gushed out over his cheeks. This time, he didn't try to push them away.

Youngjae awoke with a feeling of dread running over his heart and he didn't know why. The only thing he could recall from his dream was the notebook at the corner of his childhood desk. He had been writing a poem to someone...

Something?

Youngjae rolled over. The space next to him was devoid of life but the uneasiness from yesterday morning didn't strike him today. Jaebum was okay. He was here to stay.

Youngjae closed his eyes and without meaning to, drifted back to sleep.

The breeze pooled in from the air outside. Youngjae's sliding glass doors were open. When had he opened them?

"Did you know that there was once two seas? Back before the sky came to be."

Jinyoung sat hunched over the edge of the bed. The breeze died down.

Youngjae stirred.

"They were the greatest of friends. Neither could live without the other. But like any other tale of wonder, their rampant emotions drew them apart."

Youngjae struggled to get a sense of where he was. His vision was hazy. His bedroom seemed too picturesque. Was this his bedroom?

The man unclasped his hands. "I had something important to tell you... But that wasn't my story to tell." He ran his fingers over the white sheets as Youngjae's mind faded back into black.

Youngjae's eyelids snapped open. His nerves alighted and his senses revved into action. He sat up in bed and swallowed hard when the saliva in his mouth threatened to choke off his airway.

Had he been dreaming? Who had that man been? Unable to shake the quiver of doubt from within, Youngjae ventured to the first floor in search of Jaebum. He found a note taped to the refrigerator door.

> Be back soon. Don't eat anything. Please! >.<
> 
> P.S. Yezi taught me that face means frustration.  
> P.P.S. Hopefully, she didn't lie to me.
> 
> Sorry, I'm rambling...
> 
> Love you.

Youngjae leaned back against the counter. Everything was alright.

He took the note and walked over to the corkboard he had set up yesterday. So far, only two things had been tacked onto the board. Of the two, one was a photograph of Yezi posing for the dispensable camera while the other was of Jaebum embracing him from behind while he had been frying the eggs to make an omelet; a courtesy of Yezi's secret paparazzi taking skills.

Youngjae pinned the note to the board and stepped back to examine the square as a whole. He thought back to the first time he had met Jaebum. To the day when he hadn't imagined he would fall in love with the fumbling fool.

His phone vibrated. Unknown number. He ignored the call.

A shower sounded like the perfect idea. He had been dying to try the bottle of vanilla bean shampoo Yezi had gifted him in lieu of the news that he and Jaebum were dating.

#

The scratching of nails against the bathroom door stopped as JunJun pitter-pattered away to greet the person who had let himself in.

"JunJun! Hey there, little fella." Youngjae's heart picked up speed. "Is Youngjae still asleep?" JunJun yapped. Jaebum chuckled. The faint rustle of a bag followed by a chorus of soft-toned noises filtered in through the gap in the door. "Shh. We wouldn't want to wake him."

Youngjae set the comb down before hurrying out through the door.

"Youngjae!" Jaebum grinned. "Are you hungry? Because-"

Youngjae fell into Jaebum's lap, one leg strewn over either side of his hips.

Jaebum swallowed. Hard. "Youngjae."

Youngjae wrapped his arms around Jaebum's neck. All anyone had to do was bridge the foot-long distance between their mouths and their lips would touch.

A faint blush crept up over Jaebum's cheeks. "Youngjae... This is uh, I-I like it. No. I love it. But, I mean, is something wrong?"

Youngjae bit the inside of his cheek. Suddenly conscientious of his weight, he shifted his gaze to Jaebum's ear. "Someone has to tell you how handsome you are."

Having regained his composure, Jaebum let his forehead fall against Youngjae's. "Say that again. And this time don't be embarrassed." Youngjae gasped as the warmth of Jaebum's hands spread out over his butt. Jaebum proceeded to lean in for a kiss but Youngjae slipped free before he could.

"You pervert. All you want is to see me strip."

Jaebum frowned. "Can you blame me?" He stood and set JunJun down onto the ground. The tiny dog scurried into the bag brimming with groceries.

"Will you join me for breakfast?"

"Are you cooking?"

"Yes."

"Okay. And it better be good or I'll sue."

"Sure. Sue me."

"What?"

"On account that your sexy self may have distracted me in the kitchen, I think we know who'll be the winner." Jaebum flashed a smirk. Before Youngjae could retort, JunJun shimmied out of the bag with a bag of dog treats tucked between his teeth.

"JunJun, no! Those are treats." Jaebum pried them from his mouth. "You earn them."

JunJun whined. Jaebum relented. He opened the bag and handed him two.

#

One look. Of distaste. From Youngjae.

That's all it would take for Jaebum to collapse on the floor in a tangled heap of tears and tattered hopes. He forced his hands to slow their shaking as he set the plate down before Youngjae. JunJun barked—indicating that he had finished his omelet and was ready for seconds.

Jaebum played with JunJun while he waited for Youngjae to finish contemplating the morsel of omelet in his mouth. Jaebum's hands didn't stay dry no matter how many times he ran them over the back of JunJun's fur. The seconds turned into what felt like minutes. Jaebum's mind circled over to the idea that he may have unintentionally poisoned his sprite.

The clang of a fork being set down onto a ceramic dish disrupted the stifling silence. Youngjae reached for the napkin at his side before speaking. "Good."

Jaebum sighed.

"Too little salt but I love how fluffy the egg turned out," Youngjae continued. His eyes were alight and his lips wouldn't stop quivering. His attempt at hiding his smile failed when Jaebum shot to his feet.

"I've got approval from the chef himself!" He lifted Youngjae into his arms and carried him over to the island. Eyes skimming over Youngjae's face, Jaebum clamped his hands around his waist and pulled him forward. Youngjae wiggled around. The heat in his lower abdomen was beginning to creep up over his inner thighs.

Jaebum pulled him in for a kiss. His tongue was quick to seek entrance into Youngjae's mouth. Youngjae arched his lower back as the tip of Jaebum's tongue stroked the roof of his mouth but before he could taste much more, Youngjae's ringtone erupted into the space around them. Reluctantly, Jaebum pulled back.

Youngjae checked the missed call. He frowned. "It's Yezi. Or was. Guess she had second thoughts about calling."

Jaebum smirked. "Good. She must have figured out what two able-bodied boyfriends living together do."

Youngjae wrapped his arms around Jaebum's neck. "Why don't we visit the carnival? Last chance of the year."

Jaebum leaned in. "After I finish my morning meal."

Youngjae blushed.

#

The carnival was in town for two days and one night. Today was the last day anyone would see this level of entertainment in town until next year. Thus, an unrelenting stream of people came in search of a day's worth of fun.

Jaebum directed his gaze to the couple standing in line on the other side of the ticket booth. He leaned into Youngjae and whispered: "Should I wrap my arms around you, too?"

Youngjae flushed. "If you do that, I'll terrorize you for the rest of your life." There was a pause and at that moment, Youngjae wondered what it would feel like to surprise Jaebum with a kiss.

Jaebum let out a low chuckle that tickled the back of Youngjae's ear. Youngjae brought his shoulder up to his ear but Jaebum's chin had already taken up residence on his shoulder. "No love for me today?" He pouted. "Yesterday, your body was so respon-"

"Next!" shouted the ticket booth personnel. Youngjae scurried away before Jaebum could say much else.

After buying the tickets, they ventured onto the carnival grounds. If the noise behind the fence was something to appreciate, the clamor beyond was something to marvel at. There was the blare of a horn as a new wave of go-kart racers prepared to depart, the clatter of metal against metal as roller coasters sped across their respective tracks and the laughter of children who were eager to traverse the entirety of the reserved space.

Not even halfway to the first booth, Youngjae stopped mid-stride. Jaebum nearly crashed into him. "Hey!"

"Listen to this," Youngjae said as he clamped his palms over Jaebum's ears. The surrounding sounds were muted to the tune of waves sloshing about someone unknown beach. Jaebum cocked his head to the side.

Youngjae repeated the process before pulling away. "Did you hear the difference?" His smile was infectious. Jaebum welcomed Youngjae's excitement with a smile of his own; one that upturned his eyes into small, dark crescents.

"I did."

"Pretty cool, huh?"

Jaebum copied the movement. His eyes grew wide. "How does that happen?"

Youngjae looked at the gravel by his feet. "I should probably know the answer to that but I never paid attention in Physics. I... I really only cared about the plants. Ecology. Botany. Things like that." Youngjae nudged a rock with the side of his shoe. "Weird, right?"

Jaebum shook his head. "Not at all." He stepped forward and in taking Youngjae's hand, brought it up to his chest. Youngjae kept his eyes locked on Jaebum's. There was no way he wanted to skirt over the details anymore.

Jaebum leaned in, the tips of his bangs brushing up against Youngjae's forehead. "If there's one thing I love most about you, it's how over enthused you get about the things you cherish."

Youngjae's eyes roamed over the length of Jaebum's face. He forced himself to remember everything. The heat from their interlaced hands, the feel of Jaebum's beating heart, the look of tranquility on Jaebum's relaxed facial features. "Does that include you?"

Jaebum pulled back with a frown. "I don't know. Does it?"

Youngjae lightly knocked on the corner of Jaebum's shoulder. "Of course! You dum-" The word was silenced with a peck on the lips.

"I know." Jaebum slipped a strand of hair behind Youngjae's ear. "Sorry," he whispered.

#

As per Youngjae's request, the two ambled on towards a ride that wouldn't take them very far off the ground. But before Jaebum could take his place next to Youngjae, the grandiosity of another ride grabbed his attention. Mouth agape, he watched as the contraption raised its passengers to a space high above the carnival grounds. "Youngjae, can we ride that one?"

Youngjae turned to view the ride in question. He gulped. "D-do you want to?"

Jaebum tipped his chin forward. "If we can."

Youngjae nodded, the fear in his mind seizing every possible nerve in his body. He clenched and unclenched his fist. "Sure."

Once aboard, Youngjae shut his eyes. He gripped the plastic handlebars with an intensity that would have rivaled the most ferocious wrestlers. The overseer came by and tightened his seatbelt. Youngjae held firm to the idea that the ride would only take a second. The metallic smell of rusted metal was making his stomach turn.

"Last call for anyone's who too scared to go up!" hollered the overseer.

Youngjae curled his toes.

"No! We'll ride," called out a group of college students. "We'll ride," grew louder and more pronounced as the words fanned out over all four sides of the ball.

Jaebum looked over to see Youngjae's face pressed into the handlebar. He reached over and grabbed Youngjae's hand. Youngjae returned the gesture with a quick smile.

"Thank you," Jaebum mouthed before they were pushed into the sky with one single fwoosh.

With one hand pressed into his lower back, Jaebum helped a trembling Youngjae down the steps. Jaebum had offered to carry him but Youngjae had blatantly refused.

"You should try a funnel cake before we go," Youngjae said to Jaebum as they approached a booth selling cheap confections and popcorn.

"One funnel cake and two cokes, please!" Youngjae hollered over the roar of the nearby pumps. His knuckles rapped against the metal stand. The worker nodded before turning to fetch the cups from a container above the cutting boards.

"No way." Jaebum pouted. "I don't want anything sweet that hasn't been graced by your touch."

"Don't come to me with that. You'll have to taste it for yourself and that's that."

Jaebum looked down at the tips of his shoes. "Fine," he grumbled.

Youngjae wrapped his arm around Jaebum's and flashed one of his cheekiest smiles. "Thank you."

Jaebum looked away, suddenly flustered.

They grabbed their food and moved to take a seat by one of the smaller roller coasters. Youngjae took a sip of his coke as he watched Jaebum fiddle with the piece on his fork. A breeze danced through the air, taking with it some of the confectioner's sugar. Youngjae grabbed Jaebum's hand and guided the fork into his mouth. He sat back with a contented sigh. "Mmm. Tasty." Youngjae smacked his lips for added effect.

Jaebum eyed the funnel cake with disdain but unlike before, he didn't hesitate to slide a bite into his mouth.

Youngjae leaned forward. Any further and he may have tipped the table over. "Well?"

"Cute."

Youngjae tilted his head to the side. Jaebum couldn't stop smiling at him.

Youngjae turned his attention to the funnel cake as Jaebum continued to dive into the sweet treat. Did you know? That was the first thing you thought to write on my forehead when we first met.

Afterwards, Jaebum asked whether they could ride the Ferris wheel. Youngjae frowned. He would have loved to but had they boarded, they would have never made it back by one. And, if anything, an angry Yezi was not a sight to see.

"Next time. I promise."

"Next time for sure?"

Youngjae gave a hearty nod. "Next time for sure."

They returned home to find a familiar-looking red Sedan parked in front of the house. Mrs. Hoon leaned out of the window and waved to them both. "Hello, Youngjae! Jaebum!"

Yezi shot up off of the steps. "Youngjae! You're late!"

"Am I?" Youngjae pretended to check the time. "I'm an hour early."

Yezi groaned as she hurried to meet them at the foot of the pathway. "Early where? You're an hour late. Did you forget to change the time on your phone? It's daylights saving time!"

"It's on, Yezi," Youngjae said. He pulled his phone out to compare the times with Yezi's and realized that maybe his phone hadn't automatically changed the time after all.

Yezi crossed her arms over her chest.   
"Whatever. Just go get changed."

Youngjae had just enough time to grab his bag and kiss JunJun goodbye before the blare of a horn pulled him to the front door.

"Youngjae! We have to go," Yezi hollered through the window.

Youngjae gave Jaebum a peck on the cheek. "Make sure you eat. This includes your supplements. And don't forget to take JunJun out to use the restroom before he falls asleep."

Youngjae turned around. Jaebum grabbed him by the wrist, spun him around and planted a kiss on his lips. Youngjae's shoulders dropped and his hand curled in around the base of Jaebum's neck. Another blare. Followed by a scolding from Mrs. Hoon.

Jaebum pulled away. For the second time that day, he had brought Youngjae's hand to a rest on the space over his heart. "You know I love you, right?"

Youngjae smiled. "Of course."

#

The grandfather clock tolled ten. Jaebum reached for the phone at his side. Four missed calls and five unread messages. All from his sprite.

There was the screek of the tree's branches as they were dragged along the kitchen window by the weighted wind outside. Without meaning to, Jaebum dropped his phone and in turning his attention to the coffee table, struggled to sit up. He couldn't give up now.

Jaebum forced himself to grip the pencil. He brought the tip to paper and moved his hand along the white surface, only to find that the words he had intended to write were reduced to nothing more than an elongated line. Jaebum watched through hazy eyes as his grip on the pencil lessened. Tears dotted the corner of his shorts. He desperately tried to blink them away. Clank went the writing utensil against the glass table as it fell from his hand.

Breathing upright was becoming increasingly difficult. Jaebum lowered himself to the ground until his chest came to a rest on the floor.

He struggled with quantifying just how far away his intended destination was. Two feet? A town? Maybe a galaxy away.

A page fluttered up ahead. The house had a visitor and Jaebum had no intention of kicking him out.

"Grant me this final wish, O.D." Jaebum heard himself say.

No response.

He wondered if he had voiced those words aloud.

Jaebum dragged himself along the floorboards; each pull causing him to strain against the excruciating pain within his body. Halfway to the bookshelf, he stopped and peered at JunJun's teepee-styled home. The tears made differentiating shadow from fur difficult but at least the pup was asleep.

Jaebum carried on. He slowed to a stop before the chair. Through the shadows at O.D's feet, Jaebum could barely just make out the faint outline of his heel.

Jinyoung closed the book in his hands. "Stand down." There was a strain in his voice that he was forced to ignore.

"I'll grovel if I have to. I'll get on my knees." Jaebum coughed. His throat felt tighter. When had breathing become so difficult?

One big, fat tear plopped down onto the book's foiled hardcover. Jinyoung kept his attention focused on the owl who peered in through the window—its yellow eyes large and unwavering.

"Do me this one favor."

"I told you to stand down, didn't I?" The wind outside picked up speed. Was the Earth in accordance with Jaebum's suffering as well? Jinyoung pressed his eyes closed to quell the tears that had every desire to escape. "I'll grant you your wish. Under the circumstance that you get some rest afterwards."

Yes, Jaebum thought. He smiled. "I'll wait for him to come home."

Jaebum sighed. The warmth of memories past enveloped his being. One day soon we're going to ride the Ferris wheel.

Soon, he wouldn't have lungs with which to breathe.

#

Youngjae hurried into his home. JunJun was still asleep. He proceeded to tiptoe around the house in search of Jaebum. Despite Yezi's annoyance with him for pestering Jaebum while they were away for the night, Youngjae couldn't help but call and text repeatedly. He needed to know Jaebum was alright. Even a simple "Okay" would have sufficed. But Jaebum hadn't responded; even the messages had gone unread. Was something wrong? Was he mad? Youngjae needed to know. He needed to hold Jaebum and confirm that his overactive mind was being just that.

Not finding him upstairs or downstairs, Youngjae opened his mouth to shout for him when thoughts of the bathroom flooded his mind.

"Of course!" Youngjae whispered. An uncontrollable eagerness consumed every last fiber in his body.

JunJun awoke. Instead of greeting his friend, he laid his chin on top of his paws.

Youngjae's smile grew wider with each step closer to the restroom. Today, for sure, we'll make love.

"Jaebum," Youngjae singsonged as he pushed open the door. No response.

_Mom, what's wrong with Cooly?_

Youngjae approached the bathtub.

_Oh, Youngjae._

He poked his head over the edge and froze.

_He's moved on._


	30. Human: 1 heart and 1 body

Youngjae awoke to find that the early morning hours of dawn had been shoved aside by the first rays of light. His mind came to terms with the weight in his heart even before he could make sense of the reason why he was laying on the cold bathroom floor. The events from yesterday sped through his brain until they slammed to a stop before the image of a certain purple-blue scaled fish lying dead on his bathtub floor.  
  
Youngjae reached up and slid his hands through his hair. After what amounted to no more than a few seconds of trying to yank the strands from his scalp, he arched his back and let out a silent scream that pulled whatever little energy his body had left to give.  
  
When one flood of tears had just begun to dry, the next came and washed over the old.  
  
Jaebum smiling. Jaebum kissing him. Jaebum telling him how much he loved him. Why hadn't he done the same? Without wiping the snot from his nose, Youngjae sat up.  
  
A ray of light caught on something in the corner of his peripheral. Momentarily disrupted from thoughts of Jaebum, Youngjae turned his attention to the edge of the tub. Positioned over a folded piece of paper was the three-starred earring Jaebum had said represented their familial status.  
  
Youngjae's burst of laughter was quickly overtaken by a surge of strangled sobs. He carefully pulled the paper towards him and in taking the earring between his thumb and forefinger, unfolded the letter.  
  
His heart sped up. The first line had been addressed to him. He brought the earring up close to his chest, took a deep breath in and plunged head-first into Jaebum's final words.

> Dear Youngjae,  
>   
> If you're reading this than I know you've reached me. I’m sorry that you had to find me like this. I knew for some time about my impending death and yet, I couldn't bring myself to tell you. I didn't want to tell you. At least, not until the very end. There's a reason why. But, first, I think I should say that every person has a story.  
>   
> Will you hear mine?  
>   
> The sea's inhabitants loathe humans. We hate everything that has to do with the surface—from the tales of towering buildings and gigantic roadways, to the stories of speeding boxes with wheels and luminescent cities that are as comparably bright as the stars above; nothing beyond the glimmering surface is of value to us. We could care less.
> 
>  
> 
> Throughout the sea, there are signs bearing warning to the cranes that gobble up our friends and to the hulking ships whose fishermen steal our brethren to feast upon at a later date; words of caution to never, under any circumstance, consume the evil man's plastic. The younger are especially willed to stay away from the shores. Humans are there and they will kill you for no other reason than to assert their status as the dominant species. Humans are despicable, vile creatures who only care about sustaining themselves. Humans are the bane of our existence.  
>   
> They should all just die.  
>   
> But I couldn't bring myself to think like this. I had read about the way humans loved—their innocence and their fight for life coupled into one. They do care about the Earth. There’s this story I remember vividly of a man who bought a strip of land by the sea. He opened the place up to anyone who was willing to learn about the beauty of the sea and spent his last few years with cancer spreading awareness on the importance of sustainability. There are the smaller things, too, like the people who stop buying plastic bottles in lieu of getting a filtration system for their water or the times people will stop to pick up trash that may have otherwise reached our waters and killed a creature. There are even stories of humans who refuse to eat meat.
> 
>  
> 
> If humans love only themselves, than how are they capable of taking action against the very things we credit them with propagating? Everyone must have misunderstood the situation. That had to be the only answer. The humans couldn’t all be evil.
> 
>   
> So, I told my only friend where I was going and left. When I discovered some of the townsfolk hot on my tail—demanding that I return home or face the consequences—I wasn’t surprised in the least. I could only hope that my friend hadn’t been hurt. We had grown up being taught to fear the Sea’s Revival—this entity that carries out the Mandate: an order to keep the sea separated from the land at whatever cost.
> 
>  
> 
> They managed to attack me before I could get away. Since word of my betrayal had yet to spread to the other inhabitants, I took up residence within a group of traveling dolphins. I was bleeding and the shore was nowhere in sight. So I closed my eyes. When I regained conscious, the air was irritating my side.
> 
>  
> 
> I had washed ashore.
> 
>  
> 
> I lay in my thin puddle and listened to the beating of my heart. The sound was much different in comparison to being underwater. Here, I could barely hear it.
> 
>  
> 
> The waves seemed to taunt me. They would pull in close and than draw far back, never quite reaching my drying body. The light had faded.
> 
>  
> 
> Any longer and I would have died.
> 
>  
> 
> Then you showed up. You were so tall and I was so afraid that, for a second, I regretted my decision. But I threw that thought away. I had to remain firm in my belief that you wouldn’t hurt me.
> 
>  
> 
> The water was dwindling and you wouldn’t stop staring so I slapped my tail. “Get a move on!” You were so surprised that I thought you would have left me there. But you didn’t.
> 
>  
> 
> The instant you brought me home, I realized that what I had believed in was true. Not all humans are cruel.
> 
>  
> 
> I wasn’t supposed to leave the comfort of the water’s big blue embrace. Venturing to the shores is the biggest act of defiance any one aquatic creature can take against the sea. Our punishment is to die as a human but I didn’t care than and I don’t regret it now. How could I? I was able to meet the love of my life, my sprite.
> 
>   
> I didn't tell you any sooner about the certain probability of my death because I wanted to see your smile until the very end. I wanted to spend our last moments together with the kind of enthusiasm neither of us could regret. Might as well call me selfish.
> 
>  
> 
> I came to the shore wanting to prove that our hate for humans was misguided. I ended up falling in love with the boy whose smile I could never get enough of.
> 
>  
> 
> Thank you.
> 
>  
> 
> Youngjae,
> 
>  
> 
> I love you

  
  


Youngjae let the letter fall to the floor as a fresh sob wracked his entire frame. He shoved his arms into the water and in gently scooping Jaebum’s small body into his hands, brought him up to his lips and pressed a kiss to his scales. “Thank you,” Youngjae repeated in between sobs. “Thank you, thank you, thank you. I love you.” He brought his cupped hands up to his cheek and through his tears, he grinned. “I love you so much.”

 

#

 

Youngjae didn’t take care to find a set of coordinates with which he could use to cement Jaebum’s final resting place. He didn’t need to because he carried Jaebum around in the memories they had crafted together.

  
  


⸰

⸰

⸰

❦  
  


_Mom?_

 

_Yes?_

 

_What’s 2+2?_

 

_Fish. Because it takes two hearts and two bodies to unite one soul._

2+2=Fish

 

Fin

 


	31. Epilogue: 7 years later

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ya'll thought I was done? Nooo

"Alright, class. You have your weekly question due in my box first thing after the break."

 

The students directed their eyes to the board. Eyebrows rose, cheeks were bitten, and furtive glances were passed around. The room went silent.

 

What kind of a response did the teacher expect to the equation "2+2=?" that wasn't the number 4?

 

#

 

Black boots clacked against the walkway as he came to a stop before the bridge that looked out over the sea. In loosening his tie, he set his briefcase down next to him.

 

His phone vibrated. Biting back a smirk, he pulled the device from his trouser pocket and without checking to see who was calling, brought the speaker up to his mouth. "Hello, beautiful."

 

"Don't beautiful me, Youngjae!"

 

The smirk that erupted over his face was accompanied by a low chortle. The wind breezed by. He ran a hand through his black hair. "Yikes. Who made you angry?"

 

The sea stretched out before him like a tarpaulin whose surface would never rupture. No matter where Youngjae had settled these past few years, never once had he strayed far from the ocean.

 

"The answer is clearly you! Where ARE YOU!?"

 

"Still home."

 

Yezi whined. "Have you forgotten what day tomorrow is?"

 

"Yezi, when have I ever disappointed you?"

 

There was a pause followed by a sigh on Yezi's side. "You haven't. Ever. That's the thing. I'm finding it harder to scold you as I grow up."

 

"Aww. My little bunyin is growing up." He made smooching sounds into the phone.

 

Yezi groaned. "Stop, stop it. You'll make me puke over my cup of coffee."

 

Youngjae burst into laughter. Who would have thought Yezi would have grown to like coffee?

 

"Hey." Youngjae knew what was coming. This wasn't the first time she had asked him this. A pair of dolphins burst free from the surface before dipping back into the endless blue. "Do you think he would have liked to see the world from high above?"

 

The Ferris wheel flashed before his eyes. Suddenly overcome with nausea, Youngjae leaned over and brought his forehead to a rest on his forearm. If anything, Jaebum was watching over them now.

 

Yezi giggled. Her voice strained against the tears that threatened to choke her up.

 

Tomorrow marked the seventh year anniversary since the love of his life had been taken from him.

 

"Yeah."

 

Yezi let a puff of air escape through her nose. "Tomorrow, please." A pause as she pretended to dislodge a piece of cookie from her throat. "Before 12 PM. Last time to see me before I become an adult."

 

"I'll be there." Youngjae drew the speaker up to his mouth and blew into the speaker. Yezi squealed. "Youngjae! I told you not to do that! Geez, you creep."

 

Youngjae doubled over in laughter. Hand falling over the guardrail, he squatted to the ground and pressed his forehead to the metal bars as the laughter continued to push up from somewhere deep within his chest. When he brought the phone back up to his ear, he noticed that Yezi had ended the call.

 

Tucking the device back into his pocket, Youngjae proceeded to stand back up when a group of children came stumbling onto the street. Youngjae's attention caught on the boy whose wiry arms held the soccer ball high up above his head.

 

The boy dashed by and Youngjae could barely just make out a pair of moles in the exact same spot that Jaebum's had been in; in the uppermost corner of his left eye. Could... He-

 

Youngjae regained sensibility. He shook his head, a soft smile darting over his lips. The coincidence was improbable. Astoundingly improbable. Youngjae stood and went on his way.

 

The boy Youngjae had viewed with curiosity turned sideways and watched as Youngjae retreated further up the street. The wind picked up speed, ruffling the boy's toffee-colored hair. From behind his ear, the faint outline of a fish in the form of a birthmark could barely just be seen.

⸰

 

⸰

 

⸰

 

 

 

 

 

 

_Youngjae-ah._

_Do you believe in reincarnation?_

 

 


End file.
